You Have too Keep Going
by natzbadfairy
Summary: A trauma page gets sent and it turns two doctors lives upside down...but it makes them stronger but theres a twist that stays secret for a while! : MerDer Maddison
1. You Got a Trauma?

**N/A Derek and Meredith are together and madly in love. Christina and Burke are together and going strong. George and Izzie are trying to be a couple and are still living in Meredith house. Alex is single (surprisingly). The interns are no longer interns and are now residents. Derek and Burke are joint Chief.**

'Morning beautiful,' Meredith turned to face Derek. It was their morning ritual.

'Hey, what time is it?'

'Four thirty,'

'Aw man, I got pre rounds and whiney inters, can I just stay in bed?'

'Sadly no, cause we all got to work,'

'What time you off tonight?'

'My last surgery, if no trauma's the six thirty and it's only a minor procedure so I should be finished at eight, you?'

'I finish at seven thirty. I hate having to get up early,'

'Well if you get up early then…' Before Derek could finish his sentence, Meredith was out of bed running, and throwing up in the bathroom.

'Hey, you ok?'

'I feel sick,'

'Maybe you should take the day off,'

'No, I'm fine, just hung-over, I think,'

'You want breakfast?'

'I think not,'

'Ok, I'm gonna get ready, make coffee,' Derek left Meredith to get ready for work but she still felt sick. Pulling on her jeans she pulled out a green top. Slipping it on she felt her chest, it was sore. Pushing the nagging feeling she had to the side she headed down to hear Derek singing in the kitchen.

'You do know you can't sing?'

'I am a perfect singer,' Derek handed a mug to Meredith.

'Yeah, ok,'

'Listen I've got to go do a couple of errands before work, I'll see you later,' Derek lifted his keys and a piece of toast. Kissing Meredith on the forehead, he left her standing in the kitchen. He didn't start for another hour. He was up to something and she didn't know what. Looking up to the kitchen wall clock she could hear footsteps coming out of George's room.

'Morning,' the footsteps stopped suddenly.

'Hey Mere,' it was Izzie.

'You want a ride?'

'No, thanks,' Meredith left the house thinking about George and Izzie creeping about the house together. She began thinking about before Derek and her got together. They had been through a lot together. Derek's ex wife Addison showing up had taken a lot out of Meredith but she still loved Derek more than anything. Pulling into the hospital, she noticed Derek's car wasn't there. The hospital was quiet, except for interns doing Pre rounds. It was the one thing she didn't miss about being an Intern. No pre rounds. As she walked along to the residents' locker room the feeling of sickness began to wash over her. Running to the bathroom she didn't notice Bailey come in behind her.

'Grey, you sick?'

'No, I'm fine, honestly,'

'Grey, fine people don't throw up,'

'It's a hang-over, I'll survive,'

'Yeah ok, get yourself cleaned up and I won't mention this to anyone,'

Meredith washed her face and changed into her scrubs and started telling her Inters what to do at Pre rounds.

'You are the first person the Patient see's in the morning. You say please, you say thank you, you apologies for waking them up so early. You must be so nice to them your almost kissing their asses. If your nice to them they talk to you, they tell you how your feeling and then you tell me how their feeling, which then means we can make a diagnosis. We clear?'

'Yes Dr Grey,'

'I want Pre rounds done in one hour. Meet me back here when you are finished,' Meredith could feel the sickness creeping back up. Pushing it to the back of her head she went to look in on her patient with neurosclerosis. She and Derek were jointly treating the patient. Heading along to the room she could here Derek talking. She started smiling. Even the sound of his voice made her smile. Pushing the door open, Derek turned to face her.

'Ah Dr Grey, nice to see you this morning, running a little late?'

'No Dr Shepherd, just small singer problem I had to deal with,' the smile across Derek's face grew to a point he was almost laughing.

'So how you feeling Miss Tierney?'

'Please call me carol and I feel like crap, but apart from that on top of the world,'

'Do you have pain anywhere?'

'In my lower back,'

'Can you lean forward for me?' Carol slid forward and Meredith felt the bottom if her back. It felt like stone.

'Dr Shepherd can you look at Carol's back please?' Derek began to feel her back when he came across a small lump.

'Dr grey did you feel this?

'Yeah, Carol, we're going to send you for a CT scan and a MRI to see what's happening at the bottom of your spine,' Meredith and Derek left the room and walked over to the nurse's station.

'You think she's got a tumour?'

'I'm not sure, but I'm gonna find out shortly. How you feeling?'

'Like crap but that's what a hang-over does to people,'

'Mere, you didn't drink that much last night. You only had about two glasses of wine,'

'Really?'

'Yeah,'

'No, I'm fine; it's probably just a bug,'

'Ok but if you feel really ill, go home,'

'Ok, love you,'

'You too,' Derek leaned in and kissed Meredith on the forehead as she squeezed his hand. The nausea feeling washed over Meredith really quickly and she ran to the toilets. Her entire stomach was emptied. Sitting back down on the floor, the coldness sent a shiver through her spin. Sitting for a few minutes she realised that her interns were probably waiting for her. Pulling herself up off the floor she rinsed her mouth out and headed along to the interns locker room. They were all sitting around looking clueless.

'Ok, Rounds people,' all the interns jumped up and started following Meredith along to room 5643.

'Who's presenting?'

'Amanda Keving, is a 34 year old female, complaining of headaches, light headedness and dizziness,'

'Course of action?'

'Send for a CT, MRI and run all the usual tests and do a tox-screen,'

'Ok,' Heading for the next room Meredith felt sick again.

'I'll be two minutes, go back to the locker room,' Meredith headed for the toilets but was spotted by Derek on the way there.

'Mere?'

'I'm…' Meredith couldn't finish her sentence from the dry heaving.

'Mere, you should go home,'

'No, I'm fine, honestly,' Meredith's hair was being held beck by Derek's warm hands.

'Honey, you need to go home,'

'I'm fine, just a bug, I'm fine. Plus I have interns that follow me about like little dogs. I can't just leave,'

'I'll finish your pre rounds; you go get yourself sorted and take it easy the rest of the day,'

'I think I just remembered why I love you,' Derek left Meredith In the toilets and headed back along to the interns.

'Ok, you have the privilege of having me for the rest of your pre rounds, so lets get going,' Derek finished the pre rounds and sent the inters on different tasks. Looking around for Meredith he heard over the intercom code blue for room 5889. Running along he could see Meredith standing shocking Carol. He body was lifeless. The monitor was showing a flat line but Meredith was determined for her to live. After five minutes and being shocked seven times, Carol's heart came back to life.

'Get her intubated and send her down for a CT scan stat,'

'Dr Grey what happened?'

'I don't know but she went into cardiac arrest,' Meredith and Derek left together, talking about the next course of action to take when they got pages from Trauma.

'You got trauma?'

'Yeah, come on,'

As they headed down they could hear screaming and shouting. Derek ran on ahead and disappeared down the hall. Meredith tried to follow but she was caught dead in her tracks by the sound of a gunshot. Her body froze as she turned the corner at the sight in front of her.


	2. Get Out Of Here

Meredith ran towards Derek who was leaning back against the wall. His hand was a pressing down on his stomach.

'Mere, get out of here!'

'Derek…' He slid down the wall and became unresponsive.

'SOMEBODY GET ME GURNEY!' Two porters ran down the hall. Lifting him up onto the trolley, Meredith heart was in her throat. He was bleeding badly from his stomach.

'Somebody page Chief and Burke and book an OR, NOW!'

Meredith climbed up onto the gurney and applied pressure to Derek stomach. The blood was pouring out.

'Where is the son of a bitch that did this?'

'He's been taken by security,'

'What the hell was the trauma?'

'It was a fight in the street and a guy got shot,'

'Yeah and so did Dr Shepherd, Move faster god damn it,'

Chief and Burke were standing in the scrub room.

'What the hell happened?'

'He got shot, I think it might of punctured his liver, please, help him,' Meredith climbed down from the gurney and looked down at her scrubs. They were covered in his blood, Derek's blood. Three hours later Meredith was standing in the Scrub room waiting for Derek to be brought back out. As Chief walked out he turned to look at Meredith.

'What's happened?'

'It did puncture his liver but it also nicked his stomach. There was a lot of damage,'

'Chief, your scaring me, is he ok?'

'Their taking him up to ICU as we speak. He is very sick Meredith. The next 48 hours are going to be critical,'

'Can I go see him?'

'Yeah, of coarse. I'll cover the patients with Burke that you both will lose,'

'Thanks Chief,' Meredith ran up to ICU and stood at the door of his room. He looked so frail. The machines and tubes seemed alien to Meredith. She hated it. Sitting next to him she took hold of his hand. Memories of the night they first met in Joes before her internship started flooded her mind.

'_Can I have a shot of tequila please?'_

'_Yip, here you go, you new around here?'_

'_Yeah, I moved from Boston,' _

'_Hope you enjoy the city,' Meredith downed the first shot._

'_Can I have another?'_

'_Here,' Meredith down another three shots when she noticed Him sitting at the other end of the bar._

'_Joe, what's he drinking?'_

'_Single malt scotch, why?'_

'_Give him another on me, he looks depressed,' Joe placed the drink down in front of Derek._

'_From the lovely lady at the other end of the bar,' Derek looked up and smiled at Meredith. His eyes were deep and intense, like nothing she had never seen before. Lifting her bag she walked over and sat next to him._

'_So you drink single malt scotch?'_

'_It's the only thing that keeps me sane, you?'_

'_I'm a tequila lady myself,'_

'_Joe can we have four shots of tequila?'_

'_Here,' Joe placed the four shots down in front of them._

'_Here's to life,' they downed two shots each._

'_God that was good,' They stayed in the bar all night, drinking tequila shots and getting very drunk. They had made their way over to a booth and were still drinking._

'_Do you want to come back to mine for coffee?' Meredith bit her lip seductively._

''_Depends wither or not your coffee is strong or not?'_

'_Oh my coffee is very strong,'_

'_Then what are we waiting for? Joe can you call us a cab?' The can took them back to Meredith house but they couldn't hold on that long. As soon as they had got in the cab, Meredith had started kissing Derek, Letting his hands roam all over her body. They never made it up the stairs of her house._

The tears fell freely from Meredith's eyes as she sat for six hours holding Derek's hand. Izzie and George came in and sat with Meredith, but they left soon after wards, not knowing what to say. Meredith's eyes became heavy but she willed herself to stay awake. If Derek woke up she wanted to be there, wide awake. Lowering the bars to the bed, she climbed up next to him.

'Derek, I don't know if you can hear me but I need you to do something for me,' Meredith lifted his hand up to her face.

'Please, you need to get better. I was thinking about the night we met in Joes. I bought you a single malt scotch. We got so drunk,' Meredith laughed.

'I want to take advantage of you again but you need to get through this. I can't do it with out you,' Derek lay motionless. Meredith slid down off the bed onto a chair and out her head on his chest.

'I love you,' was all Meredith could whisper. Lifting his hand he placed it on her head.

'I love you too,' her head shot up.

'You're awake. How you feeling?'

'Like I've been shot,' He started laughing but it turned into a cough.

'I'll go and get chief,'

'I heard what you said,'

'Really?'

'Let me take advantage of you this time,' Meredith smiled. He was back to his old self again. Derek pulled himself up but was quickly pulled back down by Chief.

'Hey, you're supposed to be lying flat on your back,'

'I feel fine,'

'Derek, don't lie. You've been shot. You're allowed to feel like crap,'

'So what damage was done?'

'He punctured your liver and nicked your stomach. Burke performed emergency surgery. You're very lucky Derek. You were bleeding into your abdomen.'

'So that's why I'm sore,'

'Yeah, I'll get a PCP pump put in for the pain. I need to look at your wound. Do you mind if Meredith here?'

'No, she's seen worse that this,' the chief pulled a curtain round and lifted Derek shirt. There was a large white dressing in the middle of his stomach.

'Meredith can you go and get me a dressing kit? I need to change this,'

'Yeah sure,' Meredith left the two men alone in the room.

'Chief this may be slightly bad timing but can I ask you something,'

'Derek, is there something wrong?'

'No, it's nothing like that. I'm going to ask Meredith to marry me,'

'Well congratulations Derek. When are you intending to ask her?'

'I was going to do it tonight, but things have got a bit complicated. I still want to ask her tonight though,'

'And?'

'I need you to get the ring out my locker,'

'What's you locker combination?'

'05-22-1977'

'That's her birthday,'

'Yeah, I changed the combination when we started going out,'

'I'll change the dressing then I'll go and get it,'

'Thanks Chief,' Meredith brought the two packs in and started opening them. Derek looked down at his stomach and winced. It felt worse when he looked at it.

'Right that looks good,' putting the packs in the bin he winked to Derek. Derek smiled and took hold of Meredith hand. A nurse came in and hooked Derek up to a PCP pump. Meredith sat and watched as his eyes grew heavier and heavier.

'Meredith, go home and get yourself freshened up, I'll keep an eye on him,'

'Thanks chief,' Meredith leaned in and kissed Derek

'I won't be long baby, love you,'

'Love you too,' Meredith lifted her bag and left the hospital at the fact Derek was awake.

'Here,' Chief handed Derek a small red triangular box.

'I like the box,'

'You seen it?'

'No,' Derek opened the box. It was gold band with a diamond in the middle with two emeralds either side.

'Derek, she will love it. Her birthstone as well, you did your homework,'

'I know she loves the colour green,' Derek yawned in the middle of his sentence.

'I'll let you sleep for a while, your doing well. You could be out of here in a week,'

'Thanks chief,' Derek kept the box in his hand and fell asleep peacefully, dreaming of ferryboats.


	3. You Got A Test?

**N/A thank you all for reviewing…it makes me write faster. Glad you all like the story. Thanks very much! I'll try to keep updating as much as I can!**

Meredith pushed the door of the house open to be mauled by George and Izzie's hugs.

'Hey, I'm not the one that got shot,'

'How is Derek?'

'He's ok, sore, but he's woken up so things are looking good,'

'Glad to hear it. We'll go and see him tomorrow,'

'You had anything to eat?' Izzie headed towards the kitchen.

'No, is there anything made? I don't want to spend long here,'

'I'll make you something quickly. You can take something with you,'

'Thanks Izzie, I'm jumping in for a shower, get changed and grab some of Derek's clothes.' Meredith went up into her room and collapsed in a heap on the bed. She started crying and didn't know how to stop. The thought that Derek could have died frightened the living hell out of her. Striping down to her underwear she turned the shower on. Grabbing her Dartmouth top and jeans she threw them on the floor of the bathroom. The water ran down her back, even though it was too hot, it felt refreshing. The smell of lavender soothed her and made her feel like everything was going to be ok. Changing into her Dartmouth top and jeans she threw her hair back into a bun. Her hair was still wet but she didn't want to spend the time drying it. She lifted Derek's polo shirt and sweat pants. Knowing he wouldn't want to spend the rest of his time in a hospital gown.

'He's so vain, even as a patient in a hospital he would want to look good,' Meredith chuckled to herself as she threw his clothes in the bag. Izzie had made pasta and put it in a small tub for Meredith to take with her. On the kitchen table a large bowl of tomato soup was sitting, the steam rising.

'Hey, you want bread?'

'Yeah please. Did George go shopping then?'

'Yeah and he even picked up tampons for us! I think we're finally getting through to him, even though it has been nearly two years,'

'Izzie, we're not due yet,'

'Meredith, we were due three days ago…oh crap,'

'You got a test?'

'No, I'll pick one up in the morning. Don't use the ones in the hospital. You need to log taking them,'

'Izzie, what if I'm?'

'Then you are. It's not been confirmed so act like you would normally.'

'Thanks Izzie,' Meredith finished eating and lifted two cup cakes that Izzie had made.

'Make him smile,' Izzie laughed as Meredith lifted the bag and headed for the door.

'I'll pick that up for you tomorrow,'

'Thanks Izzie, I owe you one,' Meredith pulled out the drive way and turned onto the main road. She turned the radio on and smiled.

'_You with the sad eyes_

_Don't be discouraged though I realise_

_It's hard to take courage_

_In a world full of people_

_You can loose sight of it all_

_When the darkness though inside you make you feel so small_

_But I see your true colours shining through_

_I see your true colours and that's why I love you_

_So don't be afraid to let them show_

_Your true colours, true colours_

_Are beautiful like a rainbow,'_

Meredith pulled up in Derek's parking space.

'One of the perks of the job,' Meredith locked the car and headed up to Derek's room. Opening the door she panicked. Throwing the bag down her turned to the board. His name was still up.

'Where the hell is he?' Meredith paced up and down the hallways, pushing the thought that anything had happened to the back of her head. Burke walked over to the nurses' station down the hall and spotted Meredith in the corridor.

'Hey, how's he doing?'

'Where the hell is he?'

'Ah, he'll still be at his MRI,' Meredith let out a sigh of relief.

'Grey, we wouldn't let anything happen to him. He was getting checked for residual bleeding,'

'I never even thought. Thanks burke,'

'No problem,'

'I don't just mean for now, I mean earlier, in the operating theatre,'

'Grey, he's the best god damn neuro-surgeon in Washington. Seattle grace wouldn't be the same with out him,' Meredith walked back in the room and as the door opened she expected to see Derek but it wasn't quite what she expected.

'Addison,'

'Meredith, how is he?'

'He's looking good. The wound is fine,'

'Hower you?'

'I'm fine, you?'

'I'm great; I got a call from Richard saying he had been shot but that he was going to be ok,'

'Ok, thanks for coming Addison,'

'I would have been here anyway,' Addison left Meredith sitting in the room and smiled. She was glad they hadn't fought but also that she still cared for Derek. Meredith ran over to the door and shouted for Addison.

'Come back and see him. He'll be glad to see you,'

'Thanks, I will' Addison turned on her heels and left the floor. Derek could hear Meredith shouting as he got wheeled along the corridor.

'Hey, who were you talking to?'

'Addison,'

'Addison's here?'

'Yip, she came to see how you were,'

'From New York?'

'I think so. I'm glad she's here,' Derek's bed got put back in place and Meredith put the bars down again and sat next to him.

'How did the scan go?'

'I don't know. Remember I'm a patient, I don't get to see the scans before they get analysed,' Derek lifted Meredith hand and kissed each knuckle.

'Izzie and George are going to come and see you tomorrow,'

'I need to ask you something. It's not quite how I planned it but hey, shit happens,' Meredith laughed as her hair fell down in front of her face. Derek brushed it back behind her ears.

'Marry me Mere?'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah,' Derek pulled the small triangular box out the drawer and handed it to Meredith. Biting her lip as she opened the box, her eyes lit up.

'Yes,'

'Seriously?'

'Yes,' Derek lifted the ring out the box and slipped it on Meredith delicate fingers.

'I love you so much,' Derek pulled Meredith in and kissed her passionately. Her hands leaned against his chest, making sure not to hurt him.

'Not quite what I had in mind but I had to ask,'

'I wouldn't care if we were knee deep in mud and you asked me. I'd still say yes,' the chief walked in and seen the look on Meredith face. Glancing at her hand he smiled.

'I hear congratulations are in order,' Meredith turned and smiled. Getting up she walked over and flung her arms around Richard neck.

'Congratulations. You two are perfect for each other,'

'Thanks chief,'

'How you feeling?'

'I'm sore but I'll survive,'

'The PCP pump should help, I'll see you two later,' Meredith sat on the red chair next to Derek and watched as he fell asleep. She knew full well that his body was strained from the shot and the surgery. As soon as she knew he was fast asleep she finally let herself go and was soon fast asleep, her head resting against his side, her hand in his.


	4. The One Thing On My Mind

Derek had been in hospital for ten days and was itching to get home. His stomach was healing nicely. He was getting up and walking about, taking care not to rip his side open. Meredith climb out of bed and headed into the bathroom. She had to be at the hospital early to pick Derek up. Turning the shower he looked in the mirror. She looked like crap. She hadn't slept well since he had gone into hospital, their bed felt empty. The water cascaded down her face and on top the shower base. The smell of Lavender wasn't soothing her at all, probably making her more nervous. The Chief had given Meredith the next two weeks off to look after Derek but she was dreading it. She had never had to deal with a sick person outside the hospital and she was worried that she couldn't cope with it. Pulling on the beige trousers and brown top she could feel that her chest was sore. Ignoring the sign she scraped her hair back and threw a pair of Derek's trousers into her bag along with a shirt. She threw a pair of his boxers in the bag as well.

'Always wear clean underwear in case you get hit by a bus,' Meredith spun on her heels to see Izzie standing at the door.

'He'd better not get hit by a bus. I swear to god I'd kill him for it,'

'You haven't taken that test have you?'

'I can't deal with it right now Izzie, he's my main priority,'

'Meredith, you need to know.'

'I can find out later, just not now. I have to go.' Meredith lifted her bag, rushing out the front door, lifting the keys to Derek's car on her way out. The ride to the hospital was a short one, which Meredith hated. She needed to think things over. Sitting in the hospital car park she could feel the back of her head being watched. Turning round she spotted Addison standing watching her. Walking over she sat next to her on the bench.

'Tell me, what's up?'

'It's nothing, I'm fine,'

'You're such a bad liar,'

'I just needed time to think. I don't know if I can cope with Derek at home,'

'Take a piece of advice, he won't stay in bed so don't force him. Let him walk about, he feels better. If he wants to go out, take him. Don't try and keep him cooped up. I tried that when he had food poisoning and he snuck out the house. I couldn't find him. Turned out he had went to the hospital to get 'out the house'. It was so funny,' Addison chuckled to herself.

'Thanks Addison. I owe you one,'

'So when are you due?'

'What?'

'Your pregnant?'

'No, not to my knowledge. What made you say that?' Meredith started fidgeting with her clothes.

'You seem different, like there was something on your mind other than Derek. Remember I deal with pregnant women everyday. I can see tell tale signs like tops getting tighter around the bust…' Addison's voice trailed off as Meredith looked down. Her top was tighter around the breasts and they were sore. Looking at Addison she closed her eyes.

'Shit,'

'Not a planned baby?'

'No,'

'Come with me. Derek can wait a while,'

'No, I'll do a test later at home. I need to get him home. He'll be waiting,'

'Meredith if you are, give me a phone,'

'Thanks,' Meredith headed up to Derek's room, her head spinning. She couldn't believe she was pregnant. No she wasn't. They had been careful, hadn't they? Meredith opened his door to see Derek sitting up talking to Burke.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'I great, can't wait to get out of here,'

'Yeah but your not going anywhere except home,' Derek raised his eyebrows.

'Here,' Meredith handed him his trousers and top.

'I'll see you later Derek,'

'Thanks Burke, I owe you one, big time,'

'Hey, I was just doing my job,' Burke left as Meredith helped Derek into his top and trousers.

'Hower you?'

'I'm great, why wouldn't I be?'

'You look sick,'

'I'm fine. You looking forward to getting home?'

'I can't wait,' Derek Pulled Meredith down onto him and kissed her passionately. She winced as her chest met with his.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, I'm fine,'

'Meredith, you're the worst liar ever, what's wrong?'

'I'm just sore, but I'm fine, honestly. Come on, lets get you home,' Meredith brought a wheelchair in. Derek looked at her.

'I can walk,'

'If you want out this hospital you'll sit your cute ass down in this chair,' Derek eased himself into the chair and pulled his bag down.

'I really don't need to go in the chair,'

'Shut up and stop whining, you'll get out of here quicker,' Meredith was snapping at him and he wasn't sure if he had done something wrong. Addison came over to Derek and Meredith as they left the hospital.

'Hope you feel better soon Derek, Meredith,' Addison nodded and smiled. Meredith looked to the floor. Addison took hold of Meredith's hand and slipped her card in her hand and a packet into her bag. Looking up, Meredith smiled and started pushing Derek. He climbed in the car himself and seemed fine but he was really hiding how much pain he was in. As Meredith took the wheelchair back she looked at the note.

'_I guessed you might need one of these. Phone if you need anything at all. Even if your not, phone, Addison,' _Meredith looked I her bag. Lifting the box out she turned to see if anybody could see her.

'Clear Blue Advanced. Digital pregnancy test. Ninety Nine percent accurate, nice one Addison,' Meredith put the test back in her bag and headed back to the car. Derek was sitting with his pager out.

'And what do you think your doing?'

'I was just…' Derek put his pager in the glove box.

'If you think your going anywhere on your own for the next week, think again,' Derek smiled and held his hand out to Meredith. She climbed in the Drivers seat and went to put her seat belt on but remembered about her chest. Pulling it on she placed it between her breasts, making sure that they wouldn't hurt. Derek lifted the map out from under the seat and started dropping hints.

'I hear the ferryboats are quite nice this time of year,'

'Really?' Meredith started playing along to his game.

'We could go and have a look,'

'I think we should get you home first, maybe tomorrow,' Derek started sulking like a child. Meredith tried not to laugh but she couldn't hold it in. As she laughed it started Derek off as well.

'Do you know how beautiful you look when you smile?' Meredith started blushing as she pulled up outside the house. Derek went to climb out but a pain shot through his stomach.

'Derek, slow down,' Meredith grabbed the bag out the back and eased Derek out the car.

'Thanks,'

'You need to take things easy,'

'Yes Dr Grey,'

'Hey, I want to be known as Dr Shepherd from now on in,' Derek stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Meredith.

'Seriously?'

'Yeah,' Derek leaned in and Kissed Meredith, his hands sliding round her waist. Her arms went round his neck as she nuzzled her face into the side of his neck.

'We need to get you inside,' Derek was glad to get inside. The smell of chocolate cupcakes was wafting through the house.

'Hey Derek, how you feeling?'

'I'm ok, you been baking again?'

'I like to nest when I'm upset,'

'What's up?'

'One of my patients died this morning as I was leaving my shift,'

'That's crap, you ok?'

'I'm fine; I've done my nesting so I'm fine, cupcake?'

'Give me a few minutes and I'll eat all the cupcakes you want,' Derek headed for the kitchen where he propped himself up on a barstool, holding his stomach.

'Honey, you ok?'

'Yeah, I'm just a bit sore,'

'You want to lie down?'

'No I'm ok,'

'Derek, if your in pain, you should lie down,'

'Mere, I'm fine, it's normal to be sore, I got shot remember,'

'Exactly, BED NOW!' Meredith started laughing as she took Derek by the hand and guided him up the stairs to bed. He changed into his sweat pants and climbed into bed. Meredith hadn't seen his stomach without the dressing on and was surprised at what she saw. It was a small round pink scar, with a line running straight through it. Meredith stood and stared at it. Derek watched as her eyes looked his body over.

'It's free to touch if you want,' Meredith was startled out of her gaze.

'Is it sore?'

'Only when I bend over, come here,' Meredith got changed into her pyjama bottoms and Dartmouth shirt and climbed into bed. She was facing Derek and as he took hold of her hands he let her feel his scar. She seemed mesmerised by the mark it had left. Derek pulled her in against his chest and held her tightly.

'I was so scared,' a single tear fell from her eyes. Derek wiped it away with his thumb.

'I'm not going anywhere,' Derek could feel her breathing beginning to slow down.

'When I got shot, the first thing I thought of was you. I knew you were coming round the corner and was worried about you getting hurt. All I could think about was you. You're the one thing I had to fight for,' Meredith looked up and snuggled into his chest even more. As he relaxed his eyes became heavy and before he could even stop himself, he was fast asleep.


	5. Two Pictures

Meredith woke up to the rhythmic sounds of Derek sleeping. It felt good to be back in his arms again. Looking over at her bag she contemplated what Addison had said.

'Bust getting tighter…' She had to know. It was now or never. Meredith lifted Derek's arm from her waist and placed it back down on the bed carefully. He stirred slightly but didn't wake. Lifting her bag she headed out to the hall bathroom, making sure Derek wouldn't hear her. Locking the door she put the chair behind it.

'I'm taking no chances,' Lifting the box out her bag she started reading the back.

'Easy to use accurate results in sixty seconds,' lifting it out the box she grimaced.

'Now or never,' the next minute felt like eternity. She sat on the chair by the door and watched as the hands on her watch went round. The small test sat on the toilet seat, as far away from it as she could get. The hands hit a minute. Looking up dread filled her stomach. What if Derek didn't want the baby? How was she going to tell Derek? Walking over to the test Meredith's fate lay on that strip turning blue and saying pregnant. Her hand trembled as she picked it up looking down her eyes began to well up.

'Oh crap,' Meredith slumped on a heap on the floor. This wasn't happening. She wanted to reverse time and not take the test, wait a few days, just until Derek was back on his feet properly. Throwing the test back in the box she shoved it all in her bag. 'I have to phone Addison' Meredith lifted her phone out her bag and looked at Addison's card. Pushing the buttons she could hear Derek walking about.

'Mere, you ok?'

'Yeah, can you make some coffee? I'll be down in a minute,'

'Yeah sure,' Meredith listened to hear Derek's footsteps go down the stairs. Pressing the call button her heart started beating faster.

'Addison Shepherd?'

'Addison, its Meredith,'

'You did the test,'

'Yeah,'

'And?'

'I'm pregnant,'

'Ok, does Derek know?'

'No, he's making coffee…I don't know what to do,' Meredith was beginning to panic.

'Meredith, I'll book a scan, can you come in this afternoon?'

'Yeah, I'll ask Izzie to stay with Derek, thanks Addison,'

'No problem, I'll see you at two,' Meredith closed her phone over and leaned back against the side of the bath. She couldn't believe it. She was going to be a mother. Fear struck her. What if she became her mother? She couldn't bear the thought of it. Moving the chair away from the door, she scraped her hair back and threw her bag in her bed room. Creeping down the stairs she stood at the door of the Kitchen, watching as Derek made coffee. What would normally be a small task for him usually seemed like a marathon. As he lifted cups down out the cupboard, he winced sharply. Meredith ran over and put her arms around him.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, it was just a pain, I'm fine,'

'Fine people don't get pains,'

'Meredith, I'm allowed to have pains,'

'Sit down and I'll make the coffee,' Derek did as he was told.

'I need to run a few errands; I'll ask Izzie to stay with you,'

'Can I come?'

'No, you spend today in the house and we'll go see the ferryboats tomorrow, Deal?' Derek took a drink of the coffee and smiled.

'Deal,'

'I'll go and phone Izzie just now,' Meredith lifted hr coffee and stood in the hall.

'Izzie, when do you finish?'

'Hi mere, I'm fine hower you?'

'Izzie, what time do you finish?'

'What time is it just now?'

'It's one o'clock,'

'Officially thirty minutes ago,'

'Can you come back here and keep an eye on Derek? I need to run some errands,'

'Yeah, sure, I'll be there shortly,'

'Thanks izzie,' Meredith went and got changed, leaving Derek wondering what she had to do. Meredith ran down the stairs and Kissed Derek on the cheek.

'Izzie will be here shortly. Come and lie down on the couch,' Meredith practically picked Derek up and laid him down on the Couch.

'Don't move from here until Izzie gets here, please.'

'Yeah, fine, what's the rush?'

'Nothing, I just need to do a few things. Love you,'

'Love you too, drive carefully,' Meredith ran down the stairs to the car and started driving like there was no tomorrow. She didn't know how she was going to tell Derek. He didn't need the additional stress of her being pregnant on top of getting better. Meredith pulled into Derek's space and spotted Addison sitting on the bench. Meredith lifted her bag, making sure she had the test.

'Hey,'

'You're early.'

'I couldn't stay in the house, he would get it out of me some how,'

'Fair enough, come on,' Meredith followed Addison up to the maternity ward and into a private room.

'If you jump up onto the bed and lift your top I'll do an ultrasound,' Meredith lay on the bed and pulled her top up. He stomach was slightly rounded.

'When was your last period?'

'I'm usually due on the tenth but the last one I had was in February,'

'Meredith that's nearly four months,'

'Oh crap,'

'This might be a bit cold,' the gel sent a shiver down her spine.

'There you go,' Addison turned the monitor round to face Meredith.

'Say hello to baby shepherd,' Meredith's eyes filled up as she looked at the tiny figure on the screen.

'Baby is about four and half months along. You want to know the sex of the baby?'

'No, I need to tell Derek. He has to know.'

'You keeping the baby?'

'Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way.'

'I'll be your doc if you want for the pregnancy, but only if you're cool with it?'

'No, I want it to be you,'

'Ok, you want a picture?'

'Can I have two?'

'Yeah course,' Addison printed off the two pictures and handed them to Meredith. A single tear fell.

'Hey, is something wrong?'

'No, I just…'

'You're worried about what's going to happen?'

'Yeah,'

'If it's Derek you're worried about, don't be. He has four sisters, and has nine nieces and five nephews and loves every single one of them. He was dieing to be a father but I couldn't give him that. I wasn't ready. He will be so happy when you tell him, trust me,'

'Thanks Addison, I owe you one,'

'No, just phone if you need anything, anything at all. If Derek wants another scan, give me a call and I'll arrange another one for sometime this week.'

'Why are you so nice?' Meredith and Addison burst out laughing together.

'You'd better get home to him,'

'See you later Addison,'

'Bye Meredith,' Meredith left the hospital, mesmerised by the photographs she had. She had photographs of her baby, her and Derek's baby. Pulling into the house she felt a sense of contentment wash over her. Opening the door she looked in the living room. Izzie and Derek were sitting chatting. Derek was smiling and laughing, something Meredith hadn't seen in a while.

'Hey, where were you?'

'I'll explain later, how you feeling?'

'I'm ok; we were sitting talking about when you were an Intern and in Joes,'

'Oh, that explains the laughing,'

'Yeah,'

'Izzie, can I talk to you for two seconds?'

'Yeah, sure,' Meredith pulled Izzie into the kitchen.

'I need some time with Derek, do you mind?'

'No, I'll go and get dinner in,'

'Thanks,' Izzie lifted her jacket and Keys and squeezed Meredith shoulder.

'I'll be about two hours, bye mere,'

'Bye izzie,' Meredith took her jacket off and lifted her bag. She stopped outside the living room and looked down at her stomach.

'Here goes nothing,' Derek sat up and made space for Meredith on the couch next to him.

'Derek, we need to talk,' Derek sat up straight and looked at Meredith.

'Is something wrong?'

'No, nothings wrong…I just…'

'Meredith, whatever it is we'll get through it together, I promise,'

'Derek, I was at the hospital…the errand I had to run…I had to go to the hospital,'

'Are you ok?'

'We'll yeah but…'

'Mere?'

'Derek, I'm pregnant,' Derek went to say something but shut his mouth without making any noise. Meredith reached into her bag and handed Derek a photo.

'I wanted to tell you when I got a feeling but then you got shot and I didn't want you to stress over it and I'm really sorry for not telling you, I panicked and,'

'Meredith shut up and come here,' Derek pulled Meredith in and kissed her.

'I can't believe it,' Derek's eyes were lit up and the smile was spread across his face.

'Who gave you the scan?'

'Promise me you won't be mad,'

'Promise,'

'Addison, she was talking to me earlier, when I came to pick you up. She gave me a test. Remember when you woke up and I was in the toilet, I was doing the test she had given me,' Derek was holding Meredith's hand and staring at the picture.

'Are you mad at me?'

'No I'm mad, I understand why you didn't tell me,' Meredith leaned in and kissed Derek, Pulling back she turned and leant back on his chest. Her hand protectively went over her stomach. After five minutes she whispered to Derek.

'You wanna have a feel?' Derek looked down in confusion. Taking his hand she slid it under her top. He breathed in deeply at the feeling of her skin. He could feel the slight bump. Kissing her head he felt complete. He was going to be a father and he was marrying Meredith. Before he could say anything Meredith was fast asleep in his arms, a huge weight lifted from her shoulders.

Like they say, a worry shared is a worry aired.


	6. Now we're looking for food

Izzie opened the door slightly, kicking to open with her foot.

'A little help here,' Derek slid Meredith off his chest and covered her with a blanket. Lifting three bags, and heading to the kitchen, Izzie noticed the smile across his face.

'What you so happy about?'

'Did Meredith not tell you?'

'What?' Izzie knew what he was talking about but didn't say anything.

'She's pregnant,' Izzie put the bags down and went over and hugged Derek.

'Congratulations! You guys are going to make great parents.'

'Thanks Izzie, I don't think it's sunk in yet,' Derek sat up on one of the bar stools and started emptying a bag.

'How far along is she?

'I'm not sure. She fell asleep five minutes after she told me. Wait till you see this,' Derek went through to the living room and lifted the picture.

'Oh my god, look,' Izzie was standing making coffee, looking at the picture.

'You told her then,' Meredith was standing at the door, leaning against the frame, smiling.

'I had to tell somebody,' Derek walked over and wrapped his arms around Meredith's waist.

'How you feeling?'

'On top of the world. How far along are you?'

'Four and a half months,' Izzie dropped the spoon she was holding and turned to face Meredith. Derek was leaning over her shoulder looking at her face.

'What?'

'Meredith, how can you not know you're pregnant for four and a half months?'

'Izzie, I don't know. I figured it was stress,' Derek stood in total shock. He only had five months to go and then he was going to be a father. Meredith turned and got Derek out of his world.

'Derek, you ok? You look kina pale'

'Yeah, I'm fine,'

'Maybe you should lie down,'

'Yeah,' Meredith took his hand and led him up the stairs like he was a child. He climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself. Meredith changed into her Dartmouth shirt. He stomach was bulging slightly and the top didn't completely cover it. Derek started laughing as she stood in the mirror trying to pull it down.

'What you laughing at?'

'The most beautiful woman in the world struggling with a top,' Meredith climbed in beside him, knowing that they had a lot to talk about. They sat in silence; neither of them knowing how to start a conversation.

'What are we going to do?' Meredith broke the silence and took hold of Derek's hand, entwining their fingers together.

'What do you mean?'

'How are we going to tell Chief and what about work?'

'We can tell chief when ever you want. You don't need to stop work for a few months yet. Bailey worked through her pregnancy and she got pregnant twice. This isn't the end of the world,'

'I know, I just…I wasn't expecting it, that all,'

'I know,' Meredith turned and sat facing Derek.

'Are you happy I'm pregnant?'

'Meredith, I'm on top of the world. I'm marrying the woman I love and I'm going to be a father. I'm so happy you're pregnant, what would make you think other wise?'

'I don't know. What are we going to do about the wedding?'

'Do you want to get married before or after the baby's born?'

'Before, I don't want to be Dr Grey for much longer,' Derek kissed her fore head as she smiled.

'I need to phone Christina,'

'How would you feel about going to New York to meet my parents?'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah, we're both off for the next two weeks and I don't want to spend them staring at these four walls.'

'Yeah, I'd love to meet you're family,'

'Ill phone my mom later,'

'You can do it just now while I pee cause you baby is sitting on my bladder,' Derek laughed and ran his hand over her stomach. Climbing out of bed he went down the stairs and lifted the phone.

'Edith Shepherd'

'Mom, its Derek,'

'Oh, how are you?'

'I'm not so good but I'll survive,'

'Derek, what's wrong?'

'Mom, promise me you won't freak,'

'Ok,'

'I got shot, my stomach, but I'm fine,'

'Oh my god, where are you?'

'Never mind, listen there's somebody I'd like you to meet. Do you mind if we come up tomorrow?'

'What about work?'

'I'm off just now,'

'Ok, I'll see you tomorrow,'

'Love you mom,'

'Love you too Derek, take care of yourself, bye,'

'Bye,' Derek hung up the phone and headed back up the stairs.

'We had better get packing; we're going to New York,'

'How are we going to get there?'

'Ah, you can't fly,'

'I don't know, I need to check it with Addison,'

'We can get the train through. It's too far to drive for either of us,'

'I can still drive,'

'No, it's too far,'

'Give me a couple of minutes,' Meredith pulled her cell phone out her pocket and dialled Addison's number.

'Meredith, what's wrong?

'No nothings wrong, can I fly?'

'Yes but not a long flight. Where you planning on going?'

'New York,'

'That's fine, yeah, have fun,' Addison hung up and left Meredith smiling. She turned to Derek and dialled another number.

'United airlines,'

'Hi, can I book two return seats to New York for tomorrow morning?'

'Yes, how is the seven thirty flight?'

'Yip that's great,'

'What are they booked under?'

'Derek shepherd and Meredith Grey,'

'Any children?' Meredith smiled and put her hand on her stomach.

'No, not yet,'

'That's two hundred and fifty four dollars, how will you be paying,'

'Visa,'

'Ok, what's your visa number?'

'7765-77689-33243-8465,'

'Ok, when do you want your return flights booked for?'

'Can we leave them on standby?'

'No problem, come to the airport at five tomorrow to pick up your tickets. Thank you for flying with united airline,'

'Yeah thanks,' Meredith threw her phone on the bed.

'We are going to New York at seven thirty tomorrow morning. But I have one condition.'

'What?'

'You take it easy. If you don't I'll get your entire family to kick your ass since I can't,' Meredith laughed and took hold of Derek's shirt, pulling him towards her with the collar. He smiled as she went on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly.

'I need to go shopping, you have a choice. You stay with Izzie, you come with me and I pick up a wheel chair or you come with walk about and then come home and go to bed early,'

'What do you want me to do?'

'Come with me and get a wheel chair,'

'Your wish is my command,'

'We need to get going then,' Meredith started raiding her drawers to find cloths that fitted her. In the end she put on one of Derek's polo shirts and her jeans.

'I hate getting fat,'

'But you are beautiful,' Derek had put his jeans on slowly and was putting a shirt on slowly.

'You in pain?'

'A bit, but it's not too bad,'

'I think you should stay here,'

'No, I'm fine. If it gets too bad then I'll tell you.'

'I'm going shopping for clothes, fat people clothes,'

'Your not fat, your beautiful and pregnant which I find very beautiful,' Meredith scraped her hair back and lifted her bag.

'You ready to go?'

'Yeah,' Derek stood up and took each step slowly. Getting into the car seemed like a nightmare. Every time he moved he winced.

'Derek, you don't have to go,'

'I'm fine, come on lets get going,'

Meredith went to the hospital and borrowed a wheelchair. She explained to Chief that they were going to New York.

'I think he wants to see his mom and dad after what happened. I'm going with him and I'll keep and eye on him. If anything happens, I'll phone.'

'Be careful Meredith, he is still fragile. I wouldn't recommend going but since it's to his parent's house, I'd say it was ok,'

'Thanks chief,' Meredith put the wheel chair in the back of the car and drove to the 24 hour mall. It was really quite because of the time. Meredith and Derek hadn't realised what time it was. It was hitting eight and they had to be up early. Meredith helped Derek into the wheelchair and started pushing him when she felt light headed.

'Mere, what's wrong?'

'It's nothing. I'm just really tired. I've not been sleeping well on my own.'

Meredith headed for the maternity wear shop and bought and entire new wardrobe. Nothing she had at home fitted her now and she didn't need her stomach hanging out at his parent's house. Derek sat in the chair, quiet, watching Meredith like a hawk. She seemed ok but at times she looked like she would fall down.

'Do you need anything?' Derek stood up, to Meredith's despair, and made her sit down.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, I'm just tired,'

'Meredith?'

'I've not eaten in a while and I'm tired and I need a hug,' Derek smiled and pulled Meredith to her feet, holding her into his chest.

'That's one problem solved, now food,' Derek started pushing Meredith in the wheel chair when he stopped outside a shop.

'Wait here,' Meredith was left sitting outside a shop, in a wheelchair, feeling really stupid. She sat for fifteen minutes before Derek came out with a bag.

'What are you up to?'

'Nothing…Now we're looking for food,'


	7. Now Your not alone

Meredith sat on a normal chair and tucked into Macaroni cheese.

'I am starving,'

'It seems you haven't lost your appetite,'

'What about you?'

'No, I'm not hungry,'

'Derek, you need to eat,' Derek took hold of her hand and smiled.

'I have something for you,' Meredith raised her eyebrows and wiped her face. Derek handed her a small box with a pink and blue ribbon around it. As she opened it her heart went into her mouth. Inside the box was a small gold baby bracelet, inscribed with 'D & M'. Two small diamonds sat either side of the inscription.

'Derek, it's gorgeous,' Derek caressed her face gently.

'I love you so much,' Meredith lifted her fork back up again and started eating, clearing her plate. Derek sat and picked at his food, not really having anything. Meredith and Derek left soon afterwards and arrived home to the smell of chocolate wafting through the house.

'Oh, cupcakes, but bed for you first. We're up early in the morning.'

'Yes mommy,' Meredith hit Derek lightly on the arm and helped him up the stairs.

'I'm fine, you go and show izzie what you bought,' Meredith Hugged Derek and kissed his face gently.

'Ill check on you later. I love you so much. Thank you.'

'What for?'

'Making me the happiest woman alive.' Derek deepened the kiss and smiled as she leant back.

'Only if you're good' Meredith whispered in Derek's ear and left him to change. It was hitting nine thirty and they were both really tired but Meredith needed to talk to Izzie. Lifting a cupcake off the baking tray, Meredith startled Izzie.

'Hey, you have fun shopping?'

'Oh yeah. I now have clothes that fit me,' Meredith laughed as she started eating her second cupcake.

'Izzie I need you and George to look after the house for a few days. Me and Derek are heading to his parents house tomorrow morning and I don't know when we will be back,'

'Yeah, no problem. You want a lift to the airport?'

'Do you mind?'

'No, not at all. How was he shopping?'

'Yeah he was ok. I think he's shaken by the shooting. He kept checking to see if I was still pushing the chair and he was really on edge. I need to show you what he bought.' Meredith lifted fifteen bags onto the kitchen table and watched as Izzie's eyes nearly fell out at what Meredith had bought.

'This is the best bit,' Meredith lifted the small box out of her hand bag and handed it to Izzie.

'Mere…it's stunning.'

'He left me sitting in the chair outside as he went in.'

'Meredith, this may sound really silly but I think you guys were meant to be together,'

'Izzie, you are so right,' Meredith started laughing as did Izzie. Meredith lifted the bags down off the table and headed up to bed.

'Good night Mere,'

'Night Izzie. I'll wake you about three thirty,' Meredith crept into their bedroom and changed into her Dartmouth shirt and her pyjama bottoms. Sliding into bed she wrapped her arms around Derek and began to fall asleep when she heard Derek whisper.

'That's problem three sorted. You can sleep now you're not alone,' Meredith smiled and snuggled her face into Derek's chest, with one hand protectively over her bump.


	8. Is he dying?

Derek lay watching the ceiling when he looked over at her digital clock. It was hitting three thirty and they had to get up.

'Mere…Mere,' Derek lightly shook her arm and watched as she stirred lightly.

'What? Are you ok?'

'I'm fine, we have to get up,' Meredith groaned and rolled over into his chest.

'You first,' Derek laughed and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

'I'm up, now you,' Meredith sat up and instantly headed to the toilet.

'Mere, you ok?'

'I hate being pregnant,'

'You've only known for about twelve hours,'

'You weren't up three times during the night peeing so shut up,' Derek laughed as she stumbled in the dark.

'What do you want to take with you?'

'Just underwear, all my other clothes are down the stairs. You sort yourself out.' Meredith left Derek throwing clothes as a bag as she went to wake Izzie.

'Izzie?'

'I'm up,' Meredith left Izzie room and went down the stairs to grab her stuff. She turned the coffee machine on and headed back up to the room. Derek was slipping into his jeans.

'Hey, you packed?'

'Just about, you want you're bag down off the shelve?'

'No, it's fine; I'll use the Beige bag.' Meredith packed her bag and headed for the shower. The water cascaded down her back, refreshing her entire body. As the water fell down her face she could feel all the stress that she had leaving her body. Derek came in and turned her while she was in the shower.

'We…have…to…go,' was all he could say between kisses. Turning the shower off with one hand she kept kissing his face, smiling at the same time. She wrapped the purple towel around her growing body and wrapped her hands around his neck.

'Can you go and make coffee. I put the machine on,' Derek pulled back and smiled.

'Here,' Derek handed Meredith her brush.

'Hurry up, we've got to leave soon, it's hitting four,'

'Coffee and I'll be ready in five,' Derek left Meredith in the bathroom getting dressed. Out of one of the shopping bags she pulled a green long sleeved t-shirt with a v shaped neck line. She had picked up maternity bras while she was out. Both fitted perfectly.

'Jeans or a skirt?'

'Definitely jeans,' Izzie was standing looking at Meredith.

'You ready?'

'Yip,' Meredith pulled her jeans on and threw all the other clothes in her bag.

'I am so nervous. I've never met his Parents. What if they hate me?'

'They won't hate you. They'll love you like I do,' Derek was standing behind Izzie with two mugs of coffee.

'Here,' Meredith accepted it and drank it in one go.

'Slow down,' Meredith ran a comb through her hair and put it in a bun.

'I've just got to grab a couple of cupcakes and I'm ready to go,' Izzie started laughing.

'I'll get you's in the car,' Derek looked at Meredith and smiled. Her bump was showing more now she was wearing maternity clothes.

'Do you know how beautiful you are?'

'Derek, we have to go. I have pregnancy hormones and statements like that are bad, very bad,' Derek lifted his bag and winched sharply.

'Derek, what's wrong?'

'Nothing…I'm fine,' Derek dropped the bag and put his hand on his side. Meredith ran over and put her hands around him.

'Sit on the bed,'

'No, I'm fine. I'll take pain killers.'

'If you're sore, you have to lie down,'

'Meredith, I'm fine, let's go,'

'Derek, maybe we should wait for a few days, just until you're a bit stronger,'

'Meredith, I'm fine. Come on, Izzie's waiting,' Derek stood up slowly and lifted the bag again, bracing himself for the pain but it didn't come.

'See, I'm fine. Now come on,' Meredith smiled and lifted her own bag and climbed in the back of the car with Derek.

'I put the wheelchair in the back so you can take it with you's,'

'Thanks Izzie. I owe you one,' Derek held Meredith's hand and kept looking at her stomach. The airport ride was only twenty minutes but Meredith was beginning to think it was a bad idea. Derek's face was getting whiter, like he was going to be sick but he seemed himself, not sick. She didn't understand it. Izzie helped them into the airport and they received special attention because they had the wheelchair. They didn't have to carry the bags and were the first on the plane. Derek wasn't nervous but Meredith wasn't a fan of flying.

'Why did we get such an early flight?'

'You were the one that booked it,'

'Crap,' Meredith started laughing as they took of and five minutes into the air, they were both fast asleep. Meredith woke to the gentle whispering of an Airhostess.

'Do you want anything from the cart?' Meredith looked at Derek. He was fast asleep.

'Can I have a coffee and a piece of toast?'

'There you go. Do you want anything else?'

'Yeah can I have the same again?'

'Yip, do you need anything?'

'No thank you,'

'Just ask if you do,' Meredith nodded and turned to Derek.

'Derek…Derek,' Opening his eyes he realised where he was.

'Hey,'

'I got you breakfast. You need to eat something,' Meredith handed him the coffee and the toast. Reaching into her bag she pulled out a packet of pain killers.

'You want some?'

'Yeah, thanks,' Meredith popped two out and handed then to Derek as he took small bites of the toast.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, just to let you know we will be landing in Newark airport in approximately fifteen minutes. When the seat belt sign goes on can I advise all passengers to proceed to your seat immediately. The weather in New York is bright and warm. Thank you for listening,' Derek finished the toast and took the painkiller.

'I'm going to the toilet, you want anything?'

'No, do you want me to come?'

'Maybe when we're flying back you can come. You need to rest,' Meredith unclipped her seat belt. Standing up she staggered as the plane went through turbulence. An airhostess came up behind Meredith and helped her to the toilet and back. As the plane descended, Derek could feel his stomach spasming. Grabbing the chair rest he grinned his teeth. Meredith looked at him.

'Derek, what's wrong?'

'My…stomach,' Meredith unclipped her belt and lifted his top. His stomach was scrunched up because of the muscle was contracting. Meredith took hold of his hand as another passenger came over beside them.

'Can I help?'

'Can you lift the arm rests on the seats for me?' The female passenger did as was asked and help Derek to lye flat on his back.

'Thanks,' the female passenger smiled and left Meredith who was massaging his stomach.

'Miss, you need to sit down and put your seat belt on,' a male hostess was up beside her.

'No, what I need to do is stop his stomach from contracting. Unless you can give me tolazoline hydrochloride then I'm not sitting down,'

'Would a heat pack work?'

'Listen, I'm a doctor, I know what I'm doing. I'll sit down once the spasm stops, ok?'

'I need to stay with you,'

'No, just go,' the male attendant walked away and left Meredith sitting on the floor next to the seats. His stomach had stopped spasming but his breathing was raspy.

'Hold on, we're almost there,' Meredith sat down and put Derek's head on her lap. As the plane landed a feeling of relief came over Meredith. Derek had calmed down and his breathing was relaxed.

'If you'd like to wait we can have him taken to the medical bay,'

'No, he's ok. I know what caused it. If you could just get the wheelchair that we brought ready at the bottom of the stairs,'

'Ok,' the young attendant left them.

'Meredith, I'm sorry,'

'What for?'

'My stomach?'

'Derek, you couldn't control it. It's fine. We're here now. What is your mom and dad's address?'

'78th green way,'

'Ok, we'll get a cab there,' Derek stood up and took each step slowly. Meredith walked behind him and a attendant in front of him. Climbing into the chair Meredith took control.

'Thank you,' Meredith gave him her jacket. Getting the suit cases she headed out to find a cab. Two were available but with him in a wheelchair they couldn't take them. They waited for ten minutes when one arrived that could take the chair.

'78th green way,'

'No problem,' the taxi ride was a short one. Meredith was intrigued by the sights she seen. As they turned up to the driveway of the house, Meredith took a deep breath in. the house was at the top of a long driveway. The garden was perfect and there were two cars in the driveway.

'Here goes nothing,' the cab pulled up and a tall woman with brown hair came out. She had Derek's eyes.

'Oh my god, Derek' She ran over to him as he stood up.

'Hey mom, this is Meredith…my fiancé,' Meredith turned and looked at Derek. It was the first time he had said that and it sound weird but wonderful.

'Meredith, I'm Edith,' Meredith went to shake her hand but she was pulled into a large hug.

'Let's get you two inside,' a large man came out from the garage. He and Derek were the double of each other. His hair was even in the same position as Derek's.

'Derek?'

'Dad,' the two men Embraced each other tightly.

'I'm gonna kill you,'

'What for?'

'You got shot and didn't tell any of us?'

'That would be my fault,' Meredith stepped forward.

'Dad, this is Meredith, my fiancé and the woman I love,' Meredith blushed.

'I'm Robert...call me Bob,' Again Meredith was pulled into a huge hug.

'When are you due?' Bob whispered in Meredith ear.

'How do you know?'

'I have four daughters, I knew when they were pregnant and they hadn't even told Edith,'

'Five months,' He leaned out and looked at Derek. Pulling him back in he whispered in his ear.

'Congratulations son, I'll let you tell you're mother,' Derek laughed and headed into the house. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. His mom and dad were really nice but there was something about his father that she liked. Stepping into the house she smiled. The smell of bread was strong, like it had just been made. Meredith could see Derek standing in the kitchen, holding onto the counter. As she walked over she could see his hand under his shirt.

'Derek?'

'Mere…'

'Your stomachs spasming again,' Meredith eased him down onto the floor.

'You need to lye down flat,' Derek's father walked in.

'OH MY GOD!'

'He's ok, he just needs to stay lying flat down,'

'What the hell is happening?'

'His stomach muscle is contracting because of the gun shot. It's normal but I thought it had already happened because he was discharged,' Derek's mother walked in and smiled.

'Hi,' She walked right past the three of the on the floor before realising what was going on.

'Derek?'

'He won't answer you,'

'Is he dying?'

'No, his stomach is in a spasm,' She knelt down beside his head and started playing with his hair.

'Can he hear us?'

'Every word,' Meredith had her hand pressed against his stomach.

'Derek, do you remember the time when you and the girls were out in garden. They were all sunbathing and you were playing basketball. You dad turned the sprinklers on and they all started screaming. It was so funny. You just stood and laughed,' Derek's breathing was raspy and his stomach was still in a spasm. His back was arching with pain.

'Can you get my bag for me?' Bob went and came back with Meredith's bag.

'Press your hand over his stomach like that and move it back and forward,' Bob did as he was told and Meredith went back on her heels. Unzipping the bag, all her clothes were sitting on the top. Pulling a small black pouch out she opened it carefully. Inside there were 3 syringes with three small bottles.

'What is that your giving him?'

'It's a muscle relaxant. It was a prescription he was given when he left the hospital. It's for stopping the muscles contracting. He'll need to stay lying down after he's given it for an hour,' Derek's father pulled his shirt up and looked at his son's stomach.

'Is he in pain?'

'Once this is in, then no he won't be. Right now he is,' Meredith took the needle cover off and drew the tolazoline hydrochloride liquid out the bottle.

'Derek, do you remember the night Izzie was having the party. I was still an Intern. I was so drunk. I was dancing outside the house with a bottle of tequila and you came over and started telling me how bad tequila was for me,' Meredith inserted the needle as she reminisced about the night and injected the liquid slowly. His stomach instantly relaxed and his breathing evened out.

'I can't believe you just told my parent's about that night,' Derek looked up at Meredith and smiled. Sitting up, his head began spinning.

'You know you need to lye down before you fall down,' Derek leaned up against the cupboards.

'You scared the crap out of us,' Derek's father put his arms round Derek's waist.

'Let's get you into bed,' Meredith went to do the same but Derek pushed her away.

'I'm too heavy for you now,'

'Derek,'

'Meredith, I'm ok,' She looked him straight in the eyes. He ran his hand over her stomach as he got up. She understood what he meant and knew he was right.


	9. It was only Satan

'Derek, lye still. We've been in here for nearly an hour and you haven't stopped moving the entire time,' Meredith was massaging his stomach with her two hands but he kept wriggling.

'Forget that, come here,' Derek pulled her into him and sighed.

'You need to relax. I don't want anything happening to the two of you's. I'm too heavy to move and I don't want you over doing it,'

'We need to tell you're mom,'

'You want to go and do it now? My sisters will be here shortly,'

'Yeah,' Meredith took hold of his hand and watched as he got up. He wasn't in pain because of the pain killer and the muscle relaxant. Edith was standing in the kitchen, staring out the window.

'Edith, what's wrong?'

'Bob, he looked so sick. I can't stand it,'

'Edith, it's ok. You're allowed to feel like that,'

'He looked like he was dieing,'

'We'll I'm not,' Derek walked in to the kitchen, with Meredith right behind him.

'How you feeling?'

'I'm fine,'

'Derek,'

'Honestly, I'm fine. I'm not in pain, so I'm fine,'

'Do you want something to eat?'

'Yeah, please,' Meredith helped him into a chair and sat down next to him. Leaning into him she whispered in his ear.

'Go for it,' Derek turned and smiled, kissing her nose.

'Mom, we need to tell you something,'

'Is something wrong?'

'No, nothings wrong,'

'Well?'

'In about five months you're going to become a grandmother again,' Edith dropped the cup she was holding into the sink and turned to face them. Meredith smiled and watched as her face turned from shock to sheer happiness.

'Oh my god!' Bob stood and started laughing as she rushed over to Meredith and Derek and started hugging them.

'How long have you known?'

'We found out yesterday,'

'How far along are you?'

'About four and a half months,' Edith's eyes grew.

'And you only found out yesterday?'

'I thought it was stress cause of Derek,'

'You need to tell the girls,'

'Mom, she'd get mauled,'

'I know but you need to tell them,'

'Yeah,' Derek took hold of Meredith's hand and kissed it. She smiled and out her hand on his knee.

'Give me two minutes,' Meredith left them sitting in the kitchen.

'Derek, she's lovely. You found a gem,' Derek laughed at his dad's terminology.

'She is, and I don't intend on losing her. I love her so much,'

'What do you want to eat?'

'I'm not fussy,'

'What about Meredith?'

'Anything,' Meredith walked back into the kitchen hold a piece of paper. Handing it to Edith her eyes started to fill up.

'Say hello to baby Shepherd,'

'Bob, look,' Bob walked over and stood next to Edith. Her hand was trembling as she looked down at the ultrasound photo.

'Let's order in for food,'

'Ok, I'm up for that. Mere?'

'Yeah, I'm starving,' Derek laughed and placed his hand carefully on her stomach.

'What do you want?'

'I'm not fussed but not Chinese,'

'Pizza?' Edith lifted a pile of leaflets off the top of the fridge.

'Ok,'

'What do you want on it? Nothing weird,' Bob laughed.

'I'll eat anything,'

'Cheese and onion stuffed crust?'

'Yeah, can you get a side order of gherkins?' Edith smiled and looked at Meredith.

'You want ice cream with that?'

'Yeah, chocolate please,' Derek started laughing as Meredith looked around innocently.

'What?'

'I'll go and order it now,' Bob started pouring coffee into a mug.

'You want coffee?'

'Yeah dad thanks,' Derek stood up and started help his dad make coffee.

'So how did you to meet?' Meredith and Derek looked at each other and smiled.

'You tell him Derek,' Meredith laughed.

'It was three weeks after I had moved to Seattle and I went to a bar called The Emerald city. Joe is the name of the barman. Meredith was sitting at the other end of the bar. She bought me a single malt scotch. We both got drunk beyond belief and I ended up at her house the following morning,' Bob handed Meredith the mug and smiled.

'It was my first day as the new attending,'

'And mine as the new intern,' Meredith butted in.

'We were treating a kid called Katie Bryce. I got put on her case,'

'Her mom and dad started asking me questions so I went to go and get another doctor called Burke and was told that the new attending was treating Katie. I turned around and there he was,' Derek was sitting facing Meredith, their feet slightly touching.

'We had a small problem that got dealt with,' Derek coughed in his coffee.

'I thought it was a big problem,'

'It was only Satan,' Bob turned and looked at Meredith.

'You met Addison then,' Meredith started laughing.

'My mom and dad didn't like her and called her Satan. That's where I got it from,'

'Derek had failed to mention that he was married,' Derek cringed at the thought.

'And I nearly lost you because of it,'

'Yeah, I made you suffer,' Meredith laughed gently.

'He probably deserved it. I know what he's like,'

'Thanks for the support dad,'

'Anytime,' Bob rubbed the back of Meredith's hand.

'You want anything Mere, dad?' Derek stood up and headed to the sink. Meredith lifted her mug to her mouth to finish her coffee but it hit the table before it made her face.

'Mere, what's up?' Derek came over beside her.

'Give me your hand,' Meredith took hold of his hand and slipped it under her top.

'My god,' Derek's eyes sparkled as he felt the baby moving inside Meredith. Bob let out a sigh of relief and watched as the young couple sat, amazed at what they could feel. Slipping out he caught Edith before she could go back into the kitchen.

'Leave them for a few minutes,'

'Bob, is something wrong?'

'No, they just need to be alone for a few minutes. The baby is moving for the first time.'

'Really?'

'Yip, leave them just now,'

Meredith stood up and Derek sat down. Easing herself on his leg he kept his hand on her stomach.

'I love you so much,' Meredith kissed his forehead and took hold of his hand.

'Let's get married while we're here,'

'What about everyone in Seattle?'

'We can invite the people who need to be there, even if it's only for a few days. Derek, I don't want to be Meredith Grey for much longer. I want to be known as Meredith Shepherd,' Derek started kissing her passionately.

'We need to tell you're mom and dad,'

'When do you want to get married?'

'Make it a week from today. This time next week we will be married,'

'Meredith, if you're sure,'

'More than anything. Let's go and tell them,' Meredith climbed down of his leg and took hold of his hand. Edith and Bob were sitting in the garden.

'Hey, you guys ok?'

'Yeah, how do you guys feel about us getting married next week?'

'How much can you guys spring on us in one day?'

'You think it's too soon?'

'No, not at all. Whatever you both want,'

'When do the girls get here?'

'Their due in an hour. The pizza won't be long, about ten minutes,' Bob stood up and offered his seat to Meredith. She sat down and protectively put her hand on her bump. Derek pulled another to seats out the garage and sat next to his mom and dad. He couldn't take his eyes off Meredith. She was glowing. She wasn't facing him or his parents; she was just staring into space, a look of contentment over her face. Her head leaned back against the seat and before she could even try and resist she was fast asleep. Derek smiled as the slight breeze blew her hair across her face.

'Derek, you really love her don't you?'

'More than anything mom. I'm the happiest man alive. I'm marrying the woman I love, I'm going to be a father and I'm surrounded by my family. I couldn't ask for anything more,' Derek ran his fingers through his hair and looked over at Meredith. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

'She's lovely Derek. She's really nice,'

'Glad you like her mom. I should have listened to you when it came to Satan though,'

'Your mother knows best,'

'But if it wasn't for Addison I wouldn't have went to Seattle s in a way I'm glad I didn't listen,'

'It's all over with her now anyway. Meredith and her get on well. She still calls her Satan when she talks about when she first went to Seattle.'

'What happened in New York Derek?' Derek looked over at Meredith.

'I was coming back from my work; I had just finished an early shift. I pulled up the driveway and noticed Addison's car was in the garage. She never put it in the garage. I pushed the door to the house open and it felt weird. I looked around but nothing was different. Looking up the stairs I knew that's where Addison would be. As I climbed the stairs I could see a jacket lying on the floor. It wasn't a stranger's jacket. It was Marks,' Derek's mother took a deep breath in.

'Derek…'

'I pushed the bedroom door open and there she was, going at it with Mark,' Derek looked down and started fidgeting with his watch.

'I closed the door and listened as Addison pushed him away and started shouting my name. I lifted my car keys and drove to the hospital. I knew she would come after me so I stayed on the roof of the hospital and when she pulled into the car park I left. I went back to the house, packed all of my stuff up, I mean everything. I got boxes, suitcases, anything I could find. I phoned Richard Webber, my old Resident and he offered me Chief of Neurosurgery at Seattle Grace. I took it and left that day, never to see Addison for two months. Then she showed at the hospital and screwed things up royally,' Derek stood up and went back inside. He didn't want anyone to see him upset over what had happened. Standing in the kitchen he heard the front door go.

'Pizza delivery,'

'How much?'

'Twenty eight dollars ten cents,'

'Here's thirty, keep the change,'

'Thanks,' Derek walked back into the kitchen and put the pizza out.

'Mom, Dad? Pizzas here,' Bob and Edith walked in the room and started eating.

'I'll go and wake Meredith,' Derek lifted the small tub of gherkins and headed out to the garden. Sitting next to Meredith, he lifted her hand gently. She was smiling gently, as though she was dreaming.

'Mere?' She stirred slightly and opened one of her eyes.

'I bring gifts of gherkins,' both eyes opened and she smiled. Rubbing her stomach she leaned in and kissed him.

'Hey, how long have I been sleeping for?'

'About half an hour. Foods here,'

'Thanks,' Meredith put her weight in her arms and pushed her self up out the seat. Edith was pouring juice into glasses as Meredith and Derek entered the kitchen.

'Sorry I fell asleep,'

'Meredith, it's alright. I've had five kids, I know how tiring I is,' Edith lifted the pizza cutter out. Derek watched as Meredith tucked into the pizza. As she lifted the gherkins he started laughing.

'You might be laughing now but wait until I have a craving for food at three in the morning and you have to go and get it,' Meredith raised her eyebrows and started laughing along with Derek. She hadn't been this happy in a long time and she didn't want it to stop.


	10. He's still Gonna Pay

Meredith started clearing up when she heard the front door open.

'Mom? Dad?'

'Crap,' Meredith pulled her hair back out her face. Edith smiled at Meredith and headed out into the hall.

'Lindsey! How are you doing pet?'

'I'm fine mom, where's dad?'

'He's in the garden, there's a couple of people here to see us,'

'Who?'

'Go into the garden and you'll see,' Meredith listen as Edith took her through the living room.

'DEREK!' Lindsey ran over and flung her arms around Derek.

'Hey Linds, hower you?'

'I'm fine. I'm gonna kick you're ass.'

'What for?'

'Not phoning,'

'There's somebody I'd like you to meet,' Derek walked into the kitchen and took hold of Meredith's hand.

'This is Lindsey. I'm closest to her,' Meredith followed Derek out to the garden.

'Linds, this is Meredith, my fiancé,'

'Hi, I'm Lindsey, call me Linds,' Meredith was pulled into a hug and smiled.

'One down, three to go,' Derek whispered in her ear.

'There's something else we'd like to tell you,' Meredith looked at Derek.

'Satan's not here is she,' Meredith burst out laughing.

'No, it's not Satan, she's in Seattle,'

'I'd have to kill you if you brought Satan here,'

'She's my very distant past,'

'Glad to hear it. So what else have you got to tell me?'

'Mere's pregnant,'

'Congratulations!' Meredith smiled and watched as Lindsey and Derek interacted. They looked exactly alike. She was the female version of him. The hair, the eyes, it was all the same. She had that sense of control that Derek had that Meredith loved. When Derek walked in an OR he was in control, Lindsey was the same only it was she was in control of what was happening.

'So how did you two meet?'

'Long or short Version?'

'Short, I would like to be alive at the end of the story,'

'We met in a bar the night before we started working. Turned out she was a new intern and I was her Attending,'

'Trust Derek to get things complicated,'

'You're not wrong,'

'Let me guess, Satan came into the equation.'

'How did you guess?'

'Cause I know what he's like,' two tall blonde women walked in. It was obvious that they were Derek's sisters. The deep, intense blue eyes ran in the family.

'Carol! Karen!' Derek walked over and hugged Karen first. She was tall, looked a lot like Edith but with a hint of Bob with those eyes. Carol was the same. She had short spike blond hair. She was heavy built but she was beautiful. Meredith smiled as Derek talked with them. He seemed so happy but it was to be short lived. Derek's face turned white.

'Ill be back in a minute,' Derek pressed down on his stomach. Meredith looked over to Derek's dad. Meredith followed Derek up the stairs. Derek staggered into the bedroom where he collapsed on the floor. The pain shot through him like a knife. Curling up he hoped it would ease.

'Derek…' Meredith pushed him on his back and made him lie out flat.

'It's you're stomach again, I need my bag,' Meredith pulled the bag opened and rummaged through it.

'Derek, I need you to stay with me,' Meredith's hands were shaking as she removed the liquid from the small glass bottle. Pulling his shirt up her face went white. Inserting the needle, she watched as his stomach flattened out. Falling back against the bed she threw the needle in the small black bag.

'Mere…' Derek's voice wasn't more than a whisper.

'Derek, its ok, just relax,' Meredith took hold of his hand and rubbed the back of it.

'I'm here, its ok,'

'Derek?' Lindsey pushed the door open and turned to face them.

'Meredith, what's going on?'

'Leave him, he's ok. His stomach went into a spasm. I need to get him up on the bed. Can you give me a hand?'

'Yeah, are you ok?'

'Me? I'm fine,' Meredith went to lift Derek but he started protesting.

'No, leave me here. I'm too heavy Mere, please, I'm ok,'

'I don't care if you're ok. I'm not leaving you on the floor. You're not too heavy. I'm not going to argue with you,' Lindsey lifted Derek's arm and wrapped it round her neck. Derek pushed himself to his feet. Stepping back he layback down on the bed.

'Do you need anything?'

'No, thanks Linds. Don't tell mom and dad,'

'Derek,'

'No, please Linds, don't tell them,' Lindsey shrugged her shoulders and left Meredith and Derek on their own. Meredith started packing the small bag away.

'I need to phone Richard,' Meredith didn't want to talk to him.

'Meredith, look at me,' she kept facing away from him.

'Derek, look at it from my point of view. If I hadn't found out I was pregnant, I would still be lifting you. You have been shot, you need help. You're lying on a floor and because you think you're too heavy, I've just to leave you there. No, it's not gonna happen. Get used to it,' Meredith lifted her hand bag and left Derek lying on the bed. Meredith lifted the house phone and dialled for a cab. Climbing into the cab, Bob came out.

'Meredith, where are you going?'

'I'm going to pick a car up, rental. I won't be long. I need to go to the hospital anyway to pick up some tolazoline hydrochloride from the hospital anyway. Will you keep an eye on Derek? He's just had another turn. I won't be long,' Meredith slammed the cab door shut and closed her eyes.

'I hate you right now Derek,' the tears streamed down her face.

'Where we going to love?'

'The airport,'

'No problem,' the drive to the airport was short, perfect for how she was feeling. She could stay near anybody at all for much longer.

'I need a rental car, preferably something sporty,'

'We have got a BMW 8 series,'

'I'll take it,'

'How long for?'

'Standby,'

'Ok, that's Fifty Eight dollars a day,'

'Fine, he's paying anyway,' the attendant laughed and handed Meredith the keys. Climbing in the car she knew she had to just drive, she didn't know where to, but somewhere quiet.

'Do you now anywhere close by that's kind of secluded?' The young attendant raised her eyebrows and smiled.

'Head out of the city and go to liberty state park. It's always deserted around this time. He must have really pissed you off,'

'Your so right, thanks,' Meredith put her foot on the gas and speed away from the rental place with only one thought on her mind. 'Liberty state park had better be empty'.

Derek lay facing the ceiling, wondering where Meredith was. She had been gone over an hour and was beginning to worry.

'She's away to go and get a car and pick something up at the hospital. That's what she said to dad but I have a feeling theirs something else. What happened Derek?' Lindsey helped Derek sit up and she sat next to him on the bed.

'She doesn't understand why I don't want her to help me up. She's four months pregnant and she's trying to lift me. It's crazy,'

'Derek, think how she must be feeling. She's having to inject the man she loves to stop him being in pain and then she can't pick you up off the floor because she's pregnant. So not only is she feeling like shit because of how you are she also feels useless. Give her some slack,'

'I know but she just doesn't see it,'

'Let her see it in her own time. I have a feeling I know where she is. Does she know New York very well?'

'Barely,'

'Ill be back in a bit. Go back down the stairs and relax. I'll find her,' Lindsey left Derek.

'I should be the one going to find her,' Derek fell back on the bed and sighed.

Meredith was standing with a cup of coffee looking over to New York. The statue of Liberty was huge in comparison to what she thought it would be. That's what she thought. Small things are actually big. To Derek, helping him up was a small thing to her, it was massive. Her hair was flying all over the place. The park was empty except for a young couple. They were so loved up, Meredith was envious. Why couldn't she and Derek go back to the way they were? She loved him more than anything and knew that he loved her but she wasn't going to be seen as an invalid. Finishing the coffee she turned to back to the car.

'How did you find me?'

'Anybody that doesn't know New York comes here to get piece and quiet.'

'I didn't think anybody knew I was gone,'

'Derek knows you're gone,' Meredith felt embarrassed. The fist sign of trouble and she had ran.

'You feel like shit and you feel useless. He won't let you help him and you don't know what to do,' Meredith sat on the bonnet of the car.

'Derek's new to all this. He doesn't know what you're feeling, thinking or wanting to do. He's seeing the woman he loves getting upset over something he see's as small but it's not small. He just doesn't see it the way we do,'

'I don't want to be left behind because I have the baby,'

'You won't be left behind. Derek wouldn't leave you behind. Come back with me and speak to him. He's a bit stressed over where you are. My mom and dads phone bill is going to have you're number on it about fifty times,'

'I couldn't face him, not then. Thanks Linds,'

'It's what I'm here for,'

'He's still gonna pay,'

'How?'

'Fisty eight dollars a day, you're sitting on it,' Lindsey started laughing.

'I'd of done the exact same. Come on, let's get out of here,' Meredith smiled and climbed in the car, know that she and Derek were new to pregnancy and it was going to be an adventure for them both.


	11. I hate you

Meredith followed Lindsey home in the car and pulled up outside the house. Climbing out, she could hear everyone laughing in the garden. She couldn't face them all just yet. She felt a mess. Climbing the stairs she collapsed on the bed and sighed.

'Crap,' she had forgotten to pick up the prescription form the hospital. Derek stood at the door and watched as she turned over to face the window. Her breathing was raspy. Walking over, he sat down on the bed next to her. She could feel the bed moving and she turned round.

'Derek…I'm sorry,'

'Mere, come here,' Derek leaned up against the head board and pulled Meredith up against his chest.

'Derek, I'm sorry. I just…feel useless. I can't stand seeing you like that. It kills me and then your saying don't help,'

'Mere, I just don't want anything to happen to you. You and this baby mean the world to me. I just don't want you to get hurt,' Meredith snuggled into his neck and started kissing the line of his jaw.

'I love you,'

'I love you too,' Derek tilted his head down and pulled Meredith up to his face.

'Our first big argument,' Derek started laughing as Meredith slipped her hand under his shirt. She felt the muscles as he pulled her on top of him. Her hands drifted down to his trousers where she started unbuttoning them. His hands were soft and gentle against her skin. She climbed of him and locked the door. Smiling she slipped her top off. Derek pulled himself to the top of the bed and put his hand out to Meredith. Her delicate fingers slipped into his as she fell down onto him. Unbuttoning his shirt she could feel the anticipation rising as he undone her trousers. Slipping them off she pulled the covers over them and started kissing his neck as he roamed her body with his hands, stopping only to unclip her bra. Her hair fell in front of her face and as she kissed his body, the feeling made him want her more and more. As the anticipation became too much, Derek took control and turned so Meredith was underneath him.

'I've missed you so much,' Was all he whispered in her ear.

Lindsey rejoined everyone and started talking like she hadn't left.

'So, Meredith, Is she nice?' Karen was dying to know?'

'Karen, she's lovely. Derek is so lucky to have her. She's nothing like Satan at all,'

'How is Satan these days?'

'Fine, apparently. She and Meredith get on quite well. But she still calls her Satan when she talks about when she first met her,'

'Why?'

'Derek, was a stupid ass and didn't tell Meredith he was married for two months after they had met and it was only when she turned up that Meredith found out,'

'Derek's a dumb ass,'

'You can say that again,'

'How is he? I mean with the whole shooting thing?'

'I don't know. I didn't want to mention it. He took ill earlier. His stomach muscle contracts because it's healing inside. He looks hellish when it's happening but you know what he's like. He says it's not sore but Meredith knows it is,'

'How does she know?'

'She's a resident neuro surgeon in the same hospital as Derek. That's how they met. He was in a bar, met her, spent the night at her house only to find out the next day that she was the new intern and him the new attending,' Karen sniggered at the story. Good old Derek to get things complicated.

'Derek, where's my top?'

'Where did you take it off?'

'Over there but I can't find it,' Derek looked under the bed and pulled it out.

'Thank you,' Derek pulled a polo shirt down over his head. Meredith slipped her shoes on and started fixing her hair in the mirror. Derek slipped his hands round her waist and started kissing her neck again.

'Derek, the way I'm feeling, that is a very bad idea,' Meredith smile seductively at Derek and watched as his eyes met hers.

'I said I was sorry for leaving,' Meredith turned and out her hands round his neck.

'We have to make an appearance. We've been up here for about an hour,'

'A very good hour,' Derek nodded his head like a child and watched as Meredith fixed the bed.

'I have to agree with you on that,' Meredith unlocked the door and took Derek's hand, leading him down the stairs.

'If anybody asks we we're talking,'

'No say you felt ill again. That's more believable,'

'Fine make me out to be the sick one,' Meredith turned and laughed at Derek.

'Hey mom,'

'Where we're you?'

'I didn't feel well again,'

'I need to phone Richard anyway. Give me two minutes,'

Meredith left Derek in the kitchen and went out to the hall.

'Seattle Grace Hospital,'

'Hi, I need to speak to Chief of Surgeries, Richard Webber,'

'Can I ask whose calling?'

'Tell him it's Meredith Shepherd,' Meredith smiled at what she had said. That would get his attention.

'Meredith, what can I do for you?'

'Can you send a prescription to New York general for tolazoline hydrochloride? He's already used two of the three bottles,'

Sure, what's with your name? Meredith Shepherd,'

'We're getting married next week, in New York,'

'Congratulations Meredith,'

'Don't tell anybody chief. We're only inviting a few people,'

'Meredith, you could have this entire hospital there if you wanted,'

'Thanks chief. When will the prescription be there?'

'I'll send it right now, Tell Derek I was asking for him,'

'I will. Thanks chief,'

'Bye Meredith,'

'Bye,' Meredith headed back into the kitchen and through to the garden. Derek left Carol standing and went over to Meredith.

'What did he say?'

'I can go and pick the prescription up at New York General when we need it. I said my name was Meredith Shepherd,'

'I bet that went down well,'

'He said congratulations and that we could have the entire hospital here if we wanted,'

'Seriously?'

'Seriously,' Meredith put her hand round his waist and walked with him over to Carol.

'Carol, this is Meredith. Meredith this is Carol,'

'Hi, hower you doing?'

'Yeah I'm good you?'

'Great. Lindsey was telling me and Karen how you two met. Trust Derek to get things complicated,'

'It took him a week to get me to go out with him. He's very persistent,'

'That's Derek. Won't take no for an answer,' Meredith stood talking to Carol and then to Karen. Every welcomed her with open arms, telling her stories of when Derek was a little boy and all the things he got up to.

'I have to go. The kids don't feed themselves,'

'Yeah same here. Craig has got the flu again. I don't know how many times a three year old can get the flu,'

'Maybe he has a weak immune system,' Carol turned and looked at Meredith.

'How do you treat it?'

'Vitamin C boosts it and plenty of fruit and veg. I had the same problem when I was a kid and my mum used to give me supplements on top of the fruit and veg.'

'I will thanks. Anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you's before you go back to Seattle,'

'Yeah, There's something we need to tell you's before you go,' Derek looked down at Meredith.

'I'm Pregnant,' everyone went silent. Meredith felt uneasy until Karen's face changed.

'OH MY GOD! Congratulations!' Karen was the first to hug Meredith, followed swiftly by everyone else.

'That is brilliant! We have to have a day out before you go back,'

'Yeah, thanks, Bye,' Meredith was so tired from meeting everyone and her and Derek's extra activities didn't help. Pouring herself a cup of coffee she felt Derek's hand around her waist.

'You are stunning,'

'Derek, I've warned you already,'

'I know but you are so irresistible,'

'Well I hate to break it to you but you need to wait,' Meredith turned and took a drink of her coffee. Derek was still holding onto her waist.

'Can I have some?' Derek pouted his lip and started laughing. Meredith tilted the cup to his mouth so he could take a drink.

'That's disgusting,' Derek screwed his face up.

'no milk,' Meredith smiled as he poured himself a cup.

'You don't like coffee without milk,'

'I didn't like it in my coffee,'

'Ah, it has begun,'

'What?'

'You're tastes have changed already,'

'I am pregnant,'

'I know, and you still look beautiful,'

'Stop it, you know what will happen,'

'But its fun, Isn't it?'

'Yeah it might be fun but we're in your mom and dad house and we can't do that here,'

'Can't do what here?' Bob walked in the room and startled Meredith.

'Nothing, just…eh…cook…yeah, we can't cook here because…the kitchen would end up a bombsite,' Meredith was flustered.

'I'll leave you two to finish your conversation,' Bob started laughing as he left them. Derek tried not to laugh but couldn't hold it in.

'I hate you,' Meredith threw the towel at him and laughed. It had been a long time since she had laughed like that with Derek and it felt great.


	12. Empire State Building

**N/A thank you so much for my reviews :) although i've only updated to fifteen i've writen up to chapter thirty so the chapters will be up loaded frequently. Read review and hopefully enjoy :)**

'We need to organise this wedding,' Derek put his arm around Meredith as she lay on top of him, the sheets coming just about her chest.

'Where do you want to get married?'

'Any where as long as I'm marrying you,' Derek kissed her fore head. It was about five thirty and the sun was filtering through the large windows.

'Derek, come on. Where do you want to get married?'

'What about in a pond?'

'Derek, I'm gonna slap you,'

'What about West thirty four street?'

'What there?'

'The empire state building,' Meredith smiled.

'That would be quite good,'

'There it is then,'

'Derek you can't get married there,'

'Yes you can and we will. Now who's coming?' Derek and Meredith went through the list. There were fifty four people coming.

'What about your dress?'

'What?'

'You need to wear a dress, cover up you assets,' Meredith hit Derek's arm.

'I'll sort that. What are you going to wear?'

'Nothing,'

'Derek, you would frighten everybody,'

'Is that so?' Derek turned Meredith and lay on top of her.

'DEREK! Stop!' Meredith couldn't stop laughing as he tickled her.

'Ssshhh, you'll wake them up,'

'You first,' Meredith took hold of his face and pulled it down onto her lips. He tasted so good.

'So what are you going to wear?'

'I'll sort that,' Derek stuck his tongue out at Meredith.

'Who's gonna be your best man?'

'I was gonna ask my dad,'

'Derek, he'd love that,'

'What about you? You need two people. Maid of honour and someone to give you away,'

'Christina and I were going to ask your dad but I think I'll ask Richard. He's like a father to me,'

'Mere, what about your mom?' Meredith hadn't thought about her.

'I don't know. This may seem horrible but I don't want her there. She doesn't know who I am and she would probably get confused and go to a different time frame. You've seen her. She can be fine one minute and away the next. Once we're married we'll do something in Seattle,'

'Ok, but she can come if you want,'

'I know, I see,'

'So what else needs to be discussed?' Derek started kissing her neck, following the line down her shoulder.

'Nothing, we just need to invite people now,'

'Ok, we can,' Derek stopped mid sentence and his body tensed up.

'Derek? What's wrong?' Meredith put her hand on his stomach and could feel the muscle on his stomach twitching. Lying flat down on the bed Derek began arching his back with the pain. Meredith jumped out the bed, with sheet wrapped round her. Opening her bag, she began flinging all her clothes behind her. Pulling the black pouch out she filled the syringe up. Crawling back in the bed with Derek she inserted the needle carefully. He grabbed her hand and started shaking violently.

'FUCK! BOB! EDITH!' Meredith could hear footsteps running along the hall.

'Call an ambulance, tell them he's having a grand mal seizure,' Edith ran out to call the paramedics.

'Bob, help me get him on his side,' Meredith didn't care about the sheet and let it fall, revealing her underwear. Derek's body stopped shaking and he began to come round. Opening his eyes he looked around the room.

'Derek, tell me where you are?'

'I'm in my old bedroom, my mom and dads house,'

'Who am I?'

'Meredith,'

'Who's that?' Meredith pointed to Bob.

'Dad,'

'Who's that?'

'My mom,'

'Ok, stay on your side for me,' Meredith climbed off the bed and pulled clothes on. Scraping her hair back she cleared away the syringe and the black pouch. Pulling out her cell phone she dialled a Seattle number.

'Hello?' The voice was groggy at the other end.

'Richard, It's Meredith,'

'What's wrong?'

'Derek's just had a grand mal seizure after his stomach contracted. I had given him the tolazoline hydrochloride and then he started fitting,'

'Have you called an ambulance?'

'Yeah,'

'How long was he fitting for?'

'About seven minutes,'

'Ok, get him to the hospital, we'll have him airlifted. You as well,'

'Ok, I'll tell his mom and dad,'

'I'll see you later Meredith. Don't worry,'

'Bye Chief,' Meredith threw her stuff in a bag.

'What's happening?' Bob was holding Derek on his side.

'There going to take him to the hospital where they will airlift him to Seattle grace. I'm going with him. If you phone united airlines tell them that your using our tickets. They were on standby. You can change the name, you can be in Seattle by one,' the front door started going. Edith went down and brought the two paramedics up.

'Hey, what have we got here?'

'Derek shepherd thirty two year old male, recent GSW to the stomach. Muscle has been contracting at irregular intervals. Been administered tolazoline hydrochloride,'

'You a doc?'

'Yeah, Seattle Grace. They are going to get him air lifted,'

'Ok, lets get him to the hospital then,' Derek was lifted onto a stretcher and taken out the house to the ambulance. Meredith had lifted her bag and a change of clothes.

'We'll bring the rest of your stuff with us,'

'Thanks, I'll phone you if anything happens,' Meredith climbed in the back of the ambulance with Derek and took hold of his hand. The ambulance pulled away from the house leaving Edith and Bob rushing around, trying to be in Seattle by one. Derek was drifting In and out of consciousness.

'Mere?'

'Derek, I'm here. Your ok, just relax,'

'I still want to marry you in the empire state building next week,' Meredith started laughing.

'Lets get you to Seattle first before we make arrangements to come back,' Meredith kissed the back of his hand and watched as his eyes closed slowly.

The hospital was similar to Seattle grace and the staff were lovely but Meredith was having none of it.

'Get me your Chief of Surgeries, NOW!' A tall blonde man walked over beside Meredith.

'You ask for me?'

'Mark, what the hell are you doing here?'

'I am Chief of Surgeries now here. What's wrong with him?'

'Nothing…I just need to get him to Seattle, has Richard phoned you?'

'Yeah, were taking him over in about thirty minutes,'

'Fine,'

'You gonna tell me what happened?'

'He was shot about two weeks ago. We came out to his parent's house where the stomach muscle started contracting,' Mark walked in the room and the two doctors stopped what they were doing and looked up at him.

'Continue,' the two doctors finished hooking Derek up to an IV bag and left Mark on his own with Meredith and Derek. Looking over his vitals he watched Meredith out the corner of his eye.

'I won't let anything happen to him. You both need him,'

'What do you mean, we both need him?'

'You and the baby,'

'How did you know?'

'You are showing already,' Meredith looked down and smiled, placing her hand protectively over her bump.

'Yeah,'

'I won't order any tests; he can get it all done at Seattle grace. How's Addison?'

'She ok. She's single just now,'

'Ok, I'll leave you two to it,' Mark put the chart down and left the room, heading to his office, to make a phone call that could bring happiness to his life again. Thirty minutes passed and two porters came in to take Derek up to the pad. Meredith followed him the entire side, not wanting him to think he was alone. The helicopter ride was rocky, making Meredith feel even worse.

'Can I have a bag over?' Meredith looked over at one of the paramedics. As he handed her a bag she could feel the sickness washing over her.

'Travel sickness?' Meredith wiped her face and shook her head.

'Morning sickness,' the female nodded in acknowledgement. Coming into Seattle Meredith took hold of Derek's hand. Bailey, Burke and chief were standing.

'You ok Meredith?' Bailey put her hand on Meredith's shoulder.

'Fine, just look after him,' Miranda smiled and followed Derek's gurney. Meredith stopped and looked over at the helicopter as it took off again. Standing on the pad she left the wind blow her hair everywhere. Closing her eyes she counted to ten.

'Don't jump!' Meredith turned to see Addison coming towards her.

'Addison,' Addison watched as Meredith began to break. Heading over to her she flung her arms around Meredith.

'It's ok. Lets get you inside,' Meredith stayed close to Addison as she took her down to Maternity.

'Talk to me,'

'We were talking about getting married next week, in the empire state building and then he just turned. He wasn't doing anything. We were just talking and he…just turned,' Meredith's head fell into her chest as she began to sob.

'Lets go and see him, ok?' Addison took Meredith bag and placed it in the attending's locker room. Meredith was walking behind Addison when she spotted Derek being wheeled out of a room, with chief following him. Meredith started running towards the gurney.

'Derek?'

'Mere…I wondered where you were,'

'I'm right here baby,' Meredith lifted his hand to her face and kissed his knuckles.

'We're taking him down for a CT, just to check. It was probably an allergic reaction to the tolazoline hydrochloride but we'll make sure. He's in good hands Meredith,' Meredith let go of Derek's hand and went into the room. Slumping on the chair, she realised that she was alone. Looking around she finally let go of everything. Her body became racked with sobs as she imagined his body convulsing. It was more like a nightmare. Meredith had her head in her hands when she felt arms going around her. Looking up she started smiling.

'I didn't do this, ok?' Christina pulled Meredith into a proper hug and let her best friend finally see a softer side that she kept well hidden.


	13. What's stopping you?

Derek opened his eyes to see he was in the MRI.

'What the hell?'

'Derek, lye still.'

'Where's Meredith?'

'I'm here. Just lye still,'

'What happened?'

'We'll talk once you get out ok?' Derek lay still as the machine moved further into the machine and then back out again. Meredith was standing, she looked like crap.

'Hey,'

'You scared the crap out of me,'

'Sorry, didn't mean it,' Meredith leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

'So Burke, what's wrong?'

'We're not sure. Your MRI was clear so it may just be a simple infection. Your white blood cell count is at six, so we'll start you on general antibiotics. We'll find out what's wrong with you, don't worry,'

'Thanks Burke. That's twice you've saved my butt,'

'I would do it again tomorrow, but don't you try anything,' Derek fell back against the bed and smiled. Meredith let go of his hand and stood facing Preston.

'Thank You,' Meredith whispered as he pulled her into a hug.

'I figured you needed one of these,' Releasing her she wiped her cheeks and left him standing in the scrub room. Derek's eyes became heavy as Meredith came in the room. Opening his eyes he smiled.

'Get some sleep,'

'Mere, you need it more than you do,'

'Derek, shut up and sleep,' Meredith pulled up in the seat next to Derek and took hold of his hand. Derek was fast asleep after two minutes and Meredith could feel her eyes getting heavy as well. Alex stood in the door way and watched as Meredith sat with Derek, not wanting to leave his side. As soon as she was sleeping, he slowly opened the door. Neither of them stirred. Lifting Meredith, he was careful of Derek's hand hitting the bed. Sliding the door open, he carried her along to the on-call room. Addison was standing at the nurses' station when she spotted Meredith. Dropping the files she had she ran down to the room. Meredith was fast asleep and being placed under the covers by Alex.

'Alex, why is she here?'

'Derek took a turn in New York. They air ambulanced him here about two hours ago. He had a grand- mal seizure. They don't know what's wrong. I know she's pregnant and needs her sleep. She wasn't going to get it sitting in a seat, so I brought her along here.'

'Where's Derek?'

'Down the hall,' Addison opened the door slightly and looked at Meredith.

'Alex keep an eye on her, I'll see Derek,' Addison shoes clicked along the floor, but they were faster than usual. Standing at the door of his room she could see Derek.

'Don't you dare leave her Derek,' Addison pushed the door open and occupied the seat Meredith had done, moments before.

'Derek, I swear to god, you had better not leave her. I know for a fact she won't be able to do it. Don't you dare.' Addison sat back in the seat and waited for him to wake up. Four hour went by when he finally began to stir.

'Mere?'

'No, it's Addison,'

'Where is she?'

'Alex took her along to the on call room to get some sleep. How you feeling?'

'Like crap, is she ok?'

'She's fine.'

'What time is it?'

'Twelve thirty,' Addison stood up and went to leave.

'Tell her I'm sorry,'

'What for?'

'That I don't think we can get married next week,' Addison left and headed along to the on call room. Before she could open the doors she heard a familiar voice.

'You haven't changed a bit,'

'Mark…what are doing here?'

'I came to check on Derek.'

'How do you know about Derek?'

'I'm Chief at New York General, where Derek got air lifted from. Meredith told me everything,'

'Ok, he's down there. Don't go down though, he's just woke up and can't get stressed.'

'Addison, he's not the only reason I came here,'

'Mark…' His hand gently skimmed her face. She looked up into his eyes and smiled. Mark leaned down and pulled her into a deep passionate kiss.

'Come home with me Addie,'

'Mark…I have new job here…'

'And nothing else, come on Addie. You were in New York up until four days ago. I didn't realise that you were alone. I thought you had somebody. Meredith told me you were single and I felt my heart leap. Come home Addie,'

'Mark, I need to check on Meredith, I'll find you later,' Addison pushed past him and went into the on call room. Leaning against the door she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

'He really loves you.' Addison's eyes shot open to see Meredith sitting up.

'How are you feeling?'

'You should go with him,'

'Meredith, I can't,'

'What's stopping you? Addison, you have the chance to be happy. Go with it,'

'What about Derek?'

'He would want you to be happy. Addison, you haven't been with anybody since you and Derek separated. Don't waste your life. Go and be happy,' Meredith climbed out the bed and hugged Addison.

'Thank you Meredith,' Meredith left Addison and headed down to Derek's room. He was sitting up, looking over his chart.

'What exactly do you think you're doing?'

'Burke…I'm just…'

'Checking to see what's wrong,'

'Yeah,'

'Derek, we've got you covered. Anyway, it appears you have a small infection in the stitching of you're stomach, where the bullet punctured. The antibiotics are working and you should be fine, barring any complications,'

'Thanks Burke. Do you know where Meredith is?'

'Nope, I'll go and find her for you,' Burke closed Derek's room door and headed down the side corridor. Looking down to the floor he could see a figure lying in the ground. Running down to it his breath got caught in his throat.

'SOMBODY PAGE ADDISON SHEPHERD…NOW!' Burke picked Meredith up and ran with her body, it flopping about like a doll. Running past Derek's room, he didn't bargain on Derek seeing him. Climbing out of bed, Derek pulled the IV out and left the room looking for Meredith.

'WHERE THE HELL DID BURKE GO?'

'He's just gone down to maternity; you need to get back into bed,'

'No, I don't. Page Stevens, O'Malley, Krave and Yang tell them to get down there,' Derek headed for the elevator, in the vain hope that he would find Meredith and Burke. Addison was sitting in the on call room, thinking about what she was going to do.

'_Don't waste your life. Go and be happy,' _She was brought out her dream by her pager.

'911-BURKE-MEREDITH' Addison started sprinting to Maternity, taking the stairs two at a time.

'Thank God I wore trousers'

As she pulled the stairs door open she could see Derek looking around franticly for Meredith.

'Addison, where is she?' Derek was breathless.

'I'll sort her, go back up the stairs,'

'Save her,'

'Derek, don't jump the gun. Can I get a wheel chair?' A small nurse came back and she sat Derek down in it.

'You won't be any use to her if you're Ill. Go and rest. I'll get you if anything happens,' Derek nodded his head as Addison looked at the board. Pushing the room door open she could see Meredith lying flat down. Spreading the gel over her stomach she started ultra sounding her stomach.

'Baby's fine. Get me a blood test, and get me the blood sugar tester,' a blue pouch was brought over to Addison. Pricking Meredith's finger with the needle, she slipped the droplets of blood onto the tester strip.

'2.6, Jesus Meredith,' Throwing the strip in the bin, she stared an IV in Meredith.

'Set up a banana bag, page me when she wakes up,' Addison left Meredith and went back up to see Derek. He was pacing about his room, Burke trying to get him to sit down.

'I don't know what's happening Burke, for all I know she could be dieing or losing the baby, and I'm not there,'

'Both situations are not happening and won't happen,'

'Addison, what's happening?'

'Ill tell you if you sit down and let Burke hook the IV back up,' Derek sat on the bed and allowed Burke to put the IV back in.

'When did she last eat?'

'Yesterday night,'

'Her blood sugar level was 2.6,'

'Crap,'

'Yeah, she needs to eat at regular times. She's not diabetic but she needs to remember that the baby will be taking most of her vitamins. I'm going to prescribe her vitamin tablets and she will no longer be doing forty eight hour shifts. Twenty four is her maximum,'

'Can I see her?'

'Leave her just now. You need to rest. She will be awake shortly. I'll bring her down later,'

'Thanks Addison,' Addison nodded and went back down to Meredith. Standing in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close, Mark stepped in. The doors closed and Addison stepped up beside Mark. Leaning forward, He pulled the emergency stop. Addison pushed him up against the wall and kissed him passionately.

'Somebody said I wasn't to waste my life. I'm coming home,' Mark's face lit up.

'I'm coming back to New York,' Mark's hands slipped under her top and slipped up around her back. Addison pulled him as she stepped back against the other wall. Her hands took his jacket off and threw it on the floor. Mark slipped his hands down and undone her trousers as she undone his belt.

'I missed you so much,' Addison smiled as Mark lifted her thigh and ran his hand along it. Mark and Addison's breaths were both raspy as they came down from their highs. Redoing his trousers, Addison handed him his jacket.

'I'll finish my contract, so I should be another month out here, and then I'm coming home,'

'I'm staying for a few days anyway,'

'So I get to see you before you go back?'

'As soon as you're finished your shift,'

'I can't wait, I missed waking up in you're arms Mark,' Pushing him against the wall she started kissing him again.

'You need to get back to work,'

'Yeah, I love you,'

'I love you too Addison. I'm going to see Derek,'

'Yeah, I'll look in on him later. Meet me in Joes tonight,'

'I'll have a long vodka martini waiting for you,' Addison pulled the emergency stop and waited for the elevator to hit the floor. As the elevator pinged, she ran her fingers through her hair and looked back at Mark. Stepping out, he watched as she disappeared down the hall, the sound of her shoes clicking all the way.


	14. I got what i came for and more

Meredith opened her eyes slowly and looked around the room. She didn't know where she was. Sitting up she could see the banana bag handing up. Looking over to the door, she could see Addison coming along the corridor.

'How you feeling?'

'My head is killing me. How's Derek?'

'He's fine, you can go and see him, but only if I take you in a wheel chair,'

'Yeah, fine. What happened?'

'You haven't eaten since yesterday night and because of the strain on your body, your blood sugar level fell to 2.6' Meredith put her hand on her stomach.

'Is the baby…?'

'The baby is fine. You need to take things easy. Slow down. Derek's going to be fine now. Come on, I'll take you up,'

Meredith climbed into the wheelchair and waited on Addison to get another banana bag.

'I want to keep you on these for twenty four hours to make sure you don't have another turn,'

'Yeah, ok,' Addison hooked the bag up and started pushing Meredith towards the elevator.

'What's wrong with Derek?'

'The stitching on his stomach got infected and that put an even bigger strain on his body. The fit happened because his body couldn't take anymore. He's fine now. Stressing about you but fine,' Meredith placed her hands between her thighs to heat them up and waited patiently as the elevator came up to level four. Derek was sitting on the bed looking out the window when Meredith spotted him.

'Let me walk in,' Addison unhooked the banana bag and handed it to Meredith.

'Take it easy,' Meredith pushed the door open.

'Mere…' Meredith walked over and flung her arms around his neck. His hands rested on her back and his face nuzzled into her neck.

'I was so scared when I seen Burke carrying you. I felt powerless,'

'I'm ok, I'm not going anywhere and neither is this baby, except maybe onto the bed beside you,' Derek laid down flat and helped Meredith in beside him. She had hooked the bag onto his IV post.

'I hadn't eaten since yesterday and my body couldn't cope. I'm sorry I scared you,'

'I don't care about that, as long as you're ok,' Meredith was lying next to Derek when the door opened slightly.

'Mark…' Meredith sat up and smiled.

'Meredith, heard you gave him quite a scare,'

'Yeah, I didn't mean it,'

'How you doing Derek?'

'I'm ok, thanks for everything Mark,'

'I didn't do anything,'

'I mean in New York, getting me airlifted,'

'Derek, it's ok. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I wasn't sure if you'd really want to see me,'

'Mark, about that. Can we put it behind us? I don't want the past in my face anymore. I've got a future now with Meredith and I just want to lay the past to rest,' Mark was shocked at what Derek had said. Walking over to Derek he hugged him.

'I've three years to hear you say that,'

'I just don't want anymore fights or arguments. Friends?'

'Always,'

'When you heading back to New York?'

'About four, five days,'

'When did you become chief? Meredith turned to face Mark.

'About six months ago. It was the only good thing that was happening,'

'How are things now?' Meredith looked Mark straight in the eyes.

'There great. I got what I came for and more,'

'Congratulations Mark,' Derek seemed clueless.

'You guys want to tell me what's been happening?'

'No, I will,' Addison pushed the door open and stepped inside. Marks face lit up at the sight of her.

'Me and Mark are back together again,' Derek looked at them both.

'Congratulations,' Addison smiled at Derek.

'Thank you,'

'What for?'

'Understanding,'

'Addie, I'm happy. I'm marrying the woman I love and I'm going to be a father. You deserve happiness; it's been a long time. So do you Mark. I think you's have suffered enough now,' Derek smiled as Addison walked over and out her hand round Mark's waist.

'Are you going back to New York with him?'

'I'm staying till the end of my contract which is about a month.'

'I'm really happy for you both,' Addison looked at Meredith.

'You won't get rid of me though. I'm you're doctor, remember so, I'll be down here once a week. You don't get rid of me that easily,'

'And heres me thinking I would get a new doc,' Meredith started laughing as Burke came in.

'You need rest,'

'Yeah, I'm going to go home and get some stuff, your mom and dad will be here shortly,'

'No you're not. You're going back down to maternity.

'Addison, I need to go home. I'm a mess,'

'You're not going on your own,'

'I'll take her. I need to get some stuff from the hotel anyway before I come back,'

'Mark, you don't have to,'

'No, it's fine. Means I can tell you some of Derek's secrets,' Derek laughed nervously.

'I have some dirt I could spill on you,'

'Touché, it's not a problem. I'll see you later Derek.'

'Love you Derek,' Meredith leaned down and kissed him gently.

'Love you too mere. Be careful,'

'I will,' Meredith left Addison with Derek.

'Looks like we've both found happiness,'

'Yeah, we did have some good times though Addie,'

'Yeah, we did. At least we can say we tried,'

'Thanks Addie,'

'I'll see you later Derek,' Addison left Derek and headed along to the attendings' locker room. Derek slid under the covers and watched as Addison disappeared.

'At least we had good times,' Derek closed his eyes and started dreaming of Meredith, and the even better times her would have with her.

'I'm looking for Derek Shepherd?'

'He's not working at the moment,'

'I know, he was brought in earlier today from New York?'

'Oh, right, he's on floor five. If you go up, somebody will take you to his room,'

'Thank you,' Bob guided a tired Edith up the stairs to floor five.

'I'm here to see Derek Shepherd,'

'He's right in here,' Burke guided the couple into Derek's room and gently woke him up.

'He might be a bit groggy from the antibiotics. He needs to rest so please don't keep him awake for long,'

'We won't thank you,'

'Derek, theirs people here to see you,' Derek opened one of his eyes and looked over at Edith.

'Mom? Dad?'

'Derek, how you feeling?'

'I'm better, what are you guys doing here?'

'We used you're flights and came down. We were so worried about you,'

'Mom, I'm ok. I've got an infection but I'm ok. How's Linds?'

'She's fine. She says she'll come down once you're out,'

'Ok,'

'You can go back to sleep, we just wanted you to know that were here,'

Derek rolled over onto his side and within five minutes he was fast asleep, the infection being fought and his body finally healing.


	15. Runaway

**N/A Meredith and Mark have been to the house and have came back to the hospital. Addison made Meredith go back and get another banana bag in.**

Meredith turned on her side and looked out the window. It was raining heavily and the sounds of the raindrops were soothing. Sitting up she pulled herself up against the pillows. Wrapping her hands around her body she started thinking about Derek and how he looked. His body convulsing was an image imprinted on her mind. Looking up to the banana bag, she noticed it was empty.

'Time to get out of here,' Unhooking the IV she placed the empty bag in the bin. Slipping out the door she checked to see if Addison was about. There was no sign of her. Walking along to the stairs, Meredith listened for Addison's shoes. Climbing the stairs, knowing Addison would take the elevators she reached Derek's room and spotted his mom and dad sitting outside.

'Bob, Edith?'

'Meredith, how you doing?'

'I'm ok, I just hadn't eaten anything but I'm fine now,'

'What are you talking about?' Meredith looked over to Derek. He was fast asleep.

'Are you ok?'

'Yeah, I collapsed earlier. But I'm fine now. How's Derek?'

'He's sleeping; we've been here about an hour or so.'

'Where are you staying?'

'Now where, we came straight from the airport,'

'Grab your stuff and I'll take you's to our house, you can stay with me and Derek while you's are here,'

'It's alright; we can stay in a hotel near the hospital,'

'No, I insist. Give me two minutes,' Bob leaned in and hugged Meredith. Pushing Derek's door open she slipped in and walked up to the top of the bed. Leaning down she pushed a piece of Derek's hair away from his face and kissed his head.

'I won't be long. I love you,' Meredith went to leave but Derek grabbed her hand.

'I love you too,' Meredith smiled and left with Derek's parents and pulled into the house. Izzie and George were sitting on the couch, eating ice-cream.

'Mere, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in New York with Derek,'

'Change of plan. This is Bob and Edith, Derek's parents, Bob, Edith; these are our room mates George and Izzie,'

'Hi,'

'So how come your back?'

'Derek took ill,' Izzie and George stood up suddenly.

'Is he ok?'

'Yeah, he's fine. The stitching on his stomach got infected. Burkes got him on antibiotics so he's gonna be fine. Bob and Edith are going to stay with us so you guys need to be on best…' a ping came from the kitchen.

'Oh, cupcakes are ready!' Izzie ran through to the kitchen as Edith followed her through.

'Edith loves cooking,' Bob offered an explanation.

'We brought your stuff down with us,'

'Thanks. I'm sorry I left this morning like that. I was panicking and I didn't know what to do,'

'It's alright. We figured he had to get to hospital quickly so we expected the suddenness of you's leaving,'

'Thanks come on and I'll show you's to your room. I bet you're are tired,'

'Yeah, we left as soon as you did,'

'Let me give you a hand with the bags,' George came round from the couch and took the bags off Meredith.

'George I'm not an invalid,'

'Izzie told me. Don't start any of that crap,'

'George,'

'Meredith…Relax, go have a strawberry flavoured gherkins or something, I've got it,' Meredith let go of the bag and told George where to go. Going into the kitchen she smiled. Izzie and Edith were sitting drinking coffee and eating cupcakes.

'My mom gave me the recipe before I left to go to med school but I lost it so had to rewrite it from memory but I couldn't remember the coconut essence. It took me treating a certain patient to discover what it was,'

'Your cupcakes are really moist and tasty. I always burn mine, or they got hard. I can never get them just right,'

'I hate to interrupt but I'm going to have a shower and then go back to see Derek. Do you want to come back with me or Izzie and George can bring you later?'

'We'll come later. Give you and Derek some time.'

'Thanks,' Meredith headed up the stairs and stepped into the shower. Looking down she careful rubbed her stomach.

'I promise I'll slow down,' Meredith washed her hair and slipped into some clean clothes. Pulling her purple v neck out and her jeans she dried her hair and put it up in a bun.

'Ill see you later Izzie,'

'Mere, you need to eat something,' Meredith leaned over and picked up a cupcake.

'Happy?'

'Nope,'

'I'll get something later; this will do me just now,'

'Mere…'

'Bye Izzie,' Meredith laughed as she pulled the door shut. Climbing into Derek's car she smiled at the tiny things that reminded her of him. The three Clash C.Ds, the smell on the seatbelt, the empty paper cup. Pulling down the sun visor, a small piece of paper fell on her lap. Opening it she started reading it.

'Meredith, you are the only other person I will allow to drive this car. So when you are reading this please be aware of one thing. You are stunning and I love you more than life itself. Please drive carefully. Love you loads, Derek.' Meredith started laughing and folded the small piece of paper back up and put it in her pocket. Pressing play on the radio she pulled the seat belt down and reversed away from the house.

_Say it's true, There's nothing like me and you_

_I'm not alone; tell me you feel it too_

_And I would run away, I would run away yeah_

_I would run away, I would runaway with you_

_Cause I have fallen in love with you_

_No never, I'm never going to stop falling in love with you._

_Close the door lay down upon the floor_

_And by candlelight, make love to me through the night_

_Cause I have run away, I have run away yeah_

_I have runaway, I have runaway with you_

_Cause I have fallen in love with you_

_No never, I'm never going to stop falling in love with you…_

Meredith pressed to turn the volume up full and turned to go in the opposite direction of the hospital.

'Derek can wait for half an hour. Me and you are going for a drive,' Meredith patted her stomach and put the windows down. The wind was blowing her hair everywhere. Turning into a deserted plot of land she smiled. Stepping out the car she started laughing. The memories of her and Derek were flooding back. Walking over to the edge of the lake she could sense that she wasn't alone. Turing round she walked over to the car.

'How did you know I would be here?'

'Cause I know that you're like Derek. Like to have your space,'

'You're so right,'

'You're supposed to be connected to a banana bag, in hospital.'

'I know Addison, but I just couldn't stay in there. I had to take Derek's parents back to the house,'

'What have you had to eat?'

'One on Izzie's cup cakes,' Meredith bowed her head like a naughty child.

'You know that's not enough,'

'I'll get something at the hospital. I just needed some time,'

'Come on, you'd better get back,'

'Yeah, I'll see you there,' Meredith climbed in the car and drove off leaving Addison behind.

'One day she'll learn,' Meredith pulled into the hospital car park and fixed her hair. It was a mess. Stepping outside, she was nearly cut off but Christina.

'Hey, I thought you were going to New York?'

'I did. Derek took ill and they airlifted him,'

'Shit, is he ok?'

'Yeah, just an infection. He should be out in a few days,'

'What's this I see?' Christina leaned down and put her hand on Meredith's stomach.

'Yeah,'

'How far along are you?'

'Four and a half,'

'Nearly two months, not bad,'

'No, four and a half months,'

'WHAT! How could you not know?'

'I figured it was stress,'

'You are a dumb ass Meredith, the biggest kind of all!' Meredith laughed and headed into the hospital with Christina.

'I'll go and see Derek later,'

'Bye Christina,' Meredith wondered up the stairs to his room and watched as he lay sleeping. Sitting down next to him, she took hold of his hand. He didn't even stir and she kissed each knuckle slowly. Not wanting to leave him alone, she sat for two hours, simply holding his hand, so he knew when he woke up, everything would be fine.


	16. Iris

'You ready to go home?' Meredith eased Derek into the wheel chair.

'More than anything,'

'But we are going home. No ferryboats, no trips to New York, or the mall. You are going home to bed,'

'Yes mom,' Meredith swatted Derek's arm and wheeled him out of the room. Burke was standing with a white bag.

'Here's your prescription. If you need to use this or anything happens, you come straight in. No questions.'

'I'll make sure he does,' Meredith took the prescription and slipped it in her beige bag.

'Thanks Burke, I owe you one, big time,'

'Glad I could help. Now you two go away. I don't want to see you in here for another week and at that it's to work,'

'You get graced with my presence sooner than that. Three days and then I'm back,'

'I'll see you then,'

'Bye Burke,' Meredith wheeled Derek out the car park and into the car. He was moving a lot better on his own and wasn't in pain.

'I'll take this back and then we get to go home. And hopefully stay there,' Meredith closed the door and headed back to the hospital. Derek looked to see where she was and knowing she wasn't around, pulled the sun visor down. Smiling at the fact the piece of paper was gone, he got a fright when he seen Meredith standing looking at him through the window.

'Looking for this?' Meredith was holding up a small piece of white paper that had been folded.

'You got my note then?'

'Yes I did. You are amazing,' Meredith leaned over and kissed Derek passionately.

'Let's go home,' Meredith pulled her seatbelt down and started the engine. Derek placed his hand gently on top of hers and she moved the gear stick. Pulling away from the hospital Meredith could sense that Derek needed some time. As she went to turn in the direction of the house she sped the car up and turned in the opposite direction.

'Ten minutes, that's all,' Derek sat up and smiled. Meredith rolled the windows down and turned the radio up full blast.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closet to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breath is your life_

_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies _

_And you bleed just to know you're alive_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Meredith turned into the harbour and climbed out the car. Derek was standing over by the bench.

'You know I have a thing for ferryboats,'

'I remembered,' Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith and leaned his head on hers.

'No more emergencies, I promise,'

'Promise?'

'I Promise,' Meredith turned round and kissed Derek. His hands slid round her back. They ignored the few people who walked past them and fell into a world of their own.

'We need to get you home. You're mom and dad are waiting to see you,'

'I forgot they were here. When do they leave?'

'Tonight. Spend the rest of the day with them,'

'Can I not just spend it with you?'

'No, you get me all to you're self tonight,'

'With that, how could I resist,' Meredith headed back to the car and slipped her jacket off. The seat belt dug into her jeans.

'Here,' Derek fixed it by putting a cloth underneath the edge of it.

'Thank you,' Meredith pulled away from the harbour.

Edith and Bob were sitting in the living room when izzie handed them a mug of coffee.

'They won't be long, he will of convinced her to go to the ferryboats.

'Ferryboats?'

'They have a thing for ferryboats, it's weird I know,' Izzie sat down on the chair and tried to explain the thing they had for ferryboats when the front door opened.

'Anybody here?' Meredith shouted.

'In here,'

'Crap,' Meredith whispered to Derek.

'We'll finish this later,' Meredith smiled seductively as Derek's hands slipped out from under her top.

'I don't know if I can wait,' Derek looked at Meredith and started laughing.

'Derek, how you feeling?' Edith walked over and hugged Derek.

'I'm fine mom,'

'Meredith, how are you?'

'I'm fine,' Meredith burst out laughing and looked at Derek.

'Ignore me. I'm going to get food,' Meredith kept laughing even when she was in the kitchen.

'Give me a minute,' Derek dropped the bag he was carrying and followed Meredith into the kitchen. Closing the door as he entered the kitchen she looked up from the sink.

'I feel like a naughty teenager,' Derek cupped Meredith face in his hands and started kissing her. Pushing him up against the door her hands slid down to his butt.

'You're parents are next door and I don't think we should start something we can't finish,'

'Who says we can't finish it?'

'I do,' Meredith smiled and finished heating grilled cheese.

'Mere, you ok?' Izzie pushed the door open and smiled.

'I'm fine, just had to get something off my chest that's all,'

'Ok, Bob and Edith are wondering if you guys want to order in or if you want to go out for dinner?'

'Order in. I don't want to go out,'

'What do you's want?'

'I'm not fuss, not Chinese though,'

'Ok, I'll organise it,' Izzie left them in the kitchen. Meredith threw the rubber like grilled cheese in the bin and sat next to Derek.

'Derek, when do you want to get married?'

'It's up to you. We can wait for a while if you want,'

'No, lets do it soon. We can invite you're family down here. All of them,'

'When? We're not doing it today,'

'No, in a couple of months,'

'Are you forgetting the small thing that you're pregnant and in a couple of months you'll be due?'

'No, in four months I'm due. I'm talking, say two months,'

'Ok, can you cope being Dr Grey for that long?'

'I think I may need some encouragement,' Meredith placed her hands on Derek knees.

'I love what pregnancy hormones do to you,'

'Get used to it,' Bob walked in the kitchen and smiled. They both looked so happy, like they were meant to be together. Folding his arms as he looked in on the young couple he let out a sigh.

'Bob, what's…?' Edith stood beside him and looked in. Meredith was leaning against Derek's chest, their hands resting on top of each other, on top of Meredith's bump.


	17. Scrubs

'I need to get up' Meredith tried to sit up but Derek's hands were pulling her back down.

'Derek, I have to go to work,'

'No you don't, stay with me,'

'Unlike some people I actually have to work. Now, I would love nothing more than to stay in bed with you and finish what we started last night but I have to have a shower and get ready for work,' Meredith pulled the sheets away with her as she stood up, leaving Derek exposed to the world.

'Oh, nice ass,' Meredith laughed as she threw as blanket over Derek.

'I won't be long,' Meredith climbed in the shower and looked down at her protruding stomach. She was six and a half months and getting bigger by the day. Derek slipped his hands in the shower and pulled Meredith over to the side of it.

'Derek, you start at eight, you have two hours. I start in an hour and have far too much to do for you to start anything like that,' Meredith smiled as she peeled the shirt Derek had on off.

'I thought you didn't have time,' Derek stepped in the shower.

'I don't but the world can wait,' Derek closed the door to the shower and stood holding Meredith.

'I can't believe we're getting married at the weekend. It seems like yesterday we said it would be two months ago. When do your family arrived down?'

'Everyone arrives on Friday night and then Saturday we see everyone,'

'I'm going to miss you on Friday night,'

'It's only one night and then we get to spend every night together after that,'

'I need to phone Christina and finalise Friday night. I'm staying here and you're going to their house,'

'Burke seemed really chuffed that I asked him to be best man. I know I said my dad at first but he'll need to look after my mom,' Derek brushed Meredith's hair out of her eyes.

'What times you're appointment at today?'

'Twelve. You going to be able to make it?'

'If there's no trauma's brought in then I'll be there,'

'If any traumas are brought in then I won't be there either,' Meredith laughed as she turned the shower off.

'I have to go,' Meredith stepped out the shower and put her hair up in a bun. Slipping on jeans she lifted a green top from the top of drawer.

'Crap,'

'What's wrong?' Derek stuck his head round the door.

'My green top doesn't fit anymore,'

'Your gorgeous,' Meredith pulled a long sleeved purple top out and slipped it on. Lifting her bag she kissed Derek gently.

'You need to eat before you go,'

'I'll pick up an O'Brian's sandwich on the way there. I love you,'

'Love you too,' Meredith lifted the car keys off the side board and headed to the hospital. It was quiet, but getting busier. Changing into her dark blue scrubs she looked down.

'Crap,' her scrubs wouldn't go down over her stomach. Opening Derek's locker she pulled a pair of his out. Looking down she smiled. They fitted perfectly.

'He can go topless,' Meredith closed his locker and headed along to the supply closet.

'Where do you think you're going?'

'I am going to pick up bigger scrubs, these are Derek's,' Bailey shook her head.

'I hope you're taking things easy,'

'Any easier and I'd be lying in my back,'

'Just make sure you are taking it easy. I know what it's like to be pregnant and working. If you need to stop, then stop,'

'I will. I've got a cerebral tumour removal in an hour so I'd better go. Thanks bailey,' Meredith went in and lifted three sets of scrubs. Two were a size bigger than Derek's and one was Derek's size. Leaving them in Derek's locker she went to check on Mr Lockhart.

'How are you feeling today?'

'Like crap. When am I scheduled for surgery?'

'You should be taken along in ten minutes. I'm going to get scrubbed in. I scheduled it for 7:50 but we may need to take you in at eight,'

'I can cope with that,'

'I'll see you later Mr Lockhart,'

'Its Terry and thank you,' Meredith nodded and lifted his chart. His blood pressure was fine and so were the rest of his stats. Walking down to the scrub room she could here them brining Terry down. He was laughing and joking with the nurses.

'What a guy,' He had been diagnosed with the tumour three months before and they had nearly eradicated the tumour with radiotherapy. It hadn't got rid of it all. Surgery was the second last stage he had to go through. After surgery, he would go through Chemotherapy. Meredith slipped the gloves on and looked at the clock. 8:15.

'Sorry terry, we're fifteen minutes slow,'

'I'll forgive you cause your lovely,'

'Count backwards from ten for me,'

'10…9…8…7,' He was out for it.

'Good morning everybody, hope you're ready for this. Let's make the rest of his life a damn good one,' Meredith strolled into the scrub room and replaced her mask and gloves. After thirty minutes into the surgery Meredith's hands started shaking. Placing the instruments down she took a deep breath in. Lifting them again, the shaking had stopped. Ten minutes later her eye sight was blurry.

'Can somebody move these damn lights?' everyone looked at her and started moving the lights. Her eyes sight improved but he legs began to feel weak.

'Some body page Dr Shepherd. Tell him he's needed in here,' a nurse came over and stood beside Meredith. Her hands leaned on the table.

'Dr Grey, are you feeling alright?'

'No, I need to go, has somebody paged Dr Shepherd?'

'He's on his way,' after five minutes Derek came into the operating theatre.

'Dr Shepherd, I need you to finish this for me,'

'Are you alright Dr Grey?'

'Yes, I just need to go,' Meredith ripped the mask off her face and took the gloves off as well. The nurse came over and stood beside her.

'Do you know if Dr Addison Sloane has arrived in from New York yet?'

'No, I'll phone Maternity and see,' Meredith stood in the scrub room and watched as Derek finished off the removal.

'Sorry about that small interruption. Well done everybody. Can somebody close him up for me?' Meredith leaned down on the sink and closed her eyes. Derek spotted her and ripped his mask and surgical coat off.

'Mere, what's wrong?'

'I don't feel so good,'

'Ok, let's get you along to the on-call rooms,'

'No, I really don't feel well,' Meredith's legs buckled and Derek tried to catch her but she fell to the floor.

'SOMBODY PHONE ADDISON SLOANE!' Derek lifted Meredith head. The nurse came back in and spotted Meredith.

'Dr Sloane's in a meeting with the chief. She's on her way,'

'Addison, it's good to see you, how's Mark getting on?'

'He's doing really well. Loving being Chief of surgery. It's like the job was made for' Addison pulled her pager out and looked at Webber.

'It' Meredith,' Jumping up from the seat she phoned down to the OR.

'Where is she?'

'OR three scrub room,' Addison threw the phone down and ran all the way. Pushing the door open she spotted Derek on the floor with Meredith.

'What happened?'

'I got a page saying I was needed in here. Meredith was operating so I took over. She just said she didn't feel well,'

'I need to get her down for an ultra sound,' Derek lifted Meredith and followed Addison. Laying her down on the bed her took hold of her hand.

'What's wrong with her Addison?'

'I'm just about to find out,' rubbing the gel don her stomach she started the ultra sound.

'There's nothing wrong with the baby. It's fine. Has she had something to eat today?'

'She said she was going to get something on the way here,'

'Ok, I need to get her stats,' Two nurses came in and lifted Meredith's top off her. Her chest was red. Glancing down to Meredith stomach Addison started pulling her trousers off. Her entire body had become red.

'Derek, how long has she had this rash?'

'It wasn't there this morning,'

'Get me a blood test done. Has she done anything different today that she wouldn't normally?'

'No, nothing,'

'It could be an allergic reaction to something. If it is, I need to find out what. She should be ok Derek, don't worry,' Addison stripped Meredith down to her underwear and slipped on a hospital gown. Bailey pushed the door open and took a deep breath in.

'What's happening Addison?'

'I don't know,'

'I was talking to her less than two hours ago. She seemed fine. She was laughing about how she was wearing Derek's scrubs cause her's didn't fit and now to see her like this,'

'It can just…' Addison looked down at the scrubs on the floor.

'Get Derek in here now,' Bailey Stepped out and raised her voice slightly.

'SHEPHERD, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE,' Bailey fixed her lab coat and looked at Addison.

'What's wrong?'

'Your scrubs are what's wrong,'

'What?' Derek scrunched his face up.

'She was wearing your scrubs. What do you do with your scrubs?'

'I give them to Cathy down in the laundry room. I give her twenty dollars every time she does my scrubs,'

'What does Meredith do with hers?'

'Bins them,'

'The soap powder. She's allergic to the soap powder. Get me anti inflammatory 453 and anti histamine 675.' Addison injected the two syringes into the rapid infuser.

'Mere?'

'Derek,'

'Your ok,' Meredith lifted her hand and placed it on her stomach.

'The baby's fine. Don't steal my scrubs again,' Meredith smiled and turned to Addison.

'Thank you. We'll still see you at 12,' Meredith sat up and put her hand on her head.

'You took a bump to the head when you fell. I'll get some 4head,' Derek left the three women.

'You scared the crap out of him. The last time I seen him like that was when you collapsed after he took ill,'

'Can I go back to work?'

'Give it a couple of hours. I'll hook a banana bag up and when that's done then you can finish your six hour shift,'

'I'm on a twelve hour shift and after that I'm on call,'

'Not any more. You can finish your shift but your not on call,' Meredith nodded her head.

'Sleep for a while, your body needs it,' Addison pulled the cover over Meredith and left her in the room.

'Stupid scrubs,' Derek pushed the door open and smiled at Meredith. She was fast asleep, her hair falling down her face, her hand on her bump. Sitting the 4head on the table her took her hand and sat until she woke up.


	18. Tell who what later?

'How you feeling Mr Lockhart?'

'I'm ok. I heard Dr Grey collapsed, is she ok?'

'I'm fine,' Meredith ran her hand along Derek's back and looked up, smiling at him.

'I just got a bit sick. It's allowed since a big ass got me pregnant,'

'Dr Grey,'

'Yes Dr Shepherd?'

'I don't think you fiancé would like to hear you calling him an ass,'

'I was only stating a fact,'

'You two are so together,' Meredith and Derek started laughing.

'Is it that obvious?'

'You just hit off each other. Congratulations,'

'Thanks. I'll be in to check on you later, Dr Shepherd,' Meredith nodded and ran her hand slyly across his butt, slipping a piece of paper in his scrub top.

'A nurse will be in to check you stats every ten minutes. I'll see you later Terry,' Derek lifted the chart and headed over to the nurses station. Lifting the piece of paper out he smiled.

'On call room now,' Derek walked over to the end on call room and pushed the door open. Meredith was sitting on the bottom bunk, fiddling with her scrub ties.

'Lock the door,' Derek went to say something but was caught short by Meredith.

''Lock the door Dr Shepherd,' Derek locked the door and headed over to Meredith. Taking hold of his hand she pulled him down on top of her. Her hands slipped under his top and eased it over his head.

'Meredith, you just got back on your feet, you've to…'

'Take it easy. I am,' Meredith started kissing Derek's neck and she slipped his hand over her waist. Untying her scrubs he slipped them off her as she did the same to him. The anticipation was pulsing through her veins.

'I have been waiting for you since this morning,' Meredith's hand ran through his hair as her body began arching. His touch sent shivers down her spine.

'Mere,' Derek groaned her name gently as she moved in rhythm with his body.

'Derek,' At the point of ecstasy her back arched fully and his did the same, causing an even greater rush. The sweat was pouring off her forehead.

'I love you so much Derek,'

'Mere,' Derek fell to the side of her body and kept kissing her neck. Her arms were wrapped around his neck as he gently kissed her chest.

'Mere, we should get back,'

'No, five more minutes. I need you' Meredith looked Derek in the eyes. Losing herself in them she caressed his chest with her hand.

'We should get back. We both finish around four. We'll do something to night, I promise,' Meredith leaned in and kissed his passionately. Tying her scrubs she turned and took over tying his. Her pager started going off.

'Fuck, Terry,' Meredith ran out the room followed by Derek.

'HIS ICP'S DOUBLE GET ME AN OR! Hang a bag of manitol, take blood gases,' Meredith started wheeling the gurney but was quickly released by Derek.

'Go and get scrubbed in,' Meredith headed down the stairs and into the scrub room.

'How bad do you think it is?'

'I don't know,' Meredith pulled the gloves on and undone the stitches.

'Shepherd, look,'

'Jesus, look at that bleed. Get me a maxerterd pack,'

'Derek, that can cause damage,'

'Not if done properly,' Derek began placing pieces of hot mesh over the large bleed in Terry's head. Meredith looked up at Derek.

'Can you finish up?'

'You ok?'

'I don't know. I'll see you after surgery Dr Shepherd,' Meredith peeled her mask off and her gloves. Stepping outside the OR she could feel the feeling on nausea washing over her. Walking over to the desk she leaned against it. A pair of warm hands slipped around her waist. Turning round she smiled.

'Mark, what are you doing here?'

'Nice to see you too. I came for the wedding. Me and Addison are just staying till the weekend. You ok?'

'I think so,'

'You want me to page Derek,'

'No, he's in surgery, I just left him,'

'Addison?'

'No, she'd admit me,' Meredith started swaying.

'Meredith, you need to sit down,' Mark put his hands on Meredith's waist and guided her over to the seats.

'Thanks,'

'You need to slow down. It's not healthy to sway,'

'You sound like Derek,'

'Is that a bad thing?'

'At times yes,' Meredith leaned down on her arms. Looking up she pushed Mark out the way and ran to the bathroom. Dry heaving, the room started spinning. Taking a deep breath in she pulled herself to her feet and was greeted by what looked like a ghost in the mirror.

'Meredith?'

'Can you page Addison for me?'

'Stay in here,' Mark left Meredith as she inspected her face in the mirror.

'This charming man came and got me and said you were swaying,'

'I've just been sick…' Meredith ran into the cubical followed by Addison. Rubbing her back and holding back her hair Addison became worried.

'Mark, go and get me an IV drip and a bag of saline. She's becoming dehydrated,' Mark left and the door closed behind him.

'Please don't admit me Addison,'

'Meredith shut up and finish being sick,' Meredith started laughing.

'You may just be getting rid of the bacteria from the reaction,' Meredith leaned back against the cubical door.

'I hate being pregnant,' Mark came back in with a drip and a pack to put it in.

'You have stabbed me about five times today, you must think I'm a big voodoo doll,' Addison grunted and inserted the IV.

'You have just finished your shift early and are going to spend the day in a hospital room, on Maternity. I'll let you out when Mc Dreamy finish's work,' Meredith started laughing.

'I haven't heard anybody call him Mc Dreamy in a long time,'

'It won't be the last. I'll go and get him,'

'Thanks Mark,' Meredith leaned back and rested her head against the door.

'I never thought I'd be sitting in this floor with you,' Addison looked up and smiled.

'A lot of things happen that you don't expect,'

'Like what?'

'Derek meeting you, me getting pregnant, Mark coming to get me…'

'Wait a minute did you just say what I thought you said,' Addison's face started glowing.

'Congratulations Addison. Does Mark know?'

'I told him before I came out. That's why he's here,'

'You told Derek yet?'

'No, I'm going to tell him later,'

'Tell who what later,'

'None of your business Mc Dreamy,' Derek knelt down next to Meredith.

'How you feeling?'

'Like I'm pregnant,' Derek lifted Meredith and carried her down to maternity. Her eyes were closing and as he placed her on the bed she was fast asleep. Her hands were gripped onto his scrub to and arm. Unable to lift her arms, he stayed with her, lying on the bed with her. Addison stood outside, watching as Derek ran his hand over her face gently. Mark came up behind Addison and started kissing her neck.

'You are beautiful,' Addison turned and kissed Mark.

'I'm glad he found Meredith, and I'm glad you came back for me,' Mark spun her round so she was facing the door again.

'Your are going to make a brilliant mom Addison,'

'You are going to be the best dad. I'm so happy Mark. Thank you,'

'What for?'

'Making me so happy,'

'I'd do it all over again Addison just to see you smile,'


	19. Truth or Dare

'You…have…to…go,' Meredith was pushing Derek out the front door, trying not to let him back in as she kissed him.

'I don't want to,' Meredith started laughing.

'You're going to see me tomorrow,'

'I don't want to have to wait till tomorrow,'

'Derek, Burke's waiting in the car and Christina is getting grouchy, GO!' Derek ran his hand along her butt as he left the house and went down to Burke's car. Placing her hand on her bump she waved to Derek.

'For god sake, you'd think you's weren't going to see each other for a month,'

'Shut up, you'll be the same the day before your wedding,'

'No, I'll be jumping for joy that I'm getting to get drunk and I don't have to worry about Burke moaning at me,'

'Don't act like you don't enjoy him moaning,' Meredith lifted the bag of Marshmallows of the couch and got comfy.

'When are Izzie and everyone coming over?' The door bell rang.

'That either them or food,'

'I hope its food,' Meredith rubbed her bump

'What about both?' Meredith started laughing.

'Hey, how you doing?'

'Izzie I'm fine, you seen me about three hours ago,'

'I'm so excited Mere!' Izzie was like a child at Christmas.

'Grey, you will no longer be free woman after tomorrow, and it's with Mc Dreamy, you sure about it?'

'More than anything Bailey,'

'Call me Miranda tonight, I hate sounding old, even though I am,' the front door went again.

'I'll get it,' Meredith waddled over to the door.

'Mark, you're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be keeping Burke and Derek in line,'

'I know, I'm heading there now. Addison needed me to carry this,' Meredith looked down at a large box with a huge bow on it.

'I can't carry anything now,' Addison walked up behind Mark.

'I forgot about that, come in,' Mark took the box into the living room and smiled. They were all sitting on the floor, packets of food scattered around them.

'I'll see you tomorrow,' Mark kissed Addison and left as she turned back to Meredith.

'I don't know wither or not you're doing the traditional something old something new something borrowed and something blue but I wanted to give you this anyway,' Addison pulled out a small box from her bag and handed it to Meredith. Inside there was a silver bracelet, with small green emeralds in it.

'It's kind of something old,'

'Addison, it's beautiful,'

'It was mine when I got married. My friend Catharine gave me it she says it brought good luck. I want you to have it,'

'Addison, it will be on my wrist tomorrow. Thank you,' Meredith hugged Addison and smiled.

'Come with me,' Meredith lead Addison up the stairs and into her bedroom.

'I haven't showed anybody it yet, not even Christina,' Meredith pulled her closet open and pulled out a dress.

'Meredith, it's stunning. You're going to look gorgeous,'

'Thanks,'

'Come on, lets get back down before they get suspicious,' Meredith placed the dress back in the closet and followed Addison out.

'Truth or dare,' Christina was so drunk that she was slurring her words.

'Truth,'

'How good is Mc Dreamy in bed?' Addison and Meredith started laughing.

'You're marrying him tomorrow, you can say how good he is in bed,'

'Does the fact I'm pregnant give anything away?' Christina started laughing.

'Addison truth or dare?' Meredith started laughing.

'Truth,'

'Big or small pants?' Addison tried to keep a straight face but couldn't

'Three months ago I'd of said small but now, big is better,'

'They are a lot more comfortable,' Meredith added in agreement.

'Christina, Truth or Dare?'

'Dare!'

'There's nothing to do here,'

'Be creative,'

'I dare you to tell me how good Burke is?'

'That's a truth question!'

'But you said be creative,'

'He's amazing,' Christina started laughing and fell to her side.

'Bailey, truth or dare?'

'I don't fall for that one Addison,'

'Come on,'

'Truth,'

'Out of the three previous interns here, who was the best?'

'Meredith was great but she was into too much exam room sex and was easily distracted by Mc Overly moosed hair. Izzie was great to, but she was very interested in what Alex thought of her underwear,' Izzie started laughing.

'What about me?' Christina sat up sharply

'You were wonderful, and I'm Pamela Anderson,' Addison started laughing.

'We'll I'd love to stay up but Mc Overly Moosed hair's baby is sitting on my bladder and wants to go to sleep, which means I have to retire too,'

'Ok, I'll see you up to bed,' Addison stood in front of Meredith and held her hands out. Addison pulled Meredith to her feet and followed her up the stairs.

'You looking forward to tomorrow?'

'I can't wait Addison. I can't believe it,'

'You were made for each other,'

'That sounds strange coming from his ex wife,'

'It does but I do think you were meant to find each other. I think me and Derek were supposed to break up and that me and Mark were meant to be together,'

'Yeah,' Meredith lay down on the bed and sighed. Addison went to get up but Meredith grabbed her hand.

'Stay in here, they'll sleep on the floor down the stairs,' Addison smiled and lay next to Meredith.

'I don't think we should tell Derek that we shared a bed together,' Addison looked at Meredith.

'Why?'

'He'd get too excited,' Meredith started laughing and eventually let the tiredness over take her body, making her fall into a deep sleep, with Addison right beside her.


	20. Thank You Dad

Meredith crawled out of bed into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. As she realised what day it was she waddled out the bathroom.

'You're up early,'

'I couldn't sleep,'

'You excited?'

'I want to go now, not wait another four hours,'

'Come on, I'll make you two breakfast,' Meredith followed Addison down the stairs and started laughing at the sight in front of her. Bailey was sprawled out ion the floor with Christina head on her leg. Izzie was lying on the couch, her feet mixed with Christina's. Addison put the grill on and started making Pancakes. Looking at the pan she put her hand over her mouth.

'On you go,' Addison ran up the stairs into the bathroom and started throwing up. Meredith finished the pancakes and went up to see how Addison was.

'It sucks doesn't it,' Addison started laughing and she scraped her hair up.

'I made coffee for them, you want some?'

'No thanks, I'm on a no caffeine regime courtesy of Mark,'

'Fair enough. Here,' Meredith handed her a plate of pancakes and the started tucking into them. Christina ran up the stairs and then back down again.

'Crap, what time is it?'

'It's just hitting ten,'

'Crap the hairdresser is going to be here shortly. And then the women with the deadly goo will be here,'

'You mean the beauticians?'

'Yeah, horrible goo woman,' Meredith started laughing as she polished off the plate of pancakes.

'There's coffee just made. You need to make your own pancakes,' Addison went into the living room and gently woke Bailey.

'ADDISON, GO AWAY OR I WILL HURT YOU,' Meredith started laughing her head off as Addison came back into the kitchen.

'Somebody's got a hang over,'

'The good thing about being pregnant, no hang over,'

'I'm going to go grab some stuff from the store, you want anything?'

'You can't go, you're maid of honour with Christina,'

'I won't be long,'

'Can you pick up some noodles, with soy sauce?'

'Yeah, anything else?'

'Nah, thanks,'

'I won't be long,' Addison lifted the keys and headed to the store. Looking for noodles she felt a hand go round her waist. Turning sharply she smiled.

'What are you doing here?'

'I could ask you the same question,'

'Noodles, big pregnant lady wanted noodles and other people needed aspirin, you?'

'Derek and Burke are fighting over the last two aspirin in the house. I came to get more as well,'

'Did you guys have a good night?'

'Yeah, Derek was so drunk. He was really funny, he fell over onto the floor of their kitchen and we just left him there. He's still lying in the floor shouting at Burke. You girls get up to anything naughty?'

'You wish. No we sat and played truth or dares and Miranda came up with a new name for Derek,'

'What?'

'Mc Overly moosed hair,' Addison started laughing as she lifted the aspirin and handed Mark a box.

'I missed you last night,'

'Yeah, I'll see you later,'

'Yeah, love you,'

'You too Addie,' Addison went and lifted the noodles and some Kirby grips.

'I know she will need these,' Addison paid for the stuff and headed back to the house.

'Addison, did you buy aspirin?'

'Here,' Addison threw the box at Bailey and Izzie. Meredith was sitting in her bedroom, the hairdresser straightening her hair.

'One tub of noodles as requested and Kirby grips,'

'Thanks,' the hairdresser took the Kirby grips and started putting Meredith hair up.

'I'll get it,' Addison went down the stairs and opened the door that was being banged. Mark was standing leaning against the doorframe.

'What are you doing here?'

'I forgot something,'

'What?' Mark leaned in and Kissed Addison.

'That, love you,'

'You too,' Addison shut the door and smiled.

'Addison, your turn,' Addison sat on the chair as her hair was pulled up.

'What about Christina?'

'She says it's not happening,'

'Ok, Izzie?'

'Same, she'll do her own,'

'I'm done then. Have fun,' the hairdresser left as the beauticians arrived.

'Which one of you is a hard nut?'

'Why?'

'Cause you'll be dealing with Christina and Izzie,'

'I'll do it,' a tall blond woman pushed past Meredith into the Living room.

'Right, Christina you're first,' Meredith laughed as Christina sat up straight at the sight of the woman.

'You must be the bride to be, I'm Sharon,'

'Meredith, and this is Addison,'

'Which one am I doing first?'

'Addison first,' Addison smiled as Sharon applied the makeup, talking about previous weddings she had done.

'Right you're done. Meredith takes a seat,'

'I'll see you later Addison,' Addison closed the door and went through to Izzie's room. Lifting her dress on her smiled. Lavender was not her usual colour but she looked amazing. Izzie and Christina were zipping each other up when Meredith shouted on them.

'Addison, help please,' Addison walked in and smiled. She was standing with her dress open at the back.

'Can you zip me up?'

'No problem,'

'Is it just me or is it slightly weird that the man I'm marrying ex wife is standing helping me into my dress and is my maid of honour?'

'It is slightly weird yeah,' Meredith straightened the front of her dress and smiled at Addison.

'Let's go do this,' Meredith slipped her shoes on and headed down the stairs. Miranda was standing beside Christiana and Izzie.

'Meredith, you look stunning,' the front door started rattling.

'Meredith, I never thought I'd be saying this on your wedding day but you look beautiful. You ready?'

'Yeah. Thank you Dad,' Richard Webber looked at Meredith, a single tear falling from his eye.


	21. Ferryboats?

Derek stood, fidgeting with his sleeve. Everyone was waiting on Meredith and Richard.

'Derek, relax,' Mark was standing beside Burke, laughing at Derek.

'What if she doesn't show?'

'Derek, get a grip, the car has just pulled up,' The Lake was decorated with lilies and a large marquee sat beside it. Fifty seats were split down the middle, twenty five seats on each. Meredith stepped out the car and smiled. Addison was standing hold a bouquet of lavender and white and pink roses.

'Am I supposed to feel this nervous?'

'Yeah, but once your up there, it all disappears,' Meredith played with bangle that sat on her right arm.

'Relax,' the photographer started taking photographs when the minister came over.

'It's time,' Richard looked over at Meredith and took her arm.

'I'll always see you as my little girl Meredith,'

'Thank you,' Meredith took a deep breath in as she spotted Derek standing with Burke and Mark. Addison, Izzie and Christina were standing at the front facing Meredith like everyone else. Derek took a sharp breath in.

'Oh my god,' Meredith's hair was up with loose ringlets falling down over her face. Her dress was simply but stunning. The loose fitting material fell down and hit her bump, making it obvious that she was pregnant. The dress stopped just above her chest showing the small freckle she had on her shoulder. It was strapless with beads scattered all over it.

'Look after her Derek,' Richard stood back and let Meredith walk the rest herself.

'You are the most beautiful woman in the world,' Meredith started blushing as the minister started the service.

'Meredith and Derek have prepared their own vows. Derek,'

'Meredith, when I met you it wasn't just a relationship I was in. I was in love. The moment I met you I knew there was something about you that I loved. Your hair, the way you scrunch your nose when you're angry even your tiny ineffectual fists. I love you more than anything in this world and today I am the happiest man alive and it's all because you're in my life, I love you,' Derek slipped the silver band onto Meredith's delicate finger.

'Meredith,'

'Derek, when I wake up in the morning I feel like the luckiest woman alive because you're lying next to me. You hold me when I cry; you make me happy when I'm sad. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. It's hard to explain how I really feel when I see your smile. I get this feeling that makes me realise how much I love you and can't be without you. I love you,' Meredith lifted the sliver band from the plate and slipped it on Derek's finger. A single tear fell from her eyes but was quickly wiped away by Derek.

'I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride,' Derek gently took Meredith hand and pulled her in gently. She placed her hand on his face and kissed him passionately.

'I love you so much,' Derek lead Meredith down the path to the car. Meredith stopped and turned around. Derek watched as she walked back to the middle of the seats. Meredith leaned down and hugged her mom.

'Congratulations Meredith,'

'Mom?'

'I love you Meredith. You hade better go, Derek's waiting,' Meredith smiled and kissed her mother. Going back down to the car Derek smiled.

'You look amazing,'

'Thank you,'

'What for?'

'Making me Dr Shepherd,' Derek started laughing as the car pulled away from the lake.

'Can we take a small detour?' The driver turned and looked at Meredith.

'Where do you want to go?'

'Take us to the harbour,' Derek smiled. Pulling into the grass verge Meredith climbed out the car followed by Derek. Walking along to the end of the pier, Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith's waist.

'I don't want this moment to end,'

'Just think though, we will have so many more to come,' Derek kissed Meredith gently.

'Promise?'

'I promise,' they stood for ten minutes, looking out at the ferryboats. The sun was beating down gently.

'We should get back,' Meredith turned to go back to the car when she grabbed Derek's hand. Placing it on her stomach the smile on his face grew.

'I think baby Shepherds happy,' Meredith started laughing as they went back to the car.

'Anymore detours?'

'Nope, we need to get back,' the driver nodded his head and started in the direction of the hotel. Meredith was fidgeting with the two rings on her finger.

'Relax, Dr Shepherd,' Meredith took hold of his hand the rest of the way. Addison and Mark were standing outside.

'You look amazing Addie.' Addison leaned in and kissed Mark gently. The silver car pulled up outside the hotel and Derek climbed out first, leading Meredith gently with his hand.

'Where did you two get to?'

'We had to go and look at some ferryboats,'

'Ferryboats?'

'Ferryboats,'

'Come on,' Addison and Mark went in ahead of them. As they walked through the doors, everyone started cheering. Meredith started laughing at everyone's response. Christina handed her and Derek a glass each. Looking over at Addison Meredith lifted her glass. Addison nodded and held her finger up.

'One,' Meredith took a drink but her face grimaced. The alcohol tasted bitter.

'I don't think I'll be able to drink again,' Derek laughed as they headed over to the main table.

'Meredith you look lovely,' Edith pulled Meredith into a hug.

'Thank you,' Derek was standing shaking his dad's hand.

'Meredith,'

'Bob thanks for everything,' Meredith slipped her hands round his back and spotted her mother.

'Derek, give me two minutes,' Meredith lifted the back of her dress and went over to where her mother was sitting, a staff member from the home beside her.

'How did she know who I was?'

'She's on a new drug which slows the altzimers down and brings the patient into the present time for a few hours a day,'

'How…who authorised the drug?'

'I did,' Derek was standing behind Meredith.

'I know how angry you must be but I wanted to do this for you. I know what seeing your mother was doing to you and I just…' Derek was cut short by Meredith kissing him.

'Thank you,' Meredith turned back to her mother.

'Mom?'

'Meredith, he's really nice,'

'Thank you,'

'How far along are you now?'

'Nearly seven months,'

'My first grandchild,'

'Yeah. There's someone here I'd like you to see,' Meredith walked over to him and took his hand. Leading him over, Ellis Greys face lit up.

'Richard…'

'Ellis, how are you doing?'

'I'm fine. I've not seen you in years. We need to have a chat, find out how you're doing,'

'I'd love to Ellis,' Meredith and Derek left them talking.

'Ladies and Gentlemen we are going to have our meal now so if I could now ask Dr and Dr Shepherd to come forward please,' Meredith took hold of Derek's hand and walked up to the head table.

'I'm starving,'

'I bet you are,'

'I'm eating for two remember,'

'How could I forget,' Derek sat down next to Meredith. Christina and Izzie sat next to Meredith but she looked puzzled.

'Where's George?'

'He's just grabbing something, he won't be long,' Meredith nodded and started whispering to Derek. The meal was over within two hours but Meredith wasn't happy.

'Where is George?'

'I'm right here,' George was standing at the door looking at Meredith.

'Where have you been?'

'Picking this up,' George handed her a small box. Opening it up, she smiled.

'Congratulations Meredith,' Inside were a pair of earrings, blue sapphires sparkling in the light.

'Something new and blue, just borrowed to be sorted,' Christina walked over and pulled a Kirby grip out of Izzie's hair.

'Here, borrow one of Izzie Kirby grips,' Meredith laughed as Christina put it in her hair.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, if you'd like to make you way into the main hall, the happy couple will have their first dance,' Meredith started laughing.

'What?'

'You don't dance In public,'

'Neither I do,' Derek took her hand and guided her through into the hall. Candle lit it up, with fairy lights. Derek guided her into the middle of the floor.

'Derek, you don't dance,'

'I know, but for you, I'll do anything,' Meredith rested her head on his shoulder as he slipped his hand round her waist.

'_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
While you're far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure_

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
And I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever_

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

_I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
Well, I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time_

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
Cause I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
I don't wanna miss a thing'_

Meredith started laughing as Derek pretend to fall over her feet.

'I told you I don't dance in public,'


	22. One moment in time

Meredith opened her eyes slowly and looked around the room. Derek was lying on his stomach, his arm lying over her. Sitting up she looked around the room. The sheet fell down from her chest.

'Good morning Dr Shepherd,'

'Hey,'

'How you feeling?' Meredith leaned over and kissed Derek.

'That good,' Meredith leaned in beside him and nuzzled her face into his neck. Wrapping his arms around her he smiled at the smell of lavender.

'I can't believe were actually married,'

'You had better believe it,' Meredith slid out from under the covers and pulled the sheet with her. Derek leaned his head in his hand and smiled as she fell over the sheets.

'I'm going for a shower,' Meredith walked into the bathroom and dropped the sheet at the door. Derek had followed her in and was standing at the door, watching as she tried to figure out how to put the shower on.

'Let me help,' leaning forward over her shoulder, he turned a switch on at the side. The water shot out the shower head.

'I may need your help with something else,'

'What might that be?' Meredith bit her lip and took his hands. Stepping into the shower, the water came down over the two of them. Her hands slid up and down his back. He brushed her hair out her face and leaned down kissing her with a fiery passion that she had longed for. Pushing him up against the shower wall, his hands lifted her leg, holding her thigh up. She kissed the line of his neck, her hands stopping on his ass. His hand grasped her breast gently. Pulling back she wiped the hair from his forehead. Turning and pulling him down on top of her, she moaned his name, begging him to keep going, to take her to the point of ecstasy. She arched her back, gripping his back. Leaning forward, her breath was raspy. Kissing her chest gently she leaned over him. Taking his head in her hands she kissed him gently. Stepping out, she brought him with her, wrapping a towel round both of them. A knock was heard at the door as they slipped under the covers.

'I'll get it,' Derek took the towel and wrapped it around his lower body.

'I've got a special request for a Meredith and Derek shepherd,'

'Yeah, who's it from?'

'A Dr and Dr Sloane,' Derek grunted and took hold of the box.

'Thanks,'

'If you need anything please phone down to reception,'

'Yeah thanks,' Derek took the box over and sat it on the bed. Sitting up she tied the sheets around her torso.

'It's from Addison and Mark,' Meredith untied the bow and carefully opened the box. Inside there was a blue book, tied with red ribbon. Next to it was a smaller box. Lifting the book, Meredith took a deep breath in. Undoing the ribbon, Derek sat on the bed next to her. It was a scrapbook of their relationship, little comments of good luck from everyone. There were photographs and letters from different people. Joe had written a letter and taken a photograph of the booth that they had met in. The last two pages were full of Mark and Addison's comments and Photographs.

'Couldn't let you two away with anything so we wrote down all your sins. Meredith, you were just too much of an angel and we only found a few. Derek, we could have written a book on all your sins. Hope you's enjoy your weekend and relax. Congratulations. Mark and Addison,' Meredith flicked through the pages when she found a page that hit a nerve. It was photographs of her as a child, her mother and Richard standing beside each other.

'Meredith, I love you so much. I'm so glad that I might actually get to know you. Love you always mom,' Meredith let out a small gasp. Turning over she started laughing.

'You were a cute baby,' Derek cringed at the picture. It was him sitting in a sink as a baby.

'I am going to kill my mom and dad,' Meredith turned a few pages before stopping at pictures she and Derek had taken together. They looked like stupid little pictures on their own but put together they showed how a relationship had grown and bloomed in love. Pictures of them by the ferryboats, Meredith arms sticking out the picture, holding the camera. Meredith flipped the page to see a photograph she was unaware had been taken.

'I have to talk to that driver,' Meredith looked down at the photograph. It was when they had gone to the ferryboats after getting married. Derek was leaning down over her, his hands round her protectively. They seemed in a world of their own.

'One moment in time,' was written underneath it, in lavender ink. They sat for another twenty minutes looking through the book, laughing at Baileys comment.

'Now I can't look down on your meetings in exam rooms,' Meredith closed the book and ran her hand over the cover. Derek handed her the smaller box.

'No, you open it,' Derek pulled the lid of the box open to be greeted by another book. Lifting it out he smiled. Opening the first page a single tear fell.

'Baby Shepherd,' was written underneath, with everyone's names written around it. Peeling over the first page their was note in an envelope.

'Every baby needs a baby book. We know you's haven't started one. So to make sure Baby Shepherd gets one, we started one for you. Since they were only discovered at four months, we started from there,' Derek turned the page and looked down at the ultra sound. The small shape seemed mixed with the rest of the picture, but he knew where the baby was. Flipping to the next page there was another scan.

'Five months,' it went right up to seven months. Turning another page, another letter fell out.

'Now, it is up to you two. You must update this baby book, keep it full of memories. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Love the baby Shepherd fan club. aka Izzie, George, Christina, Burke, Alex, Addison, Mark,' Derek closed the book and placed the two books on top of each other. Meredith was sitting, mesmerised by the books.

'I couldn't imagine of seeing anything like that,' Meredith slid down on the bed and lay back against Derek.

'That was a nice surprise,'

'We do need to update the baby book, keep it going,' Meredith took a deep breath in.

'All those pictures, the comments, the notes. It was incredible. I liked the photograph of the booth Joe had taken. That was funny. So what are all these sins Addison and Mark were talking about?' Derek started laughing.

'Med school. Me and Mark were always in trouble, playing pranks on everybody. Even at home. We got Linds so bad one day. She nearly killed us. She was dying her hair blonde, putting highlights through it. Me and Mark swapped the dye so that they came out blue. We sat in my room, the door locked, waiting for the scream. And by god it came. I got my ass kicked for that,' Meredith was laughing to herself.

'So you seem to have a few sins of you own, what might they be?' Meredith started laughing.

'When Addison came to Seattle, I was so mad with you. I hated you. You had been stupid enough to give me your locker combination,'

'You didn't,'

'I did. I was the one with the cheese,'

'You were the one that out the cheese in my locker,' Meredith stared laughing.

'I was standing outside, listening to you moaning and complaining. I couldn't stop laughing,'

'The whole room stank. My clothes, I couldn't get the smell out my jeans for about a month,' Derek started laughing as well.

'Revenge is sweet,' Meredith patted her stomach triumphantly.

'Yeah revenge is sweet,' Derek's brain started ticking over.

'Revenge can be very sweet,' Meredith sat up and lifted the phone that was next to the bed.

'Hi, can I have three breakfasts brought up to the honeymoon suite?' Meredith tapped her finger on the phone.

'Everything,' She started laughing.

'Thanks,'

'You planning a party?'

'Nope, just breakfast,' Meredith lifted a band from the side of her bed and tied her hair up.

'Are you planning on getting dressed?' Meredith kept the sheets wrapped firmly round her.

'Why?'

'Cause I am,'

'Why?'

'Because we can't lazy around naked all day,'

'why?'

'Stop saying why,'

'Why?' Derek laughed as Meredith threw a pillow at him, the sheet falling to the floor.

'now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you lazing around naked all day,'

'we have work to do,'

'What might that be?'

'Celebrating the fact we are married but we can't do it here,'

'Oh right. Can we not wait a while?'

'Ok, but we shouldn't leave it too long,'

'What have you got planned?'

'My lips are sealed,' Meredith climbed back into the bed leaving the sheet on the floor. Derek ran his hand through her hair, it still straight from the hairdresser.

'What are we going to do when the baby comes?'

'What do you mean?'

'what am I going to do about work? And where is the baby going to sleep? When will I stop work?'

'The baby can sleep in the room next to ours. There's plenty space in the house. Mere, you should know. The house has five bedrooms. Three of them are being used. There's plenty space,'

'Derek, we can't live with George and Izzie for the rest of our lives,'

'I know. Good things come to those who wait,'

'What about work?'

'You can work, but it will be easy shifts. After the baby's born, you can take as long as you need. Richard will say the same,'

'Yeah. We have something to discuss,'

'It sounds bad,'

'Far from it,'

'What?'

'Baby names,' Derek smiled.

'I honestly haven't thought of any,'

'Same here,'

'We don't even know if it's a boy or a girl,'

'Let's wait, decide on names when their born,'

'Ok, that reminds me I need to speak to Richard,'

'What for?'

'I'm getting the name on my Medical certificates changed. My licence needs changed as well,'

'You can say Grey at work,'

'no, I'm married to you and my name is Shepherd,'

'It's yours forever,' Derek kissed Meredith's forehead. The door was knocked gently.

'I'll get it,' Meredith pushed herself up out the bed and lifted the sheet off the floor.

'Yeah?'

'It's room service, You ordered breakfast?'

'Yeah,' Meredith turned and looked at Derek.

'Give me two seconds,' Meredith closed the door and lifted the blanket off the floor, throwing it over Derek.

'Sorry about that,' The young porter wheeled the trolley in and left it.

'If you need anything else, just phone,' As he went to leave the room, Meredith handed him a twenty dollar bill.

'Merry Christmas,' Derek started laughing.

'Thank you,' The young porter left and Meredith lifted a plate and lay on the bed.

'I am so hungry,' Derek sat and watched as Meredith finished the two breakfasts.

'You not eating?'

'No, I'm not hungry,'

'You need to eat something,'

'I'm fine,'

'Derek,'

'Meredith, honestly I'm fine' Meredith lifted a piece of toast and stuck it in his mouth.

'Eat,' Derek lifted the toast out his mouth and smiled.

'For every bite you take, you get a kiss,' Derek took a bite of the toast and swallowed it. Meredith leaned down and kissed him.

'This could take a while,' Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.


	23. We Love

Meredith leaned back against the desk in the hotel lobby. Derek handed over his card and signed the receipt.

'Congratulations Dr Shepherd,'

'Thank you,' Both Meredith and Derek said it in unison. The receptionist started laughing. Taking hold of her hand, Derek led Meredith outside where they waited for their car to be brought round. Leaning against Derek, she took hold of his hand. Placing it on her stomach he smiled.

'Your baby is kicking me,'

'My baby?'

'When baby kicks and makes me pee, it's yours, any other time, it's our baby,'

''So when the baby's a pain in the ass, their mine,'

'Yip,' Derek sniggered. The black Mercedes came round the corner and Derek stepped forward to take the keys. Helping Meredith in, he looked down at her hand. The silver band glistened in the light. Pulling away from the hotel, Meredith placed her hand on top of his. Lifting it slightly he took hold of her fingers with his.

'I think we should pay a certain two people a visit,'

'Yeah,' Derek turned and headed in the direction of the hospital. Meredith pulled the books out her bag and looked through the baby book again. Flipping the pages, she didn't realise that they had pulled into the hospital car park.

'You just gonna sit there?'

'Sorry,' Meredith closed the books and put them back in the bag. Climbing out Derek took her hand and locked the car. Walking into the hospital lobby, some people started cheering, which then had the whole hospital lobby, clapping and cheering. Derek leaned down and whispered in Meredith's ear.

'I think they know were married,'

'Really?' The sarcasm was dripping from Meredith's voice.

'Everybody back to work!'

'Baileys here,' Miranda walked along to the reception and placed two folders down.

'You're not supposed to be here,'

'We had to say thank you for our present that we got,'

'Ah,'

'I didn't know you looked down on out exam room meetings,'

'Shepherd, shut up,' Meredith giggled.

'How you feeling?'

'I'm great, really happy,'

'Glad to here it. Addison's not in surgery and Marks in a meeting with Chief,'

'Thanks,' Derek and Meredith headed down to Maternity. Addison was standing with her hand at her mouth.

'Morning sickness is a pain in the ass,' Addison turned round and smiled at Meredith.

'Thank you so much Addison,' Meredith leaned in and hugged Addison. Derek stepped forward and did the same.

'What's Mark having a meeting with the chief for?'

'He wants to start a plastics unit out here,'

'I thought he was chief of surgery out in New York,'

'He is. I've been offered Chief of Maternity out here but in New York there are no jobs,'

'Damn,'

'He's willing to move out here so I can have a job. I know Richard will be happy to take him…' Addison covered her mouth and put her hand up. Walking towards the toilet, Meredith followed. Addison started dry heaving in the toilet. Meredith stood rubbing her back, holding her hair back.

'I remember when you did this for me. Strange how life goes in cycles,'

'Yeah,'

'Addie?' Mark walked into the toilets and spotted Meredith.

'Hey Dr Shepherd, how you doing?'

'I'm fine, Addison's not,'

'Hey, come here,' Mark took over rubbing her back and holding her hair back.

'What brings you guys here? You're not due back until tomorrow,'

'We came to say thank you for our books,'

'You like?'

'We love,' Mark laughed as Addison stood up.

'Hey, what did he say?'

'I start in week,'

'Mark, that's brilliant,' Derek shook Marks hand.

'I need to get back to work,' Addison kissed Mark and nodded to Meredith and Derek.

'Addison, are you free just now?'

'Yes, why? Is something wrong?'

'No, I was just wondering if you would mind giving me another scan,'

'Sure, come with me,' Meredith followed Addison along to an empty exam room. Lifting her top Addison smiled.

'You're looking really good,' Addison squeezed the gel on her bump and placed the ultra sound hand on Meredith. After a few minutes Addison smiled. Turning the screen to Meredith she let out a sigh.

'Baby Shepherd makes an appearance,' the tiny figure was now huge on the screen.

'Can you go and get Derek for me?'

'Sure,' Addison left and Derek followed her back in after a few minutes.

'Wait till you see this,' Derek lifted Meredith's hand and waited as Addison repositioned the hand.

'There you go,' Derek seemed in awe of the sight in front of him. That was their child, their creation. He couldn't believe it. Mark came in the room after Addison but stopped before he could say anything to her.

'Is that?'

'That's Baby Shepherd,' Mark put his hand on Derek's shoulder.

'Can we have a couple of picture?'

'Yeah, course you can,' Addison handed the two pictures to Meredith as she stood up.

'You lie down,' Meredith signalled for Addison to lie down on the bed.

'Meredith,'

'Addison, lie down,' Addison lifted her top and smiled as Mark changed placed with Derek.

'This might be cold,' Meredith went into doctor mode as she started ultra sounding Addison's stomach. Moving the hand around, the smile on Addison's face was disappearing.

'Meredith, what's wrong?' Meredith didn't answer and kept moving the hand around.

'Meredith, what's wrong?' Derek walked over beside Meredith and looked at the screen.

'See for yourself,' Meredith turned the screen towards Addison and Mark before the smile on her face reappeared.

'Say hello to Baby Sloane one and Baby Sloane two,'

'My God,' Mark couldn't take his eyes off the screen. Derek placed his hand lightly on Meredith's shoulder.

'Come on,' Derek and Meredith left them on their own.

'I can't believe their having twins,'

'I'm so happy for them,'

'They deserve happiness,' Meredith looked down at the pictures in her hand.

'How beautiful is that picture,'

'Not a beautiful as the woman holding it,' Meredith smiled as she leaned in to kiss Derek.

'I'm going to see Richard, you want to come?'

'Nah, I'll get you at the car in fifteen?'

'Yeah, love you,'

'You too mere,' Derek headed for the OR floor leaving Meredith to go and speak to Richard.

'Meredith! How are you doing?'

'I'm brilliant, really happy,'

'What can I do for you?'

'I'm here to get my new licence and the certificates,'

'Yes, here you go. There's your licence and you certificates are in the envelope,'

'Thanks. About what I said yesterday…when I called you dad,'

'Yes?'

'I meant it,' Meredith walked round the other side of the desk and hugged Richard.

'I really do see you as my dad. You were the one who took me to my prom, you were the one who took me to swimming, made sure I was safe, held me when I had a nightmare. I may not have the same DNA as you but you are my dad,' Richard stood up and hugged Meredith tightly.

'Meredith, I have always seen you as a daughter and I always will,'

'Good, cause you're not going to get rid of me,' Meredith laughed as she left Richard Webbers office. But what she didn't see was how happy she had just made the man inside it.


	24. You're hot

Derek opened his eyes slowly, the light hurting them. The window in the bedroom was open, blowing Meredith's hair gently. Derek lay, watching her chest rise and fall gently. Lifting his hand he placed it carefully on her stomach. Meredith opened her eyes, and looked down at Derek. He didn't know she was awake.

'The baby can feel that,' Derek looked up and smiled.

'Did I wake you?'

'No, I have to pee,' Derek laughed as Meredith tried to get out of bed. Pushing her up with his hand she smiled.

'Thanks,' Meredith lifted clothes out the drawer and headed to the bathroom.

'What time do you finish tonight?'

'Eight, You?'

'I'm only doing a twelve hour shift, so about four, maybe five, depending on my how my cranioplasty patient does,'

'You know you shouldn't over do it,'

'I'm not,'

'How's Terry doing?'

'If everything's ok, he might get discharged on Wednesday. I've got a surprise for you,'

'Really?' Meredith walked over to the dresser and pulled an envelope out her bag. Handing it to Derek she waited to se the reaction on his face.

'When did you get these?'

'Yesterday,'

'No, when did you send away for these? They take about a month to be processed,'

'That's not the best bit,' Meredith pulled her licence out her bag and handed it to Derek.

'I am officially Dr Shepherd,' Derek took hold of Meredith's hand and pulled her down to the bed.

'You are gorgeous,'

'And you have to get ready for work; we have to leave in five,'

'Yes mommy,' Meredith looked over her shoulder at Derek as she threw a pillow at him.

'Get up,' Derek climbed out the bed and within ten minutes they were pulling into the hospital car park.

'What times your first surgery at?'

'I've got an extra intracranial bypass at six,'

'I'll see you later then,' Meredith leaned across and kissed Derek. Meredith climbed out the car and headed to the front door. Derek sat and watched as she waddled to the front door and stood talking to Christina.

'How does it feel to be married?'

'Really weird. It will feel strange for a few days because I'm now officially Dr Shepherd,'

'Really?'

'Yeah, why?'

'You're now going to be known as the she shepherd and you know who used to be called that,'

'Yeah. Me and Addison are really close so it doesn't bother me. If I start getting called Mc Bitch, then I will have an issue,' Christina laughed as she pressed the button for the fourth floor.

'Ah, Dr shepherd, nice to see you this morning,' the smirk on Derek's face grew.

'You too Dr Shepherd,' Derek headed for the stairs leaving Christina with a shocked look on her face.

'You guys are really strange,' Meredith pushed the door to the locker room opened and spotted Derek pulling his scrubs on.

'Morning Dr Shepherd,' two residents walked past Meredith and left them on their own. Walking up to Derek, they kissed passionately.

'I don't think I can stay away from you,'

'Why?'

'Cause pregnancy hormones are playing havoc with me,' Derek leaned down and kissed her gently.

'You seen Addison today?'

'Nope, why?'

'Cause apparently she has the biggest smile on her face cause of your discovery,' Meredith threw her top in her locker and shut it. Scraping her hair back, she tried to clip her pager in her waist band.

'Let me,' She handed it to Derek and let him clip it in.

'Thank you. I can't even wear my coat because it doesn't fit anymore,'

'You love it,'

'I know. I've got to go but I will see you later. I need you for a consult on case,'

'Sounds interesting,'

'It's not really; I just want to work beside you,'

'You know bailey would kill you if she found out,'

'Who says she will,' Meredith left Derek standing in the locker room and headed along to Terry's room.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'I'm great Dr Grey,'

'No, I'm Dr Shepherd now,'

'But I thought the other doctor was Dr Shepherd,'

'He is, but so am I,'

'Congratulations,'

'Thanks,' Meredith lifted his chart and rested in on her growing bump.

'When you due?'

'Just under three months, I can't wait,'

'If your doctoring skills are anything to go by, you'll be a great mom,'

'Thanks. I'll get Dr Shepherd to come in and give you the once over and all being well you should be out by the end of the week,'

'Thanks,' Meredith lifted his chart and started filling out the form when her pager wet off.

'911-trauma-neuroconsult needed' Meredith threw the chart down and ran down to the exam room, which wasn't easy.

'What have we got?' Meredith lifted a pair of gloves and slipped the on. Looking down at the gloves she smiled at the band popping up from underneath.

'25 year old female, hit and run, found at the side of the road, head examined fro a blunt head trauma. CT films on the board. Bp 180 over 60, gcs of 6, tox-screen clear,' Meredith walked over and looked up at the board. Looking closely she could see a small shadow.

'ICP'S RISING DR SHEPEHRD!'

'Hang a bag of manitol, book and OR and page Dr Shepherd,' every one started rushing around to get the young woman to the OR.

'Prep her for a craniotomy,' Meredith waddled behind the gurney, her hands at the bottom of her back.

'Set the table up low and get a surgical chair set up for Dr Shepherd,'

'Why does he need to sit during the surgery?'

'It's not for him, for the She shepherd, Dr Grey. She's now Dr Shepherd,' everyone smiled and set up the chair. Meredith lifted her surgical cap, the indigo blue and lavender cap fitting her perfectly.

'Right, what's her ICP now?'

'Its came down since hanging the manitol but it's beginning to rise again.

'You paged Dr Shepherd?'

'Yes,'

'Ok, let's get started,' Meredith started the craniotomy and five minutes into it Derek came into the OR.

'Everything alright Dr Shepherd?'

'I wanted you to have a look at her scans, something's not right. Her ICP doubled in the space of thirty seconds and then fell after a bag on manitol was started. Now she's rising again, even with the manitol still hanging,' Derek lifted the films and raised them up to the light. Walking over he stood beside Meredith.

'My god,'

'Dr Shepherd?'

'Open her up,'

'Dr Shepherd,'

'She's got a cerebral haemorrhage; it needs to be evacuated,'

'Go get scrubbed in then Dr Shepherd, I'll open her up,' Derek walked into the scrub room and watched as Meredith ordered the OR about. Nurses came in with trays on instruments, setting them up, quickly but carefully. Pushing herself round to the side of the table she extended the cut, lifting the skull flap off even more.

'Ok, I've only seen six cerebral haemorrhages, this being the worst. I need you to page the chief and get him to sign a form for the KGE gun,'

'Dr Shepherd, that can be lethal,'

'I know Dr Shepherd and today, you are going to get the chance to use one,' Meredith looked up at Derek. After five minutes three nurses in green scrubs came in holding a red box.

'I'll sign after surgery, hand me the gun,' two of the nurses lifted the gun out and handed it to Derek.

'These are my favourite,' Derek placed the gun in position and looked around.

'Get adrenalin ready, Dr Shepherd, she is about to start crashing, when I say, I need you to inject the syringe into the side of the gun and draw the blood quickly,' Meredith lifted the needle and nodded to Derek. Pressing down, the patient's heart rate started dropping rapidly.

'Now,' Meredith inserted the needle and drew the blood, but there was an unexpected surprise.

'Is their supposed to be excess fluid?'

'No, there's something bigger, we'll finish this off and then send her for another CT,' Derek handed Meredith the gun and talked her through the set up. An hour later, the female was being wheeled out the OR to ICU.

'That was a good surgery,'

'Why do you need to sign for the KGE gun?'

'Because it's a listed instrument. They cost around $150,000, each,'

'Why?'

'Because of the delicacy of how they are made,'

'Right,'

'How you feeling?'

'I'm fine, just going to talk to my cranioplasty patient then I get to do another surgery but I need to pick an intern to scrub in, so I need to go and sort them out. Bailey has been dealing with them this week so I may not recognise them,' Derek started laughing.

'I'm going to head down to maternity for five minutes; you could come with me,'

'What happened to your extra intracranial bypass?'

'Didn't make it through the night. Had a stroke. Need to wait for thirty six hours before I can operate,'

'Damn,'

'So, you are coming with me?'

'I can't,'

'Five minutes,'

'You know I can't,'

'Come on,' Derek leaned over Meredith and smiled.

'How can I resist that face,' Derek smiled and followed Meredith down to Maternity. Standing looking through the glass, Derek slipped his hands round his waist.

'I thought we were keeping the hospital strictly professional?'

'We were,' Meredith started laughing.

'You two aren't allowed down here,' Meredith turned and looked at Addison. She was glowing.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'Brilliant, no morning sickness,'

'Addison, how far along are you?'

'About four months, why?'

'Cause your showing,' Addison looked down and started fidgeting with her top.

'Its fine, you look great,'

'So do you,' Derek leaned down and whispered in Meredith's ear.

'Should we ask her now or wait till until we are having dinner,'

'Wait,' Derek nodded and turned back to the babies.

'What are you two up to?'

'Nothing,'

'Yeah right,' Addison turned back to the nurse's station, fixing the charts. Meredith's pager started going off.

'Shit, I've got to go, she's crashing,' Meredith started running.

'Mere, take it easy!'

'I AM,' Meredith kept running up to the room where the code team were standing.

'What the hell happened?'

'Her ICP stabilized but her heart rate started dropping,'

'How long has she been down?'

'Twelve minutes,'

'Load her with faliciparum,' the small nurse injected the young woman with the faliciparum.

'No change,'

'We've lost her pulse!'

'Charge to 200! Clear,' the young woman's body arched.

'No change. Charge 300, clear,' Meredith closed her eyes as the shocks went through the woman.

'No change,'

'Charge to 360, Clear,' Watching the monitor she waited to see what the outcome was.

'Still no change Dr Shepherd; what do you want to do?'

'How long has she been down?'

'Twenty two minutes,'

'Time of Death, seven forty two,' Meredith left the room and headed along to the nurses station.

'Will you page Dr Shepherd and tell him to phone up here,' a nurse paged Derek and within five minutes he had phoned.

'What's wrong?'

'She was down for too long. I had to call her,'

'Damn,'

'Yeah, I just thought you'd want to know,'

'Ok, take it easy Mere,'

'I am, love you,'

'You too,' the phone went dead and Meredith headed down to the OR.

'Meredith, how you doing?'

'I'm ok, just lost a patient. The KGE gun patient,'

'What happened?'

'Her heart gave up,'

'Crap. You got a cranioplasty scheduled for twenty minutes time,'

'I know, I need to go and get ready, I'll see you later Richard,'

'Meredith, take it easy,'

'I am,' Meredith smiled and headed up to room 7896. A fourteen year old blonde haired boy lay, curled up on the bed.

'Simon, how you doing?'

'I want to go home,'

'Simon, we talked about this, you know you need this surgery,' Meredith pulled a stool over and sat next to the bed.

'I know. I'm scared,'

'What about?'

'What if this doesn't work and I'm left with this dent in my head for the rest of my life?'

'Simon, I promise you I will try my very best for you. You know your surgery has risks. All surgeries do. You've had the dent as you call it since you've been a baby. I will try my best to fix it. I do you a deal, when you come out of surgery and your hair grows back, you die it a wacky colour and you come in and show me, deal?'

'Deal,' Simon smiled as Meredith stood up.

'I'll see you in a couple of minutes,' Meredith left Simon and went down to the scrub room. He was being wheeled into the OR. Putting a mask and a set of gloves on she placed her hair cap on and went into see Simon.

'Meredith?'

'Yeah Simon?'

'You're hot,'

'You do know that I will remember you told me this after your surgery and will have to slag you for it,'

'Yeah, but I just thought it might make you smile,' Meredith laughed.

'Count backwards for me Simon from ten,'

'10, 9, 8, 7, 6…' He's eyes were shut. Meredith headed back in where she got scrubbed in for the surgery.

'Ok, let's make sure I get to see his wacky hair and slag him for calling me hot,' Meredith sat down on the seat and shaved his hair away.

'Move him next door,' Meredith changed and went next door.

'Right, lets get started,' Meredith made the incision at the back of his right ear. Lifting the flap she started picking the pieces of crumbling bone out.

'Chloroform,' Meredith lifted the metal plate and slipped it in place, making sure not to damage any part of his brain.

'Can I see the films?' The x ray films were held up to her of his brain and where the plate was sitting.

'Good job team, can you close him up for me?' Meredith stood up from the seat and ripped the mask and gloves off. Scrubbing her arms she left the scrub room and headed for the on call rooms where she collapsed on the bed. Patting her stomach she smiled.

'I said I was taking it easy, like that can happen,' her head hit the pillow as she fell asleep, her hand resting on her bump gently.


	25. Pompus Ass

Meredith woke to the sound of her pager going off.

'ICU, SIMON HORNTHAW, WOKEN' Meredith yawned and threw the feet over the side of the bed. Pushing herself up she fixed her scrubs. She had been sleeping for and hour and half.

'Crap,' Meredith redone her hair and left the on call room.

'Meredith,'

'Hey Simon, how you feeling?'

'My head is killing me,'

'I'll get you some pain killers,'

'How did it go?'

'Very smoothly. Barring any complications, I should be able to take your bandages off tonight.' The young boy's eyes lit up.

'I don't have a dent anymore?'

'If all is well then no you don't,'

'Thank you so much,'

'It was my pleasure,'

'Your still hot,' Meredith started laughing.

'I'm married and having a baby so I'm off the market,'

'Damn,' Meredith started laughing.

'I'll be in to check on you later,' Meredith left Simon and headed over to the nurses station.

'We've just received a call from Trauma, major pile up, your needed down the stairs,' Meredith headed down the stairs when she realised what she meant. There were eight critical patients and three minor. Looking at the boards she headed for room 3.

'What we got?'

'Forty year old male, conscious, belt prevented major head injury but has no sensation from the waist down. BP 190 over 70, tox-screen clear, GCS 0f 8,'

'Send him for a CT and page me with the results, send an intern with him,' Meredith left the room and headed to room 5.

'Details please,'

'Seven month old female, severe head trauma, car seat wasn't secured properly, head went into front windscreen. BP 60 over 30, GCS 2, major blood loss, received 2 units of blood,'

'Page Dr Sloane, send her up to CT, priority and Book an OR,' Meredith lifted a pair of gloves and looked in the child's eyes.

'Page Shepherd as well,' Meredith headed along the corridor, taking the priority cases first. Opening room one, her breath caught in her throat.

'Stats?'

'35 year old male, no obvious head trauma, drifting in and out of consciousness, tox-screen clear, BP normal,'

'Page Dr Stevens, tell her it's critical,' Meredith walked over and took hold of the males' hand.

'George…can you here me?' George groaned and opened his eyes and looked around the room.

'What happened?'

'There was a car accident. Does anything hurt?'

'My chest,'

'What about you're head?'

'No,'

'Ok, I'll page Burke,' Meredith walked over to the phone and Paged Burke. The room door burst open and Izzie ran over to George's bedside.

'George…'

'Hey,'

'Oh my god,'

'Hey, don't cry, I'm fine, honestly,'

'George…don't lie,'

'Izzie, I'm ok,'

'Mere, what's happening?'

'There's no obvious head trauma. Burkes on his way down. Izzie, he'll be ok,' Meredith left Izzie with George.

'Dr Shepherd, you paged me,'

'Yes Dr Burke, George O'Malley has been brought in with the accident. He's complaining of chest pains. Will you take a look?'

'Sure, I'll send him for a CT,'

'Get a head one down as well, just in case,'

'Of course,' Meredith headed back along to room five. Addison was standing over the small baby's body.

'Hey, how's she doing?'

It's not looking good; I need to get a CT to see what damage has been done,'

'Ok. I need to go and see room five, you got it from here?'

'Yeah,' Meredith headed back along to room three.

'We got a name yet?'

'Steven Gorney,'

'Family been phoned?'

'Wife is on the way,'

'Mr Gorney, I'm Dr Shepherd, can you tell me where you have pain?'

'No where,'

'You're not sore any where?'

'No,' Meredith walked down to the end of the bed and lifted his tow legs.

'Hold your legs up for me,' Meredith let his legs go but they fell back into her hands.

'Wiggle your toes for me?' There was no movement. Lifting an empty syringe she nipped his legs with it.

'Tell me when you feel anything,' as she came up his legs onto his stomach there was still no feeling. Touching his arms he moved it suddenly.

'You feel me touching your arms?'

'Yeah,' Meredith tested his chest where there was still sensation. Lifting the CT scan she groaned.

'Clear,' The Spinal CT scan was a mess.

'Mr Gorney,'

'Call me Steven,'

'Ok you have what looks like two cracked bones in your back and a broken bone. I need to operate to repair it,'

'Do I have a broken back?'

'Basically yes. But please don't worry. I'm going to try and fix it,' Meredith handed the scans back to the nurse.

'Book an OR for thirty minutes,'

'All the OR's are being used within the next thirty; next one I can get is in an hour,'

'What! He needs emergency surgery, who's booked them?'

'Valentine has an amputation, Shepherd has an OR booked, Sloane has an emergency surgery, Burkes got two booked,'

'Throw Valentines out, he can wait,'

'But Dr Shepherd, it's been booked for twelve hours,'

'I don't care if he booked it yesterday, throw it out, and send him up,' Meredith left the room and went to get scrubbed in. Dr Valentine was standing at the nurse's station.

'What do you mean it's been thrown out? I booked it twelve hours ago. Who threw it out?'

'Dr Meredith Shepherd,' Meredith walked down and lifted Simons chart.

'Who the hell do you think you are?'

'Excuse me?'

'Throwing my surgery out without consulting anyone,'

'Who are you shouting at?'

'Somebody who thinks they rule this OR!' Meredith put her hand over her stomach.

'I have man coming up with a broken Vertebrate and two cracked vertebrates; he is a top priority,'

'I don't care,'

'How dare you! That man needs emergency surgery and if he doesn't have it he could be paralysed for the waist down. Your surgery has been rescheduled for this afternoon,'

'Who gave you the right to reschedule surgeries?'

'The patient comes first. Your patient is not critical. We have another four emergency surgeries going on, so your patient waits until there is an OR available,'

'I don't believe you. You have no authority over that board at all and you are very much mistaken if you do,'

'What the hell is going on?' Derek walked over raging at the sight in front of him.

'I got a page saying an argument was going on out here over an OR. Dr Valentine would you care to explain?' Meredith put her hand on her back and looked at the floor, leaving one hand resting on her stomach.

'I had an amputation booked for twelve hours. I was standing in the scrub room when I got told I had been pulled from surgery by Dr Shepherd,'

'Why was the surgery pulled Dr Shepherd?' Derek looked down at Meredith. Grinding her teeth she looked at Valentine.

'I have a man in his forties, came in with the trauma. He has a broken vertebrate and two cracked vertebrates. He needs emergency surgery if he is going to walk again. I am not going to stand here and take shit off this pompous ass who thinks that because I am a woman and pregnant that I am going to stand and take shit off of him,' Meredith walked away leaving Derek standing, his jaw hitting the floor at what she had just said. Dr Valentine looked at Derek and shook his head.

'I'm reporting this to Richard,'

'You do that, cause I'm with her on this. If that man is to walk again he needs emergency surgery,' Derek left him standing, fuming at what happened. Meredith was scrubbed in and starting the operation when Derek walked in.

'Dr Shepherd, can you please leave, I'll find you after I'm done,' Meredith looked up.

'Is something wrong?'

'No, please. I'll find you after I'm done,' Derek turned and left Meredith. After three hours she hand put two small pins in his back so he could walk again.

'Good job, can you sow him up for me?'

'Yeah,'

'Thanks,' As Meredith stood up from the table, Richard walked in.

'Meredith, a word in my office please?' Meredith nodded and got cleaned up. Avoiding Derek, she headed straight up to Richard office.

'I have just had Sean Valentine at my office, complaining that you pulled his surgery, you wanna tell me why?' Meredith sat down in the seat, her hands on top of her bump.

'The trauma that came I brought in a man who had a broken vertebrate and two cracked vertebrates. His patient needed an amputation that I have rescheduled for this afternoon. What would you rather, a man who can't walk and a woman without three fingers, or a man who can walk and a woman who yeah might not have her fingers but at least has had the operation?'

'I understand what you mean but you didn't have to call him a pompous ass,'

'He was standing shouting at me in the middle of the hall. I have hormones right now that makes me one of the deadliest women alive that are not to be messed with. He should be glad that's all I said,'

'You need to clear it with the other surgeon before you pull their surgeries,'

'Ok, fine,' Meredith left the office and headed down to check on Simon.

'I heard you having an argument with another doctor earlier,'

'Yeah,' Meredith checked his heart rate.

'You were great,' Meredith grunted.

'I just got told off for it,'

'So, you kicked that guy's ass,' Meredith started laughing.

'I'll see you later,' Meredith walked over and marked up Simons chart when Dr Valentine came up beside her.

'This isn't over yet,'

'Are you threatening me?'

'No, just saying, this isn't over,'


	26. You Tell Him

**Meredith is now eight and a half months pregnant and about to stop working. Addison is blooming as well and getting huge. Mark has moved to Seattle and has started the plastics program.**

Meredith was standing at the nurse's station when somebody shouted her name.

'Meredith!' Turning round, her face lit up.

'Simon!' Meredith tried to hug him but it was nearly impossible.

'Meredith, you're huge!'

'That's because I'm pregnant. How are you doing?'

'I've got a surprise for you,' Pulling off hit hat, Meredith burst out laughing.

'Indigo blue, like your surgery hat,' Meredith ran her hand over his hair.

'I can't stay long, just had to show you my hair,'

'You're looking great Simon; it was nice to see you again,'

'I'll be back in again; hopefully you'll be a mom by then,'

'Yeah, I'll see you later Simon,' Simon ran off leaving Meredith smiling. Lifting her patient's scans she went down to book an OR.

'Shepherd, Meredith. Yeah, it's a pin removal. About thirty minutes? Thanks,' Meredith put the phone down and went to tell Steven.

'You are going onto surgery in about twenty minutes so we'll get you prepped and ready to go,'

'Thanks,' Meredith headed down to Maternity, needing some time to think. Standing at the glass she could hear Addison coming along the corridor. But it wasn't her shoes clicking that she could hear; it was the squeaking of her went trainers against the floor.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'Like I could cry, you?'

'I'm ok, I've got a pin removal in about ten so I need to go, I just needed some time to think,'

'What's up?'

'I…I just realised how much has changed. A patient I treated about a month and a half ago came in to show me that he had dyed his hair and to let me know how he was getting on. The last time I saw him, he was being taken out the hospital in a wheelchair, still recovering. Now he's great,'

'You need to relax,'

'I know, I know. I need to head so I'll see you later,'

'Yeah, bye,' Addison headed back along the corridor and Meredith headed back up the stairs to the OR.

'Hey, you ready Steven?'

'Yeah, let's do it,' Meredith turned and looked at a nurse who was standing at the door.

'Your surgery has been rescheduled for this afternoon,'

'By who?'

'Sean Valentine. He needs the OR for a hip replacement,'

'Tell him to get another OR,'

'His surgery has been put down as priority, you need to be moved,' Meredith ripped the mask off her face and the gloves off.

'Son of bitch' Meredith was cursing under her breath.

'Steven I am so sorry but your surgery has been re scheduled. It will be later on this afternoon. I'm really sorry,'

'It's ok, at least I won't miss friends,' Meredith stormed out the scrub room along to the nurse's station.

'I told you it wasn't over,'

'You really are an arrogant bastard. That man needs pins removed from his spine,'

'My patient is down as priority and has to be operated on immediately,'

'Bull shit, this is because of what happened when I had the emergency surgery,'

'And?'

'I can't believe you,'

'Dr Shepherd, you need to realise that you don't always get what you want,' Sean was shouting at Meredith.

'Just because you are an attending doesn't mean to say you get everything you want when you want,'

'I know that. That man has pins in his spine, if their not removed he won't walk again,'

'My patient needs a hip replacement to walk,'

'You're not operating on someone's spine!' Meredith was shouting at Sean, raging at what he had done.

'What do you think you are? Royalty? Your mother may be Ellis grey, your husband maybe shepherd and you may be a neuro surgeon but that does not mean to say that because we don't operate on peoples spines and brains like you do that we're any less. You need to get over yourself. You expect everyone to jump when you click your fingers but it's not going to…' Meredith put her hand up to his face as she bent over. Looking down she shut her eyes.

'Page Addison Sloane and Shepherd,' Meredith turned and leaned against the nurse's station.

'Fuck…' Meredith turned and slid down the desk to the floor.

'What's wrong?'

'My water has just broken, you arrogant bastard,' Sean stood up and walked away.

'Where is Shepherd?'

'He's on his way?'

'God…' Meredith took hold of the nurse's hand and squeezed it tightly. Derek walked over to the nurse's station and looked around.

'Anyone know where Dr Shepherd is?'

'Ahhhh,' Meredith arched her back as Derek ran round the front of the desk.

'Mere?'

'Page Addison,' Derek looked at her stomach and turned white. Picking Meredith up, he started running.

'Page Addison shepherd let her know she's coming down,'

'Fuck!' Meredith was grinding her teeth through the pain.

'Addison,'

'Get her in there,' Addison pushed the door open as Derek laid her on the bed.

'When did these start?'

'About twenty minutes ago,' Meredith was holding onto Derek's hand, her knuckles turning white.

'I hate you so much,' Addison started laughing.

'You tell him,'

'Boys are stupid, stupid stupid stupid,'

'I'm here,'

'Yeah, like you were nine months ago,'

'Ok, let's see how far we've got to go,' Addison changed Meredith into a gown and put her lags in the stirrups.

'I hate you so much,' Derek brushed her hair out her face.

'Your five centimetres already. You're lucky Meredith. Give it another thirty minutes and you'll be fully dilated,'

'I am not lucky. Boys are stupid,'

'I'll phone page everyone,'

'Page Mark,'

'You want him here?'

'I want to tell him he's stupid,' Meredith grabbed Derek's hand and arched her back as another contraction started.

'I hate you!' Meredith slowed down and started breathing.

'You wanted to tell me I was stupid?'

'Mark, all boys are stupid. You two especially, cause you and your stupid boy parts inflicted pain on me and soon to be Addison. Stupid boys,' Meredith was hooked up to a monitor.

'Baby's heart is strong and healthy. This should be an easy labour,'

'There's nothing easy about this,' Meredith's grabbed the railings to the bars as another contraction came and went. They were getting, faster and more painful. Meredith slipped forward on the bed and let Derek go in behind her. Rubbing the bottom of her back she dug her nails onto his knees.

'God must really hate me,'

'No, he doesn't'

'Do you hate me?'

'No, I love you so much,' Meredith pushed herself up against his chest and took a hold of his hands.

'Please don't leave me,'

'I'm not going anywhere,' Addison slipped a surgical gown on and checked Meredith.

'We need to get you down to an delivery room, your nine centimetres,'

'Thank god,' Addison left Meredith and Derek and went down to get scrubbed in. Christina, Izzie, George, Alex and Mark were standing outside her hospital room.

'How long do you think she'll be?'

'Addison said it was going to be a fast labour,' As Izzie started pacing the hall; Meredith was wheeled down to the delivery room. Addison was standing outside.

'Let's bring baby shepherd into this world,'


	27. Your not stupid

Meredith leaned back against Derek, her hand holding his.

'I hate you so much,'

'I know,'

'Ok, on the next contraction I need you to push. This should be the last one,'

'FUCK!'

'You can do this mere,'

'Shut up! Stupid boys,' Meredith gripped his hand and started pushing.

'Ok, the head is out, next big contraction; you need to push again,'

'I can't,' Meredith's body was done. She had no more energy.

'You can do this Mere,' Meredith back arched and her head went into the crook of his neck. As the contraction stopped a small whimper was heard.

'It's a beautiful baby girl,' Addison lifted her away and wrapped her in a towel.

'5lbs 3ounces,' Handing her to Meredith, she watched as they looked in wonder at their baby girl.

'I love you so much,' Derek leaned in and kissed Meredith.

'Hey baby girl,' the small baby's hand gripped Meredith's finger.

'I don't want to alarm you but she's a bit small. It's probably nothing but we're going to take her to sckaboo, just to make sure she's ok. She can stay with you's for a bit but not too long,' Addison tidied up and fixed Meredith up. Leaving them alone she watched as they sat with their new baby girl.

'Derek, I don't hate you, and you're not stupid,' Derek started laughing.

'We need to name baby Shepherd,'

'No now, later,'

'Ok,'

'Here,' Meredith handed Derek the small pink bundle. His hands were shaking. A single tear fell from his face.

'You are the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen,' the baby let out a small gargle.

'Sorry but there's a few people wanting to see the new Shepherd,' Mark was the first to come in, instantly heading to the side of Derek.

'Well done Meredith, she's beautiful. Congratulations Derek,' Christina was followed in by Izzie George and Alex.

'She's beautiful,' George walked round and hugged Meredith.

'I'm really happy for you guys,'

'What you going to call her?'

'We're going to wait until later,'

'Can you guys do me favour?' Meredith tried to sit up. Addison came over beside her and helped her.

'Can you go and get Richard and phone my mom, just let her know,'

'I'll do it,' Christina walked round to the side of the bed and kissed Meredith forehead.

'Well done,' leaving the room George looked shocked.

'Did she just show some sort of emotion?'

'Yeah, the babies make you toxic,' Izzie started laughing as she stood over beside Derek, looking down at the small bundle.

'You must be so proud Derek,'

'You wouldn't believe how much,'

'I hate to throw you all out but baby has to go and mommy has to sleep,' everyone nodded and left Meredith and Derek.

'Can we keep her here for a few more minutes, just until Richard comes down?'

'Five more then she has got to go, ok?'

'Thanks Addison, for everything,' Addison nodded and spotted Richard coming down the hallway.

'She's in there,' Christina stood outside with everyone, talking about the beautiful baby girl.

'How you feeling?' Mark came over and stood in front of Addison.

'Very broody,'

'You don't have long to wait,' Addison smiled and wrapped her arms around Mark's neck, having to go on her tip toes to hug him. Richard walked in the room and took a sharp breath in.

'Edith and Bob are in New York, My mom in the home. I wanted her to meet at least one of her grandparents before she went to sckaboo,' Derek gently handed Meredith the bundle. Richard slowly walked over to the side of the bed.

'My god,' the small child was so peaceful. Meredith held her out to him. Gracefully he took hold of her. Richard whispered in the baby's ear.

'Heaven is missing an angel,' Meredith smiled and took hold of Derek's hand. She watched as Richard Interacted with the baby, how she responded to him. It was an image imprinted on her mind.

'I'm really sorry but she has to go to sckaboo,' Richard handed her back to Meredith.

'Thank you,' Leaning down he kissed Meredith's head.

'I'm so proud of you,' Shaking Derek's hand he left the room and headed up to his office. Lifting the phone he knew exactly what he had to do.

'Hello, Rosewood residential home?'

'Can I speak to your chief of staff?'

'Can I ask who's calling?'

'Dr Richard Webber,' the line went quiet before a female voice came on the phone.

'Hello?'

'Hello, my name is Dr Richard Webber. I'm Chief of surgeries at Seattle grace hospital. One of your residents, Ellis Grey, I was wondering of it was possible for me to come and collect her and bring her to the hospital for a short while?'

'May I ask why?'

'Her daughter Meredith has just had her first baby; she would like her mother to see the baby,'

'Of course, if you come by, she'll be waiting. Can you please bring some sort of Identification with you, just to verify who you are?'

'No problem, I'll be there in fifteen minutes,' Richard put the phone down and lifted his security pass for the hospital. Lifting his keys he remembered how beautiful the baby girl was. Leaving his office he told Patricia to cancel all surgeries under Shepherd, and that he would be unavailable for the rest for the day, unless it was an emergency.

'Meredith, you are amazing,'

'She's beautiful; I've never seen anything like her in my life,'

'She's just like her mom,' Meredith smiled at that title. Mom. She had never been called it before and really like the sound of it.

'I know you guys probably want to keep her but I need to take her to sckaboo now,' Meredith handed Addison the bundle and watched as she placed her gently in the cot.

'You can come and see her anytime,'

'Thanks,' Addison left them, Meredith, leaning back against Derek. Her eyes were slowly closing. Derek went to get up but Meredith grabbed hold of His hand.

'Please don't leave me,' Derek smiled and turned so she was lying next to Meredith. She curled into a ball on his chest and before long she was fast asleep, after bringing Baby Shepherd into the world.


	28. Natalie

Addison stood, holding Baby Shepherd hand.

'You are the luckiest baby I know,' Addison closed the cot over and turned to the glass window. The sight in front of her surprised her. Ellis Grey was standing with Richard, looking in at the small baby.

'Richard, bring her in,' Richard guided Ellis into the large room and over to the baby's box.

'She's lovely,' Ellis leaned down to take a closer look at her grandchild.

'What's her name?'

'They haven't decided on one yet,'

'Can I see Meredith?'

'Yes, I'll take you to her,' Richard took Ellis along to Meredith's room, where she was sitting talking to Meredith.

'Meredith, there's some one here to see you,' Ellis grey came round the side of Richard and walked over to her daughter. She barely recognised her.

'Mom?'

'Meredith,' Meredith outstretched her arms and hugged her mother.

'I've just seen her. She lovely,'

'Yeah, she's a wee bit small but it's nothing to worry about,'

'Who came and got you?'

'Richard did,' Ellis went very quiet and started looking around the room. Meredith nodded to Richard.

'I have a cranial reconstruction in half and hour, I need to go,' Meredith nodded as Richard left and took Ellis back to the home.

'I'm really happy she seen the baby,' Derek nodded his head.

'You need to phone your mom and dad. I'm going to get dressed, go and phone them just now,' Derek climbed off the bed and went to phone his mom and dad. Addison came in shortly after Derek left. Meredith was sitting on the bed, her legs folded, crying her eyes out.

'I can't stop crying,' Addison put her arms round Meredith and soothed the new mother.

'It's ok; you're allowed to cry,'

'But I'm not upset or sad, I'm so happy, I shouldn't be crying,'

'Meredith, you've just given birth about three hours ago. Your body feels like its just done fifty hours at the gym. Your hormones are doing somersaults. Be prepared for this,' Meredith slowed down and smiled at Addison.

'Thanks,'

'It's ok,'

'Can I get dressed?'

'Into what?'

'I'm going to get Derek to get my tracksuit out my locker. I hate hospital gowns,'

'If you were anybody else I'd say no, but since it's you ok, but you are to rest, no strenuous activity,' Meredith nodded as Addison left her.

'How did your mom and dad take it?'

'I need to get my ear checked. She may have just burst my ear drum from screaming,' Addison laughed and pulled Derek into a hug.

'Congratulations Derek. You'll be great father,'

'Thank Addison. You can't have long to go now,'

'Four months and I'm going to be huge,'

'You'll love it,'

'I know. Meredith wants her tracksuit from her locker. I would go and get it but I don't think she wants to wait until Christmas,'

'Fair enough,' Derek headed up to the Attendings locker room. Mark was standing shouting at an Intern.

'You never promise a patient's family a good out come! That guy is going to have a huge burn down his arm, and you said it wouldn't even be noticeable. Are you that stupid? Get out of my sight!' Derek walked over to Mark.

'You ok?'

'Yeah. I've go a patient who fell into a bath of boiling water. All down his left side his skin is peeling off. He's going to be covered in scars. That stupid ass said it wouldn't be noticeable and that he promised it would be fine. I could kill him,'

'Hey, it's a stupid intern, what's really wrong?'

'Nothing, its ok, how's Meredith?'

'She's fine, Mark what's wrong?'

'It's nothing Derek honestly. I need to go. I'll come down and see Meredith later,' Mark lifted the pile of charts and walked away leaving Derek slightly confused. Lifting her tracksuit he spotted the baby book. Lifting it out he smiled. Going back down to the room he pushed the door open. Meredith was sitting up straight holding a tiny bundle.

'Addison smuggled her out for me,' Derek sat down facing Meredith.

'I like the name Natalie' Derek looked down at the tiny bundle.

'Natalie,' Derek nodded and leaned in, kissing Meredith.

'Natalie Shepherd,' Meredith started laughing.

'She's actually here,' Derek handed Meredith the track suit.

'Looks like we can update this now,' Meredith looked up at Derek. Looking back down she smiled.

'She is going to be her father's daughter,' the tiny baby opened her eyes. They were blue, like Derek's.

'She wants her dad,' Derek put the book down and took hold of the pink towel.

'Natalie,' Derek moved the towel away from her face as Meredith changed into her tracksuit. She scraped her hair back and laid down on the bed. Watching Derek with Natalie her eyes began to close slowly. She didn't even fight the sleep that was growing on her. Addison came in and looked at Meredith who was fast asleep.

'You got a name for her yet?'

'Natalie,' Addison smiled.

'She looks like a Natalie,' Derek laughed gently.

'When do you think she'll get out?'

'If all goes well, Meredith should be out tomorrow,'

'And Natalie?'

'Because of her size, a few days, she'll be home by the end of the week,' Derek couldn't stop smiling. He had a family, a wife who he loved more than life itself, and baby girl who was the most beautiful baby in the world. If this wasn't happiness he didn't know what was.

'Come on, you carry her back to sckaboo,' Derek turned Natalie round in his arms and followed Addison out.

'What's up with Mark?' Addison took a deep breath in.

'You noticed it too,'

'He seemed angry, like really pissed off at something,'

'I don't know, he won't talk to me or tell me anything,'

'He was balling and shouting at on Intern. When I asked him what was wrong he said it was nothing but he seemed distant,'

'I don't know,' Derek placed Natalie in the cot as Addison changed the name on the cot label.

'Natalie Shepherd,' Derek rubbed the back of her hand before being ushered out by Addison.

'You need to go home and sleep, you look like crap,'

'You're so nice,'

'I am Satan remember,' Derek laughed.

'I'm ok; Meredith will wake up soon so I'll stay,'

'Derek, if she wakes up, I'll be here, your no used to her when you look like crap and feel like crap. Go home; I'll keep an eye on her,'

'Thanks Addison,'


	29. Sweet Dreams Angel

**Hello! i am officaily in love with Derek Shepherd and am saving up to buy him off ABC. lol Anyway this story is not ending soon, unless you want me to. i have already written up to and including chapter 36. Won't post it for a while though. :) hope you are all enjoying the story. For those of you who asked, sckaboo is the special baby unit in the hospital where small or premature babies go. Any way. read review and hopefully love :)**

Meredith stuck her head round the door of the hospital room. She had to get out of there. Looking around for Addison she crept along the hall to the sckaboo room.

'Hey baby,' Meredith was standing at the glass looking in at Natalie.

'You are the most beautiful baby in the world,'

'And her mommy is going to get her ass kicked for being out of bed,' Meredith turned and smiled.

'How you feeling?'

'Amazing. You don't know what your gonna feel like until their born and then when you do, you don't expect it,'

'Ok, Mere, you have to stop the whole mommy thing with me. Babies make you toxic,'

'Christina you have cheek to talk. You kissed my forehead earlier,'

'Yeah, well, like I said, babies make you toxic,'

'How's Burke?'

'He's ok, same old Burke,'

'Glad to here it,' Christina looked around and then started pushing Meredith into the room.

'You're gonna get me in trouble,'

'You just had a baby, you can get away with everything,' Meredith started laughing as she stood over Natalie's cot.

'You called her Natalie?'

'Yeah, I said I liked it and that was it. I think she suits it,'

'Yeah, whatever. She can't even talk or feed herself or even stand. She's totally oblivious to the world around her and you think you know that a name suits her. You are one crazy person,'

'Like you said I just had a baby, I get away with everything,'

'But some things you can't,' Meredith turned and smiled at Addison.

'I'm sorry…Christina made me,' Christina looked at Meredith.

'Yeah, and I'm god,' Meredith turned back round to the cot and took hold of Natalie's hand.

'Give her a few hours and you can have her in beside you,'

'I thought she was small,'

'She is, but she's strong, healthy. She just needs careful monitoring. She'll be fine,'

'Can I have a cuddle?'

'Yeah, but only a small one,' Meredith put her two hands in the cot and lifted her up gently. Supporting her head with her hands she walked over to the rocking chair with her, she sat down and held the tiny baby in close to her chest. Addison and Christina left Meredith on her own, but she didn't notice.

'You are so special. It's really weird how about ten hours ago you were inside me and now I'm holding you. You are the most amazing little miracle in the world. I love you so much. So does your daddy. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise,' Meredith gently rocked back and forward when she heard the door opening, she didn't look up but acknowledged the fact somebody was there. Gently kissing Natalie's head she stood up and went to put her back in her cot.

'Meredith, she's beautiful,' George was standing, holding a small box.

'I can't believe she's mine,'

'Here, this is from everyone but they were told only one person could come in so I got picked,' Meredith smiled as she opened the box. Inside was tiny baby bangle with the words Baby Shepherd inscribed on it. Taking it out, she slipped it on Natalie's arm. George walked over and put his arm around Meredith's waist.

'Thank you, for everything. Everyone's been great but you seem to of always been in the background, holding everything together. It means a lot, Uncle George,' George started laughing.

'You get to be her first uncle that gets a hold,' Meredith leaned down and picked Natalie up. Slipping her into George's arms she watched as George became a different person. It was like he was making a silent vow to protect her and keep her safe. He brushed the top of her head with his hand and took hold of her tiny hand.

'She's incredible Meredith,' George placed her back down and hugged Meredith.

'I'm always here for you, And Derek. Any babysitting shifts going, I'll take them, even after a forty eight hour shift,' Meredith smiled, but then started yawning.

'You had better get back before you fall asleep on your feet,' George headed to the door as Meredith leaned down and kissed Natalie on the head.

'Sweet dreams angel,'


	30. Like mother like daughter

Meredith lifted the car seat up but Derek quickly took it off her.

'I'll get it,'

'Derek she's not even in it, I can lift the car seat,'

'I know, but you need to take things easy,'

'Fine,' Meredith put her hands in the air and sat on the bed. Addison came in carrying a small bundle in her arms. Addison pushed the doubt she had in her head to the back, knowing Natalie was a healthy baby.

'Hey, you all set?'

'Yip,' Addison handed Natalie over to Derek.

'Remember you need to take it easy. Anything happens with her, don't hesitate to phone,'

'He won't let me forget and we will,' Derek placed Natalie in the car seat and strapped her in.

'I found out what was wrong with Mark,' Meredith seemed confused.

'What?'

'He had been working on a three month old baby whose roasting hot bottle burst on her. Her chest was badly burnt. She didn't make it.'

'Damn,'

'He's ok, just needed some time,' Meredith stood up and lifted her beige bag.

'Let's go,' Meredith went to lift Natalie's car seat but Derek beat her to it.

'I'm not an invalid!' Derek started laughing.

'I'll see you guys next Saturday, phone if you guys need anything,'

'We will, thanks Addison,' Meredith was standing in the elevator.

'We have to get back to work soon,'

'Why?'

'I miss elevators,' Derek started laughing as he brought Natalie up to his waist. Meredith took hold of his hand as they stepped out the elevator. The sun was shining in Seattle and Meredith was glad to be leaving. She had stayed with Natalie even though she had been discharged, not wanting to leave her. Derek placed Natalie's car seat in the back and strapped it in.

'Let's show Natalie the ferryboats,' Derek smiled.

'As you wish,' turning up the dirt track road, Meredith was confused.

'Derek why are you at the old trailer?'

'See those poles?'

'Yeah?'

'That's the four corners of our house,'

'What do you mean our house?'

'By next July we will have our own house,' Meredith turned, looking out the windscreen to the house.

'You're building a house?'

'No, we're building a house,' Meredith climbed out the car, leaving the door open. Derek sat and watched as she walked over the plot of land.

'I think mommy's slightly surprised,' Derek started laughing. Meredith turned to face him. The smile on her face was huge.

'You like?'

'I love,' Leaning across the gear stick she kissed Derek.

'Now, you mentioned something about ferryboats.' Meredith smiled as she buckled herself back in the front. Looking through the back of the car she could see that Natalie was fast asleep.

'She's sleeping,' Derek moved his mirror so he could see her.

'She sleeps like you,'

'How?'

'She has her left hand in a fist, you sleep with your left hand in a fist and it was only when you were pregnant that you didn't,' Meredith started laughing. Derek pulled into the harbour and lifted Natalie out the back. Meredith was walking along to the end of the pier to sit on the bench. Derek followed her with Natalie in the car seat. She had woken up and seemed amazed by her hands.

'She needs her mom,' Derek lifted her out and handed Natalie to Meredith. Her head rested against Meredith's left arm.

'Things are going to be so different from now on in,'

'What do you mean?'

'We've got married, had Natalie and are now building a house together. Things are going to be so different,'

'You happy that their different?' Derek put his arm around Meredith and pulled her into his chest.

'You couldn't imagine how happy,'

'When I phoned my mom, she nearly burst my ear drum. My dad was quite chuffed as well. They want us to take her up, to let everyone see her,'

'Why not?'

'I thought you might want to spend a few days at home first, get Natalie settled,'

'Derek, she's your baby too. She's their grand daughter. If they want to see her, then they can see her. When do you want to go?'

'I said it would be a few weeks till we brought her up,'

'No, they need to see her. Tomorrow, book flights for Sunday. We can spend the week there,'

'Meredith, you don't have to do this,'

'I know, but I want to. I want Natalie to know that she has a family,'

'Meredith, she's four days old,'

'I know. Let's take her up on Sunday, give them a surprise,'

'Only if you're up for it,'

'Yeah,' Meredith and Derek sat with Natalie, looking out over to the ferryboats for an hour when Natalie started crying.

'I won't be long,' Meredith stood up and headed to the car.

'Where are you going?'

'Natalie needs feeding,'

'I'll do it,'

'You're missing two things Derek,'

'What?'

'Breasts,' Derek started laughing as Meredith headed up to the car. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. He was a father, a husband and madly in love. Life couldn't get much better. After fifteen minutes, Meredith came back from the car, Natalie quite satisfied.

'I'll do the feeding part,'

'Yeah, I think you need to,'

'You can get the nappies,'

'Why do I get the nappies?'

'Cause I do the feeding. It's all about sharing the responsibility,'

'Yeah, and the fact you don't want the nappies,'

'That as well,'

'We should get her back,' Meredith placed her back in the car seat and headed back to the car. Strapping her in, she could feel Derek's hands slipping under her top. Closing the car door she leaned against the car.

'Derek, I still have hormones,'

'I know,'

'And you also know what happens when these hormones get a chance to work,' Derek started kissing her neck. Turning round to face him she took hold of his face in her hands and started kissing him passionately.

'Remember she's in the back,' Derek nodded as he kissed the line of her collar bone.

'We can finish this later,' Derek's hands were roaming her body, his touch sending shivers down her spine.

'Derek, we have to go, she's still in the back,' Meredith took hold of his face again and kissed him, turning him so he was up against the car.

'We have to go,' His hands came out from under her top, letting her walk round to the passenger side.

'Now, who's for heading home?' Derek turned the radio on and started singing as he drove home.

'You know you can't sing,'

'I am a wonderful singer,' Derek lifted Natalie out the back and locked the car. Heading up the stairs, he walked behind Meredith. Izzie and George were standing in the kitchen, making out like there was no tomorrow. Meredith and Derek stood laughing to themselves. George noticed them first and pulled away, smiling.

'Sorry to interrupt,'

'Hey, you got her home today!' George walked over and took the car seat off Derek. Sitting it on the counter, he unclipped Natalie and lifted her out.

'Hey Natalie,' She opened her eyes. Georges face lit up.

'Does she need feeding?' Meredith started laughing.

'I think so,' Derek looked at her and shook his head.

'I'll do it,'

'George only I can feed her,'

'Why?' Meredith raised her eyebrows.

'Crap, I'll be…I'm going…I'm going to watch TV,' Lifting Natalie he handed her to Izzie and headed into the living room.

'Women!'

'I heard that!' Derek shook his head and joined George in the living room.

'Meredith, she's so beautiful. I deal with babies' everyday, and she's still the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Yes you are!' Izzie was talking to Natalie when Meredith slipped out the kitchen.

'Derek, can I talk to you?' Derek followed Meredith up the stairs and into the bedroom.

'What's up?' Meredith pushed him up against the door, her lips smashing against his.

'I told you about the pregnancy hormones,' Derek smiled as he pulled her in against him.

'So, now that's been cleared up, I'm going to put Natalie down,' Meredith left Derek standing the bedroom, stunned at what had happened. Izzie was standing in the kitchen, still holding Natalie.

'I'm going to put her down,' Izzie kissed Natalie's nose and gave her back to Meredith.

'Come on baby girl, lets get you to sleep,' Meredith headed back up the stairs into the bedroom next to hers. The walls were blue and pink, with small stars all over them. The room was bright with natural light. Meredith changed her into a pink baby grow and laid her down in the Moses basket. Pulling the sheet up over her small body, Meredith leaned down and kissed her head gently.

'Sweet dreams Natalie,' closing the curtains and turning the bay monitor on, she lifted the parents unit and closed the door gently. Leaving the parents unit on the bedside table she flopped down on the bed. As she began to sleep, she was woken by the gentle crying of Natalie. Going through to the bed room, she picked her up and tried to soothe her.

'Mommy's here,' Natalie settled down in Meredith's arms and began to fall asleep. Meredith laid her down and went back through to the bedroom, lifting the parent's unit; she headed down to the living room. Derek was sitting on the couch.

'She sleeping?'

'I think so,' Meredith went over and lay down on top of Derek's chest. Handing him the parents unit, she began to fall asleep. As she began to drift, she could hear Natalie starting to whimper through the monitor.

'I'll go,' Derek slipped out from underneath Meredith and headed up the stairs. Through the monitor she could hear what Derek was saying.

'Hey angel…You not sleepy?' There was a period of silence before she realised what Derek was doing. Going up the stairs she stood at the doorway of the nursery. Derek was sitting up against the wall, Natalie in his hands, with her slowly falling asleep as he rhythmically ran his finger down her nose.

'You know that makes me fall asleep,'

'She sleeps like you,' Meredith sat down next to him.

'We can do this, right?'

'We can only try our best,'

'What if we seriously screw this up, like she becomes a crazed drug addict and they say it was because of how she was brought up?'

'You have a very active imagination. That's not going to happen,'

'Promise?'

'I promise,' Natalie was fast asleep in Derek's arms. As he gently lifted her up, her placed her down slowly in the basket. She didn't stir or begin whimpering. She let out a big sigh as her tiny chest began rising and falling. Turning round to Meredith, he realised she was fast asleep against the wall. Lifting her up, he carried her through to the bedroom. Laying her down and pulling the covers over her, she didn't stir but let out a sigh. Leaning down he kissed her head.

'Like mother like Daughter,'


	31. Who's Stacey?

Meredith lifted Natalie's car seat out the taxi and waited for Derek to get her pram and their bags out before going up to the front door.

'Meredith!' Bob came round form the side of the house and hugged Meredith.

'How are you doing?'

'I'm fine. There's somebody we'd like you to meet,' Meredith lifted Natalie out the car seat and handed her to Bob.

'This is Natalie,' Bob took hold of the tiny figure as she started to wake.

'Natalie,' Bob settled her in his arms as Derek came over and stood next to him.

'Congratulations. How come you's are here?' Meredith stepped forward and moved the blanket away from her face.

'She needed to meet her nan and papa,' Bob looked up and smiled at Natalie.

'Here, go and see Edith. The girls are in the garden,' Bob handed Natalie to Derek.

'Stacy's here,' Derek stopped and looked at Bob.

'Stacy's here?'

'Yeah,' Meredith looked at Derek.

'When did she arrive?'

'Three day's ago,' Derek's face lit up as Natalie started whimpering.

'Hey, what's up baby girl?' Meredith lifted Natalie from Derek.

'I need to feed her,' Meredith went inside the house and went into the kitchen. She was sitting on a chair, with a towel over Natalie, when Edith walked in.

'Meredith!' Edith ran over and wrapped her hands round Meredith.

'How are you doing?'

'I'm fine,'

'Where's Derek?'

'He's out talking to bob,' Meredith got cleaned up and lifted the blanket away from Natalie. Edith stood in wonder as Meredith handed her Natalie.

'Meet Natalie,'

'Natalie, this is your nan,'

'Can I take her out to see the girls?'

'Of course, you don't have to ask,' Edith was practically dancing out to the garden when Meredith heard the woman cooing over Natalie. Looking down she closed her eyes.

'Crap,' she stood, trying to dry her top.

'The perks of having a baby,' Lindsey was standing at the door.

'Yeah, how are you doing?'

'I'm great. You?'

'Tired, sore, cranky and on top of the world,'

'Here,' Lindsey picked up a shirt from the laundry basket and threw it at Meredith.

'Thanks just finished feeding her,' Meredith lifted her top off as Derek walked in.

'Am I missing something?'

'I just finished feeding your daughter,'

'Leaving now,' Derek headed out to the back garden.

'How's he been?'

'Unbelievable. He get's up during the night, changes her nappy, cleans up her sick, he does everything,'

'He always wanted to be a father,' Meredith walked over and stood next to Lindsey.

'Who's Stacy?'

'That would be our sister that disappeared off the face of the earth, for us to find out through her ex boyfriend coming round for his stuff that she had moved to London,' Meredith looked at Lindsey.

'Seriously?'

'Yip. Derek went out looking for her every night for a week. We called the cops and all her friends but nobody knew where she was. After a month she came back to the house. Derek found her packing her stuff and knocked the crap out of her. They kissed and made up but they've never been the same since,' Meredith nodded. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know anything about Stacy so couldn't form an opinion on her. Walking over she slipped her hand round Derek's waist and watched as Natalie got passed between all the women. But there was one who passed up every opportunity to hold Natalie. Walking over, Meredith pulled a seat up next to her.

'You must be Stacy,' the young woman turned to Meredith. Like all the other Shepherds, her eyes were like Bobs.

'Yeah, you must be Derek's wife, Meredith,'

'When did you arrive?'

'This morning,' Edith handed Natalie back to Meredith and smiled as they interacted. Meredith kept full eye contact with Natalie the entire time.

'Here,' Meredith handed Natalie to Stacy. Everyone turned and watched as the usually with drawn member of the family warmed instantly to Natalie. Derek walked over and stood beside Stacy.

'So where you staying?'

'I'm doing a lecture in New York general, so it will be a hotel close by. I've been asked to talk at a few hospitals recently,'

'What do you lecture on?' Derek closed his eyes.

'Brain degeneration diseases. Altzimers is a big one of them but I also focus on Dementia, Motor-Neurons, Parkinson's,' Meredith smiled.

'I know somebody with Altzimers,'

'I feel it's the worst of all. I applied for a job with Altimers cure team and am now one of the leading scientists. We've been trying a new drug on some patients and it's doing really well. It doesn't cure the altizmers but it gives a few hour of lucidness a day,'

'Yeah,' Meredith looked away to stop the tears. That's how Derek had gotten her mother on the new drug. She was a guinea pig. Standing up she walked away form Derek leaving Natalie with Stacy.

'My mothers a human guinea pig,'

'Meredith,'

'She's one of the people trialling the drug? Isn't she?'

'Meredith,'

'Answer me straight, is she, or is she not trailing the drug?'

'Yes she is. But you seen for yourself how your mother was. She knows who you are. She can get to know Natalie,'

'That's not the point and you know it. My mother is being used as a guinea pig to trail a new drug. What if something had gone wrong? Did you think of that? Side effects?'

'Meredith, look at how your mother has done,'

'Derek, that's not the point,' Bob walked over and seen Meredith standing pointing her finger at Derek.

'You didn't have a clue what that was going to do to my mother. It could have had the opposite reaction and sped up the altzimers. I thought the new drug she was on had already been tested. You never said it was a trial,'

'Meredith…'

'No Derek, you were in the wrong,' Meredith pushed past Derek and went and got Natalie.

'Until you acknowledge that you were in the wrong, stay away from me,' Meredith went up the stairs into Derek's old room and shut the door. Placing Natalie on the bed she sat and watched Natalie as she lay on her back, kicking her feet in the air.

'Was I wrong Natalie? I shouldn't have shouted at him. No, he was in the wrong. No, I should have talked it through. Why did he have to be a jackass at the same time as trying to help?' Natalie was totally oblivious to the world around her.

'One day, you'll know why I'm taking like a crazy woman and that day will be the day you do the same Angel,' Derek stood at the living room door and bowed his head. She was right and he knew it.

'Derek, what's happened?'

'Meredith's mother has Altzimers. I got in touch with Stacy about three to four months and set up for Ellis to be a patient trialling the new drug. It was supposed to be a surprise for Meredith. She thought the new drug had been approved. It was only when Stacy mentioned the drug that Meredith realised what was going on,'

'And?'

'She say's that until I acknowledge that I was wrong, I've to stay away from her,'

'And do you think you were wrong?' Derek nodded his head.

'Then why the hell are you standing there? Go and sort this mess out Derek. Meredith is a hell of a woman to even still be in this house after that stunt,' Derek headed up the stairs and stood outside the bedroom door. Taking a deep breath in, he pushed the door open. Meredith was sitting in the floor, holding Natalie. Looking up to him, she smiled.

'I'm sorry,' Meredith outstretched her arm to Derek. Walking over, he sat down next to her. Natalie was fast asleep in her mother arms.

'I didn't think about what I was doing when I signed your mother up. I had read in an article that they were looking for candidates and that the series one and two tests had gone really well and that there had been signs of higher lucidity rates in altzimers sufferers who had tried the drug. I contacted Stacy to organise your mothers' treatments,'

'I'm sorry I yelled at you. I should have thought about what was actually happening and why you had done it. I over reacted and I'm sorry,'

'I'm sorry that I didn't use my head,' Meredith leaned up against Derek and leaned her head against his shoulder.

'Where's her pram so I can put her down?'

'I'll go and get it,'

'Bring the other bag as well. It's got the baby monitor in it,' Meredith stood up and eased Natalie onto the bed. Slipping her cardigan off, she opened her eyes.

'Hey, you going to be a good girl for mommy and go to sleep?' Natalie's eyes widened but she yawned and soon they were both closed and she was fast asleep. Changing her into a pink baby grow, Derek walked in with the pram and bag. The pram was indigo blue with purple all through it. Derek lifted the buggy part off and placed the small Moses basket like bed onto the frame of the pram. Meredith laid Natalie down and brushed the small blonde hairs away from her head. Pulling a light sheet up over her body, she watched as Derek set the baby monitor up.

'Do you think she will be ok?'

'Mere, she'll be fine, we can keep this with us the whole time and if she needs us we can come and get her,' Derek kissed Natalie on the head and lifted the parent unit. Meredith followed him after she closed the blinds. Closing the door, she slipped her hand into Derek's.

'She'll be ok,' Meredith went down and sat next to Lindsey. Her head was killing her but she couldn't take painkillers.

'So how's everything been going at work?'

'Ok, been quite quiet. There's only been one major trauma I the past few weeks. It was quite funny when I went into labour with Natalie I was standing shouting at another doctor. He thinks that if you're a woman and pregnant that you can't practise Medicine and are a second class citizen,'

'He sounds like an ass,'

'The first argument I had with him, Derek got paged. I called him a pompous ass. He went and told Chief. It got laughed about when I had to go and 'have a word'. He actually thought that telling on me to the chief would work,'

'You still have issues with the guy?'

'Not really. You hear the occasional he said this and that he done this. It's all crap,'

'What's all crap?'

'Valentines opinion,' Derek laughed.

'That ass-hole,' Lindsey started laughing.

'You two are so funny,' Meredith and Derek looked at each other.

'How?'

'Meredith's just sat and had a royal bitch about him and now you've came and joined in. You's are like…' Derek looked over at the baby monitor. Meredith stood up and headed for the door.

'I'll get her,' Meredith opened the bedroom door slowly and looked in on Natalie.

'Hey baby,' Lifting her up she smiled.

'What do you think of Daddy's family? You like them...I like them…They are all really nice, yes they are... Let's go see your stunning daddy shall we,' Meredith changed Natalie and lifted on the sling. Tightening it at the back, Meredith slipped Natalie into the sling. Natalie sat against Meredith's chest, her head resting against her breast.

'Let's go see daddy,' Meredith walked down the stairs to be bombarded with hugs.

'Is there something in the water?' Meredith sat down next to Derek.

'They all heard what you said,' Meredith seemed confused until she seen the parent unit sitting on the table.

'I think your stunning too,' Meredith leaned over and kissed Derek.

'You want a drink?'

'Can I have some coffee?'

'I thought you weren't drinking coffee because of Natalie,'

'Crap yeah, can I just have coke then?'

'Yeah, sure,' Derek went and came back with a tall glass full of coke and a small box.

'This is for you,' Meredith took the box and opened it slowly. Inside was a smaller box. Looking up at Derek she smiled.

'What are you up to?'

'Open it and find out,' Meredith opened the box to see a sterling silver bracelet. Natalie's name and date of birth were engraved, as were Meredith's name and date of birth. On the other side of the bangle there was a small inscription. 'Like mother like daughter, beauty cannot be measured'. Meredith took Derek's face and caressed it gently with her hand.

'Thank you,' Slipping on the bracelet, she looked down to Natalie. She was wide awake and starting to whimper. Lifting her out, she handed her to Derek.

'She wants her daddy,' Derek took hold of her and eased her into the crook of his arms. Her hands gripped onto Derek's finger and held it tightly.

'She doesn't want to let go of me,' Derek was smiling.

'That's something else that's the same,'

'What?'

'The fact she doesn't want to let you go, cause neither do I,' Meredith leaned across the two arm rests and kissed Derek. They broke apart smiling. Meredith looked down at Natalie and then back to Derek.

'I'm so happy,' Derek looked up.

'Me too,'

'Thank you,'

'What for?'

'Making me this happy,' Meredith's eyes lit up as Derek leaned across and kissed her gently.

'I'd do anything to see you smile, because when you smile, then everything's ok,'


	32. If she's settled

Meredith lifted Natalie out the car and placed her into the sling. Making sure she was well strapped in Meredith smiled. Natalie's eyes were wide open, rapidly moving about from object to object.

'You are beautiful,'

'You talking to me or her?'

'Both,' Meredith smiled as Derek ran his hand along her butt.

'What time you due in?' Derek put the pram up and placed the main baby seat in it.

'I've got a meeting with Richard about me coming back at three so it could be tomorrow or the end of the week. Just depends on what he thinks,'

'You know if I had my way you'd still be in bed,'

'Yes, I know this but I had some stuff to do. We got back from your parents house a week ago and we have done nothing. I don't want to waste the time we've got with her,'

'We won't. She barely leaves our side for an hour,'

'I know but i…I don't know. She just seems so vulnerable, like we need to protect her from the world,' Meredith stroked Natalie's head.

'And we will protect her but first we need to go shopping,' Meredith lifted Natalie out and placed her gently in the pram. As she lay down her hands went up in front of her face. Derek leaned in and pulled the blanket over her chest.

'Sleepy baby,'

'Tired mommy and Daddy,' Derek laughed as Meredith locked the car up and hooked arms with his. Walking into the mall, Meredith took a deep breath in. It felt good to be shopping. She had missed being able to come down.

'Right Dr Shepherd. Me and Miss Shepherd have some shopping to do. When would you like to meet back up?' Meredith looked at her cell phone clock.

'An hour?'

'Make it an hour and a half and I'll buy dinner,'

'Deal. Phone me if you need anything. Her stuffs in the bag if she needs it and if you need me…'

'Meredith, go and shop. We'll be fine. We can shop on our own. Might get lost but I will meet you back here,' Meredith leaned down and kissed Natalie's small hands.

'See you later baby,' Standing up she kissed Derek.

'Love you,'

'You too Mere, have fun,' as Meredith started walking away she turned her head to face Derek. The smile on her face made his heart melt.

'Right, we have some shopping to do for mommy and I need your help,' Derek headed to the opposite end of the mall, knowing exactly where he was going. Meredith stood outside her favourite shop and smiled.

'I hope my credit card is ready for this,' Pushing the door open she lifted the first three tops on the rail that caught her eye. A young male shop assistant came over beside her and took the garments off her.

'Are you looking for something in particular?'

'Nope, just here to buy lots and lots of clothes, and shoes, got to have shoes,'

'Follow me,' Meredith was lead down to the back of the store where there were three full wall sized cupboards full of shoes. There were pinks, red, blue, green, orange, yellow, silver and gold ones. Meredith lifted seven pairs down and tried every pair on in different colours.

'So, you have the eight pairs of shoes, what else are you looking for?'

'Clothes and lots of them. I've just had a baby girl and I need clothes,'

'Ok, what size are you?'

'Try a fourteen and a twelve,' Meredith lifted three pairs of jeans, eight tops and three zippys'. Trying each one on, the young sales assistant was on hand getting her different colours and sizes. Lifting her bag she headed up to the cash desk.

'That's four hundred and twenty two dollars, ninety eight cents,' Meredith lifted her card out and handed it to the young attendant.

'You want cash back?'

'Yeah can I have fifty dollars,' the young cashier handed Meredith fifty dollars and gave her the large twelve paper bags.

'Thanks,' Meredith left the shop and headed along to a shop that Derek loved to stand in for hours, looking at the backs of bottles. Meredith walked in and headed straight to a corner that Derek always spent the most time in, looking at one bottle in particular, always buying a small bottle when he ever got the chance. Lifting the larger bottle out the wall rack, she pulled her card back out and headed over to the counter.

'You have excellent taste,'

'No, not me. My husband. He likes a good single malt scotch and seems to like this one,'

'A very excellent choice. A good single malt scotch is hard to find,'

'He knows what he likes,' Meredith handed her card over and watched as the cost rang up.

'That's three hundred and fifty dollars,' Meredith smiled and picked out the paper she wanted it wrapped in.

'What has he done it deserve this?'

'He's been brilliant. We just had a baby girl and I think he deserves a present. I couldn't of done it without him,' The old man nodded his head and handed Meredith her card and the bag. Meredith looked over to the clock on the wall.

'Crap, I'm late,' Meredith started rushing around trying to get to Derek and Natalie. She could see him kneeling down by the pram.

'Hey,' Meredith ran her hand over his back. Standing up, he kissed her gently.

'You had fun?' Meredith lifted her two hands up and showed the bags. She had hidden the scotch bottle in her hand beige bag. Meredith leaned down and kissed Natalie gently on the head.

'How you been baby girl?' The small baby girl opened her eyes slowly and her eyes shot from side to side.

'You hungry?'

'Shopping is hungry work,' Meredith put the bags on the handles of the pram and started pushing the pram towards the door.

'Where do you want to go?'

'Anywhere,'

'What do you fancy?' Meredith stopped at the doors.

'In Seattle it never rains but it pours,' Meredith pulled the rain cover down over the pram and pulled her umbrella out from under the pram.

'Give me the pram here,' Meredith stepped to the side and put her umbrella up. Meredith ran out and headed straight over to the car. Derek was getting soaking wet as Meredith unlocked the car and set the car seat up. Derek lifted Natalie into the car seat and let Meredith strap her in. Derek put the pram down and climbed in the drivers seat. Wiping the rain from his face and hair he turned and smiled to Meredith. She was shaking the umbrella outside the car when she slipped inside.

'You look gorgeous, even when you're covered in rain,' Derek caressed her face gently. Turning round, Derek shook Natalie's leg gently. She seemed awake and alert. Derek smiled as her eyes started closing gently.

'Has she been awake most of the time?'

'Yeah, she drifted gently in and out of a doze in a couple of shops but when we went to the Baby bay shop, she seemed very awake,'

'I bet she was,' Derek pulled out of the mall car park.

'I need to go home and get changed; I need to go for the meeting with Richard. I shouldn't be more than half an hour,'

'You want a ride to the hospital? I think me and Natalie could find some interesting baby room to play in,'

'Yeah, I need to change her and feed her,'

'I would do the feeding bit but I'm missing a few vital parts,' Meredith started laughing.

'I'll make a couple of bottles up for later on and for when I'm at work,'

'I'll do the changing bit,'

'Yeah, I wouldn't have it any other way,'

'I bet you wouldn't' Derek pulled into the driveway and lifted Natalie's car seat out. Meredith ran up the stairs and undone her hair.

'I'm going for a quick shower. If she's settled…' Meredith bit her lip and threw her bag down on the floor and peeled her jacket off.

'Right, mommy want's you settled,'


	33. She never said anything

Meredith ran along the corridor, cursing herself.

'I shouldn't of had that shower with him,' Stopping outside Richard Webbers door she took a deep breath in.

'Meredith, how's Natalie doing?'

'She's great, being an angel,'

'Take a seat,' Meredith put her beige bag down beside the chair and smiled at Richard.

'I never got to thank you for bringing my mom here. It meant a lot. I'm glad she got to see her,'

'I knew you would of wanted her here, lucid or not,'

'Yeah, so about me coming back?'

'We'll the standard length of time a new mother gets off work is a month but you seem egger to get back,'

'Yeah. I don't want to be gone for long and Natalie's doing well. We haven't had any problems with her and she's sleeping well,'

'Meredith you can take a bit longer than two weeks off. You had a baby. That one hell of a struggle. You need to rest,'

'Richard I'm fine. It will be good to get back in a routine,'

'Ok, when you first come back though, it will be no more that twelve hour shifts,'

'Why? I'm fine,'

'I know your fine but Natalie needs her mom and dad. Derek's maximum will be twenty four. No more forty eight shifts for him either,'

'He won't care,'

'I know. So the end of the week?'

'Sounds great. I'll be in on Friday,'

'What are you going to do about Natalie?'

'I'll see if Derek's not working and if not then Izzie and George can keep and eye on her,' Richard nodded his head.

'Unless you don't mind taking her?' He instantly perked up.

'I would love to,'

'I'll bring her here in the morning and you can keep her until I'm finished my shift,'

'Brilliant. I'll see you later Meredith,'

'Bye Richard,' Meredith lifted her bag and headed down to Maternity. Addison was sitting on a bed in one of the end rooms, filling out charts.

'That's not proper bed rest,' Addison looked up and smiled, but Meredith sensed there was something wrong,'

'What's wrong?' Addison shook her head.

'Addison, talk to me,' Meredith walked over and sat beside her on the bed.

'Me and Mark had an argument last night and I stormed out. I haven't heard or seen from him since,'

'What else?' Addison looked at Meredith and smiled.

'Nothing gets past you,'

'What's really wrong? And don't say it's just hormones,'

'I think there could be something wrong,'

'With what?'

'The pregnancy,'

'What do you think is wrong?'

'I haven't felt anything for nearly four days,' Meredith nodded and lifted the charts off the bed.

'Lie back,' Addison lifted her top off and lay back against the head rest. Meredith closed the blinds and put a set of gloves on.

'Ok, let's see what's going on,' Meredith squeezed the gel onto Addison's growing stomach and lifted the ultra sound arm up. Moving it around on Addison's stomach she took a deep breath in. Addison tried to sit up but Meredith pushed her back down.

'Lie still,' Meredith turned the screen towards Addison. Addison smiled.

'Both are fine. Heartbeats are strong,'

'I feel really stupid now,'

'Don't. It was natural to think the worst. You know what happens. You should of said something sooner though,'

'I know…I suppose I just didn't want to know if anything had gone wrong,'

'It's ok. Now you want to tell me what you and Mark were fighting over?' Meredith started wiping Addison's stomach with a towel and handed her black top to her.

'I was standing making coffee when Mark came down the stairs. I handed him a mug and poured a bottle of water in a glass and sat down. He started asking me if I was happy. I didn't know why he had asked and when I questioned him he said I obviously wasn't and that I should try and find somebody that I would be happy with instead of him.' Addison was trying to hold back the tears but couldn't. Meredith sat next to her and put her arm around her.

'It's ok,' Addison and Meredith sat for thirty minutes when Addison sat up.

'Maybe you should go home. See if he's there and talk to him,'

'No, I'll finish up here first and then head home. I can't deal with another fight,'

'Ok, phone me if you need anything Addison. Both of us,'

'Thank you,' Meredith lifted her bag and headed up to floor four. Looking around she went over to the OR board. Looking up and down she smiled.

'Dr M Slone, OR three, In progress,' Meredith headed up and changed into her scrubs. Going into the scrub room she caught Marks attention.

'Somebody tell Dr Shepherd I won't be long and I'll get her in the locker rooms.' A small portly nurse came out and told Meredith. Turning to Mark she smiled and left the scrub room. Bailey was standing outside, tapping her foot.

'What the hell are you doing here?'

'I'm sorting something out. Why?'

'Why? Cause you gave birth less that a month ago. You shouldn't be back here,'

'I'm back officially on Friday,' Bailey shook her head and walked away leaving Meredith laughing. Changing back into her jeans and white top she started playing with her bangle. She hadn't taken it off since Derek had given her it. After half an hour, Mark walked in looking drained.

'You ok?' Mark nodded.

'What's up?'

'Nothing. How's Derek and Natalie?'

'Answer my question Mark, What's up?' Mark sat on the bench and sighed.

'I feel useless with Addison. She seemed so…caught up in the pregnancy. When I told her that I was looking forward to being a dad she changed and went quiet. She didn't want to talk or let me go near her. I asked her if she was happy. When she didn't answer I figured it was because of me,' Meredith smiled.

'Mark, she's pregnant. Pregnant women have crazy hormones that are doing cartwheels. I think you should go and talk to her. Ask her about what's been going on,'

'What do you mean?'

'Addison had a scare the past few days. She could feel the babies moving and was thinking that something had happened. She was worried to find out in case it had.'

'She never said anything,'

'She knew you would send her to a doctor and she didn't want to know if anything had happened' Mark closed his eyes and ran his hands over his head and face.

'Go and see her, talk things over. If you's need anything give us a phone,'

'Thanks Meredith,' Mark left Meredith sitting in silence when her phone started ringing. Lifting it out she looked at the caller id.

'Hey,'

'How did you meeting go?'

'I start back on Friday for a twelve hour shift. You're the same. Richards Taking Natalie for the day,'

'Ok, you heading home soon?'

'I'm leaving just now. Is something wrong?'

'No, I just wanted to know if you were ok,'

'Yeah, I'll see you soon,'

'Love you Mere,'

'Love you too Derek,'


	34. I can handle it

**N/A Meredith's first day back at work. Hope you all liking the story so far. Getting a few good ideas but some are a bit weird but I'll see how my imagination works as I write. **

Meredith gently kissed Natalie's headed and started rushing out the door. Derek was standing with a mug of coffee and her beige bag.

'Don't worry about being late, Richard will understand,'

'I don't want them thinking I'm not ready,'

'Mere, calm down, you've got thirty minutes,'

'What time do you start?'

'Not till eleven so me and little miss angel baby have another two hours of fun, yes we do,' Derek lifted Natalie out her car seat and she settled her into his arms, but she didn't settle for long. It started as a small whimper but developed into a full cry.

'I think she is cranky,' Meredith leaned in and shook the tiny fist that had wrapped itself around her finger.

'It's understandable. She only got four hours sleep last night,' Derek nodded his head like a small child.

'So did her wonderful daddy,'

'Yeah,'

'I have to go, love you,' Derek kissed Meredith gently and smiled.

'You too mere, I'll drop her at Day care,'

'Bye,' Meredith's hand shot up as she ran out the house, grabbing the keys off the table as she went. The traffic was quiet for the time in the morning and Meredith sped down the roads. The Clash was blaring out of the windows.

'_You have got to let me know_

_Should I stay or should I go,'_

'Hey, your back early,' Meredith slammed the door on the car shut and smiled at Christina.

'Yeah, it's only for twelve hours but it will be good to be back in a routine again,'

'How's my beautiful soon to be god daughter?'

'Oh, she has so made you toxic,'

'Shut up,'

'She's being an angel for me. But then again, I'm not the one up with her the entire night,'

'Oh,'

'Derek got four hours sleep last night. I didn't even stir when she was crying,'

'Maybe he wasn't sleeping and heard her whimper before she could start,'

'Yeah. I've got him a present anyway which I know he will like'

'Mere, I really don't want to know about your new underwear,'

'Your so funny. It's not underwear, it's a bottle of very nice single malt scotch. His favourite to be more precise,'

'Yeah, and the underwear,'

'Nope, no underwear,'

'Whatever,' Meredith shook her head and opened her locker, throwing her bag on the floor. The blue scrubs still hanging where she had left them.

'You mind grabbing me a set of smaller scrubs?'

'What did your last slave die of?'

'Torture wounds. Please?'

'Only cause you put that pathetic child like voice on. What size?'

'Go with medium,' Christina smiled and pulled her scrub top down and headed

out the room. Meredith smiled and started Changing when Addison waddled in.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'Huge and bloated, you?'

'I'm great,'

'No sleepless nights?'

'Wait till you see Derek. He's up with her all night and doesn't complain,'

'That Derek for you,'

'When you due now?'

'About three months but you know what babies are like so make that a month and a half,' Meredith laughed and nodded her head.

'How's Mark? I know I seen you guys on Monday but I feel like we never really got talking,'

'He's ok. We got talking and things are good now. Thanks for that, I mean, sorting stuff,'

'Addison, it was nothing. You delivered my baby girl. It's doesn't even match up to that,'

'I have to go. I'll catch up with you later,' Meredith scraped her hair back as plastic pack came flying towards her.

'One set of medium scrubs as requested,'

'Thanks,'

'I'll see you later,' Meredith pulled her scrubs on and pulled her pager out. It felt good to be back but she felt weird. She was missing Natalie and Derek. Laughing to herself she headed over to the nurses stations where she started to listen to the nurses gossiping.

'Apparently the kids aren't even his. I mean, it's known that she cheated before, what stopped her this time. And it's even worse that she's having twins. Addison should be ashamed of herself,' Meredith turned to the three nurses who were sitting in the small room, drinking coffee with the blinds closed. Stepping towards the door she leaned her head in.

'Oh and the female shepherd is back,'

'But she only just gave birth,'

'Post natal depression. My Clair took that and wanted to be as far away from the baby as she could get. It's a sign of it,'

'Yeah,' Meredith snapped and stood at the door, her arms folded.

'Oh, please, do continue,' the three nurses looked at Meredith and smiled. The small brunette put her coffee down and looked at Meredith.

'We were…'

'Having a bitch…making up rumours,'

'No…just…'

'Let's set this straight right now. Dr Sloane, She didn't cheat on her husband and the kids are his and if I hear anybody else in this hospital even mention that I will know it came from you three and will see that your are brought in front of the chief for it. Two, I do not have post natal depression. I may just of had a baby and be back at work but that does not mean to say that I have the baby blues. I am missing my daughter a hell of a lot right now, not that it's any of your business. So instead of sitting on your backsides drinking coffee and starting false stories, will one of you kindly page Dr Bailey and tell her I need her on a consult,' Meredith slammed a chart down on the desk as the three nurses instantly stood up and started busying about the room. Meredith's pager started beeping and she looked down.

'911-TRAUMA-NEURO-CONSULT-NEEDED-NOW' Meredith flipped the pager shut and ran down to the trauma rooms.

'What we got?' The room was full of nurses rushing, setting up monitors and IV drips.

'26 year old female, fell rock climbing. She's fully conscious and has no feeling from the waist down. Complaining of sever back ache. ICP's stable. Blood pressures one seventy over eighty and two IV drips have been set up,'

'What's her name?'

'Kelly Lucas,'

'Anybody come in with her?'

'Her boyfriend and two other people,'

'Try and find out how high the fall was,' Meredith walked round and stood at the head of the bed. Placing her hands gently on the side of the girls head she smiled.

'Hi, I'm Dr Shepherd, call me Meredith. I need you to tell me what happened?'

'I had made a bet with Amanda, the other rock climber that I could do craggy rock. She said I didn't have the experience. So I said that would be our goal and we would do it together. My rope got cut on one of the rocks. I tried to grab on but I couldn't,' Kelly started crying.

'Ok, I need you to tell me what you can feel and where it hurts,'

'My neck and the bottom of my back. I can't feel my feet or legs,' Meredith ran her hands up and down the girl's legs.

'Wiggle your toes for me,' There was no movement.

'Hold your legs up,' Meredith lifted Kelly's legs but they fell straight back into her hands.

'Ok, I'm sending you for a CT and an MRI. How did you land when you fell?'

'I don't know. I don't remember hitting the ground. Ask Danny,'

'He your boyfriend?'

'Yeah,'

'Ok, just relax,' Meredith walked out and along to the end of the corridor.

'Hi, I'm Dr Shepherd. I need to know a few things about when Kelly fell,' Danny was a young boy. Dark brown eyes and bright blue hair. Sitting up straight he wiped his face and eyes to clear the tears.

'How high was the fall?'

'About fifty feet. Yeah, she only had another three hundred to go,'

'When she fell, how did she land?'

'On her back but she rolled onto her side. I told Amanda to keep her on her side,'

'How long was she unconscious for?'

'Until the medics arrived,'

'Ok, did she hit her head?'

'That was the first thing to hit the ground,'

'Thanks. If I need to know anything else, I'll come and find you,'

'Please…look after her,'

'I promise I'll try my best,' Meredith took hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly. Standing up she headed along to the CT scan rooms. Kelly was lying, sedated on the bed.

'Ok, Kelly, It's Meredith again, I need you to stay as still as possible, we won't be long,' as the scans came up on the screen Meredith shook her head. She had slipped three discs in her back, two vertebrates were shattered. But that was nothing. Six vertebrates had slipped out of place and were pressing on her spinal cord.

'She's never going to walk for a long time,' Meredith turned to the young intern and growled.

'Who's your Resident?'

'Dr Mc Faring,'

'Tell him you're off this case. You never make statements like that get out of my sight,' the young intern seemed gob smacked at what Meredith had said.

'Stupid interns. Book me an OR. I'm going to salvage what spin this girl has and get her walking again,'

'Yes,'

'Get me the scans on film and page me when she's back in recovery,' Meredith walked down to the canteen and poured a large cup of coffee. Lifting her zippy, she headed out to the front of the hospital. The sun was shining in Seattle and there was a gentle breeze.

'Is it really that bad?'

'No, I'm just missing Natalie,'

'You'll see her soon,'

'Thanks Alex. How's the plastics program going with Mark?'

'Brilliant. I've got a page. I'll see you later,' Alex dumped his cup and ran inside the hospital. Meredith sat and watched as countless people went in and out of the hospital.

'Hey,'

'Hey, how she doing?'

'Wide awake and missing you. What's wrong?'

'Nothing, Meredith leaned down and lifted Natalie out of the car seat.

'Mere'

'I missed her,'

'I thought you might,'

'I just seemed to be missing something and every time some one mentioned her I realised it was her,'

'She's barely been out your sight for more that two hours since you gave birth. It's normal to feel that way,'

'I know,' Meredith sat back on the bench and kissed Natalie's head gently.

'Any good cases?'

'Major surgery. Need to re-position six vertebrates that are pressing on a girl's spinal cord and pin up another four,'

'You can handle it,' Meredith looked up at Derek and smiled. Looking back down do Natalie she agreed with him.

'I can handle it,'


	35. She never felt anything

Meredith ripped the gloves of her hands and started shaking her head. The words echoed in her head.

'Time of Death two forty three,' Kelly's heart had given up just as Meredith was tightening the screws on the first pin. She had been down for forty minutes when she knew she had to call it. Drying her hands she watched as the two interns finished suturing her back up. Walking out to the main lobby she spotted the three young rock climbers sitting, hold hands. Danny looked a mess. His hair was everywhere and his eyes were puffy. Taking a deep breath in Meredith walked over and sat down next to him.

'Danny,'

'What's happened?' His eyes were full of tears, waiting to burst.

'When I started operating on her back, Kelly's heart rate was very unstable. After about an hour, her heart stopped beating. Kelly didn't make it through the surgery,' Danny sat up straight and looked at Meredith.

'What do you mean she didn't make it through the surgery?'

'Kelly's heart didn't start beating again. She died,' the other guy stood up and walked over beside the window to where Amanda was standing. She didn't want to hear what Meredith had said so she had stood up and left. Meredith watched as the young girl crumble into his arms, her legs unable to hold her. Danny seemed in a world of his own.

'Was she in pain?'

'No, she never felt anything,'

'I want to see her,'

'We'll move her to a private room where you can spend as much time as you want with her. Somebody will come and get you when she's ready. Is there anybody you want me to call?'

'No, we were all she had. Her mom and dad are dead,'

'Do you want to go some where more private?'

'No, just leave me,' Meredith stood up and headed over to the main doors but she never made it there. Turning round to the sound of a thud she ran back over to Danny who was slumped on the floor.

'SOMBODY GET ME A GURNEY!' Opening the neck of his jacket she tried to move him onto his side. Three porters ran over and lofted him onto the bed.

'Get him into exam room five,' Amanda watched helplessly as Danny was wheeled away.

'Get him hooked up to an IV. And a monitor. Check his BP and page me when he wakes up,' Meredith headed along to the on call rooms and collapsed onto one of the top bunks. Closing her eyes she took a sharp breath in. She hated it when she had to tell a patients family herself, but something about Kelly made it feel ten times worse. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but something made it feel wrong, like she should have done more. After ten minutes she realised what she needed. Climbing off the bed she scraped her hair back and checked her watch. Three fifteen. She had another hour before her surgery was due to start. Pulling her hair up she headed down to the second floor. Standing at the glass wall, her face lit up. Even the sight in front of her, made her feel like a million dollars. Pushing the doors open she smiled at the young attendant.

'How's she been?'

'A little angel,' Meredith walked over and lifted Natalie out of the seat. Her eyes shot open as Meredith sat on the rocking chair and gently whispered in her ear. Natalie grasped Meredith's finger tightly and gargled gently.

'You had the same thought as me then,'

'I needed to see her, Richards taking her for an hour so thought I'd get my chance before he took her,' Derek knelt down next to Meredith and caressed Natalie's head.

'How's she been?'

'Like an angel apparently,'

'Just like her mommy,'

'How's today been?'

'Really weird. I've had a couple of easy cases. What about you?'

'I had a young girl, she fell rock climbing. I told you about her surgery,'

'Oh, yeah, how did it go? Is she in recovery?'

'She died on the table,'

'Mere, what happened?'

'Her heart just gave up. I tried for forty minutes but she was gone,'

'You ok?'

'I'll survive. But I have to go. Her boyfriend collapsed after I told him she was gone. I had to get him hooked up to a monitor. I need to go and check on him. Here, she needs a cuddle from her daddy,' Meredith stood up and placed Natalie carefully into Derek's arms. Kissing him on the cheek she slyly ran her hand along his ass.

'I'll see you later, love you,' Meredith went back up to the surgical with a smile on her face. Even though today had been stressful, the thought of Derek and Natalie, made everything better. Danny was sitting up in the bed, Amanda at the end of the bed, rubbing his leg.

'Hey,'

'What happened?'

'You collapsed. Were running tests but it seemed to be stress. I spoke to the nurse. You can see Kelly,' Danny's head fell as Amanda stood up and looked out the window.

'It's my fault,'

'Amanda, it's not,'

'I shouldn't have told her to do the craggy rocks. I knew we were both in experienced. We should have had a professional there. I shouldn't have pushed her into it,' Meredith walked over and checked Danny's IV. Watching Amanda she sensed something else was wrong.

'Is there something else bothering you?'

'Like what?'

'Like you've not mentioned something about Kelly,' Danny shook his head then looked at Amanda.

'She had been suffering from headaches. When the ropes twisted, she started holding her head. That's when the ropes snapped,' Meredith nodded her head.

'Ok, do you want to see her?'

'Yeah,' Danny stood up and sat into the wheel chair. Meredith took them along to the end exam room. Danny went to stand up but Meredith put her hand on his shoulder.

'Stay sitting down until you get in there,' pushing the door open, Amanda went in first. Danny stood up and walked over to the side of the bed.

'I'll leave you alone. You can stay as long as you want. There's no rush,'

'Get Gavin for us. He'd want to see her,' Meredith nodded and went along and showed the young male where to go. Cursing as her pager went off she could feel the blood running from her face. Running along to the corridors that seemed to stop moving as she ran, she could feel the day slipping out from underneath her.

'When was he brought in?'

'A few minutes ago. We paged the other Dr Shepherd,'

'No, he's my patient. I treated him a few months ago. What are his stats?'

'His ICP doubled in five minutes and he got brought in after collapsing,'

'Hang a bag of manitol and book me an OR. Prep him for a craniotomy. Cancel all my other surgeries. He's my main priority,' Meredith walked over to the phone and started dialling a number she didn't want to have to remember or use again.

'Hi, I'm calling from Seattle Grace hospital. I'm looking for Mr and Mrs Hornthaw,'

'Mrs Hornthaw speaking,'

'I'm Dr Meredith Shepherd. I've got some bad news about Simon,'


	36. If he's anything like your daddy

Meredith pushed the stiff door open and went over to the edge. Sipping on the coffee she could feel the wind messing up her hair. Taking a deep breath in she felt his hands spinning her round. Looking into his eyes, she broke down.

'He was only fourteen. He shouldn't of died. I should of done more,'

'Mere, you did everything you could. His ICP was so high. There was nothing that could have been done,'

'There had to be. Derek, he was young, strong, and healthy. I don't know what caused him to bleed out,'

'Mere some times there's no reason, it just happens. How long have you got left on your shift?'

'Two hours,'

'Make it thirty minutes. Wind up all your other patients. Be on call instead. Take Natalie home and relax. You need time,'

'What I need more is a hug,' Derek smiled and pulled Meredith in against his chest. She grabbed the back of his scrubs and pulled them down. His thick, muscley arms holding her in against him, allowing her to hear his heartbeat.

'Go home and spend time with Natalie, go speak to Chief. Call me if you need anything,' Meredith went on her tip toes and kissed Derek.

'Thank you,' running her hand over his ass, she left him standing on the roof.

'God, I love her,' Meredith went down to the surgical floor to meet Simon's parents. They weren't what she expected. Simon's mother was a tall blonde. Her hair flowing down her back. Her make up perfect, her outfit immaculate. His father, so different. He looked like he had come off a building site. His jeans covered in paint, his arms white with building dust. Meredith wiped her hands on her scrubs and shook away the feeling of dread. When she became a surgeon, this was what she knew she would find difficult but for some reason, this seemed to be the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

'Mr and Mrs Hornthaw?'

'Yes,'

'I'm Dr Meredith shepherd. I phoned you earlier concerning Simon,'

'What's happened?' The tall woman sat down, taking her husbands hand in the process. Meredith kneeled down in front of them.

'Simon was brought in with an intracranial bleed. It basically means he was bleeding into his brain. We performed an emergency craniotomy but it was too far gone. I'm sorry…Simon didn't make it through the surgery,' Meredith held her breath as she muttered the last words. His mom let out a sharp gasp before bursting into a wreck. His father sat, unable to move. He didn't show emotion, just a plain face. Meredith placed her hand onto of their entwined fingers.

'I'm so sorry. If you'd like to see Simon, just let a member of the staff know and I'll take you to him,'

'I want to see him now,' His father stood up next to Meredith.

'Ok, follow me,' Meredith twisted her wedding band around her finger, hoping to find some support from it. Stopping outside the end exam room she slowly opened the door. Simons body lay motionless, a large dressing on the back of his head, the indigo hair still visible. His father walked over to the side of the bed and instantly lifted his son's body up. That's when he broke, the tears falling fast. The tall blonde stood at the end of the bed, holding herself up on the rail.

'Stay as long as you want,' Meredith slipped out the room, closing the door behind her. Leaning against the wall, she shut her eyes, hoping it would block out the feelings she had. Unable to keep herself together she went along to the surgical board and looked for where Derek was operating. OR 4, the gallery. Sitting up the back she watched as Derek performed an epigram, taking out the cancerous nerves in a mans spine. The Interns all left when she went in, leaving the gallery empty.

Derek was totally unaware of Meredith when he left the table, asking a resident to close up for him. Meredith didn't move from the gallery even after the patient had been wheeled out, and the operating theatre lights turned off. She sat with only the gallery lights showing her shaking form.

'Has anybody seen Dr Shepherd?' Derek was becoming concerned. Simon's family had left Simon over an hour ago and Meredith couldn't be found anywhere. She wasn't in the locker room, the on call room, with a patient, on the roof or down in trauma but he knew she hadn't left because Natalie was still with Richard and her name was still up on the board.

'She went in to watch the epigram. We all left her after she shouted for us to go. I've not seen her since,'

'She was in the gallery?'

'Yeah,' Derek signed a chart and headed along to the gallery. Pushing the door open, he could see Meredith sitting in the back row, her hands between her thighs, her body gently shaking. Walking over beside her she turned her head to face him. Her eyes were red and blood shot.

'Mere…' She fell into his chest and let the tears fall. She couldn't do it. She had become involved and now she had gotten hurt. She used to tell Izzie not to get involved with patients but Izzie had said it was the one thing that made being a doctor. Know how you affected a patient's life for the better. But Izzie never said what it was like when it went wrong. She never said what it was like when the patient didn't make. Now Meredith knew why she didn't get involved with patients. She always got hurt.

They sat in the gallery for thirty minutes, when her pager started going off, but she didn't move. Derek pulled it away from her scrub bottoms and checked the message.

'Mere, Simon's mom and dad want to see you,' Meredith sat up and wiped her face.

'Do you want me to see them?'

'No, Derek, I owe them this much,' Meredith fixed her scrub top and her hair. Derek ran the back of his hand over her face.

'You ok?'

'After this, I'm going home. I'll take Natalie with me,'

'Ok,'

'Thank you,' Meredith smiled gently and headed out the gallery. Simon's parents were sitting holding each other in the hospital lobby, their lives shattered.

'Do you's need anything?'

'We asked a nurse what happened with Simon. They said you were the one, who operated,'

'Yes,'

'They also said that when everyone else had given up, you kept going. You couldn't let him go. You fought for him. You tried to bring him back when everyone else had stopped,'

'Yes,' the tears were threatening to spill over but she was determined to keep her professional appearance on.

'Thank you,' Meredith nodded.

'Simon came to see me about two months ago, to show me his hair. He always had a smile on his face,'

'Thank you,'

'Do you need anything?'

'No, everything's sorted,'

'Ok,' Meredith turned and walked away, the sounds of Simon's mother sobbing, ringing in her ears. Going into the locker room she started changing, but couldn't control her anger. Throwing glass vase across the room, she listened as the glass shattered into a thousand pieces and fell to the floor. She hoped no one had heard the smash but there was no such luck. A small nurse pushed the door open and stood at the door watching Meredith.

'What?' The nurse was startled and left Meredith sitting on the floor, with only her scrub trousers on, her bra showing to the world. She expected a psychiatric consult to appear or Derek but she didn't expect who did arrive.

'Meredith…' looking up to figure she let out a small cry. Her head fell into her hands. She was a wreck. Mark walked over. Pulling her in against his chest she grabbed hold of him, not wanting to let go.

'I just got paged saying you had trashed the room. Derek's in trauma with Addison. So they paged me. Do you want me to get Derek?'

'No, I'm going home,'

'Meredith, no offence but your in no fit state to drive anywhere,'

'I can't stay here,'

'Give me a couple of minutes. Go and get Natalie. I'll meet you out side,' Meredith released her grip on Mark's top and pulled herself to her feet, throwing her street clothes on. The janitor came in and started cleaning up the shattered glass. Meredith's embarrassment was nothing compared to how upset she was. Slamming her locker shut she headed down to Richards office.

Walking in she didn't explain to Richard what had happened. Meredith lifted Natalie and walked out, carrying her car seat. Her beige bag started ringing as she sat outside on the bench.

'Mere, where are you?'

'I'm outside,'

'Are you ok?'

'Derek, I'm fine,'

'Mere,'

'No, honestly I'm fine,'

'Ok, phone me when you get home,'

'Ok,'

'Love you,'

'You too,' Meredith slammed the cell phone shut in anger. Throwing it in the bag, she fixed Natalie's blanket around her.

'You ready to go?'

'Yeah and Mark?'

'Yeah,'

'Thanks,' Mark smiled and lifted Natalie's seat, heading over to the four by four, strapping Natalie in the back. Meredith sat in the front and checked her face in the mirror. She looked like she had been beaten up, her eyes puffed out.

'You wanna tell me what's wrong?' Mark turned the engine on, the radio blasting out Snow patrol, Chasing cars. That set Meredith off.

'I had a patient about four months ago called Simon Hornthaw. He was fourteen and a real Character. He was having a cranioplasty done. He pulled through and was fine. The day I went into labour he came to show me the colour of his hair cause we made deal that after the surgery he would come and show me it. He had dyed it the colour of my surgery cap. Today he got brought I with an intracranial bleed. He didn't make it and for some reason it's really bothering me,' Meredith wiped the tears away from her face ferociously.

'You got involved,'

'I know, and now I'm suffering for it,'

'Are you glad you got to know him?'

'Yeah,'

'Then this is all worth it. In a few months time you'll look back and smile. Thinking about him and his hair. You'll see,' Mark unclipped his belt and lifted Natalie out the back of the car.

'You want a coffee?'

'Yeah, thanks,' Mark lifted Natalie into the house and took her out her car seat.

'How's little miss angel?'

'Giving her daddy hell,'

'Really?'

'Yip. He's up every night with her. I never hear her during the night. He does,'

'Good girl,' Natalie opened her eyes and they darted round the room.

'She's getting big now,'

'I know. She was tiny when she was born. Now she huge,'

'You're looking great as well,'

'You had better not be hitting on me,' Meredith placed the mugs down on the table and took Natalie off of Mark.

'I'm happily married. I can't believe Addison's nearly due. It seems like yesterday she was telling me,'

'She told me while I was sitting on the bathroom floor, throwing up,' Mark laughed.

'I'm glad everything's turned out the way it did,'

'Same here. It's impossible for me to think of things with out Derek. It's like he's always been there. I always laugh at the night we met in Joes. I had bought him a single malt scotch because he looked depressed. I didn't know why and I didn't ask but I got him very drunk,'

'Ah so it was you that took advantage,'

'I was drunk too,'

'Yeah right,'

'I'm glad I bought him that drink…How did you know that I took advantage of him?'

'We were at Joes ones night, just after Addison got pregnant. He started talking to Joe after he ordered four shots of tequila. He said that you still think he took advantage of you but that it was really the other way about,'

'He did now did he,' Meredith started laughing.

'You feel any better?'

'Yeah, I just…I don't know. I needed to let him go and I couldn't but i have now so I'm ok. What about you? I heard you had a bit of an upset time just after I had Natalie,' Mark smiled weakly.

'It was a three month old baby. Her mother had made the bottle up, but it was too hot and the bottle couldn't cope with the heat and it burst all over the baby. She didn't make it,'

'Damn,'

'Yeah. Anyway, I have something to ask you,'

'To ask me?'

'One dirty mistress to another,'

'Very funny,'

'No, seriously. It's a thing for Addison. She's kina stressed about giving birth and I was wondering if you minded being there,'

'What do you mean?'

'Like the way she was for you,'

'You mean, deliver the twins?'

'Kind of. Just be beside her, hold her hand. I'm not good with all that kind of stuff and she say's she doesn't mind if I'm there or not but I don't want her to be alone,'

'Mark she's giving birth, to your kids. You should be there,'

'I know but I'm worried about what's going to happen,'

'Talk to Derek. He says being there the entire time she was being delivered is something he wouldn't change for the world. He'll tell you the same thing. You'll want to be there,'

'I don't think I bear to watch Addison in pain,'

'That's what the drugs are for,'

'I don't know,'

'You'll change your mind when she goes into labour. Trust me on that one,' Natalie started whimpering.

'I'll be back in a minute,' Meredith walked out to feed Natalie, leaving Mark sitting in the kitchen thinking about his options. Meredith was sitting the rocking chair, feeding Natalie.

'He'll be there. If he's anything like your daddy, he'll be there,'


	37. She would be alone

**You guys are amazing! love all my reviews! keep them coming! Hope your all still enjoying the story. This are going to take a bit of a turn in the next few chapters so be warned :)**

'So, you guys ready for the big arrival?' Derek pulled his jacket off and hung it on the banister.

'Kind of, don't have a clue how were going to do this,'

'Addie, you'll make a great mom. And Mark a great dad. You two were meant to be parents.'

'Thanks for the vote of confidence but I'm not so sure,'

'We're always here if you need us,' Addison rested her hand on her huge bump. Derek went on in to the kitchen where Mark and Meredith were deep in conversation.

'Hey, how you doing?' Derek walked round so he was behind Meredith and kissed her gently on the head, smelling the lavender as he went.

'I'm ok. Natalie's missing you,' Mark started laughing.

'She isn't kidding,' Derek walked over to the living room door and bent down over the pram. Lifting her out, he gently stroked her tiny head of hair.

'Hey baby girl. Missed you loads,' Natalie let out a small gargle before her eyes started closing. Carrying her through to the kitchen, he stood and watched as Meredith washed her hands in the sink. She was glowing, her hair falling down her back. She was looking out the window, lost in a world of her own. Her hands rested gently on the rim of the sink, the water still running. Mark and Addison hadn't noticed Meredith or Derek when they burst out laughing, bringing them both back down with a smile.

'What you two laughing at?'

'Come here,' Meredith dried her hands and walked over to beside Addison. Lifting her hand she placed it on Addison's stomach. It was like she had her hand on a water balloon that had a fish in it. It didn't feel like her bump which made her slightly concerned.

'How does it feel?'

'It's only started feeling like hat the past few days. I'm not worried though. It's normal when it's multiple babies.

'You sure?'

'Positive,' Meredith shrugged her shoulders and handed Derek a mug of coffee and lifted Natalie out of his warm arms, causing her to stir slightly.

'What are you two up to later on tonight?'

'Nothing, going home and watching a very soppy movie,' Addison smiled cheekily.

'Your choice then Addison?' Meredith started laughing.

'Yip,'

'Why don't you guys stay here, we'll order in,' Derek slipped his arm around Meredith's waist.

'Go on, you know you want to,' Meredith needed adult conversation apart form Derek. Nice although it had been, she craved for a woman's conversation.

'You up for it?' Mark questioned Addison.

'Go for it,' Addison leaned back against Marks chest, feeling comfortable, his black jumper soft against her skin. They were silent, but not uncomfortable. They were all content in their own worlds to really notice when nobody spoke. Meredith started laughing.

'What's up with you?'

'Take Natalie for me,' Derek took her and laid her in against his chest. Meredith pulled her pager from her waist band, the machine vibrating gently.

'Aw crap. Neuro case being flown in. I've got to go,' Meredith walked to the front door, lifting her bag and jacket on the way.

'You want me to go?' Derek had followed her out, Natalie fast asleep in his arms.

'No, you stay here with them. I shouldn't be long. Love you,' Meredith tip toed up and kissed Derek, being careful not to squish Natalie against Derek.

'Drive carefully. Don't over do it remember. Phone of you need anything,'

'Derek, I'll be fine. I'll see you later,' Meredith looked at the driveway. She had to take Derek's car, which she hated doing. It reminded her that he wasn't with her, driving the car. She would be alone.


	38. Be nice

**I am so sorry i havn't updated sooner but i just finished my exams and have more coming up so i'm updateing twice to say sorry tonight and i will again before the end of the week. Hope you enjoy the story ) Reviews are nice :)**

Derek climbed back into bed next to Meredith, his arm slipping over her stomach.

'How long did she take to settle?' Meredith turned to face him.

'Ten minutes,'

'It always seems to be about half four that she likes to wake up. Biggest pain in the ass. Why not make it nine or something?'

'Cause she's just like her mommy and likes to make a fuss,'

'Your funny,' Meredith slid down in the bed. Her body naturally shaping itself to Derek. As they began to drift off again, Meredith's phone started going off.

'Why me?' Meredith fell out of Bed and searched around in the darkness for her phone. Peeling it out her trouser pocket she squinted her eyes to see who it was.

'Hello?' Meredith was trying not to wake Natalie again.

'Meredith, thank god,'

'Addison, what's wrong?' Meredith's eyes shot open and her voice got louder.

'I'm in the house myself; I went into labour twenty minutes ago. Marks got a surgery,'

'Ok, where in the house are you?' Meredith put the phone between her ear and shoulder and pulled her jeans on.

'In the kitchen,'

'Ok, I'm on my way,' Meredith slammed her phone shut and pulled her hair up into a bun.

'Derek, phone the hospital and tell them Addison's coming in. Get Natalie up and meet me there,'

'Mere, what's going on?'

'Addison's in labour and Marks at the hospital. I need to go,' Meredith ran down the stairs, grabbing Derek's car keys. Reversing out the drive she could see their bedroom light on.

'At least he's up,' Meredith liked the fact the streets were quiet with only one or two cars passing her. Meredith pulled into their driveway and ran out of the car, leaving the car door open.

'Addison?' The kitchen was in total darkness.

'Meredith…' Addison was on the floor leaning back against the counters. The sweat was pouring off her head.

'How far apart are they?'

'five minutes,'

'Ok, I need to get you in the car,' Meredith pulled Addison to her feet and put her hands around her waist, guiding her through the dark. Addison bent over suddenly and started screaming.

'Addison, count through it,' after thirty seconds Addison stood back up and started walking slowly again.

'What about Mark?'

'Derek's trying to get him,' Meredith was doing fifty when she noticed the sirens coming up behind her.

'Crap,' Meredith pulled into the side and waited for the cop to come over to the car.

'Miss, do you realise you were doing fifty in a thirty kilometre per hour zone?'

'Yes, I need to get her to a hospital, she's in labour,'

'What hospital are you taking her to?'

'Seattle grace,'

'Ok, take it easy,' Addison started screaming again, grabbing Meredith hand in the process.

'I hate him so much,'

'Who?'

'Mark,'

'Ah, you say that now,' Meredith stopped outside the hospital to see Mark standing in his scrubs shivering, Derek trying to calm him down but failing miserably. Meredith eased Addison out the car when Mark ran over, lifting Addison. Derek came over beside Meredith and followed Mark as he took Addison into the hospital.

'Where's Natalie?'

'Day care. How is she?'

'In labour, and in a hell of a lot of pain and it only gets worse,' Meredith pulled Derek over to the side.

'Something not right. Her stomach…it's not right,'

'What do you mean?'

'I'm not sure but something's wrong,'

'MARK! YOU SON ON A BITCH!' Addison was screaming her head off as she gripped onto the back of marks scrub top.

'Yeah, blame me,' Derek started laughing.

'Just wait Mark, they only get worse,' Meredith swatted Derek on the arm.

'Be nice,'

'I am,' Mark laid Addison down on the bed, allowing Meredith to go round the other side.

'Addison, let me feel your stomach,' Addison lifted her shirt. As Meredith pressed down, she could still feel the strange water like feeling that had been there before.

'Ok. I'll go and page Dr Watson, and get you delivered,'

'No, you do it,' Meredith looked down at Addison.

'What?'

'You do it. I trust you more than her,'

'Addison, I'm not specialised and I'm no where near ready to deliver twins,'

'I don't CARE! YOU DO IT,' Meredith put her hands in the air.

'Fine, give me a couple of minutes. Just try and relax, Derek,' Meredith pulled Derek out with her.

'No, I'm not happy doing this. I'm paging Watson. I'll do it but she has to be there. Her stomach is worse than before,'

'Are you sure?'

'Well, yeah. It's more expanded, the liquid like feeling is still there and Addison seems to be in less pain than she should be,'

'Is that really a bad thing?'

'Yes, it means she's not contacting enough to deliver the two of them,' Derek ran his hand through his hair.

'I HATE YOU!' Meredith chuckled to herself as she handed Derek her cell phone and keys.

'I'm going to get changed. Page me if anything happens,' Meredith ran up the stairs to change. Bailey was sitting on the floor of the locker room when Meredith walked in.

'What the hell are you doing here?'

'Addison's in labour,'

'My God,' Meredith started changing and was pulling her top off when her pager went off.

'Shit,' Running down the hall with her scrub top in her hand, Meredith didn't care about the male nurses whistling about her bra. As she reached Addison's door she pulled the top on, knowing Derek wouldn't be amused.

'What the hell happened?'

'She's just lost half her waters,' Meredith leaned down and felt Addison. Her stomach was reduced and the liquid like feeling was gone.

'No, it's ok. Get her along to delivery room three, page, Dr Watson, let her know what's happening,' The small chubby nurse left Meredith with Addison and Mark.

'Mark…are you…'

'Yeah, I am. I spoke to Derek. Thanks for that,'

'Hey, just doing my job,' Addison grabbed hold of Marks hand and dug her nails in. As the contraction subsided, Meredith checked to see how far along she was.

'Addison, you're about to be a mommy,'


	39. Mc Crappy, Ellie and Zoe

Addison leaned against the bed headrest, holding a tiny bundle in her arms. Mark was standing beside her, holding another bundle. Meredith and Derek were standing outside, looking through the blinds, watching as Addison and Mark realised that they were now parents. Addison's labour had gone smoothly, contradicting what Meredith had originally thought. The look on Marks face when Meredith handed him his daughter, 5lb 11ounces. Addison was in awe with her first daughter, 6lb 3onuces. Both of them unable to comprehend what had just happened.

'I'm going to go and see Natalie,' Meredith Squeezed Derek's hand and walked over and into the elevator. Leaning back against the wall she let out a deep sigh. This was one night she would never forget. She couldn't believe she had just delivered twins, Addison and Marks twins. She was supposed to be outside, waiting like relatives, not inside delivering them, but she couldn't imagine not doing it now. Natalie was lying; fast asleep on the cot bed, her tiny fists at her face. Lifting her out she gently started rocking her back and forward in the rocking chair. She didn't stir, simply nuzzled her tiny body into the crook of Meredith's arms.

'I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
Well, I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time'

'What's the rest?' Derek was standing at the door, leaning against the door frame. He looked so tired but contented.

'I was hoping you might remember,'

'That was our first dance,'

'I remember,' Meredith outstretched her arm to Derek, pulling him down to her level.

'Things are so unreal. Like, I can still imagine the night Addison showed up in my head but then I see her as my maid of honour at my wedding and now I've just delivered her kids,' Derek chuckled gently.

'I see what you mean,'

'Your now best friends with Mark again and it's like, you punched his face the first time I met him,' Derek looked down at his hand.

'That was so sore,'

'I bet it was,' Natalie let a huge sigh out.

'Sleeping baby,'

'Sleepy daddy. You should go and crash in the on call room for a bit, get some sleep. Your beginning to look like crap,'

'You made me feel so much better mere,' Derek lifted Natalie from Meredith's arms and placed her back in the cot, standing over her tiny frame, watching her breathing. After five minutes he turned round to see Meredith fast asleep in the chair. Lifting her out, he placed her back down on his lap. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck, her hand resting against his chest. Derek was so tired but he couldn't sleep. He was holding his wife in his arms and watching his daughter sleeping. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't take his eyes off of Natalie and didn't want to stop feeling Meredith against him. But he really was too tired and before long, after fighting it for as long as he could, Derek was fast asleep. Meredith woke after a few hours, to the gentle sounds of Natalie whimpering and Derek breathing deeply. A strand of his hair had fallen in front of his face, causing Meredith to smile. Slipping out from under his arm she looked up at the clock. It was hitting nine thirty and Meredith needed to check on Addison. But she had one more pressing matter. Natalie. Her gentle whimper was gradually getting louder and stronger. Lifting her out of her cot, she noticed that she instantly soothed.

'Just needed a hug, hey baby?' Meredith was so wrapped up in Natalie; she didn't notice Mark standing at the door.

'I came down earlier but you guys seemed to cute to wake,'

'Hey, how's Addison?'

'Sleeping,'

'You should too. You look less like Mc Steamy and more like Mc Crappy,'

'I don't care…their amazing. Their hands, feet, mouths, legs, heads, eyes. Everything about them,'

'They are beautiful Mark. You guys thought of any names?'

'Yeah, Ellie and Zoe. Addison wanted Zoe, so I got to choose Ellie,'

'Their gorgeous names. Can you believe that their here?'

'Nope. Yesterday we were sitting talking about what we were going to do when she did go into labour and now…it's like…nothing went the way we thought it would. It happened so suddenly,'

'Well, labour does happen really quickly,'

'You can say that again,' Derek stirred slightly in his sleep, his head turning over.

'He's been amazing with Natalie. He seems to get her in the middle of the night before I even hear her. He doesn't even complain,'

'Don't tell Addison that. She'll expect the same,' Meredith chuckled slightly and placed Natalie back in the cot. Walking over to Derek, she kissed him lightly on the head.

'How was Addison when we left?'

'She said she was tired so I lifted Ellie and Zoe away so she could sleep. As soon as I left, she was fast asleep,'

'Yeah,' Meredith followed Mark up to Addison's room, to see she was sitting up, the two bundles in either arm.

'Hey,'

'How you feeling Addison?'

'Amazing,' Meredith walked over to the side of the bed and looked down at the tiny babies in her arms.

'Meet Ellie,' Addison held her arm out to Meredith, allowing her to lift the baby. Ellie's eyes opened slowly, making Meredith smile.

'She's beautiful,'

'Yeah,'

'You need anything Addison?'

'Just stuff from home, Mark, if your going home you can bring it,'

'No, it's ok; I'll get it for you. Mark can stay,'

'You sure?'

'Yeah, if Derek wakes up, tell him I've got Natalie,'

'Will do,' Meredith gave Ellie to Mark and looked in on Zoe.

'I'll see you later,' Meredith went down to the locker room and changed into her jeans and Dartmouth top. She slipped her keys into her back pocket and went down to get Natalie. Clipping the sling on, Meredith slipped Natalie in and made sure she was covered with a blanket. Derek was still sound asleep. Walking into the elevator, she met Alex.

'Hey, what are you doing here?' Alex lifted Natalie's hand gently and rubbed the back of her hand.

'Addison went into labour this morning. Two beautiful baby girls. Ellie and Zoe. I delivered them earlier,'

'Really?'

'Yeah, I can't believe it either,'

'Where's Derek?'

'Fast asleep in the private day care room,'

''Tired?'

'You wouldn't believe. I'm going to grab some stuff of Addison, and hopefully get Izzie to watch Natalie,'

'I'll do it,'

'Alex, your working,'

'I finished twenty minutes ago,'

'Alex your tired, go home and sleep. I know Izzie or George could watch her,'

'No, honestly give her here,' Meredith undone the sling on her chest and clipped in around Alex.

'Everything she needs is in the bag. If she needs anything at all phone either me or Derek. I owe you one Alex,'

'Hey, I love watching her,'

'No, I mean it. If she needs anything though, don't hesitate to phone me,'

'Meredith, go do what you have to do. Me and Miss Shepherd will have some fun,'

'Thanks Alex,'

'I'll phone you later,' Meredith left Alex in the elevator with Natalie and headed out to the car. The sun was shining in Seattle, making the inside of the car warm. Meredith put the windows down in Derek's car and drove over to Addison's house. Meredith opened the back door and stepped inside to see the vase of flowers smashed on the living room floor. Lifting the bag that was in the hall, she looked around to check everything was off and all the windows were locked. Going into their bedroom, Meredith lifted the first set of Marks clothes that she could find, knowing he wouldn't want to leave the hospital. The house was immaculate, everything had its place. Meredith walked along the upstairs hall to the newly decorated nursery. There were two sets of everything, the cots perfectly made. Meredith pulled some baby grows out of a drawer and placed them in the beige bag. Meredith's till couldn't believe the twins were there but hoped that it was all the emergencies that were going to happen for a long time.


	40. It's Derek

Meredith placed Addison's case at the bottom of the bed and placed Marks clothes on the chair next to her bed.

'Meredith…'

'What?' Mark walked over beside Meredith.

'Mark, you're scaring me,' Addison's face was pale.

'Are the twins ok?'

'They're fine…it's Derek,' Meredith stood up sharply.

'What's wrong?'

'Meredith, I went down to wake him…but he wouldn't wake up,'

'Mark, what's happened?'

'Mere…I'm sorry, he's up in ICU. We tried to phone you but we just got your voicemail,' Meredith ran out the room, pushing Mark out the way.

'Where the hell is Dr Shepherd?'

'He's over there,' A small blonde nurse pointed to the end room. Meredith pushed the door open to see Derek lying in the bed, his eyes closed, tubes coming away from his body.

'Oh god,' Meredith walked over to the side of the bed and gently brushed Derek's hair away from his face.

'What's wrong with him?' Burke was standing at the door.

'He has a pulmonary embolism, but its more complicated than usual because of where it is,'

'What do you mean?'

'We can't operate. We're treating him with heparin and warpherin. We just need to wait,' Meredith sat on the seat next to the bed and took hold of Derek's hand.

'He can pull through this, right?'

'He's seriously ill Meredith, you know that. We just need to wait. He seems to like hospital beds,'

'What do you mean?'

'First he gets shot, takes ill after that and now he's got this,' Meredith nodded her head.

'Can you phone his mom and dad for me?'

'Sure,'

'Can you get Alex to bring Natalie up here?'

'I'll sort everything,'

'Thanks Burke,' Meredith's attention turned back to Derek, Burke slipping out the room.

'Derek, don't you dare leave me…don't you dare,' Meredith was crying into the palm of Derek's hand.

'I can't do this without you. Don't you leave me,' Meredith jumped at the feeling of some body's hand on her shoulder.

'Mark…' Mark walked round In front of Meredith and hugged her.

'He's going to be fine…he's strong,' Meredith held onto Marks back not wanting to be alone.

'You need to get back to Addison,'

'No, she's ok. You need me more,'

'Mark what if he…'

'He won't, you can't think that he will. He'll be ok,' Meredith was brought back to reality by the sound of the monitors beeping frantically.

'DEREK!' Marks jumped and hit the code blue button. Meredith stood frozen, unable to move. Mark pulled Meredith out, Burke running in. Meredith was frozen, the sound echoing in her ears.

'Meredith…Meredith, look at me,' Mark tried to get her attention but nothing worked. Her hands were at her sides, her face wet with tears. Burke came out in front of the code team.

'Burke?'

'He's stable,' Meredith pushed past Burke and took her seat next to his bed up again, not listening to anything they we're saying to her.

'Derek…do you remember the time we were all in the garden…it was Thursday night and everyone was off. We all got so drunk and had the biggest water fight. You got me so badly…Izzie and George were trying to slip away constantly but everyone caught them,' Meredith lifted Derek's hand up to her face and kissed the back of it.

'Don't you dare die,' Alex stood at the door, Natalie still in against his chest.

'Mere?' Meredith didn't respond to Alex's voice but the sound of Natalie whimpering caused her to turn.

'Alex,' Alex pulled a seat up next to Meredith and allowed her to fall against him. Natalie seemed oblivious to what was happening around her. Meredith lifted her away from Alex and allowed for her to settle into her arms.

'Mere, he'll be ok,'

'I hope to god he will be Alex,'


	41. Family Matter

**I feel evil! Lol. I have had a death threat that Derek cannot die so I have updated sooner than I planned to. This will probably be the last Chapter in this time setting. Planning on jumping ahead a few years but you'll need to wait and see. Hope you enjoy **

Derek slowly opened his eyes, the light hurting them. Slowly he tilted his head to the side to see Meredith sitting, Natalie in her arms, both of them sleeping. Mark was standing at the end of the bed, reading through Derek's chart.

'Mark,'

'Hey, welcome back,'

'What happened?'

'You had a pulmonary embolism. Burke couldn't operate so they had to treat it with blood thinners. You're lucky,'

'How's Meredith?'

'She's ok, not great but ok,'

'And Natalie?'

'She's been an angel. Alex, Izzie and George have been looking after her. Meredith's not left you're side for four days. I've never seen her so stressed,'

'How's Addison…the twins?'

'They're good, yeah. Addison loves being a mother. Never seen her so happy,'

'I bet she is,' Meredith's head shot at the sound of Derek's voice.

'Derek,' Meredith slipped forward in her seat and kissed his head gently.

'Hey,'

'Don't you ever do that to me again. Kick your ass,' Derek chuckled but it ended up as a cough.

'I'll go and get Burke,' Mark smiled and left Meredith with Derek. Lifting Natalie up on the bed next to Derek.

'She's missed you,'

'I missed you,' Meredith's head fell forward, the tears falling slowly.

'God Derek…'

'Hey, it's ok…it's ok,'

'I thought I was going to loose you,'

'We'll your not,' Derek pushed himself up with his arms and lifted Natalie up into his arms. Taking Meredith's hand, he eased her up onto the bed. She smiled and pushed the stray pieces of hair behind her ears.

'How you feeling Derek?' Burke walked in and checked the monitors. Lifting his stethoscope, Burke checked Derek's breathing.

'Like I've been out of the world for four days,'

'You've not missed much except for one very stressed Meredith,'

'Hey, I wasn't that bad,'

'Yeah,' Meredith laughed gently.

'First time she's even smiled,' Meredith lifted Natalie away from Derek and placed her down gently in her car seat. She instantly fell asleep, her tiny fists coming up to her face. Meredith climbed up onto the bed next to Derek.

'Promise me something Derek,'

'What?'

'You won't ever leave me,'

'I promise,'

'I was so scared,' Meredith nuzzled her face into Derek's chest. Derek leaned down and kissed her head.

'I'm not going anywhere,' Meredith entwined her fingers in Derek's and played with the band on his left hand.

'Do you remember the day we got married?'

'Mere, how could I forget?'

'I know but do you remember when we went to the ferryboats?'

'Ah, and the picture the driver took. That was quite cheeky,'

'Yeah. That was all I could think about. The whole time I was in here, that was all I could think about,'

'We really need to get back to the ferryboats,' Meredith nodded her head, but sat up sharply when Addison came in.

'Hey Derek, welcome back, how you feeling?'

'I'm fine, How are you?'

'Tired but loving it,' Meredith climbed down of the bed and took one of the baby carriers off of Addison.

'This is Ellie,' Addison lifted Ellie out and showed her to Derek.

'She's beautiful Addison,'

'This is Zoe,' Mark lifted the tiny baby away from his chest and let Derek see her face.

'They're beautiful, you guys must be so proud,' Derek started laughing but stopped when Natalie started whimpering.

'Oh, somebody's cranky,'

'She missed you,' Meredith lifted her out and handed her back to Derek. Natalie instantly settled into Derek's arms, her tiny head fitting into the crook of his elbow. Meredith stepped back and watched as Derek interacted with Natalie. She was her father's daughter. Her eyes were deep and intense, drawing you into her, just like her daddy's. Meredith realised that even if things got bad, there was always somebody there, helping them through it. Derek taking ill had made her realise how supportive her friends were but that all that really mattered was family.


	42. 16 years

**Hello! this is sixteen years later and Meredith and Derek are still togther and still madly in love. Natalie is Sixteen. They have two other children called Jake and Ellen. I have jumped a couple of years to keep things interesting :) hope you enjoy. I will go back in time again so bear with me. All review are welcome good or not ( i like good better though) please press the little purple button and enjoy:)**

'Natalie, Mom wants you,' Natalie ran down the stairs, avoiding the look she got from her father. Derek knew she was in for the mothers daughter talk and he didn't want to be there when it all kicked off. Jake came over and slumped on the couch next to Derek.

'Dad, what did she do?'

'I don't know but the car keys are in my pocket so we can run when things start getting thrown,' Derek patted his pocket, making his fourteen year old son laugh. Jake was two years younger than Natalie and loved the fact he was the only boy. He had been the baby of the family until Ellen had come along, three years after him. Even with the cerebral palsy and learning difficulties, she was her mother's daughter, the blonde hair, small frame. Natalie was a clone of her father, the deep eyes, and the dark wavy hair. Jake was a mixture of both, Meredith's hair but Derek's frame and eyes. Derek leaned back on the couch and listened as Natalie's voice stayed calm and relaxed but Meredith's grew increasingly louder.

'Where's Ellen?'

'In her room,'

'Good…I have feeling world war three is about to erupt,' Jake started laughing but stopped when Derek looked at him.

'No, world war three is about to erupt,'

'YOU'RE WHAT?' Meredith stood up from the kitchen counter and walked out the front door, lifting her car keys at the same time. Derek stood up and went to go after her but he could hear Natalie crying in the kitchen.

'Jake, go and see Ellen for a bit,' Jake looked at Derek, knowing something was wrong. Running up the stairs, Derek listened for Ellen's bedroom door to be open then shut. He hesitated slightly, not knowing whither or not she needed space but he couldn't just stand and listen to his daughter crying. Pushing the kitchen door open, He spotted Natalie sitting on the floor, her body wracked with sobs. Derek walked over and picked her up, causing her to start crying deeper into his chest.

'What did you tell your mom?'

'I'm sorry,'

'For what?'

'I didn't mean for this to happen,'

'Natalie, your not making any sense. What did you tell your mom?'

'I'm…pregnant' Derek tried to take a deep breath in but it caught in his throat. His sixteen year old daughter was pregnant. He couldn't focus. Now he understood why Meredith had run off.

'How far along?'

'Nine weeks,' Natalie was sobbing into The crook of Derek's neck, unable to stop. Derek lifted her and carried her up to bed.

'Listen, I need to go and find your mom,'

'Dad,'

'Yeah?'

'I'm sorry,' Derek leaned down and kissed her head lightly.

'It's ok. We have to talk, all of us. But I need to find your mom first,'

'Promise me something dad,'

'What?'

'You won't kick me out?' Derek chuckled lightly.

'Natalie we wouldn't kick you out. No matter how bad it gets we won't kick you out. I promise,' Natalie smiled and squeezed Derek's hand. He still hadn't let it sink in. Pulling the keys out his pocket, he went and checked on Jake and Ellen.

'Ellen, can you do daddy a favour?'

'Yip,'

'Can you check on Natalie for me, in a while?'

'Ok,'

'Good girl. Jake I'm going to go and find your mom. Keep an eye on Natalie. Phone if anything's wrong,'

'Ok dad,' Derek walked over and kissed their heads, the smell of lavender coming off their heads. Derek left them, the phone by Jakes side in case anything happened. Derek pulled out the house driveway and started driving. He checked the harbour, but her car wasn't there. She wasn't at her mother's old house.

Derek knew where she was but needed time to think. He wanted to keep driving until a solution came. He knew it wouldn't but just needed time for it to process. Pulling in beside her car, he could see her standing, up on the roof. Climbing up the six flight of stairs to the top of the hospital he pushed the thick grey metal door open.

'Mere?'

'She's sixteen…sixteen and pregnant,' Meredith stood, shivering, shaking her head from side to side.

'I know. She was worried we were going to kick her out,' Meredith smiled but it soon fell. Derek walked over and wrapped his arms around her, Meredith doing the same to him.

'Derek, what the hell are we going to do?' Derek kissed Meredith's head, smelling the lavender off her hair, causing him to remember Jake and Ellen.

'Be there for her, no matter what,'

'Derek, our daughter is pregnant, as in having a baby. Her life…it's gone,'

'No it's not. She's got a family around her that would do anything for her and a mother that loves her so much. She can do this,'

'But can we?'

'Yeah, we can,'

'But what about school? She can't keep going to school when she's pregnant,'

'Mere, we'll figure it all out later. First we need to get home as there is a terrified little lady who thinks she's going to get kicked out,' Meredith wiped her face with the back of her jumper sleeve. Slipping her hand around Derek's waist, she walked down to the car, knowing that they could get through this. It wasn't the end of the world or a death wish she had gotten. It was her first grand child. That scared her. Derek held her hand as he drove them home, knowing she was petrified. Meredith opened the house door first, throwing her keys on the side board.

'She's in her room,' Derek leaned down and whispered in Meredith's ear.

'Thank you,' Meredith squeezed his hand and headed up the stairs. Meredith stood at Natalie's door and chapped it lightly. A small moan came from inside, allowing Meredith the 'permission' to go in. Derek listened from the bottom of the stairs. He knew this would be rough, but that no matter what, they could do it, together. Lifting the phone he dialled for Pizza, knowing Meredith would not be amused with thought of having to burn the house down again. Climbing the stairs, he checked on Jake and Ellen. Ellen was lying fast asleep on Jakes lap.

'Hey, how longs she been sleeping for?'

'About ten minutes. She went and checked on Natalie. She stumbled a bit but made it there ok. She said Natalie was crying, but that she wanted to be left alone. What's happening Dad?' Derek leaned down and picked Ellen off of Jakes lap, and laid her down on the bed.

'Natalie's pregnant,'

'As in Aunt Addison's job pregnant,'

'Yeah,'

'Crap,'

'Why?'

'Your not going to become her personal slave, I am,' Derek laughed and signalled for Jake to follow him out.

'Here, Pizza should be here shortly. Will you wait on it?'

'Sure,' Derek handed Jake a pile of bills and walked over to Natalie's Bedroom door.

'I want change,' Jake laughed as he ran down the stairs, jumping over the back of the couch and slumping down on the couch. Derek pushed Natalie's' Bedroom door open, to see Meredith lying on the bed bedside her, holding her hand.

'Hey,'

'I'm sorry dad,'

'Hey, it's ok,' Derek walked over an kneeled down beside the bed.

'I didn't…we were careful, but it just never worked that way,'

'Who's we?'

'Tony,'

'Tony who?'

'Derek,'

'What? I think he should know,'

'No, please dad. Don't tell him. Please,' Natalie started crying again, causing Derek to sit beside her on the bed, and pull her up against him.

'It's ok. We won't tell him,'

'He'd get mad,'

'Why?'

'He doesn't want me anymore,' Derek sighed. His daughter was single and pregnant. That was why she was so scared about telling him. One man had rejected her after using her and now she frightened every other man would do the same.

'Natalie, do you mind if I phone your aunt Addison?'

'no, I was going to…but I couldn't. I had to tell you guys first,'

'ok,' Meredith slipped of the bed and squeezed Derek's shoulder as she left the room.

'Dad, are you mad?'

'No baby, I'm not mad. I'm not angry, or sad or mad. I'm happy you told us,' Natalie held onto Derek's shirt when he heard jake shouting.

'PIZZA'S HERE!'

'You hungry?'

'yeah,' Derek took hold of her hand and lead her down the stairs.

'You ordered pizza?' Meredith stood at the kitchen table, the two boxes in front of her.

'Did you want to cook?'

'nope,' Meredith's hair fell in front of her face as she opened the boxes and sliced the pizza up.

'Crap, Ellen,' Jake ran up the stairs and brought a sleepy Ellen back down, holding onto her arms.

'Hey,' Meredith picked her up and sat her on her knee.

'Mom,'

'Yeah,'

'I'm eleven,' Derek started laughing, his mouth full of pizza.

'And?'

'You used to this when I was three,'

'I still don't see your point,'

'I'm huge now, probably breaking you leg,'

'Ellen, shut up and eat pizza,' Ellen did as she was told. Lifting her first slice of pizza, the tomato sauce covering her face. Natalie sat, her wavy hair falling down by her face. She picked at the food, not really eating it.

'Nat, you need to eat,' Natalie looked up at Jake and smiled. He always was the protective brother, smaller or not.

'You have a choice. Onion or cheese?' Natalie picked up a slice of the onion pizza and ate it slowly, knowing that Meredith was watching her.

'Mom stop it,'

'Sorry,' Ellen climbed down and sat on the seat next to Meredith, allowing her to get a napkin.

'Here, messy one,' Ellen took the napkin and wiped her face furiously.

'Clean?'

'Yip,' Jake sat, watching Natalie like a hawk. She may have been his big sister, but he was always there for her, looking out for her and Ellen. It was his duty. Even when he was small, he always looked out for them both. Jake was brought out of his dream by the sound of the phone.

'I'll get it,' Derek smiled at Meredith the mc dreamy smile that still made her go weak at the knees.

'Mom, your blushing,'

'Jake, shut up,' Natalie started laughing.

'Glad to see dad can still have that effect on you,'

'Listen lady, eat you pizza. Yes, your dad can still have that effect on me but that's not something to play on,'

'Mere?' Derek stuck his head round the kitchen door.

'Phone,' Meredith wiped her face the napkin she had given Ellen and followed Derek out to the hall.

'Addison, hey,'

'_Mere, Derek told me. You ok?'_

'Yeah, can you arrange a scan for her?'

'_Bring her in later, about seven. The clinic shuts at six so it will be empty,'_

'Thanks Addison. I owe you one,'

'_If you need anything, give me a phone,'_

'I will, Bye Addison,' Meredith put the phone down and walked back into the kitchen. Standing at the door, she watched as Derek sat with the kids, playing a game that was supposed to make them clean up but he had done it so many times they weren't playing along anymore.

'Nat, you ok?' Jake was standing at the bin, folding the empty boxes into it.

'Yeah…I'm good,' Meredith pulled Derek and Ellen away form the kitchen, allowing Natalie and Jake time to talk. They had never been the typical family. They were never fighting, always talking. It was weird but Meredith didn't complain. She was happy she didn't have to break up fights. It was the one thing she hated. But things had always been good.

Jake had Derek's nature, making him the likeliest one out of the three not to fight. Natalie was the fiery tempered one, through hours of spending time with Addison and Mark. Ellen was Meredith, only occasionally showing you what she was really feeling, her temper breaking once or twice. It was good to know that they were all different.

Meredith leaned down against Derek's chest, Ellen on top of her. Meredith savoured the moment, peace a quiet. Natalie was still talking to Jake. Ellen engrossed with the TV and Derek underneath her, holding in against him, letting her know she wasn't alone and that they could get through this.


	43. I'm scared

Natalie stood in the elevator, her dad's hand sitting on her back. Meredith stood at the front, fiddling with her sleeve. As the elevator doors opened, Meredith turned to face Derek. Natalie smiled and walked on ahead leaving Meredith alone with Derek.

'I can't do this,'

'Yes you can. Remember she's scared out her mind, and she needs you to be there for her,' Meredith smiled weakly and went out ahead of Derek. Natalie was walking along the corridor in an indigo coloured jumper that swamped her body. Addison turned when she heard the squeaking of trainers along the floor.

'Hey,' Addison stood with her arms outstretched to Natalie, allowing for her niece to come to her.

'I'm sorry,' Natalie fell into Addison's embrace.

'Hey, it's ok…it's ok,' Natalie let the tears fall slowly. Addison kissed her head gently and led her into a side room.

'Jump up,' Natalie climbed onto the bed, her eyes glassy from the tears.

'Ok, this is going to be cold,' Addison spread the clear gel onto Natalie's thin stomach. Placing the ultra sound hand at the base of her abdomen, Addison instantly found a picture.

'There you go,' Addison turned the screen to face Natalie.

'Oh god,' the tiny figure was just see able on the machine.

'Nine weeks,'

'It was only once, my first time and now…' Meredith pushed the room door open and walked over to the side of the bed and took hold of Natalie's hand. Natalie was trembling.

'Hey…it's ok,' Derek was behind Meredith, his hand her waist.

'Baby is healthy and going strong. You want a picture?' Natalie looked up to Derek. His eyes were full of sympathy and love.

'Yeah,' Addison printed it out and handed it to Natalie.

'You excited?'

'Not quite the word I would use,'

'What word would you use?'

'Petrified,'

'Don't be,' Addison stood up at the side of the bed and hugged Natalie again.

'If you need anything, even just a moan, give me a call, ok?'

'Thank you,' Natalie jumped down off the bed and left them standing in the side room.

'I'll go,' Derek slipped out and followed Natalie along to the nursery. She was standing looking at the tiny babies' chests rise and fall.

'I remember when your mom first had you. You were tiny and really quiet too. Only I could hear you at night. Your mom thought I used to sit up and wait for you to start crying son that I got to keep you all to myself,' Natalie smiled but the smile fell from her face.

'Dad…' Natalie turned into Derek's chest and held onto it tightly.

'I'm scared,'

'I know baby, I know,' Derek stood holding her, listening to her gentle whimpering like when she was a baby.

'No matter what, me and your mom will always be here for you. We wouldn't kick you out or disown you no matter what you had done, unless you had crashed the car,' Natalie chuckled slightly.

'Natalie, how old is Tony?'

'Seventeen,'

'Ok…that's all I wanted to know,'

'Dad, it was only my first time…we didn't plan it…it just happened…he said he loved me,'

'Oh Nat,' Derek leaned down and kissed her head.

'Now…he doesn't want to see me,' Derek took her hand and kissed the back of it lightly.

'Well your stuck with me wither you like it or not. Natalie…not all guys are like that, some are genuine…take me for example,'

'Dad you are so full of yourself,'

'And proud of it. But not as proud of it as I am of you. Your not running away and hiding. Your facing this head on. You told me and your mom and that's one of the bravest things to do. Yeah, your mom was shocked at first but that's just the way your mom does things. She needs time to process stuff before she sees the bigger picture,'

'A bit like me then,'

'Yeah,'

'Come on…lets go home dad,'

'As you wish,' Natalie leaned into her father's side and slipped her hand around his waist, his around hers. Meredith was standing at the nurse's station with Addison, Mark behind her. Meredith's face was glowing, like she had finally realised that this wasn't the end of the world and that they would get through this.

'Uncle Mark!' Natalie let go of Derek and ran over to Mark. Mark picked her up and spun her round.

'When did you get back from Maine?'

'About an hour ago. Had to come and see your gorgeous aunt before I did anything else. So what are you doing here?' Natalie looked to Addison then Meredith.

'I'm…pregnant,' Marks face was white but soon turned back to a normal colour.

'Congratulations, how far along are you?' Natalie was confused. She expected his to push her away, not talk to her.

'Nine weeks,' Mark was smiling broadly.

'You seem surprised, not a planned baby?'

'Is it ever with a sixteen year old…no, your not upset or angry or going to yell at me?'

'Why would I?'

'Because I'm sixteen and pregnant,'

'And? Being pregnant isn't the end of your life. You're brining another person into the world. A little early I'll admit, but your still bringing another person into the world, it's not a bad thing,' Meredith took hold of Derek's hand and squeezed it. It had finally hit her. It wasn't a bad thing, but a good thing. Her daughter was continuing the family, yeah she was young but they were there for her, going to help her through it. What Mark had said had made Meredith realise what was really happening. Derek stepped forward to Natalie.

'Saturday…what are you guys doing?'

'I have a section at ten but I'm off the rest of the day,'

'I'm off; I don't start back till next week,'

'The kids?'

'It's the holidays, make it slouched in front of the couch, well Zoe anyway. Ellie will be out building a set of goal posts,'

'You guys fancy coming over? We'll even order in food so you guys don't get food poisoning,'

'How can we refuse that face? What time?'

'Have we ever set a time? When ever you guys are ready,'

'Ok, well, unlike you lot I have to work, so I'll see you guys later. Natalie, phone if you need me,' Addison kissed her forehead and went in the direction of the elevator. Mark shrugged his shoulders and followed Addison.

'I'll see you later,'

'Can we go home?' Natalie turned to face Meredith and Derek.

'Of course we can, come on,' Meredith and Derek watched as Natalie walked on ahead of them, muttering to herself.

'We can do this right?'

'I remember you asked me that the day we brought her home from the hospital. And I'm going to give you the same answer. We can only try our best'

'I can't believe you remember that,'

'How could I forget? You fell asleep against the wall just after we got her settled,'

'Can she do this?'

'She can but try and we'll be there with her, every step of the way,'


	44. He'd Kill him

Jake was sitting in the kitchen, listening to Ellen laughing at the television. Today had been crazy, like somebody had picked up they're lives a shook it about. His big little sister was pregnant. He was going to be an uncle. It was so surreal. Jake was brought out of his day dream by the sound of the front door opening and closing.

'Hey,' Natalie smiled and sat down next to him.

'Look,' Jake took the photograph from her hand and sat staring at the tiny figure.

'Jake…' Natalie started sobbing, not able to hold it together anymore. Jake didn't hesitate on throwing his arms around her.

'You can do this,' Derek and Meredith smiled as they watched the pair interact. Ellen came running out the living room, holding a large white floppy bunny rabbit.

'Hey, what you been up to missy?'

'Nothing, Jake put Cinderella on for me. I really wanted one of nana's surgery tapes but he said no, cause you guys weren't here,'

'He was right to say no…there only for special occasions,' Ellen started laughing as Meredith tickled her.

'you want a drink Mere?'

'Coffee?'

'Coffee,' Derek walked in the kitchen, not interrupting Natalie or Jake who were deep in conversation. It was only when jakes voice became louder that Derek started listening.

'What? And your not gonna tell dad?'

'Jake, he'd kill him,'

'I'm gonna kill him!'

'Jake please…I don't want anymore trouble. He's left me pregnant…just leave it at that,'

'You didn't even want to!' Derek turned sharply. Natalie locked eyes with him.

'You didn't even want to what?' Natalie looked to the floor.

'Go out with him,'

'Don't lie,' Derek placed the two mugs down on the kitchen table and filled them with water.

'Dad, she didn't want to sleep with him,' Natalie hit Jake across the arm.

'Shut up,'

'Natalie, is this true?'

'No,'

'Natalie, for god sake, dad knows. Just tell him the truth or I will,' Natalie started trembling.

'Please, just leave it,'

'Natalie, did you want to sleep with him? Yes or no,' Derek was kneeling down next to her.

'I don't know…I said yes but then said no…he said it was ok, it wasn't that big a deal,' Derek stood up and handed Meredith a mug.

'Thanks, what's up?' Derek said nothing, just lifted his coffee and went out side to the garden.

'Natalie, take Ellen up and get her ready for a bath, I'll be up shortly,' Natalie nodded and eased Ellen up the stairs.

'Jake, I need you to tell me what happened?'

'Natalie didn't want to sleep with Tony. She said yes then told him no. He said it was ok and that it wasn't important. Dad just found out,'

'Jake I want you to go and phone your aunt Addison, tell her not to panic but that her and your uncle Mark need to come over. Tell her nothings wrong but they need to come over. Don't tell them what's happening,' Jake smiled and left the kitchen. Meredith stood at the back door, watching Derek. He was sitting on the step, his hands in fists, the coffee sitting beside him.

'Derek?'

'She didn't want to sleep with him and he made her. Now he doesn't want to know and she's pregnant. Welcome to the world,'

'Derek, we can get through this,'

'Meredith, are you hearing me? She didn't want to sleep with him and he made her. He abused her. He abused her…' Derek's voice trailed off. His daughter had been abused, violated. Ok, she had said yes, but she had also said no, and meant it. She didn't want to sleep with him but he made her.

'She didn't want to tell me, or you. She told Jake and it was him that told me. She couldn't even tell me for fear of what I'd do,' Derek shook his head.

'Derek. Look at me. She's sixteen, pregnant and alone. She probably didn't want to tell you because she was scared that you wouldn't want to know her,'

'Meredith, it wouldn't be like that,'

'She's doesn't know that Derek. She's scared. I know how angry you are, but you need to understand that you can't do anything about it, just do as she asks and leave it,'

'Are you serious?'

'Deadly. Just do this for her,'

'You seem calm, considering,' Meredith said nothing and looked out over the garden.

'Did you know?' Meredith shook her head.

'Meredith, did you know?'

'She said at first she didn't want to but she didn't mind,'

'Seriously!' Derek stood up and walked out over the garden, through the side door, slamming the gate behind him.

'Crap,' Natalie came down behind Meredith and stood playing with her sleeve.

'Is dad mad with me?' Meredith turned to Natalie.

'No, no he's just upset. You're his daughter. He doesn't want to see you get hurt. He just needs time,'

'Like you?'

'Like me,' Natalie walked over and wrapped her arms around Meredith.

'I'm sorry mom,'

'Don't be sorry,' Jake came out and stopped at the door.

'They're on their way. Dads gone. He came and took his car keys from the hall and said he'd be back later,'

'ok. You two go and make yourselves busy. I need to go and give little miss Ellen a bath,'

'She's sitting on the stool, with a towel around her,'

'Thanks,' Meredith kissed her head and headed up to the bathroom, to see Ellen sitting on the bath stool, shivering.

'You want to try lying in the bath?'

'My backs sore,'

'Remember Cathy said you were to try it,'

'I don't like Cathy. She smells,'

'Ellen, she's you therapist, she's allowed to smell. So, lying in the bath,' Ellen grabbed onto the rails on the wall and pulled herself to her feet. Meredith's lifted the stool out from underneath her and eased her down into the bath.

'It's just like sitting, but with your legs out straight,' Ellen nodded and sat in the bath, her legs out straight.

'Good girl! Look! Can you try and touch you knees?' Ellen reached down and touched her shins.

'You're just showing off. Right lets get your hair washed,' Meredith finished bathing Ellen and got her out the bath, when she heard the front door open and shut.

'I'm up here' Meredith laid Ellen down on the bed and started moving her legs rhythmically.

'Hey, Jake called. What's wrong?'

'Ok, can you get dressed in your PJ's for me?' Meredith handed them to Ellen and walked out the door, but stood outside watching her.

'Natalie didn't want to sleep with him. He forced her into it. Derek's gone. I don't know where. Natalie had mentioned it but I said nothing to Derek. Now he's gone and I don't know where or what to do,'

'Ok, where's Natalie?'

'Down the stairs with…ELLEN!' Meredith ran in the room and caught her as she started falling to the side, her body shaking violently.

'Addison, the drawer, I need the blue pack,' Addison pulled the pack out and set up the syringe.

'Here,' Meredith lifted Ellen's top and slowly injected the syringe. Meredith carried her through to her bed and laid her down. Her eyes opened slowly, first seeing Meredith then Addison.

'Aunt Addie!' Ellen's eyes started closing again, the fit taking its toll on her body.

'How many has she had?'

'That's her fourth this month, not bad,'

'Yeah. So you knew about Natalie and didn't tell Derek?'

'Sort of. She said at first she didn't want to but she didn't mind. I spoke to her about it and she asked me not to tell him. Jake was the one who told him,' Addison out the used syringe in the bin and cleared up the pack.

'You should of told him,'

'I know…I know but she asked me not to. She doesn't want to see him hurt,'

'Like her mommy,'

'yeah,' Mark came up behind Addison.

'Mere, I just got call from Miranda. Derek's at the hospital. Outside in the rain. He won't move or talk to anyone,'

'Crap,' Meredith folded the towels over and started cleaning up the clothes all over the bed. Addison took them out her hands.

'Go and get him,' Meredith looked up to her and smiled. She was right, she had to go and get him. He needed her. Meredith lifted her keys off the side board and headed out to the hospital. Sure as the hell, Derek was sitting on the bench. The rain was battering down on his shoulders, but he wasn't moving.

'Derek,' as she said his name, he looked at her, his eyes blood shot.

'Come here,' Derek stood up and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. Taking his head in her hands she looked him straight in the eyes.

'Do this for her. Keep it together for her,' Meredith kissed Derek lightly.

'Do it for her,' Derek nuzzled his face into her neck, her hands holding his neck.

'She needs you, She doesn't want to visit you in prison because you've murdered that bastard. He's not worth it,'

'He hurt her,'

'I know he hurt her, but she needs a dad more than she needs for him to be dead. I know that for a fact,' Meredith lead Derek back to his car.

'Ill see you at home. No trips anywhere,' Derek wiped his face and nodded. Meredith drove home, making sure Derek was behind her the whole way. She could see he was still crying but as they pulled up the road, he seemed to stop, calm himself down and look fine, like it hadn't bothered him. Derek pulled in behind Meredith and looked at Addison and Marks car.

'Ellen had another fit,'

'Is she ok?'

'Sleeping, Marks keeping an eye on her I think,' Derek open the front door and went straight through to the kitchen. Addison was sitting with Natalie. Addison excused her self and walked over and stood next to Meredith. Derek pulled Natalie to her feet and held her in against him. She started crying, apologising over and over again but Derek wasn't listening. He could feel her heart beating against his chest.

'Natalie, calm down. Slow down,' True to being like Meredith, she started panicking.

'Natalie, slow down. It's ok, I promise,' and with those words, she calmed down. Her heart rate slowed and her crying subsided.

'You are going to dehydrate,' Derek handed her a mug filled with coffee but soon took it back when she started laughing.

'You make horrible coffee,' Derek pretended to be hurt.

'Make your own coffee then,' Natalie poured the coffee down the sink but dropped the mug.

'Sorry,'

'Stop apologising,'

'Addison?' Mark was shouting from the top of the stairs.

'Oh, hey, when did you guys get back?'

'Not long. What's wrong?' Meredith turned to face Mark

'Do you have a bucket?'

'What for?'

'Ellen's being sick…on me,'

'She always was a good girl,' Mark stuck his tongue out at Addison.

'I'll sort her,' Meredith went into her room to see her head on Jakes lap. He was pushing her hair out her face, making sure she didn't get sick through it.

'How bad is she?'

'She isn't getting pizza again,' Meredith laughed gently and pulled a bucket out from behind the sink in the bathroom. Meredith placed it at the side of the bed and sat down next to Jake. Pulling him over against her, she kissed his head.

'Thank you,'

'What for?'

'You seem to be the only sane one in this house, that's including Addison and Mark,'

'It's just what seems right,'

'And for Natalie,'

'What do you mean?'

'For telling your dad,'

'She hates me for it,'

'No she doesn't. I know that for a fact. She can't hate you. Nobody can,' Jake smiled but eased Ellen over to the end of his lap as she started being sick again.

'Give her here,' Meredith slid Ellen over onto her legs, still keeping her on her side and lifted the bucket up to her face. After she had stopped being sick, Jake wiped her face with a damp cloth.

'You'd make a great doctor,'

'Just you wait…just you wait, I have my eyes set on something bigger than a doctor'

'What might that be?'

'Chief,'

'Your going to take your dads job?'

'Make him suffer under me,' Meredith started laughing.

'Yeah, that I would like to see,'

'Give it time mom, give it time,'


	45. It's Gravy

**Hey! Hope you are all enjoying the story! This is set on the Saturday when Addison and Mark come over to Meredith and Derek's. First time you'll really get to see the twins. Hope you enjoy. PLEASE hit that little purple button  make me smile )**

Natalie sat in the kitchen, looking down at the bowl of cereal in front of her.

'I know morning sickness is a pain in the ass but you have to eat,'

'What's the point? I may as well go and pour it down the toilet now, save me some time and effort,'

'Natalie, try a bit. You never know,' Natalie lifted the spoon and started eating the cereal, taking each mouthful slowly.

'Is it really that bad?'

'Give it an hour mom, just an hour,'

'Well good morning ladies,' Ellen stumbled up behind Derek and took hold of his leg.

'Can I ask why you are holding my leg hostage?'

'Because it's been bad,'

'What did my leg do?'

'He grew long,' Meredith was cleaning the sink but couldn't stop laughing.

'Can I have my leg back so I can get some coffee?'

'Only for a little while,'

'Thank you,' Ellen released the grip on Derek's legs and stood at the door, watching as he got the coffee.

'Can I keep it until later on?'

'Ok, but I want it back,'

'Ok, you can have my leg back later,' Ellen grabbed hold of the rails in the hall and walked her self into the living room.

'How you feeling?'

'What's the point of eating when it's just going to come back up?'

'Ah, that was one of the excuses your mom used with me. You need to eat, keep your energy up. It may seem pointless but it works,' Derek sipped the coffee but screwed his face up.

'Who made coffee?'

'I did,' Meredith turned and looked at Derek.

'Have you had any of this?'

'No, why?'

'Its gravy,' Meredith looked at the jar sitting in the shelf and started laughing.

'Sorry,'

'Nice one mom,' Natalie was smiling for what seemed like the first time in ages.

'Remember Addison and Mark are coming over,'

'Crap,'

'What?'

'Do I need to cook?'

'Mere, we said we'd order in so that they didn't get food poisoning,'

'Good. I can't be bothered cooking too much…' Meredith was cut short by the sound of Natalie's chair scraping along the floor and her running out the kitchen.

'I'll go,' Derek followed Natalie up into the bathroom and held her hair back.

'The last time I did this was for your mom when she was having Ellen,'

'Are you mad you're…?' Natalie started dry heaving again.

'No, I'm not mad. Stop asking me if I am because I'm not and I won't be,' Natalie leaned back against the bath tub and wiped her face with her sleeve.

'What was the point of that? If I didn't have anything to eat I wouldn't spew,'

'Yeah, well you have to eat,' Derek pulled Natalie to her feet and followed her down stairs, watching in case she had to run again. Meredith was standing at the back door, watching Jake as he lay on the grass, reading up on surgical procedures. He seemed in a world of his own, his MP3 player blasting in his ears. It may only have been half ten but he was always up early, amusing himself with something. He had been out there for two hours and seemed stuck on one page.

'What you reading?'

'Needle biopsies. I don't understand how it works though. Would you not just be better removing the mass all together?'

'No, taking a needle biopsy allows for the mass to be identified as malignant to benign. You need to know what you're removing before you remove it. Some tumours have blood vessels through them and some don't. A needle biopsy allows for it to be identified. It's actually quite a simple procedure. Might even let you see one,'

'Seriously?'

'Seriously, but first you need to have breakfast,'

'I had toast when I got up,'

'Promise?'

'Promise,' Meredith stood up and allowed Jake to go back to reading up. Natalie had cleared the bowl away, the sight of food making her feel sick.

'So, now I have proper coffee, not gravy, what do you guys doing before Mark and Addison get here?'

'Going back to bed,'

'Not an option,'

'Oh come on…please,'

'Natalie, you're up so stay up,'

'Mom, please, just for an hour,'

'No, you won't sleep tonight,'

'Dad?'

'I'm with your mom on this one. Stay wake and you'll sleep better tonight. How come you're so tired?'

'I was up at five this morning, first sickness, then Ellen found it appropriate to remind me that I was having a baby by putting her doll in my bed,' Derek started laughing.

'Dad, it's not funny,'

'Sorry, it's not funny,' Derek started laughing allowing for Natalie to slap his arm.

'Dad, please,'

'No,' Derek put his mug in the sink and kissed Meredith.

'God, can you guys not get a room?'

'Technically we have. The kitchen. You're in our room,'

'Do you always have to be so technical mom?'

'That's what Brain surgeons are supposed to be,'

'Really. I thought we were supposed to be brain surgeons,' Meredith looked at Derek.

'What? I'm going to the hospital,' Jake ran to the door.

'Can I come?'

'Ok…I'm going to check on patients. Do you need anything while I'm out?'

'Nope,'

'Can you get nacho chips and sour cream?' Derek looked at Natalie.

'Oh god, she's got the same as you,'

'That was one of the things I used to love while I was having you. Usually around half three in the morning,'

'The guy the shop knew my name because I was in there so often,' Jake followed Derek out to the car and into the passenger seat.

'Can I put the radio on?'

'Only if you put good music on,'

'The clash?'

'Perfect,' Derek started singing along to the clash, making Jake squirm in the seat.

'Should I stay or should I go?'

'Go, definitely, get singing lessons,'

'Hey, I am a wonderful singer,'

'Yeah and mom can cook,'

'Hey, I am,'

'Like I said, and mom can cook,' Derek pulled into the parking lot and Jake jumped out.

'Going to the gallery dad,' Jake had run inside before Derek could protest. He knew he wouldn't get up to anything but he knew that somebody would question him for being there.

'Hey Burke, how's it going?'

'Don't ask. Two interns running havoc, thinking they can kill patients,'

'Uneasy lies the head that wears the chief's hat,'

'Hey, you're chief too,'

'Ah yes, but I am off duty so it's on your head,'

'Damn. How's Meredith, the kids?'

'Their great. Natalie gave us a bit of a surprise on Monday,'

'Oh?'

'She's pregnant?'

'Well, that is a surprise,'

'You can say that again, but hey, it's not the end of the world so,'

'Yeah, I have to go. I'll see you later,'

'Bye Burke,' Derek walked along to the OR board. He skimmed down the names, checking there were no emergency surgeries he should know about.

'Yeah, so like I said Natalie's pregnant. And everyone's like, oh that's ok. I don't see why we should give her such an easy time. Alex, she's sixteen and pregnant and everyone's acting like she's the first sixteen year old to be pregnant,'

'You spoke to your mom and dad about how your feeling?'

'And say what? Oh yeah I don't like the fact she's pregnant, treat her like crap. That would go down well,'

'Jake, your part of their family too. Remember that. If you don't like what's going on then say something. Don't hold it all in. Cause one day you'll burst and it will go everywhere and hurt all the wrong people,'

'Alex, I feel like an ass. She's my sister and I feel like she should be disowned. How wrong is that?'

'You're just not used to the fact she's pregnant yet. Once it's sunk in, you'll see things differently,'

'I hope so Alex. Don't say anything to my mom or dad,'

'Have I ever told them anything about what you tell me?'

'No,'

'Well, there's your answer,' Jake turned his attention back to the heart transplant that was happening in the OR.

'Maybe they should use a bovine valve replacement instead of using a full heart,'

'Dude, she needs a new heart,'

'I know but could they not keep parts of her old one that work and replace the bits that don't with bovine replacements or porcine replacement?'

'So basically your saying put part cow and pig inside the woman instead of a full human heart to save on a human heart? You planning on becoming a cardio surgeon?'

'Nope, bigger than that,'

'What?'

'My dads' job will be mine,'

'You'll have to wait for a while Jake. I'm not going anywhere,' Jake jumped at the sound of Derek's voice.

'We'll see,'

'You sound like an evil genius,'

'I am an evil genius,'

'Yeah and I'm a chicken. Come on, let's get back before your mom cleans the house past the point of recognition,'

'See you later Alex,'

'Yeah, see yeah Jake,' Jake followed Derek out to the car, wondering what he had heard.

'So you not thinking about cardio?'

'Nah, and no way am I doing Aunt Addison's job. No Way am I doing that. Uncle Marks job, maybe,'

'Sounds like you have you sights set high?'

'Too high?'

'You can never be too ambitious,'

'Dad…what's going to happen with Natalie?'

'What do you mean?'

'Like with school, and when the babies born,'

'I don't know. Me and your mom need to sit and talk about it but I promise well tell you everything. And I mean everything,'

'Are you going to do anything about Tony?'

'No. Natalie wants it to be left so we're leaving it,'

'Dad, why? The bastard took advantage of her and shouldn't be let away with it,'

'Jake two things. One watch your language. Two, he won't get away with it. Just not just now. Give it a few months. I wouldn't let him get away with it. Nobody hurts any of my kids and gets away with it and I mean it. If anybody hurt you, I'd kill them. Same for Ellen and your mom. You guys mean too much to me,'

'Promise?'

'I Promise,'


	46. Battles and Mountains

Natalie stood in front of the full length mirror, looking at her body. It was changing already. Her chest getting bigger, her stomach stretching. She couldn't believe it. She was pregnant, going to be a mother. She couldn't process it. A tiny human being was inside her. Inside her.

'Hey,'

'Uncle Mark!' Natalie walked over and wrapped her hands around him, his hands gently rubbing her back.

'I bring gifts of chocolate,'

'Ohhhh, now you have my attention,'

'You want to talk?' Natalie looked at the bar in her hands and then back up to Mark.

'Is it really that obvious?'

'Yeah,' Natalie walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.

'I feel like mom and dad are angry with me and I expected that…I just didn't expect how I would feel,'

'And how do you feel?'

'Like I'm in two. Part of me wants the baby and part of me wants it all to end,'

'You mean…an abortion?'

'Yes…no…I don't know. I don't think I can be a mommy. I'm not even legal to have sex yet I'm pregnant,'

'Your mom told me about Tony,'

'Please…I don't want anymore hassle. I've caused enough as it is. I'm embarrassed. I feel like dads ashamed of me…like I'm some little slut. Yeah he says he's fine and helps me when I'm sick but part of me thinks it's just an act…like a brave face,'

'Natalie, your dad loves you so much, more than you could imagine. I know your dad like the back of my hand and he would never consider any of his kids like that. You're not a little slut or anything like that. He took advantage of you, destroyed something very precious. Your dad understands that, hates it and wants to kill the little bastard like I do but knows that you don't want that. He understands. Give your dad more credit, and trust me, your dad is one of those people you can read. He's not putting on a brave face,'

'I feel like I've let him and mom down,'

'You've not. You're having a baby, growing a little person inside you. That's one of life's greatest achievement and don't let anybody tell you different. I know your mom and dad will support you in whatever you decide. But let me warn you, actions have consequences that you don't think of. Having an abortion isn't something to be taken lightly. It may end the pregnancy but it doesn't erase the memory of it, or the feelings you get after it. You're not alone in this. You never will be,'

'Promise?'

'Promise?'

'You looking forward to being a great uncle then?' Mark brushed her hair out of her face and pulled her into a hug.

'If anybody can do this, you can,'

'I owe you one,'

'Nah, just a bit of chocolate,' Natalie started laughing as she headed down the stairs, Mark right behind her. Addison was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee with Meredith.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'I'm fine…just had to get some stuff out of my system,'

'All gone?'

'All gone,'

'Zoe and Ellie are in the garden,'

'Do they know?'

'No. Not our place to tell them,'

'Better go and get it over with then,' Natalie grabbed Marks hand and squeezed it tightly. Going out to the garden, Mark stood at the window and watched as Natalie lay on the grass, next to Zoe and Ellie, looking up to the sky. Ellie sat up sharply and looked down at Natalie, her tiny frame seemed thinner than usual. Mark tried to judge her reaction but didn't need to when Ellie pulled Natalie into a hug, Zoe doing the same, her hand holding onto her hat as she did so, a few moments later.

'Seems they're cool with it,'

'I get to be the great uncle,' Mark seemed amused at the fact he had been named as a member of the family.

'Is she ok?' Meredith looked over to Mark.

'Yeah, she's ok,' Meredith lifted her coffee and finished it, causing Addison to pull her into the living room.

'Ellen, can you go and look after Uncle Mark for me?'

'Is he sick?'

'No, he does need a hug though. Why don't you go and tell him what you did at Day care?'

'Ok Aunt Addie,' Ellen climbed down off the couch and stumbled through to the kitchen, holding onto the bars as she went.

'Right, what's wrong?'

'Addison, nothings wrong'

'You're the worst liar ever,' Meredith looked out the window, Derek pulling up outside.

'It's fine, honestly,' Meredith walked back into the kitchen, lifting Ellen as she stood at the door and started tickling her. Derek opened the front door and walked up behind Meredith.

'Somebody's having fun,'

'MOMMY!!!' Ellen was screaming with laughter as Meredith tickled her sides. It had a secret agenda, making her muscles move, keeping her active.

'Any interesting surgeries Jake?'

'Heart transplant,'

'You get to watch?' Meredith kissed the top of Jakes head as he walked by her.

'Yeah, don't know why they didn't do a partial replacement, bovine valve or even porcine. Waste of a heart,'

'Not really if it keeps the patient alive,'

'Yeah but it could save two patients instead of one if they had just done the partial replacement,'

'Good point. Natalie's in the garden, Ellie and Zoe are with her,'

'Ok, I'm going to go take a shower. I'll see you guys in a bit,' Jake lifted a bottle of water out the fridge and headed up the stairs, his true feelings beginning to show.

'Is he ok? Did he say anything to you in the car?'

'No, he was kina quiet when he was in the gallery with Alex,'

'He spoke to Alex?'

'Yeah, talking about the transplant,' Meredith nodded her head and lifted Ellen into the garden.

'Be careful!' Ellen walked over and laid down beside the three girls, them accepting her instantly into the group. Derek came up behind Meredith and slipped his arms around her waist.

'You are gorgeous,'

'Are you fishing for compliments?'

'Nope, just want to hold you,'

'You wait till the kids are in bed…'

'Enough said,' Derek planted kissed up the side of Meredith's neck, causing her to shiver.

'Cold?'

'Nope, happy,'

'Good,' Meredith turned and kissed Derek gently.

'I love you,'

'I love you too,' Meredith's hands slipped in Derek's back pockets.

'There's no money in there,'

'Who said I was looking for money?' Meredith raised her eyebrows and started laughing.

'Come on,' turning away from Derek she went inside and sat down next to Addison.

'So, how have things been with you guys?'

'Ellie's getting back up to a normal weight again. She's up to eighty pounds now,'

'That's still pretty thin Addison,' Derek's face was etched with concern.

'I know, but she's getting there, slowly, but she is getting there,'

'Good on her. She's been through a lot,'

'Yeah,'

'How's Zoe getting on?' Addison looked up at Mark and then back down to the table.

'She's…'

'Mark?' Meredith took hold of Addison's hand.

'She's got alopecia Derek,' Mark turned and looked out the window at his daughters, each of them with their own problems.

'Damn,' Addison raised her head and smiled weakly.

'Yeah,'

'How's she taking it?'

'Quite well. Loving the fact she gets to buy hats,' Meredith chuckled gently.

'She'll get through this,' Meredith tried to reassure Addison.

'Seems like everyone's got a battle to win or a mountain to climb,' Meredith looked up to Derek, but looked away quickly, his comment hitting a nerve.

'Yeah,'

'So, what we ordering in?' Derek folded his arms and leaned back against the kitchen counters beside Mark.

'Not Chinese,'

'Ok, pizza?'

'Pizza it is,' Derek lifted the phone and started dialling.

'What do you guys want?'

'Not fussed,'

'Kids?'

'Same,'

'Get Nacho chips with the sour cream,'

'I will,' Derek headed out to the hall, leaving Meredith alone with Addison and Mark. Addison walked over to the sink and started rinsing out her coffee mug.

'Crap,' Addison placed the coffee mug in the sink and headed out to the garden, lifting Ellen back to her feet after she had run around the garden.

'So, what's your mountain?' Meredith looked up to Mark.

'I don't have one,'

'Meredith, this is me you're talking to. I've know your for the best part of seventeen years. What's wrong?' Meredith looked to the hall and listened for Derek on the phone.

'Mere?'

'I was planning on telling Derek last Monday, but with Natalie, I put it off,'

'Mere, what's wrong?'

'Promise you won't say anything mark, just until I get it checked,'

'I promise, what's wrong?'

'I found a lump…on my left breast, last week,' Mark sat back in the seat and nodded his head slowly.

'I've got an appointment, Anna, head of oncology doing it under the radar. Tonight. I'm leaving in about an hour. Don't say anything to Derek. Let me get it check first,'

'Ok, but you need to tell him, positive or not,'

'I will, just let me get tested first. Should have my results tonight,'

'Ok,'

'I promise I'll tell him Mark, just give me time,'

'Have all the time in the world,'


	47. Enlighten Me

Meredith sat outside the house, the results still in her hands. She kept reading over them, making sure there was no mistake, no mix up. Looking up to the living room window, she spotted Derek lifting Ellen off the floor.

'Here goes nothing,' Meredith put the paper in her bag and entered the house, instantly being shouted on by Ellen.

'Mommy!' Ellen was walking, her body shaking as she did so.

'what happened?' Meredith touched the pink plaster on her elbow.

'I fell,'

'That would be my fault,' Mark walked out the kitchen and lifted Ellen up, carrying her into the kitchen with him.

'Derek's in the living room, on his own,' Meredith smiled at Mark, pushing the door open.

'Hey, you get the stuff from the store ok?' Derek wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her head lightly.

'We need to talk,' Derek pulled away slowly.

'What's wrong?' Meredith slumped on the couch, Derek coming down beside her.

'I wasn't at the store. I went to the hospital,'

'What's wrong?'

'I…I should of told you, but everything happened so quickly, I just,'

'Mere, rip the bandage off, no anaesthesia,'

'I found a lump on my left breast Derek,' the blood drained from Derek's face and his hands went cold.

'I planned on telling you on Monday, but I felt one piece of big news was enough,' Derek seemed unable to speak or think. Standing up he walked over to the window.

'I went to the hospital to get tests done, find out what it was,'

'And?' Meredith walked over behind him. Turning to face her, she looked away from him, but when she looked back, she was smiling.

'It's benign,' Derek picked her up and started kissing the side of her face as he spun her around. The happiness etched on both their faces.

'God Mere…'

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just, I wanted to find out what it was before I told you and I had planed on telling you but everything started and,' Derek stopped Meredith from Talking by cupping her face and gently kissing her.

'No more secrets,'

'No more secrets,' Meredith took hold of Derek's hand and walked back through to the kitchen. Mark and Addison were sitting with Ellen, her telling them how to put a plaster on a cut.

'You need to make sure you take the sticky bit off first and then you put it on,'

'Hey, what you up to?' Ellen climbed down of Addison's Knee and walked over to Meredith. Meredith picked her up and sat her on her waist.

'I was telling aunt Addie and uncle mark how to make a cut all better, like what daddy did for my elbow,'

'Yeah,'

'How do you fancy watching…Cinderella?' Ellen squirmed her way down from Meredith's waist and tried to run through to the living room.

'I'll get it mom,' Derek shrugged his shoulder and Kissed Meredith lightly on the side of her face.

'You two seem happy,' Addison crossed her legs.

'Yeah, we have a lot to celebrate,'

'Oh, enlighten me?'

'Promise you won't freak,'

'Ok,'

'I found a lump, last Sunday, my left Breast. Just go the results back. It's Benign,' Mark was the first to hug Meredith.

'Glad your ok,' Mark whispered in Meredith's ear.

'So am I Mark, so am I,' Mark pulled away and sat back down, allowing Addison to have her turn.

'You should have said,'

'I know, but everything had started with Nat so…anyway, it's all over now so lets leave it. Now, I'm sure there's a couple of bottle of wine and tequila in her somewhere,' Meredith checked the two main cupboards in the kitchen before going through to the living room and lifting the bottles out the cupboard.

Walking through, trying not to drop the bottles, she stopped and watched as Derek ran his hands over his face and through his hair. She knew he hadn't let it set in and that anytime soon he would realise just what it meant.


	48. Porcelin Doll

**Hello! Hope your enjoying the story. I know it went off course a bit but I had some daft ideas on this so hey, I had to run with it. This is a few months in the future, Natalie's about seven months pregnant now. Meredith and Derek are still madly in love and her scare is behind them now. Read review and Enjoy. **

Meredith lifted the washing basket from the top the stairs and threw the three sheets on top the pile of dirty clothes that had been collected from the bedrooms, Jake having the most. Balancing the basket in her hip, she went down to the laundry room and started filling the washer when she heard the front door open and close and a set of feet stomping up the stairs, the bedroom door been opened and then slammed shut.

'Natalie?' Meredith went up the stairs and opened her bedroom door. The tiny figure sat on the floor, crying, her body shaking.

'Hey, baby, what's wrong?' Meredith sat down and sat next to her, pulling her down on her chest.

'They want me to stop going to school, mom…I'm still fit to go but they want me to stop…I can't stop mom…not yet,'

'Ok, me and your dad will talk to them…how did you get home?'

'I got up and left,'

'Natalie,'

'Mom, please, they were shouting at me, I couldn't take it any longer,'

'Who was shouting at you?'

'Ms Connors,'

'Ok, get into bed and sleep for a while. It was hell of a distance you walked,' Natalie wiped her face and took hold of Meredith's hands, allowing for her to pull her to her feet.

'I'll phone the school, let them know you're here,' Natalie slipped her shoes off and climbed under the cover.

'How you feeling?'

'My feet are killing me,'

'Ok, I come up later,' Meredith left the bedroom and went back down to the laundry room, filling up the machine and putting it on. She was angry. Nobody should have been shouting at Natalie, no matter what had happened. Looking at her watch she cursed herself.

'NATALIE, I'M GOING TO GET ELLEN FROM DAY CARE. YOU WANT TO COME?'

'YEAH'

'BE QUICK, I'VE GOT TO GO NOW,' Meredith lifted her jacket and care keys from the side board. Natalie staggered down the stairs, her hair to one side from her lying down.

'You ok?'

'Yeah, just sleepy,'

'You can stay,'

'No, I wanna see Aunt Addison anyway, and Izzie,'

'Why?'

'I've not spoke to Izzie in about three day's mom,'

'Oh, Sorry,'

'You are forgiven,' Meredith threw Natalie's jumper at her and pulled her out the house and into the car. She crossed her legs and rested her head in her hands.

'So what happened at school?' Natalie looked at Meredith but quickly turned her head away.

'Natalie, you need to tell me what happened or I can't do anything about it,'

'I was in a fight,'

'What!'

'Mom, chill. This girl started on me, started saying stuff. I lost my temper and threw a book at her. She threw a punch and I threw a punch. They only seen me and said that I wasn't in a phycamathingie state to be in school because of my hormones,'

'Psycalogical state?'

'Yeah, whatever,'

'And?'

'I lifted my bag and left,'

'Ok, promise me you're telling the truth,'

'Yeah,' Meredith pulled into the hospital car park, next to Derek's new black Lexus.

'At least we know he's here,' Natalie slipped her hand round Meredith's waist and leaned her head on her shoulder.

'I'm going to check the OR board. You want to go and see Addison or come with me?'

'I'll come with you and the go and see Aunt Addison,'

'Ok,' Meredith headed down to the OR board, Natalie trailing behind her. Meredith leaned back against the banister and looked about to see if there were any good surgeries.

'You are beautiful,' Meredith smiled as a pair of warm hands slipped round her waist.

'Hey,'

'And what are you doing here?' Derek kissed Natalie's forehead, but started smiling as she pulled his scrub cap off and put it on her head.

'I'm still waiting,'

'I ran from school,'

'Why?'

'I…it doesn't matter,'

'Natalie,'

'Dad, it's not important,'

'Natalie, it is,'

'There was a bit of a fight,'

'Are you ok?' Derek's face was etched with concern.

'I'm fine. They want me to leave school now,'

'Why?'

'Apparently I'm not fit to be there,'

'That's crap,'

'Derek,'

'What? It is. Why should she have to pull out? Having a baby isn't the biggest thing on the plant so why should she have to leave?'

'Derek, we'll talk later, I promise.

'Ok, what are you two doing here anyway?'

'I'm picking up Ellen,'

'Mere, she's at therapy for another two hours,'

'I know I just…' Natalie leaned forward, placing her hand on Derek's stomach, trying to grab hold.

'Nat, what's wrong?'

'Sorry,'

'What's wrong?' Derek put his hands on her arms, supporting her frame.

'Nothing, just a kick,'

'Jesus, I thought you were going into labour,'

'Dad, relax. Another two months to go,'

'I know, I know,' Meredith eased Natalie over to the row of seats that were against the wall. Derek kneeled down in front of her.

'What happened in School?' Meredith sat down next to her and took hold of her hand.

'He was there,'

'Who was?' Derek wanted to know what had happened, more so that he knew how to deal with it.

'Tony,'

'And?'

'His girlfriend was there,' Derek Took a deep breath in and sigh heavily.

'She said it wasn't his and that I was just lying, that I was some dirty little whore,' Natalie started sobbing, her head hitting her chest.

'Dr Shepherd, your needed down in trauma,'

'Yeah thanks. Stay here. I'll come and find you guys later,'

'We'll be watching Ellen or with Addison,' Derek kissed Natalie's head lightly and Meredith softly on the lips, lingering slightly. Natalie pushed herself up and headed along to the elevator, leaving Meredith with Derek.

'She really has good timing,'

'What do you mean?' Meredith stood up beside Derek and ran her hand down his cheek before leaning in and kissing him with a fiery passion.

'Ah, that's what you meant,' Derek pulled Meredith in against him, her head nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

'Your needed down in trauma,'

'Yeah,' Meredith kissed Derek again before she let him go. Natalie was standing, her hands pressed against the wall.

'Nat?'

'What?'

'You ok?'

'Yeah, my feet are killing me,'

'Ok, let's get you to Addison,' Natalie leaned in against Meredith, her hand on top of her bump.

'Hey, how my favourite mommy to be?'

'Very very tired and sore feet,'

'The joys of pregnancy. How come our not in school?'

'Long story,'

'You can tell me during your scan,'

'I'm not due a scan for another two weeks,'

'Yeah, well, I want to keep an eye on you,' Addison pulled Natalie gently into a side room, Meredith watching through the glass window. Natalie seemed so young and frail, like a porcelain doll that you had to wrap up and keep safe. Meredith couldn't believe she was pregnant and wouldn't until the baby arrived. Natalie seemed so calm about it all, like she had done it so many times before it was like a second nature to her. Meredith didn't know what to or how to explain to her that Childbirth wasn't the easiest things in the world, or most painless.


	49. Can i talk to you?

**Hey! This will be the second last chapter of this time. I'm going to go back again to after Derek took ill. I know I kind of ran away off course but I have a good reason for it, I promise. Hope your still enjoying the story. Still very sorry that I didn't update in a long time. Promise it won't happen again. I was going through a rough time with the boyfriend so we were going out every night but it did no good so hey, I am single and any offers (Patrick, if your reading this) are welcome lol ) please review and make me smile )**

Meredith looked in on Ellen before leaving to start her night shift. She hated them but it was the only way she would catch up on her paper work and keep on cases. Things with Natalie had been hectic, scans, school, the pregnancy making her burst into tears every five minutes. It was beginning to take its toll but Meredith just got through it, Derek holding her hand.

'Ellen sleeping?'

'Yeah, you should seep too, your working tomorrow,'

'Mere, I'm fine. I'll stay up until Natalie and Jake are sleeping, check that their ok,'

'Derek, they'll be fine, you need to sleep though,'

'And I will, in good time. You have to go. You'll be late,' Meredith lifted the cup of coffee and kissed Derek softly, her hand caressing the side of his face. He gently hugged her, making sure not spill coffee down her.

'I love you,'

'Phone me later,'

'I will Derek,'

'I love you. Drive carefully,'

'Bye,' Meredith left Derek standing in the kitchen, Jake coming down the stairs a few minutes after Meredith left.

'Mom working?'

'Yeah,'

'Dad…can I talk to you?'

'What's up?' Jake pulled the bar stool out and sat down, but began fidgeting with his hands.

'It's Natalie,' Derek out the pieces of toast on a plate, Jake lifting a piece but he only picked at it.  
'She had a bruise on her arms and on her stomach. She said she fell but I'm not sure,'

'How bad were they?'

'The ones on her arms were fading but they looked like someone had been holding her. Her stomach ones were just new,'

'When did you notice them?'

'Yesterday,' Derek pulled two bottles of water out of the fridge and handed one to Jake.

'She said they were nothing but something told me she was lying. I'm worried something happening and she's not saying anything in case you or uncle mark do something,'

'Like what?'

'Kick the living shit out of a certain bastard,' Derek went to correct Jake on his language but then it hit him what he was saying.

'You think Tony did it?'

'Him or his girlfriend. I know about the whole thing a month ago when Natalie ran from school. She had bruises on her arms then but she still didn't say anything,'

'She had bruises then?'

'Yeah, didn't you know?'

'No, I didn't' Derek put the bottle down and headed up to Natalie's room. She was standing in the full length mirror, looking at how her image had changed. She was bigger now, her stomach protruding to the point that only Derek's polo shirts fitted her apart from maternity clothes.

'Hey,'

'Dad, come here and feel this,' Natalie took hold of Derek's hand and placed it at the top of her bump. There was a small kick coming from inside of her, causing Derek to loose his thoughts for a moment but then they came back.

'Nat, I need you to do me something,'

'What?' Natalie walked over and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up over herself. Derek indigo jumper swamping her body.

'I need you to be honest with me, don't lie to me and tell me everything,'

'Ok, Your scaring me now dad. What is it?'

'Promise me,'

'I promise, what is it?'

'Where did you get the bruises on your arms and stomach?' Natalie's face went white and then red with embarrassment.

'They don't matter,'

'Natalie, you promised me,' Natalie looked away from Derek but when she looked back she locked eyes with Derek, causing her to let it all spill out.

'Tony's girlfriend. We were fighting again only nobody stopped up. She started on me again saying that I was just some little slut that needed to be taken out and shot,' Derek sat next to her on the bed.

'I didn't know what to do so I hit her over the head with a chair. She went crazy when she stood up and started knocking lumps out of me. I covered my stomach the best I could but she just got my head,' Natalie lifted her hair that was covering the top of her back and neck. There were bruises, some just like marks other distinctive shoe prints.

'She stood on you back,'

'Nothing was sore after it and everything's ok with the baby so I just left it,' Anger was pulsing through Derek's veins. This was the last straw. He wouldn't have this, wither Natalie liked it or not, something would be done.

'When did this happen?'

'Last week,'

'Natalie, you should have said something,'

'What? Oh hi dad guess what? Somebody stood on my back today. Yeah that would have went down well,'

'Natalie, you don't realise how serious this is. You need to get checked out,'

'I'm fine,'

'Natalie,'

'I went and seen Aunt Addison last week. I said I tripped on my jeans going down the stairs. She said she would take me for scans and stuff. They were all clear,'

'Why didn't she tell me or your mom?'

'I told her not to because I know this was what would happen. Mom will go crazy and you…I didn't want you to find out in case you were angry,'

'Natalie,'

'I didn't want you to loose your temper, or be upset. I hate it when you're upset or angry because I can see it, it's written all over your face. I know your mad now because you have this look in your eyes and it's a mixture of anger and sadness. I didn't want to see it,' the tears started streaming down Natalie's face. Derek pulled her over to him; her tears started hitting his shirt. His baby girl was worried about him getting upset and because of it; she had been stood on, literally. Her crying stopped and she sat up, wiping her face in the process.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you,'

'You tell me everything that happens to you, ever. I never want to have this again. I won't let anybody hurt any of you guys, ever and get away with it. You's mean too much to me to let that happen,' Natalie nodded her head and slid down in the bed. Derek stood up and kissed her head lightly.

'Well talk in the morning. Love you,'

'Love you too dad,' Derek left Natalie drifting off into a deep sleep. Going into Jakes room he noticed that he had fallen onto the bed and not moved, just lay there sprawled across the bed, his hair all over his face. Derek pulled the duvet over him, taking his ear phones out in the process. He stirred slightly but just flipped over, bring the blanket with him. Derek chuckled lightly and walked out the room, turning the light off as he went. Tonight had been rough and un be known it was about to get rougher. Slumping down on the couch, he sat, watching reruns of friends. They were ones he had seen hundreds of time but there wasn't much on at one in the morning. After three episodes, Derek heard shuffling coming from up the stairs. Going up, he checked on Jake. He was fast asleep, a tiny slever coming out the corner of his mouth. Ellen was asleep as well, her hands grasping onto her doll, like there was no tomorrow. Pushing Natalie's door open he smiled. She was standing up, pulled Derek's jumper over her head.

'Hey,'

'I have to pee,' Natalie went to walk past Derek but fell forward, her hands grabbing into his shirt.

'god…' She was grinding her teeth.

'Nat?'

'Dad…promise me you won't leave me,'

'Ok, I need to get you to your aunt Addison,' Derek guided her over to the bed and sat her down but she soon moved as the pains came and went. Derek went through and woke Jake.

'Get dressed and get Ellen up. Phone Mark and Addison. Tell Mark to pick you guys up and bring you to the hospital. Tell Addison that she has to be at the hospital,'

'Why?'

'Natalie's…in labour,' Jakes eyes shot open.

'Crap…Crap,' He fell out of bed and pulled his jeans on. Derek went back though and lifted Natalie, her blue pyjama bottoms falling over Derek's legs and his jumper smelling of lavender. Natalie grabbed onto his back, her nails digging into them.

'its ok baby, I've got you,' Derek slid Natalie into the passenger seat and ran round the side. It took him five minutes to get to the hospital, breaking most of the traffic laws in the process. Natalie started screaming in pain. Natalie climbed out the car, her hands in Derek's. He walked behind her, having to stop twice as a contraction came and went. Addison was standing in the Maternity unit, looking like she had just fallen out if bed. She was standing in the same bottoms as Natalie.

'Get her in here Derek,' Derek laid her down on the bed lifting her top as he went.

'Ok, Natalie, I need you to count how long the next pain lasts for,' Natalie nodded her hand now in Addison's.

'Nat, I need to go and get your mom. I promise I'll be back shortly,' Leaning down he kissed her head lightly and left Addison with her. Running up he checked the OR board. She wasn't in surgery. Turing round, he looked to see if there were any nurses about but he couldn't see any when he caught a glimpse of her blonde hair.

'MERE!' She stopped and turned sharply.

'Derek, what are you doing here? Where's the kids?'

'Ellen and Jake are at home. Natalie's with Addison,'

'Oh god she's not,'

'Mere, she went into labour about half and hour ago,'


	50. Ben

Derek checked on Ellen and Jake before he gently opened the nursery door. Thee tiny figure was whimpering softly. Derek walked over and looked down on his grandson.

'Hey Ben, you not sleepy?' Derek reached down and picked the baby up, his hand instantly making sure the babies head didn't fall back. Derek carried him down to the living room where he sat, gently rocking him back and forward.

'I can't believe you've been here for nearly three weeks. Three weeks that I will never forget,' Ben started falling asleep in Derek's arms but Derek couldn't. He was in awe of the tiny baby in his arms. But Ben didn't stay asleep for long, his eyes fighting to stay awake. Derek reached over and pressed play on the c.d player, making sure the volume didn't wake anybody else. Standing up he started moving gently in time with the music, Ben softening with each moment. Natalie stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching Derek. He didn't know she was there until she walked over and put her hands on his arms.

'Did he wake you?'

'I went into check on him and he was wide awake so I thought we would go for a dance,'

'You don't dance,'

'Is that so?' Derek told hold of Natalie's hand and spun her round, causing her to laugh gently. He pulled her in against him, her hand resting in Bens back.

'Natalie, I am so proud of you. Most people would of fell at the first hurdle but you didn't,' Derek kissed the top of her head, the lavender scent coming off her hair.

'I couldn't of done it with out you or mom,'

'You will never need to, I promise you that. We'll always be here for you. Even if you trash the car,'

'I thought you would be ashamed of me. You're sixteen year old daughter being pregnant and alone. It's not something you want to shout to the roof tops,'

'Natalie, it is. So, yeah you were sixteen and pregnant but you will never be alone as long as me and your mom are here. Jake as well. You don't know how worried he was about you when you were pregnant. You're not alone. Tony doesn't realise what he's missing and the day it hits him will be the day that you finally get what you deserve and that is absolute happiness and somebody that love you for you and not just how good you are in bed,' Natalie snuggled deeper in towards Derek's. Ben was fast asleep his head resting in Derek's chest.

'Tony is one of life's wasters. Natalie, the world is full of them. This might be easier said than done, but forget about Tony. One day he will get what's coming to him,'

'Dad, I know you told Uncle Mark about what happened with his girlfriend,'

'How?'

'Because he had a quiet word in his ear and his keys found the side of Tony's car,'

'Really?'

'Don't act like you didn't know,'

'Natalie, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Give it a few months. Then he will realise what real pain is,'

'Dad,'

'Anyway. We had better get this little man up to bed. You too. Big day tomorrow,'

'What?'

'You'll see,' Natalie took Ben off Derek and hugged him gently.

'Night dad,'

'Night Nat,' Derek watched her go up to bed and listened for the doors opening and closing. He stood at the back door, watching the moon hit the lake.

'Derek?'

'Mere, what you doing up?'

'I couldn't sleep. You?'

'I was dancing,' Meredith seemed confused.

'With who?'

'Ben and Natalie,'

'Ben wasn't sleeping then?'

'No,' Meredith walked over and slipped her hand round Derek's waist. They stood in silence, watching the ripples in the water twist the image of the moon light.

'Derek are you ok?'

'Yeah, why?'

'You seem distant, like there's something you're not telling me,'

'It's nothing,'

'Derek,'

'Our baby girl has grown up and it happened in a matter of moments and it's only just hit me the past few weeks since Ben was born,'

'Tony called for her earlier,'

'What!'

'Don't be mad. She spoke to him. He's been told stay away and if he doesn't he'll have two broken legs,'

'Who said that to him?'

'Jake,'

'I'll do more than break his legs,'

'He saw Ben. He was holding him and cooing over him. I think he cares about the baby,'

'Mere…you don't know what went on before he was born,'

'What do you mean?'

'Natalie was in another fight with Tony's girlfriend. She stood on her back and neck. Tony didn't stop it happening. Nobody did,' Meredith looked out over the open space before finally walking out into it. Derek watched her and followed her out when she outstretched her arm to him.

'Where are we going?'

'Where did we go two days before you got shot?'

'Mere that was over sixteen years ago. But it was down by the lake, next to the forest. It was still the trailer then,'

'You remembered,'

'How could I forget?'

'Good point,' Meredith pulled Derek down the secluded area of land, smiling seductively the whole way down.

'Mere, you're not thinking what I think your thinking,'

'Why not? The kids are sleeping and nobody will disturb us,' Meredith pulled Derek round into and area that was sheltered by trees and couldn't be seen. The moonlight from the lake illuminated the area, shadows no existent. Meredith went down to the edge of the lake, Derek following, knowing what was coming. Meredith sat down on the bank of the lake, Derek coming down on top of her. They started kissing, gently at first but it grew with each passing moment. Meredith wrapped her legs around Derek's waist, feeling the rhythmic movement of his hips against her, causing shiver to become more frequent and anticipation was building in both of them. Meredith rolled over, making Derek to be underneath her. She grinded her hips against his, her hands slipping down to his waist band, slowly travelling further down. His hands slipped under her top and were gently caressing her, before lifting her top off of her, and throwing behind them. Derek sat up; his hand on Meredith's back, holding her in against him. If he could he would have gotten her in against him even further but it was impossible. Meredith slipped onto him, moving rhythmically. Derek held her tightly not wanting to let her go. Meredith Stood up, pulling her top back on. Derek stood up, but lifted Meredith as he did so.

'Derek!'

'Shhhhs, you'll wake the kids,' Meredith was laughing the whole way back to the house. Derek placed her back down when they reached the back door. Meredith slipped her hands under Derek's polo shirt, feeling the line of his muscles as he went.

'Come on,' Derek lifted Meredith up onto the kitchen counter, allowing her to wrap herself around him again. His hands ran up down her back, feeling her shivering as he did so.

'Are you cold?'

'nope,'

'Sure,' Meredith leaned into Derek's neck.

'Positive,' Derek lifted her and walked up into their bedroom, being careful that they didn't wake the kids. Meredith kept kissing the line of his neck, even as he laid her down on the bed.

'Are you working tomorrow?' Derek pulled back from Meredith.

'Why?' Meredith pulled Derek back down and whispered in his ear.

'Cause I have a feeling tonight is going to be a late night,'

**Hey! This is the last chapter in this time period. Going backwards now to when Natalie was about one and half. Hope your enjoying the story. Please press the little purple button **


	51. Dirty mistresses in crime

**Hey! I went back again. Natalie's about one and half. Meredith and Derek are back at work. I haven't mentioned anybody else apart from Mark and Addison so far, I apologies. Hope your still enjoying the story. I am so sorry that I haven't updated earlier but to say sorry I've updated three times )**

Meredith stood at the day care window, watching Natalie in the pen. She seemed engrossed in the box, the different colours on each side.

'Hey, how is she?'

'Fine,'

'What about you? I heard you in the bathroom this morning,'

'I'm fine. Too much tequila does that to people,'

'If your not well you should go home,'

'I'm fine. Anyway I have a hemispherehectomy in half an hour so I can't,'

'What age is the patient?'

'Just over a year,'

'How advanced is it?'

'Half way. Parents went to Mercy west and she got transferred here,' Derek slipped his hands around Meredith's waist and kissed her neck gently.

'What time do you finish at tonight?'

'Eight, depends if any traumas come in though so it could be more,'

'I'm the same. I can't even take her back to the house and leave her there. Unless I took her to my moms old house and leave her with George and Izzie,'

'If you want. We might get out of here on eight,'

'I know but I hate settling her down here and then having to take her home. She doesn't sleep the whole night through if we do that,'

'It's up to you,' Derek stood up and pulled his pager off his belt.

'You decide, let me know,' Derek ran off, leaving Meredith staring at Natalie.

'She won't morph into an alien if you stop looking at her. She's not going to magically burst into song and dance,'

'I know, but she just…I don't know,'

'Hey, she's you little girl, your allowed to do that,'

'Yeah. So where are Addison and the twins?'

'She's not working until six so she's got them till five. I'll bring her and them out to here later. You guys up to anything this weekend?'

'Nope, why?'

'You guys fancy coming over and crashing? Bring Natalie?'

'Are you suggesting, my dirty mistress friend, that we come over and get drunk so that we have to stay there?'

'Yip,'

'What time you want us over at?'

'When have we ever arranged a time,'

'I'll talk to Derek. Unless he's got something planned then we will be there, tequila in hand,'

'Ah, you know me well,'

'You are my Dirty mistress in crime,'

'That I am. Can I talk to you?'

'Yeah course, is something wrong?'

'Coffee,' Mark followed Meredith down to the canteen and then out to the main lobby.

'So what's up?'

'Promise me you won't say anything, to Derek or Addison,'

'Ok, your freaking me out now, What's wrong?'

'It's not that something's wrong, it's more, what to do and how to do it. I didn't realise what was happening until this morning and I tried to tell him but couldn't and I just,'

'Mere, breath, what's wrong?'

'I think I'm pregnant again,' Mark sat back in the seat and twirled the cup round on the arm rest.

'What's the big problem?'

'I lost one baby Mark; I don't think we can go through loosing another,'

'Meredith, loosing the baby was one of the most…there's not even words to describe it, but the bastard that was driving the car that hit you, he's paralysed and won't ever forget what happened to him and what happened to you. Derek made sure of that. But that wasn't your fault. If it had been just a simple miscarriage then, yeah, be cautious but the fact it wasn't, I think you should tell Derek,'

'I just…I don't want to see him broken again. It's only been ten months since the accident. I don't think we're over it yet. Derek doesn't talk about it,'

'Yes he does. And I can assure you, he was more worried about you than he was about himself. He kept worrying about you to Addison, and then she would ask me what was happening inside your head. I don't think it affected Derek in the way you think it did,'

'I just always thought it had shattered him,'

'Meredith, it takes a lot to destroy Derek. I should know. Derek's one of those guys that when broken, they mend themselves slowly. The accident cracked him, but didn't break him. What did break him was how you reacted to it. You were talking to me more than him. That broke him. He's ok now. He still talks about it always getting upset at what happened which is natural but you can't keep this to yourself. Tell him today, get it out in the open,'

'Thanks Mark,'

'I may be your dirty mistress in crime and they git that slept with his best friends wife but I do have a heart and I do understand,'

'What do you mean?' Mark took a long sip of his coffee.

'I know what Derek went through and how he dealt with it. I experienced it first hand,'

'How?'

'Before Addison came out to Seattle to get Derek, she was pregnant. Just hitting three months when she miscarried. Almost same situation except she fell down stairs after a hospital porter didn't clean up a bag of saline that had burst. I know what it was like for him. He didn't know I understood,'

'I had no idea,'

'That was why Addison came out to Seattle to get Derek. She felt like it was her sign to go back to him. But then he signed the papers when she gave them to him and then she came back and we separated and then got back together and moved on. But when you lost the baby, everything inside me and Addison went crazy. If we didn't have the twins then I don't know if we would have gotten through it,'

'I…I mean…god I don't know. I had no idea. I was just happy some one was there for Derek when it happened. He seemed to shut down and not want to talk about it. I just figured it was how he dealt with stuff like that,'

'No, it's the way I was as well. I didn't want Addison to think I was weak or that I felt like jumping off the roof, so I shut down, stopped talking to her. I woke up one morning and there was a note saying she had a consult in Seattle and that she didn't know if she would be back or not. I knew then she had went after Derek. But then she came back and I didn't take her back. Biggest mistake of my life. I threw myself into work and then I found out she had moved back to Seattle, alone and then everything else happened,'

'Does Derek know?'

'No, we never told anyone, not even Addie's parents knew. It was only between us and Dr Claymore. She was the only one who knew,'

'Why didn't you guys say anything?'

'We didn't want to seem weak, like we couldn't cope. We couldn't but hey, we didn't want to seem that way,'

'Thanks Mark. It may seem stupid, but I have to go…find Derek. You, you've just made me see what I couldn't before,' Meredith threw the paper cup in the bin and walked back over to Mark. Kissing his cheek gently she smiled.

'I owe you one very large dinner and a bottle of tequila,' Mark followed Meredith up to the OR board, where Derek was standing looking over all the surgeries.

'Hey, anything good?'

'Nope, all minor procedures except for Burkes triple bypass,'

'I'll see you guys later,' Mark slipped away up the stairs, watching Meredith. She seemed nervous, like she had bad news.

'mere, what's wrong?'

'Derek, I was going to tell you this morning, but I just, I needed time to think…also I was worried about you and how I was going to tell you with everything that happened before,'

'Mere, rip the bandage off, no anaesthesia,'

'I think I'm pregnant again Derek,' Derek's face went white but soon changed when he pulled her into him.

'Mere…this is amazing,'

'You're not mad?'

'How can I be mad?'

'Because I didn't tell you this morning,'

'I don't care. Have you taken a test?'

'I didn't want to do it on my own,' Derek took hold of Meredith hand and went down to the supply closet. Pulling out two tests, he handed her them and followed her along to the locker rooms. He paced the floor, up and down, waiting for her to come out. The five minutes seemed like an eternity to him, the uncertainty building up inside. Meredith opened the door, the two tests in her hands.

'Well?'

'I'm…I'm pregnant,' Derek stood in front of Meredith, shaking. She was pregnant, having a baby. The last time he had heard those words, he was being told that she had lost the baby at the same time. This time was different and would stay different. Walking over he wrapped him arms around her, the two tests hitting the floor.

'God…I am the happiest man alive,' Meredith buried her face into his neck and started laughing. The smile spread across Derek's face.

'We need to go and see Addison,' Derek followed Meredith out, his hand in hers. He couldn't stop smiling.

'What you smiling about? You got a good surgery?' Addison put the pile of twelve charts down and put her pen in her scrub top.

'I'm pregnant,' Addison started smiling as she walked round and hugged Meredith tightly.

'I'm so happy for you guys, you deserve it. Come on,' Meredith and Derek followed Addison into the side room and laid down on the bed. Lifting up her shirt, Derek ran him hand over it.

'I can't believe it,' Addison spread the gel and started searching for a picture.

'You had better believe it. Meet Baby shepherd,' Addison turned the screen towards them, they're hands not separating.

'Is everything ok?'

'Everything looks great. Heartbeat is strong and there's not anything that we need to worry about,'

'Nothing?'

'Nothing,' Meredith wiped the gel off her stomach and looked at the two pictures in her hands before handing one to Derek. Tragedy had struck them once, and both of them were secretly vowing not to let it happen again.


	52. Looking for Fairies

**Five months later…**

Derek rolled over in his sleep, the nightmare only beginning. Meredith lay, watching as his breathing became erratic and his pulse started racing.

'_Dr Shepherd, Meredith's been brought into Trauma. She was in a car accident,' the scalpel in Derek's hand hit the floor._

'_Page some one, any one. I have to go,'_

'_Dr Greer is on his way. I'll take over,' the resident took over, allowing Derek to leave the OR and head down to trauma. Looking around, he spotted Bailey standing at the door of the end room, her face white._

'_Is she in there?'_

'_Yeah, Derek…she's in a bad way, just…be prepared,' Derek nodded and pushed the door open. Meredith's body lay shaking on the bed, the tears streaming down her face._

'_Mere?' She looked up, her eyes still blood shot. Walking over he lifted her up and sat her down on his knee._

'_I'm so sorry…I didn't mean for this to happen…I tried to stop…he just kept going…I sorry'_

'_Mere, it's not your fault,'_

'_I should have stayed at home, waited till you got back,'_

'_Why were coming here?'_

'_I found out this morning…you left just before I found out…I was coming to tell you…I'm so sorry,'_

'_Mere?'_

'_I was pregnant,' Derek smiled but then realised what she had said. Was pregnant._

'_Was?'_

'_I'm so sorry,' Derek gently rocked her back and forward, trying to sooth her with fighting the tears back himself. Slowly she fell asleep in his arms, her tiny arms and hands cut and bruised from the accident. Her hair was covering a large cut above her forehead. Placing her back down on the bed, he gently lifted the scrub top she was wearing to see a large bruise across her stomach. The door creaked open, Addison and Mark coming in, Mark behind her._

'_How is she?' Derek didn't respond but stood up and walked out, past Bailey and ignored the shouting of his name. He started running up the stairs to the roof before throwing the door open and going out onto the roof. His head was spinning. It wasn't happening to him. This sort of thing happened to other people but not him. _

'_Derek?' Mark was standing at the door, watching as Derek spun round, unable to calm down._

'_Derek, look at me,' Mark grabbed Derek's arms and stopped him moving._

'_What happened?'_

'_She was pregnant…she was coming to tell me…'_

'_What happened?'_

'_The car hit her…the belt…lost the baby,' Derek was spitting out the words, his mind not functioning. Derek's body crumbled into a heap on the floor, Mark coming down to his level._

'_Derek…'_

Derek sat up sharply, the nightmare finally ending. Meredith wiped the side of his face, before easing him back down.

'Derek, you need to tell me what your dreaming about or I can't help you. Ever since I told you I was pregnant, at least once a week for the past five months, you've woken up, after saying the belt three times,'

'It doesn't matter,'

'Derek,'

'The day of the accident,' Meredith nodded her head, knowing full well that was what he was dreaming about. Lifting his hand, she placed it on her ever growing bump.

'I'm still here and I'm still pregnant. Nothing is going to happen this time. Derek, you need to talk to me. Don't close up on me,'

'I don't want you upset about it,'

'What will upset me more is if you don't talk to me about it,'

'I keep imagining from when I got told you had been in an accident to when I was on the roof with Mark,'

'Derek, this is going to sound so wrong but we have to move on. Natalie's nearly two and we've got the most beautiful baby boy on the way. That happened over a year ago. I want to leave the past to rest. I don't want to forget but I don't want to dwell,' Meredith leaned on and kissed Derek gently.

'I'm sorry,'

'Don't be. Just…remember one thing. No matter what, we have a healthy baby boy and the most beautiful daughter and we're together. As long as we have that, everything else is a bonus,' Derek nodded and pulled Meredith in against him, both falling asleep in each other arms. Meredith woke up again, checking Derek was still sleeping peacefully but he wasn't in bed. Creeping along the corridor she spotted Derek sitting out on the patio.

'What are you doing up? It's just hitting five,'

'Couldn't sleep. Anyway, sun rise is beautiful like you,'

'Are you hitting on me?'

'Is it working?'

'Might be,'

'Then yes I am,' Meredith took hold of his hand and sat down next to him.

'Why couldn't you sleep?'

'Either you or him couldn't stop moving. It was like a big water balloon,'

'That would be him. What's the real reason?'

'I keep dreaming that I wake up and you're not beside me and everything has fallen to crap,'

'Never going to happen. You will always wake up and have me next to you,'

'Promise?'

'I promise,' Meredith leaned her head on Derek's shoulder as they watched the mist rise up off the lake and also the sun rising. It was the sounds of Natalie crying that caused them to break apart.

'I'll get her,' Derek stood up leaving Meredith sitting on the steps.

'You had better be ok when you get out of there,' Meredith rubbed her stomach gently.

'Now where is your mommy?' Derek put Natalie down and walked behind her, holding her hands.

'Good morning Miss Shepherd,' Meredith outstretched her arms and Natalie fell into them.

'A baby,' Natalie pointed to Meredith's stomach.

'Yeah, good girl. A baby is inside mommy,' Derek handed Natalie a baby cup filled with apple juice and watched as Meredith brushed the hair out of her eyes. She seemed happy, contented but she was glowing. When Meredith was pregnant with Natalie, Derek had always thought she glowed. It was the same with their son. Meredith turned and smiled at Derek, causing his heart to melt. Coming over beside Meredith, she slid forward, allowing for him to come in behind her. She leaned back against his chest, and the continued watching the sun rise, while Miss Shepherd went looking for fairies.


	53. Can't you smell it?

**Two months later…so sorry i haven't updated sooner. very busy with exams :( only thing keeping me sane was Greys :)  
**

Meredith lifted Natalie into the car and strapped her in.

'Derek, I'll see you at the hospital,'

'Mere, what time do you start?'

'Nine,'

'Love you, drive carefully,' Meredith threw her bag in the back.

'Now Miss Shepherd, are you looking forward to day care? Zoe and Ellie might be there,' Meredith turned the radio on and watched as Natalie started to wake up, the music making her happy. Meredith lifted her out, placing her down in her pram.

'I hope you didn't lift that pram out of the car?' Addison stood with her hand on Ellie's back, balancing her on her hip.

'Why?'

'Cause I will personally kick your ass,' Meredith strapped Natalie in and locked the car up. Natalie seemed to fall asleep as the music stopped keeping her awake.

'How are Ellie and Zoe?'

'Well Zoe is with Mark down in day care and I got a call from Derek to say that you were on your way and he was wondering if I would make sure you're ok,'

'I'm going to kill him,'

'Why would he want me to make sure you were ok?'

'I woke up during the night…dreaming about the accident,'

'Mere…'

'I know it's stupid but I can't get it out of my head. It's been nearly two years, I'm seven months pregnant and yet I still dream about the accident,'

'It's allowed,'

'I know I just…I don't want to think about it anymore,' Addison put Ellie down, still holding onto her hands. Addison had changed since having the twins. She had stopped wearing heels in work, she wasn't so fashion conscious. Meredith admired her for it. She was putting her kids first. Ellie stumbled forward into the day care room, Mark catching her before she fell.

'I hope you didn't lift the pram out the car yourself,'

'What are you two like? I'm fine. I can lift her pram out the car,'

'Meredith, just take things easy, growing our beautiful nephew in there,' Meredith put Natalie's pram over in the corner, Natalie still sleeping soundly.

'How's she sleeping at night?'

'Doesn't have as many nightmares now. Passed them onto me and Derek,'

'What do you mean?'

'He's the same. For the first five months of the pregnancy, that's all he would dream about. It's like he sorted it out in his head and I managed to unscramble it,' Addison rubbed the top of Meredith's back.

'It will pass, you'll see,' Meredith smiled and left them with Ellie and Zoe, heading up to the OR board. Sean Valentine was standing, checking over his surgeries.

'The very woman I'm looking for. I need you for a consult on a case, do you mind?' Meredith was taken aback by how nice he was.

'Yeah, give me five minutes. What room are they in?'

'5643, I'll get you up there,' Meredith scanned the board and headed up to the locker room.

'Hey, when did you get here?'

'About five minutes ago. How's Burke?'

'He's good. We need to talk though,'

'What have you done?'

'Not me. Izzie and George,'

'Christina your scaring me,'

'we have to hold a committee meeting, today,'

'Christina, spit it out,'

'George proposed to Izzie in Joes the other night,'

'oh and?'

'She ran and he went after her. Five minutes later she came back in her top inside out and a ring on her finger,'

'So they're engaged?'

'Yip,'

'Cool. How about you and Burke?'

'Don't give him ideas. Yeah it would be nice but I don't know,'

'You're frightened of the c word,'

'Shut up,'

'Commitment…you're frightened of commitment. Can you imagine yourself without Burke?'

'No,'

'Then there's your answer. You already are committed. I Have to go but page me when we're having the committee meeting. Page Derek too. Get Burke there as well. We need to talk,'

'Oh crap, what have you done?'

'You'll see,' Meredith lifted her pager and clipped it onto her scrub bottoms, leaving her lab coat behind.

'Dr Valentine, Where's the patients chart?'

'There you go,' Meredith took the chart and looked over the patients chart.

'Ok, Mr carter. Where has the pain in your head been?'

'It starts at the bottom of my neck and then works it's way up and over my head,'

'Ok. Have you suffered any dizziness or disorientation?'

'Once or twice,'

'Well after Dr valentine has finished his tests I'll send you down for a CT scan and an MRI to see what's going on ok?'

'Ok,' Meredith handed the chart back to Sean and headed along to the nurses station.

'Dr Shepherd, we've got a trauma coming in, they need a consult down in the pit,'

'Ok,' Meredith went down and waited for the trauma to come in.

'What have we got?'

'Female found down at the park, post trauma. Deep lacerations to right arm thighs and legs. Looks like a rape victim, deep bruising around her inner thighs. Severe burns to chest and back .BP 90 over 60, GCS is 4 ICPs stable but does have a large wound to the back of her head…and'

'And what?'

'Boot prints on her face and chest,'

'God almighty, ok get her set up on a ventilator. Page Burke and get an intern to stay with her. Get her down for a MRI and a full body scan stat,' Meredith checked the woman's eyes. Her right pupil was blown.

'Page me as soon as the results are in,' Meredith slipped out the room and went over to the other trauma that was being brought in.

'Stats?'

'Male, found outside with a deep wound to his leg and arms. That's all we know,'

'Get him into exam room four and get him hooked onto a monitor. Page Bailey and get her to do a follow up,' Meredith's pager went off, sending her up to the CT scans.

'Where are we?'

'She's just getting it done now,' Meredith sat down on the seat, her hand resting on her bump.

'Book an OR. Throw out who you have to. Where's Burke?'

'Right here, what have we got?'

'Rape victim. He jumped up and down on her. I need to operate now,'

'I'll be joining you. He's crushed all her rips on her left side. Her left lung has partially collapsed. I'll get her down there,'

'I need to page Mark Slone. He Burned her back and chest as well. I'll go and get scrubbed in,' Meredith eased herself up and headed down to OR two. The woman was wheeled in, her body looking more and more beaten every time Meredith saw her.

'You paged?' Mark stood at the scrub room door.

'Rape victim. She's been badly burned with something. I need you to take a look,'

'Show me the way,' Meredith put a mask on, as did Mark and she instructed for the young woman to be touched.

'Meredith, get out of here. Just go. I'll page another neuro,'

'Mark?'

'Just go,'

'What the hell is going on?'

'He's burned her with acid. These are acid burns. We need to seal off this OR. You need to go,'

'Why?'

'Can't you smell it?'

'No,'

'Get out and page Derek,'

'Mark why am I to leave just to page him?'

'The acid that he's used is known as mycosis parodectrin. It's toxic and it rots human skin away very very easily,'

'Why the hell are we all in here then?'

'Meredith, go NOW,' Meredith left Mark in the room and went along to the nurse's station.

'Page Dr Shepherd and tell him he's needed in OR two,' Meredith ripped the mask off her face and threw her scrub cap down.

'What's wrong?' Alex was standing leaning back on a wall, signing a chart.

'Mark just threw me out of an OR because a patient had acid burns on her back,'

'What kind of acid?'

'Mycosis parodectrin,'

'And with good reason. You need to go and get checked out,'

'Why?'

'The chemicals are toxic to unborn children, that's why he threw you out,'

'I didn't even think,'

'How long were you in contact with the patient for?'

'An hour maximum,'

'Ok, go down and see Addison, tell her what…' Alex stopped talking when a code red started blaring from OR two.

'Alex go,' Alex ran into the OR, followed by three nurses with packing. Meredith stood, waiting for Alex to come out but she didn't expect what she saw. Mark came out, Burkes arm packed.

'SOMEBODY GET ME A GURNEY!' Meredith pulled one over with help from a nurse.

'What the hell happened in there?'

'The anaesthesia mixed with the chemicals. Her back and chest went on fire,'

'She make it?' Meredith was holding the packing onto Burkes arm.

'No, it was too much for her,'

'Damn. How did his arm catch?'

'He was cracking her chest when it happened. His coat caught and we weren't quick enough to get it off,'

'Get him in here,' Burke tried to sit up, But realised what had happened and sat back down again.

'Get me more packing. I need to make sure I can save most of the skin,'

'Muscle or nerve damage?' two nurses came in with four packs and started peeling the old packing off. Meredith's breath caught in her throat.

'Doubt it, but we need to be careful, just in case,' Meredith nodded.

'I'll page Christina,' Meredith paged Christina, just saying that she was needed for a consult.

'You got something good,'

'Christina, it's not a consult I need you for,'

'We'll what?'

'Don't freak or panic,' Meredith opened the door to Burkes room and true to Christina, she didn't show emotion just stood, staring at his arm.

'What happened?'

'A patient code reded and it caught onto his coat,' Christina took hold of his hand, and gently rubbed the back of it, while watching Mark cover his burns of his other arm. Meredith stepped back.

'Dr Shepherd? I heard something happened in OR 2,'

'Derek…it's Burke,' Derek pushed the door open and looked at Mark.

'Third degree burns to his left arm,' Derek nodded at Burke and Christina. Leaving the room he walked over to Mereidth.

'How did the patient code red?'

'Acid burns,'

'Mere, tell me you weren't near the acid,'

'Just for an hour,'

'What kind of acid was it?'

'mycosis parodectrin,'

'Go and see Addison,'

'I'm going,' Meredith headed for the elevator when she bumped into Addison.

'I was just coming to see you. I've to be checked out or Derek will kick my ass, as will Alex, Burke and Mark,'

'Why?'

'I came into contact with mycosis parodectrin for about an hour, if that,'

'Did you touch it with your bare hands?'

'No,'

'Ok, get in there and take your scrub top off,' Meredith climbed up on the bed and waited for Addison to come back.

'I didn't understand why Mark was throwing me out of the OR,'

'He had good reason to. If the acid has had any effect on the baby, then, there will be small pockets in the amniotic sack of air,' Meredith watched the screen, waiting for Addison's response.

'So?'

'There are no pockets but you need to get down to Maternity,'

'Why I thought everything was fine?'

'It is, but I want to be sure. Get you set up with a banana bag just for an hour,'

'Ok,'

'Just for an hour. I don't want anything to happen to him or you for that matter,'

'I haven't had the best pregnancy's have I?'

'Nope and I don't think any pregnancy you have will be easy, Cause like they're mommy, they like to make a fuss and scare the crap out of us,'

'I don't,'

'Whatever you say Meredith,'


	54. Not the only one

'Where did Dr Shepherd go?' Derek signed of two patients charts off.

'She was talking to Dr Sloane earlier. I'm not sure where she went,'

'Will you page her and tell her I'm looking for her,' Derek put the charts away and went ot check on Burke.

'How's it looking?'

'There doesn't seem to be any nerve damage but I'm not sure. I'll need to do some confirmatory tests but it looks like a superficial burn,' Mark lifted the pads away from Burkes arms.

'Ill get him down to OR one, replace the skin that's gone,'

'How long do you think it will be until he gets back to surgery?'

'At least a month before I'd even look at him for consulting, never mind surgery,'

'That bad?'

'He's going to need therapy to have full movement back in his arm. It hasn't effected any nerves but it has effected the skin which in turn has effected the muscle movement, restraining it,'

'He'll be ok. How longs he been sedated for?'

'About two hours. He'd be unconscious from the pain anyway,'

'I need to go and check on Meredith,'

'I told her to leave the OR as soon as I realised it was Mycosis parodectrin. I wouldn't of had her anywhere near the patient,'

'It's ok. She was the one that got the trauma page' Derek headed down to Maternity to see Meredith sitting on a gurney in the middle of the hall.

'Hey, what did Addison say?'

'I got the all clear but she put me on a banana bag and I'm not on call tonight,'

'Why don't you finish early and go home with Natalie,'

'No I'm ok. Why did you phone Addison and ask her to find out If I was ok?'

'I was worried about you. You seemed different, like something was bothering you,'

'Derek, if something was I would say something. I may be pregnant and slightly sensitive but if something was seriously bothering me you would know about it,'

'You seem to not want to talk anymore,'

'For god sake maybe there is nothing to discuss and maybe if there was I wouldn't want to talk about it,' Meredith slid down of the gurney, un hooking the banana bag as she went.

'I just, I need time, time and space,' Meredith closed off the IV on her arm and left Derek sitting on the gurney his head in his hands. Meredith climbed the stairs to the roof, knowing she would get the space she needed. Walking to the edge she looked over, watching as the tiny figures came and went from the hospital. She envied them. They didn't have so many people's lives in their hands like doctors did. Sometimes she wished, she just had no worries, cares or any responsibilities.

'What are you doing?' Derek's head shot up but fell again instantly.

'Let me guess. Meredith's just said she needed time and space?'

'How did you?'

'Derek, I work with pregnant women before, during and after birth. She's going through a massive change right now and needs you to be supportive and understanding. One tip. If you two are having a fight and she asks you to leave, don't leave, even if she starts throwing stuff you don't leave,'

'Addison, she's just clammed up on me and told me that she doesn't want to talk to me,'

'Yeah and I told Mark while I was pregnant that I was leaving him about four times and every time he said yeah fine whatever, left me alone for an hour and later on that night we were curled up on the couch, a litre of ice cream beside us,'

'I just don't know what to do anymore,'

'Give her what she wants. Let her know that you don't have to talk if she doesn't want to but that your there for her no matter what,'

'Why do you always have the right advice for people?'

'Because, I am wonder woman. Go operate on some one, take your mind off it. If she starts looking for you, I'll page you,' Derek left Addison and went over to the OR. Mark was operating on Burke, Valentine having a surgery in OR two. Derek pushed the door to the empty OR open and stood, the lights out. It was silent, no noise, no machines, no patient, no code blues, nothing but silence. Derek savoured it, silence never coming that often. This had been the hardest of the two pregnancies, the fear of losing the baby greater than before. Meredith had been a wreck for weeks after the accident, almost going into auto pilot, no emotions being allowed through.

'_Mere, you need to eat something. You've not eaten in fourteen hours,'_

'_I'm not hungry,'_

'_Meredith, eat, now,'_

'_No,' Meredith pushed the plate away from her._

'_I don't want to eat, I'm not hungry,'_

'_You haven't been hungry for days,' Derek leaned down on the kitchen counter, trying to hold his temper. He couldn't stand her like this. Everyone had tried to make her talk, make her eat, even sleep._

'_I don't want to eat,' Derek slammed his fist of the counter, causing Meredith to jump._

'_For god sake, it wasn't your fault, stop punishing yourself. It was an accident, and accident that shouldn't of happened but it did,'_

'_I was the one in the car, I was the one in the crash,'_

'_But your not the only one hurting Meredith, your not the only one,' Derek looked at her before walking out, escaping from the fight he knew would happen. Meredith sat, the tears silently falling. She picked the toast up off the plate, taking a small bite she put it back down again. It was a small bite but I was a step. He had finally gotten through to her. She wasn't the only one hurting and yet she was the only one who had stopped working and fallen apart. _

'You shouldn't be in here without a scrub cap on,' Derek was brought out of his dream by the sound of the Nazi's softer side.

'What you thinking about?'

'Meredith after the accident…how she just shut down,'

'Derek, you need to understand where she was then to understand her now. She had lost a baby and I know you had too, but it's worse for her. The baby wasn't inside you, it wasn't attached to you. Now she feels like all anyone cares about is wither or not the baby is ok, never mind her. I heard about the acid thing this morning. I bet everyone told her to go and see Addison to make sure that the baby was ok but nobody stopped to ask her if she was ok, if she had been burned. Just remember something Derek; she's one person, separate from the baby so treat her like one. Send her away shopping for a day or something like that. Spoil the poor girl,'

'I never understood why they called you the Nazi. You are actually kind,'

'You tell anyone I even sounded soft, I will not only deny it, but personally kill you. Go and give her what she wants but treat her like she's the most treasured jewel on the planet.' Derek smiled as Bailey left him standing in the OR. She was the most treasured jewel on the planet, and he was determined more than ever to show her that she was.


	55. accident

**Don't hurt me please for not updateing. Lots of exams...maths tomorrow ( forgive me and review :)**

Meredith sat crossed legged on the couch, her sweat pants and jumper swamping her tiny frame but clinging to her bump. The reruns of friends had finished and now the repeats of cheers had been running for an hour.

Meredith put her hair up in a pony tail and lifted the bottle of juice that was down by the side of the couch. Derek had been due back an hour before and Meredith knew he was probably avoiding her, giving her the space she wanted but also needed.

Everyone had been fussing over the baby, not giving Meredith a chance to think. In a good way, not having time had prevented Meredith from thinking about the accident, but at times she wished she could just go back.

'_Oh my god,' The strip turned blue. She was pregnant. Meredith's hand trembled and the test fell to the floor, narrowly avoiding Meredith's feet.. She jumped back, her hand instinctively going over her stomach. The silence of the house made Meredith nervous. Natalie was at day care and Derek working. She was alone, nobody trying to get into the bathroom. Lifting the test, Meredith lifted her coat and keys and made her way to the hospital. _

_The roads were quiet.. Meredith couldn't listen to music, the blue strip sitting next to her on the passenger seat. She was pregnant, having a baby. They hadn't been trying and weren't planning on it happening. _

_Meredith slowed down as she reached the junction but the lights turned from red to amber and finally to green. Meredith speed up, not counting on a stray car running the red light. Meredith tried to brake, but he kept ploughing into the side of her. _

_Meredith lifted her hands off the steering wheel and wrapped them around herself. Meredith curled up, her head buried into her chest. The car stopped after going onto it's side. Opening her eyes slowly, the first thing she saw was blood coming from her arm and the feeling on blood trickling down her face._

'_Are you ok?' Meredith squinted as the male stood in front of her, trying to pull her out._

'_Derek…I need to see Derek' Meredith closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain as he pulled her from the wreckage. She laid in the middle of the road as the motorists stopped to help, the male driver of the other car trying to keep her awake._

'_I'm so sorry…I got a phone call…my wife…she's in hospital…she had a heart attack,' Meredith counted to ten before hearing the gasp of the motorist. Opening her eyes she started sobbing. Blood was on her trousers. _

'_Your pregnant?' Meredith sat up, nodding, and started pulling her trousers off. _

'_Hold on…wait, don't start stripping in the middle of the street,' Meredith's stomach started spasming, causing her to scream out in pain. She fell back, her head landing on the guys lap. _

'_What we got?' Two paramedics walked over, instantly lifting Meredith away from him._

'_She's pregnant, that's all I know. I didn't mean for this to happen,' _

The words echoed in Meredith's ears. He didn't mean for it to happen but it did, almost destroying her and her life. Meredith opened her eyes at the sound of the front door. She prayed that it wouldn't wake Natalie.

'Mere?'

'I'm in here,' Derek came in and sat down on the couch next to her.

'I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I just…'

'You feel like all any body cares about is the baby and not you and that as long as the baby is ok then you must be fine,'

'Yeah,' Derek stood up and pulled Meredith to her feet.

'What are you doing?'

'It's a surprise,'

'I hate surprises,' Derek grinned mischievously.

'Where are we going? Natalie's up the stairs,' Derek took Meredith to the front door and opened it. Addison and Mark were standing with the twins, both of them fast asleep.

'I'll see you guys later,' Mark pushed Meredith and Derek out the house.

'I'm not dressed for going out,'

'It doesn't matter,' Meredith watched Derek the whole way to the deserted buildings.

'Derek, you gonna tell me what we are doing here?'

'You'll see,' Derek took hold of her hand and she followed him dutifully still watching where he was going.

'Hey, I'm here under shepherd. I arranged it with Simon,' The electronic door opened as soon as Derek finished talking over the buzzer. Meredith followed him up the concrete stairs to a pure white door. Derek went behind Meredith and pushed her forward gently. Leaning down he whispered in her ear.

'Have fun,' Derek opened the door, allowing Meredith to see inside. It was pure white with candles lit up everywhere.

'what…'

'Go and be pampered. Forget about everything and just relax,' Meredith went forward a few steps her hand still in Derek's.

'What have you planned?'

'You'll see,' A tall black haired guy, the same height and build as Derek came forward.

'Derek, good to see you again. And this must be the beautiful woman you were talking about earlier. Meredith I presume,'

'Yeah,'

'I'm Simon,' Meredith nodded and then started smiling broadly at Derek.

'So what are we having done today?' Meredith looked at Derek.

'Full,'

'Full eh? What did you do?' Derek's face went red.

'Didn't understand,' Simon nodded.

'Let me guess he didn't tell you he was doing this?'

'How did you know?'

'I went through University with Derek when I was still deciding what to do. We were in a band together,'

'Derek wasn't the main singer,' Derek pretended to be offended.

'Tell me you haven't subjected this wonderful woman to your deafening singing,'

'Hey, I could spill some stories on you,'

'I'm shutting up now. Ok, Lets get you through here,' Meredith followed Simon through, the grip on Derek's hand still not letting go.

'I will see you later. What time do you expect to be done at?'

'Derek, this is not something that is to be rushed. We'll phone you when were nearly done,' Derek kissed Meredith on the forehead.

'Have fun. Remember and relax. Enjoy it. Go with the flow,' Derek watched as Simon ushered her away into another room.

'God help you Meredith, you won't escape,' Derek left and went on a mission to find a certain present her knew he had to get. Meredith slipped into the large white robe, still feeling quite anxious.

'Do what he said. Relax. I'm not going to eat you,' Meredith smiled and really did actually start to relax.

'Now, I do belive that you are about seven months pregnant?'

'How'd you guess?'

'I have my ways,' Simon handed Meredith a black bathing suit and left her to get changed into it.

'You ready?' Meredith tightened her hair back away from her face. Simon took her through to a large room with a large round pool in the middle of it.

'Ok Meredith. If you just jump in, we'll get started,' Meredith eased herself into the water and lay on her back. The water was warm and soothing, not too hot or too cold and didn't seem to get any cooler as she lay in the water, her body releasing any stress it had.

'Hey, I'm Paula. I'm going to be working with you today so can you just turn onto the gel pad and kneel on it for me? I also need to ask are you ok with me coming into the water with you?'

'Yeah sure,' Paula slipped off her T-Shirt to reveal a white swimming costume.

'Ok, I'm going to start working on your back. Do you have any history of back pain or anything like that?'

'Except for being pregnant, no,' Paula laughed. Meredith put her hands on the edge of the pool and kneeled down on the gel like pads.

'So how's the pregnancy been for you?' Meredith was surprised by the question. No one had asked specifically how the pregnancy had been for her and now some one had asked, she just wanted to let everything out.

'Amazing but also a nightmare,'

'You can tell me as much or as little as you want. Anything that is said doesn't go any further,' Meredith smiled.

'This is my second baby but it's also my third, if that makes sense. I had a miscarriage after an accident. I never really thought being pregnant again would be so strange or so annoying. Everyone seems to care about the baby and if the baby's ok,'

'And nobody seems to think that you're a separate person?'

'Exactly. Derek's been great but it's like I've become…invisible at times and all he sees is a baby,'

'Worst of all he doesn't see it,'

'Yeah. I mean for example, I was in contact with a chemical at work that a patient was burned with. I didn't know that it can effect un born children. Everyone told me to go and see my doctor but no one asked if I had been burned or if I was feeling ok. And when I said something to Derek he thought I was just being sensitive,'

'And were you being sensitive or is it a big thing?'

'No, it is a big thing and I think if I hadn't had the miscarriage it would just be like my first pregnancy,'

'You have another child?'

'Natalie. She'll be hitting two in a month. She's an angel,'

'You know what your having?'

'A boy. We're going to wait though, pick a name for him once he's born. We did it for Natalie, so we'll do it for him,'

'Does she know mommies having a baby?'

'She's really cute and points to my stomach and says baby,'

'You looking forward to him arriving?'

'What? And loose the bloatedness, belly burn, swollen ankles, cravings, and tiredness? No, seriously though I am dieing to see him. It seems like yesterday I was just telling Derek that I was pregnant and now, he's nearly here,'

'well remember, you trade all that in for the late nights, sore breasts if you breast feed, dirty nappies, sickness, piles and piles of washing, not being able to leave the house without an entire baby shop on your arm and having everyone stop and ask you how your feeling cause you look like crap from the sleepless nights,'

'But every single one of those things will be worth it when he sits up for the first time, smiles, talks, and walks. I'd do it again and again. No surgery or drug could give you the same high as knowing that you're a mom and that there's a tiny person waiting for you at home that needs you more than anything else in this world. All those things during and after pregnancy are so worth it,'


	56. Heart Attacks

Meredith opened her eyes slowly, the feeling of Natalie's tiny hands on her bump. Natalie was still fast asleep, her body tired from the excitement. Meredith smiled remembering her face when she told her that it was her birthday in a few weeks and the birthday girl got to do something special. Her mind had been working overtime, thinking of the possibilities of what she could do for her birthday.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'After your little surprise last night, very relaxed and happy,' Derek lifted Natalie away from her, placing her back in between them.

'what time did she fall asleep at this morning?'

'Half one,'

'She will be sleeping for a couple more hours then?' Meredith pushed herself up and leaned back against the headboard.

'At least. Did she tell you what she wanted to do?'

'If she thinks I'm going anywhere near the hospital she can think again. She lives in that place as it is,'

'She wants to go swimming because I said you were being a mermaid,'

'A mermaid?'

'Yip. She wants to be a mermaid too, so she wants to do swimming with Ellie and Zoe. Aunt Addie and Mark come too though with izzie, George, Alex, Christina, Burke and Bailey,'

'Does she want the hospital there?' Derek laughed gently.

'She knows what she wants. She sees them like her aunts and uncles,'

'She's not the only one who knows what she wants,' Meredith smiled expectantly.

'You want breakfast?' Meredith slipped out the bed and slipped on the light, see through pink robe.

'I'm already on my way there,' Derek followed Meredith out, making sure Natalie wouldn't fall out there bed. Meredith lifted the large tube of yogurt out the fridge and started slurping her way through it.

'You not want anything else?'

'You making waffles and bacon?'

'What ever you want,' Meredith smiled as she finished off the yogurt, watching Derek cooking.

'You pull faces when you cook,' Meredith rested her head on her hands.

' No I don't'

'Yes you do. You stick you tongue out, like you concentrating. You don't see it in the OR but you do it when your concentrating really hard on something,' Derek walked over behind Meredith, slipping his hands round her waist.

'What kind of things?'

'Reading the newspaper. Cheating at the crossword, cooking, when your listening to the radio when your not singing,'

'Anything else?'

'Nope,' Derek walked over and handed Meredith a plate covered in food. As Meredith went to take her first bite, her pager on the table started vibrating.

'You get it. If it's Bailey, then I'm in the attic,' Derek lifted her pager and smiled.

'It's Addison. She's wondering of you'd phone her later. She's got something and I quote, really massively big to tell you,'

'I wonder what she's done now,' Meredith lifted the phone off the wall and dialled Addison's number.

'You paged me,'

'_Meredith, I just got a call from the hospital. Richards had a heart attack,'_

'Is my dad ok?'

'_Burke took him in to the OR a few hours ago. He was just talking to Sean Valentine when it happened,'_

'I'll be in later to check on him. Thanks for paging me Addison,'

'_I knew you'd want to know. I'll see you later Meredith,'_

'Bye Addison,' Meredith put the phone back up and looked at Derek.

'Richards had a heart attack,'

'Is he ok?' Derek lifted the food off of the cooker.

'I don't know. Burkes operating on him. I have to go,' Meredith ran her hand over her face and started looking a round the room.

'First of all you need to eat something. Second of all, If he's in surgery then there's no point in you going to the hospital because you'll be sitting about doing nothing for a few hours. Thirdly, Natalie is up the stairs and I think she might just want to see you,'

'Derek, my dad has just had a heart attack. Adele will be at the hospital on her own. I have to go,' Meredith went up and got ready, lifting Natalie with her, she changed her sleeping daughter. Derek came up into the bedroom and started getting changed.

'You don't have to come,'

'You're not going on your own,'

'Derek, I can drive myself to the hospital,'

'I know you can, but I want to be there for you and Richard. He'll want to see a few friendly faces when he wakes up and I bet Natalie will wake up and want food so it means you can stay with him and Adele and not have to leave,'

'You are just too clever for me,' Meredith had Natalie resting on her hip but Derek lifted her away from her and let the child settle into his arms.

'I can carry her,'

'I know but you are also seven months pregnant,'

'I'm not an invalid,'

'I never said you were. Go and get some of her stuff together. I'll get you in the car,' Meredith leaned up onto her tip toes and kissed Derek lightly on the lips, her face lingering slightly after she had pulled away.

'He'll be ok,' Meredith wrapped the blanket around Natalie, her pink socks still showing. Derek carried Natalie down to the car, lifting his car keys on the way. She didn't stir as he strapped her in and even when they started driving she didn't stir.

'What damage do you thinks been done?' Derek turned to Meredith, seeing the worry etched on her face.

'Mere, you need to stop stressing about him. He'll be ok. Burke probably took him into the OR to make sure no major damage was done,'

'what if he has to retire?'

'Meredith, we don't even know how bad the heart attack was. Don't jump the gun,'

'Derek, he's just had a heart attack. There's a good chance he may have to retire early,'

'He'll cross that bridge when he comes to it,' Meredith rubbed her bump profusely, the nerves inside her building up. She didn't know what she would do if Richard didn't pull through. She instantly shook the thought out her head, knowing it was silly. Little did she know.


	57. Mr Man

Adele was standing outside Richards's room, her hand over her mouth.

'Adele?' Meredith walked over and hugged Adele.

'How's he doing?'

'He's still sedated. He came around but he instantly fell asleep again. They are keeping him under until later on,'

'Where's Burke?'

'Burke's in with him just now…Meredith,' Adele started sobbing, her hand covering her face. Meredith pulled her over into her, trying to hold her and stop her crumpling to the floor. Burke opened the room door, Adele's head shooting up from Meredith's shoulder.

'How is he?'

'He's still sedated,' Adele went into the room, Meredith following. She sat down next to Adele and took hold of her hand. She was trembling.

'Adele, he'll be ok,'

'Meredith, what if he doesn't pull through,'

'You can't think like that,'

'I don't know what I'd do if he…'

'Adele, look at me,' Adele turned to face Meredith, her face tear stained, and her eyes still glassy.

'He's strong, he takes care of himself. And I know for a fact that he will be here when this little guy is born, just like when he was for Natalie,'

'When she was born, after he brought your mom by, he phoned me, crying with happiness saying that his first grandchild was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen,'

'And he'll be the same with,' Meredith jumped up and hit the code blue button and pushed Adele out of the way. Lowering the bed, she blocked out Adele's cries. Meredith started compressions, to Derek's horror.

'Mere, move,' Meredith climbed down, allowing for Derek to take over. Meredith administered an mg of epi, allowing Derek to stop compressions as Richards heart rate stabilised.

'You ok?' Meredith leaned back against the wall.

'I'm ok. Adele, he's stable,' Adele stood, frozen at the door.

'Adele,'

'He's going to leave me…he's not going to fight,'

'ADELE,' Meredith startled herself at the volume of her voice.

'He will pull through, you have to believe it,' Adele looked at Meredith and then sat back down, not listening to either Meredith or Derek.

'Adele, I'm going to take Natalie down to Day care,' Meredith slipped out, Derek following her.

'Stay with her. I'm going to take Natalie down to Day care, well; I'll see if I can get an empty on call room and settle her down there,'

'You sure you're ok?'

'Derek the baby is fine,'

'I wasn't asking about the baby, I was asking about you. You've just had to resuscitate your dad. Are you ok?'

'I'm ok,' Derek smiled and watched as Meredith carried the sleeping girl in her arms. Natalie stirred slightly as she placed her down in the bed.

'Go back to sleep baby,' Natalie curled up into a ball and fell back asleep. Meredith pulled the blanket up over her body and pushed the stray pieces of hair away from Natalie's face. Meredith closed the door slowly and shouted on an intern.

'Who's your resident?'

'Jonas,'

'Ok, if you keep an eye on Natalie, I'll make sure you'll be in on a kick ass surgery next week with either me or the other Dr Shepherd. We got a deal?'

'Yes ma'am,'

'If she wakes up, page either myself or Dr Shepherd. If we don't respond, page DR O'Malley or Dr Stevens,' the intern nodded and finished writing up charts. Meredith headed back up to the room where Derek was standing, talking with Burke outside.

'His Aorta was damaged quite severely. Next twelve hours will be touch and go,'

'Is it really that bad?' Derek turned to see Meredith standing, her hand resting on her bump.

'Meredith, it's…'

'It's just that you didn't want me to hear about and are now going to stand and try and cover up what you've just said. I'd rather know what was happening straight than the optimistic version,'

'There's a chance he might not wake up,'

'And? Don't lie to me,'

'You know the risks,'

'That he might not make it?' Meredith's eyes welled up but she fought them back.

'Mere,'

'No, I need to do this for him. I need to be strong for Adele. She needs me,'

'You need some one too. Wither you want to have some one or not, you need some one,'

'I know I do but I can sort me later,'

'Meredith, you don't have to go through this alone,'

'I'm not, but right now there are more important people that need somebody, Adele maybe?' Meredith pushed past Burke and Derek and sat back down next to Adele.

'You remember the day I came over to show you guys my prom dress?'

'How could I forget? You limo sat outside for at least an hour while I done your hair,'

'Best way my hair ever was, stayed up all night,'

'That's Kirby grips for you,' Adele laughed gently, her attention turning back to Richard. Meredith lifted Adele's hand and placed it on her bump.

'Not only does he have you to fight for but he also has him to fight for. He would never forgive himself if he wasn't around to see this little guy born or grow up. He'll do this for him if not for himself,'

'I just…I can't loose him,'

'I know…I know,' Adele's head rested on Meredith's shoulder, allowing her to finally relax and sleep. Meredith sat, watching Richard like a hawk, checking his stats every five minutes. Derek came in and draped a blanket over Adele.

'How you doing?' Derek kissed the top of Meredith's head lightly.

'I could sleep for a week but I don't want to leave him…he's so frail Derek,'

'He's a fighter Meredith. He doesn't give in. He's dealt with a tumour before, he can deal with this,' Meredith nodded and entwined her fingers in Derek's as she took up a place on his lap. She fell in against him, careful not to wake Adele as she moved.

'When I was going to my prom, I went to their house. I was only about eighteen at the time and my mom wasn't there anymore. Adele was more of a mother to me at that point. She done my hair and make up and got me into my prom dress. A girl called Amy arrived in a limo that my dad had organised to pick us up. He had bought the most beautiful necklace for my Prom. He was…he's my dad…more that Thatcher ever was…I don't know…what if he doesn't pull through?' Meredith looked at Derek, waiting for him to answer.

'I'm not going anywhere,' Meredith's head shot round from Derek's face as she heard the groggy voice answer.

'Dad?' Meredith stood up and went over to the side of the bed.

'Meredith, how's Adele?'

'Frightened out of her mind that she was going to loose you like I was,'

'You don't get rid of me that easily,' Meredith took hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly. She didn't notice that Derek had slipped out and came back in with Burke.

'Hey, Chief. How you feeling?'

'Like crap. What was the damage?'

'Your Aorta was damaged quite severely. I had to make a graft to fit. You should be fine but you need to slow down,' Meredith gently woke Adele up.

'Adele…Adele,' Adele's eye shot open and instantly went to Richard. Standing up she hugged him tightly.

'You are in deep trouble Mr Man,'


	58. Drowning Mermaid

Meredith lifted the bright pink swimming bag off the kitchen counter and did one last check that she had turned everything off.

'Where's Natalie?' Derek took the bag off of Meredith.

'In the car. She won't stop talking about being a mermaid today,'

'Are Addison and Mark meeting us at the pool?'

'Mere, we arranged it all last night. Relax,' Meredith kissed Derek gently and walked out to the car, Lifted her own bag and jacket on the way. On the way to the pool, Natalie kept singing under the sea from the little Mermaid.

'The seaweed is always greener in somebody else lake, you dream about going up there but that is a big mistake, just look at the world around you right here on the ocean floor,'

'When did you learn that?' Meredith turned in her seat to face Natalie.

'Daddy,' Meredith looked at Derek who had a very smug grin on his face.

'Did he now? What else did he teach you?'

'Look at this stuff, isn't it neat, wouldn't you say my collections complete,' Natalie clapped her hands together and moved about in her car seat. Meredith started laughing.

'At least she can dance like me instead of you,' Derek looked at Meredith, pretending to be offended.

'I can dance,'

'But you never dance in public,'

'Yeah…so maybe I can't dance,' Meredith took hold of his hand and kissed his knuckles.

'KISS THE GIRL!' Derek and Meredith were laughing as Natalie continued to sing the little Mermaid soundtrack. Addison and Mark were lifting Ellie and Zoe out of the car when Meredith and Derek pulled in beside them.

'Hey, where's the birthday girl?' Natalie climbed out the car and ran over to Ellie and Zoe, Addison making sure that she didn't fall over.

'Somebody's excited,' Meredith and Derek nodded their heads and lifted the two bags out the back of the car.

'Half six this morning, she was up, this little mermaid singing her head off,' Mark picked her up and spun her around, the squealing continuing even as he stopped. Meredith was holding onto Derek's hand, Addison and Mark walking in front of them, looking after the kids.

'Are you ok?' Meredith looked at Derek. He looked at her, and smiled.

'Yeah, yeah I'm good,' Meredith squeeze his hand gently and walked on in front of him, looking back at him once, her face glowing. She picked Natalie up, kissing her head and taking her into the changing rooms. Meredith came out holding Natalie's hands and being careful that she didn't fall. Derek lifted Natalie up, adjusting her bright purple swimming costume. Meredith tied her hair up into a bun, Addison doing the same to Ellie and Zoe. Mark came up behind Addison and tightened the straps of her black costume. Meredith stood looking in the mirror, pulling the red swimming costume from side to side. Derek got into the pool first and went under, coming back up so that his hair stayed away from his face. Natalie climbed down the stairs, Derek catching her when she finally got in. Meredith sat at the side, dangling her legs into the water. She watched as Derek dunked Natalie in and out the water, Mark doing the same to Zoe. Ellie was swimming about herself, not needing Addison or Mark to help her in the water. Addison came over beside Meredith and helped her into the water. She shivered as the water came around her. Going under the water, she opened her eyes and held onto Derek's side, her hands resting on his hips. Derek's hands shot down and pulled her up to the surface. Natalie was floating on her back, Trying to swim over to Ellie. Derek lifted Meredith up and splashed her back down into the water, but she brought him down with her and held him down under the water. But something changed with Meredith and Derek knew it. She let go of him and fell down deeper into the water. Derek went after her, swimming faster and stronger than he had swam before. Meredith kept falling into the water but Derek caught hold of her and pulled her up to the surface. Meredith steadied herself, trying to catch her breath.

'You ok…Mere…You ok?'

'I'm fine,' Addison came over and helped support Meredith in the water.

'I'm ok. I just got caught in the water. I'm ok.,' Meredith swam over to the side and held herself up. She finally managed to get her breath back. Derek was over beside her, his hand of the small of her back.

'Derek I'm ok. Where's Natalie?'

'Marks got her. What happened?'

'I just got caught under the water. I just couldn't get up through the water. I'm ok,' Meredith started swimming again but Derek stayed beside her. Meredith lifted Natalie out the water and splashed he back down.

'Where is my big girl…my big girl,' Derek watched her the rest of the day like a hawk, if she stopped suddenly he panicked. Something wasn't right and he was determined to find out what. As Natalie settled down to sleep and Addison and Mark left the house, Meredith headed out to the lake to watch the sun set. Meredith stood, her hands wrapped around a mug of steaming hot milk.

'What are you doing out here?' Derek draped his navy fleece over her shoulders. She stepped over beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.

'Is Natalie still sleeping?'

'Yip. What happened Mere? In the water,' Meredith took a drink from the mug and looked out over the lake.

'I couldn't move. It was like It was paralysed. But I could still feel everything. I don't know what happened really but it was like I was weightless from the neck down,' Derek kissed her head.

'Why did you say?'

'I was ok after it. Plus it was her birthday and I didn't want it messed up,'

'You should have said something,'

'I'm ok. Come on…it's getting cold,' Meredith turned away from the lake but Derek lifted her up.

'What are you doing?'

'You…need to relax,'

'Derek you sent me to a spa the other night. I am relaxed,'

'You need to relax some more,' Meredith looked at Derek and smiled, tilting her head to side.

'What did you have in mind?'


	59. I'm sure

Meredith rocked back in forward in the rocking chair, soothing Natalie into a deep sleep. Her body was sprawled across Meredith.

'And the song birds keep singing like they, know the score And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before,'

Derek stood leaning against the door frame, watching Meredith. She was glowing, her face radiant, even after the twelve hour shift. These were the moments he cherished seeing, when Meredith was with Natalie, gently singing to her daughter.

'How long have you bee standing there?'

'Long enough to know that I'm still madly in love with you and can't live without you,'

'Not long then,' Derek smiled and walked over lifting Natalie off Meredith's lap and placed her in her bed.

'You look tired,'

'Did you know that carrying a boy you burn up to 3000 more calories,' Derek walked over and slipped his arms under Meredith.

'We had better make sure then, that you do as little as possible,'

Picking her up her carried her through to their bedroom and laid her down on the bed. Derek slipped her shoes off and pulled her top off, throwing it in a pile in the corner of the room. Derek slipped a polo shirt of his onto Meredith and slipped her trousers off. The Polo shirt came to just above her knees. Pulling the blanket up over her body, he leaned down and kissed her head gently.

'Sleep,' Meredith smiled and allowed for the sleep to take over her body. Derek closed the door quietly before checking on Natalie. Her left fist clenched up at her face.

'Like her beautiful mommy,' Derek set his laptop up on the dining room table and started a months worth of paper work but he couldn't focus long enough to get anything done. Meredith was almost nine months and still working which he didn't like. The past few months had been stressful, how ever much she denied it. Richard was better now but under a tight regime of healthy eating and less work, courtesy of Adele. Derek poured himself a cup of coffee and stood, watching the mist rise up off the lake. The sun was setting, leaving shadows on the ground that appeared to be dancing around.

'Anybody home?' Mark pushed the gate open and stuck his head round the corner.

'Hey, where's Meredith?'

'Sleeping. The kids?'

'At home with Addison. I come with gift of beer'

'It's not even six,'

'Never stopped us before, plus you look like you could do with one,' Derek threw the coffee out the cup onto the grass and placed the mug in the sink.

'I'm worried about Meredith,'

'Why?'

'Everything that happened with Richard really shook her up and now she's eight and a half months pregnant and still working. She won't stop early and won't cut her shifts back,'

'Remember how she was with Natalie. She was working when she went into labour with her. That should tell you that she will probably do the same with him. Maybe she wants to be in the hospital when it happens so she wants to keep working,'

'She needs to slow down Mark. It's not even six o clock and she's in bed sleeping and she won't get up for another few hours and when she does it will be for ten minutes and then she'll go back to sleep again until tomorrow. I frightened she'll just burn herself out,'

'And when she does, you'll be right beside her to catch her. Let her burn herself out cause then she won't have an excuse not to stop working,'

'If she burns herself out,'

'If, she burns herself out, everyone will be there and help her. You more than anybody. Just be there and catch her when she falls,'

'Yeah. So how's Addison? I heard she was in a bit of…fight'

'You heard about the fight then?'

'Who didn't would be a better question, she practically ripped that intern apart with what she said,'

'You don't know the whole story,' Derek raised his eyebrows.

'Oh?'

'The intern was standing with her back against the nurse's station. Addison walked over and over heard the conversation she was having with another intern. Apparently, Meredith was getting the bad end of their mouths,'

'What?'

'Addison stepped in and went crazy,'

_Addison signed the chart and flipped it over as she walked down from the end room to the nurses' station._

'_And she was like a total bitch. I told her where to stick her stupid surgery and then she banned me from the OR for the rest of the day. She's just, stupid and pregnant and thinks that because she is married to Derek Shepherd and Chief of Neuro that she can treat me like shit. I have my plans for her and her precious husband. DR Shepherd is known for hitting on interns…he did it with her, why not me?' The young girl jumped at the sound of the chart hitting on the nurses station._

'_HOW DARE YOU!' Addison's voice caused the entire floor to go quiet._

'_IF YOU EVEN THINK FOR ONE MOMENT YOUR WORDS ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE CONSEQUENCES YOU CAN THINK AGAIN. GET YOUR SORRY LITTLE ASS TO MY OFFICE NOW!'_

'_Who do you think you're talking to?'_

'_Some spoilt little brat who is about to be thrown out of this program. Get your ass to my office now before I personally drag you there,'_

'_That I would like to see,' Addison walked round and went to grab the interns arm when she felt her lab coat being pulled at._

'_Addie, go calm down. I'll deal with her,' Addison was fuming. Turning away from the intern she walked to wards her office where she slammed the door shut._

'_You, had better explain why you think it is appropriate for you to stay in this program,'_

'_What? You can't throw me out! I was only airing an opinion,'_

'_Not from what I heard. Get yourself to the chief's office NOW,' Mark watched as the Intern growled at him on her way to the Chiefs office. Addison spotted her walking past her office. Unable to stop herself, she opened her office door, startling the intern._

'_If I hear of anything like the filth that came from your mouth, I swear to god, you won't just be worrying about getting in on a surgery,'_

'_Is that a threat?'_

'_No, that's a promise. How dare you think you can stand and bad mouth some one who is a hell of a lot smarter than you and a hell of a lot better off than you. Jealousy is one of the worst things to suffer from,'_

'_You think I'm jealous of that?'_

'_What did you just say? Did you just call one of the best neuro surgeons in the east coast of America a that?'_

'_That woman calls herself a doctor?'_

'_How many degrees have you got? And just how many lives have you saved? Cause I swear to god your about to be saving your own.' Addison lurched forward, the intern stepping back._

'_Get your fat ass to the chiefs' office now before I really do take you myself,' the intern walked away from Addison, the rage still pumping through her._

'Addison went crazy in the Chiefs office, demanding that she get suspended,'

'And did she?'

'One month and then she still banned from an OR for two weeks,'

'Stupid intern,'

'Addison felt so bad about what she had said,'

'Why? She didn't say it,'

'Yeah…but she just does. She feels like she should of done more,'

'Sounds like she done more than enough. Does Meredith know?'

'Nope. Just that Addison had a go at an Intern for a comment made. That's it and Addison wants to keep it that way. Meredith doesn't need any more stress,'

'You said it Mark…You said it. How's Addison now?'

'She was banging pots and pans about the kitchen. Ellie and Zoe thought she was playing a game so they were in the living room laughing. I tried to stop her but she just said she had to calm down,'

'So your kitchen will be no longer existent then?'

'You got it in one. I'll give her a bit longer then go back. She already screamed at me earlier,'

'I didn't mean to shout,' Addison stood behind them, Meredith beside her.

'Jesus Addie, you trying to frighten me,'

'sorry,'

'Where are the kids?'

'Sleeping in the living room,' Derek stood up and walked over to Meredith, wrapping her arms around her waist, he kissed her gently on the cheek.

'What are you doing up?'

'Your baby was kicking me like crazy,'

'My baby?'

'Yes, when he kicks or makes me pee he's yours,'

'I can live with that,'

'You don't have a choice,' Meredith laughed gently and sat down on one of chairs next to Addison. Derek went back to talking to Mark, but making sure that they couldn't hear them.

'Derek thinks I don't know what happened today with you and the Intern,'

'What do you mean?'

'I know she was bitching because I banned her from the OR and you went mad,'

'It wasn't that. She said she was going to say that Derek was cheating with her…since he got with you while you were an intern and that if it happened once he would do it again,'

'Ah, so that's why you got her suspended,'

'Stupid intern,'

'And what's bothering you?'

'Nothing gets past you,'

'You don't get an intern suspended because she said she was going to start some rumours. What's wrong?'

'I'm being brought up for mal practise,'

'What!'

'A junkie is saying that I killed her daughter when really it was the fact she was addicted to narcotics, four months premature and only one pound in weight. She's saying that I'm blaming her to cover up my own mistake,'

'Addison, does Mark know?'

'No, I don't want to lay it on him. He's been through enough with all that crap. He went through the same thing in Ohio when he was first starting out. I don't want to bring it all back to him,'

'Addison, you need to tell him,'

'I will, but I've got a meeting tomorrow with the chief. I may have to find a new job and with a mal practise case on your record, that won't be easy,'

'I can tell you right now, you won't be finding a new job. You have the case file on the baby right?'

'Yeah,'

'You show that to Richard, explain what was really wrong with the baby and he will know instantly what really went on. You have nothing to worry about,' Meredith stopped Mid sentence and started laughing.

'What's wrong?' Derek turned sharply to face them.

'Give me you hand Addison,' Meredith placed it at the top of her bump, allowing Addison to feel the liquid like sensation. Meredith turned to face the hall when an almighty thump was heard coming from up the stairs.

'Derek,' Meredith stood up and headed up the stairs. Derek went in front of her. Natalie was lying on the floor, slowly waking up.

'Some body fell out of bed,' Derek picked her up and tucked her back into the bed.

'Is she ok?'

'She's ok. She didn't hit her head on anything,'

'You sure?'

'I'm sure,'

'Maybe we should get her checked out, just in case,'

'Meredith, stop. Stop stressing over everything. You need to slow down. For your own sake,'

'Derek, I'm fine,'

'Meredith you've said that so many times now it's worthless. You need to slow down, if not for your own sake then for his,' Meredith leaned back against the door frame, the tears forming in her eyes.

'I'm scared Derek, I'm really scared,' Derek walked over and pulled Meredith in against him. She wrapped her arms around him, her head resting on his chest.

'It's ok…I promise it will be ok,'


	60. Not now

Meredith looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. Derek wasn't due back for another two hours and the house was quiet without Natalie. The new video of Cinderella at Addison and Marks was too much of an opportunity to pass up and Meredith knew that she wouldn't get Natalie back until tomorrow or until she bought the video herself.

Meredith flopped down onto the couch and settled herself under the blue blanket. The heat from the fire soothed her, the pain in her back and feet easing. Being nine months pregnant with a boy was killing her body and she was on her way to hitting the ground with a bump. She fought hard to stay awake, wanting to be awake for Derek coming in.

As she lay watching the embers dance about the fire place, the thoughts of her new baby entered her head. She was dreaming when a sharp pain shot through her stomach. She sat up and rubbed her stomach. The pain passed and Meredith pulled the blanket around her body and repositioned herself. The darkness was filling the room and Meredith sat staring at the fire. The shadows were dancing around the room.

Meredith followed them with her eyes before getting up and stumbling through the dark into the kitchen. Meredith lifted a glass down out the cupboard. A small note fell out the glass.

'_Mere, if you are reading this then I will personally kick your ass cause it means your not relaxing and you've just reached up, probably having to stand on something, and you've over exerted yourself. Go and lie down, eat something stupid like gherkins and chicken and I'll see you later. I love you load and loads and can't wait to see you. Page me if you need me. Derek,'_

Meredith started laughing and put the note back in the cupboard. Pouring the apple juice, Meredith felt the carton slip out her hand and the pain shooting through her stomach.

'Not yet…please not yet…' Meredith slipped down against the counter and started breathing deeply. The pain passed and she pushed herself up and went out to the hall. She fell to the floor, her hands and knees stopping her bump from the impact.

'Don't you dare…not in this house…not alone…' Meredith pulled the phone away from the wall and dialed Derek's number.

'Mere, hey,'

'Derek, thank god,'

'What's wrong?'

'your son has decided that he wants to come now…FUCK!,'

'Mere, where are you?' Meredith kept screaming.

'MERE, WHERE ARE YOU?'

'I'm in the hall,'

'Ok, stay there,'

'I doubt I can go anywhere,' Derek threw the chart he was holding down and ran out of the hospital.

'SHEPHERD, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?'

'MEREDITH, LABOUR…PAGE ADDISON,' Bailey nodded her head and started rushing about and paging Addison. Derek kicked the back door open and ran through to the hall. Meredith was lying on her side, the tears streaming down her face.

'Der…' Derek slipped his hands underneath Meredith and picked her up gently. She slipped her arm around her neck and dug her nails into his neck.

'It's ok…I've got you…it's ok,' Meredith released her hand from Derek's neck and slipped her body into the passenger seat.

'You get that I hate you for this right,' Derek smiled and ran round the other side of the car.

'What if something happens Derek? What if he doesn't make it?'

'Meredith, it's not going to happen…you have to have faith. Plus you have the best surgeon about to deliver him so he will make It'

'You don't know that,'

'Yes I do. So just…breathe,' Meredith grabbed his hand and dug her nails into the palm of it.

'You had better not leave me,'

'I'm not going anywhere,'


	61. me pink

Addison rubbed her hand over her face and brushed her hair away.

'How did it go?'

'He's a beautiful baby. Eight pounds seven ounces. Meredith and Derek are with him now. Where's Natalie and the kids?'

'Izzie, George and Alex are keeping an eye on them. You ok?'

'Yeah, I'm just tired,'

'You sure?'

'Yeah,' Mark pulled Addison over and hugged her.

'What's wrong?'

'She nearly lost the baby,'

'What?'

'He caught stuck underneath her ribs. If he hadn't moved it would have been an emergency c section but I don't think he would of survived it. It just…stuff came back to my mind,'

'You mean New York,' Addison smiled but looked away from Mark, the tears forming.

'I know we've got the twins but I just...it was still a baby,'

'I was talking to Meredith about it when she found out she was pregnant. I know how your feeling but we need to yeah move on but not forget. We'll never forget,' Mark brushed Addison's hair out her face and caught the tears with his thumb.

'Come on, we've got a beautiful nephew to go coo over,' Addison took hold of Marks hand and followed him into the room. Derek was behind Meredith, her tired body leaning up against him. In her arms, a tiny baby lay, quiet, their arms in the air.

'Meredith, well done,' Mark walked over and kissed the side of Meredith's face.

'Meet Jake,' Meredith handed Jake over to Mark and smiled as Addison cooed over him.

'You are amazing,' Derek's whisper like voice sent a shiver down Meredith's spine. Meredith reached her hand back and grazed Derek's face.

'Couldn't of done it without you…in more ways than one,' Meredith snuggled her body further into Derek's, her fingers entwined in Derek's.

'She's sleeping,' Derek looked down and smiled at Meredith's sleeping form. Her left hand clenched for the first time since she found out she was pregnant make Derek chuckle slightly.

'We'll take this little man down to the baby unit and let both of you sleep as I know you've not slept in about thirty six hours, possibly more,'

'yeah, thank you Addison,' Addison lifted Jake away from Mark and placed him in the small cot. Mark followed her out as she wheeled him down into the baby unit. Derek sat watching Meredith, realising that he loved her more than anything in world and would do anything for her. Derek slowly fell asleep but woke up again almost instantly as the sound of Natalie coming back into the room.

'Mommy's bump gone,'

'Yeah,'

'where's baby?'

'Aunt Addison and Uncle Mark have him. you want to go and see him?'

'Yeah, daddy come too,'

'Yeah…in a bit though. Mommies sleeping,' George came in and lifted Natalie up.

'Hey, how's Meredith?'

'Shattered. You seen him yet?'

'Nah, Addison and Mark were still with him,'

'Thanks for keeping and eye on Natalie for us,'

'Anytime. We can keep her until you guys are sorted out,'

'Thanks George,' Natalie started wriggling in Georges arms. Derek slipped out from under Meredith and covered her back up with the blanket. Kissing her head, he lifted Natalie from George and took her along to see the baby.

'There he's there,' Derek pointed to the third cot back, lifting Natalie up to his level.

'Pink,'

'Yeah, he's pink. So were you when you were born though,'

'Me pink,'

''Yip, you pink and tiny, smaller than him. Anyway, how do you fancy getting some food and getting some stuff for mommy at home?'

'Yip,' Derek balanced Natalie on his hip and went and told Addison. Natalie seemed wrestles.

'What is wrong with you little lady?'

'Mommy's sick,'

'No she's not. She just had a baby,'

'But she's in hospital,'

'Yeah, but she's ok. She's not sick, I promise,' Natalie didn't seem convinced.

'I promise mommy's ok. You can see her when she wakes up,' Natalie held onto Derek's back as he spun her round and started carrying her on his back.

'When's mommy home?'

'You really miss her don't you? A few days. You think you can cope with daddies cooking?'

'Take away,' Derek laughed to himself. Meredith had taught her well.


	62. three years on

Meredith ran after Natalie, Jake screaming in the back ground.

'Natalie Lindsey Shepherd. Stop where you are right now,' Meredith listened as the sound of the feet stopped.

'Come here,' The five year old girl came from round the door.

'Why were you running from mommy?'

'Jake won't stop crying,'

'Yes, I can hear that but why were you running from mommy,'

'I don't want to go in the bath,'

'Why don't you want to go in the bath?'

'Jake will be in with me,' Meredith smiled and picked Natalie up, turning her upside down.

'Nope, just me and you this time,' Natalie started laughing as Meredith tickled her sides.

'What about Jake?'

'You don't worry about him. Can you get in the bath by yourself?'

'Yip,'

'Ok, you get ready and I'll go get the bubbles,' Natalie ran up the stairs. Meredith took a deep breath in and went into the living room. Her three year old son sat in the middle of the floor, holding his knee.

'What did you do?'

'Hit my knee off the table,'

'Let me see,' Meredith kneeled down and looked at the small bruise that was now appearing on Jakes knee.

'I think we might need to cut it off,' Jake started laughing.

'How do you fancy being a big boy and staying down here and watching the TV. If you need mommy shout ok?'

'Ok,' Jake climbed up onto the couch and sat watching the television. Meredith checked on him once more before going up to Natalie. She was sitting in the bath, the countless toys floating around her.

'That didn't take you long,' Natalie smiled and dunked her head under the water, not caring about the water in her eyes.

'When are we going swimming again?'

'When do you want to go?'

'Today,'

'I'll do you a deal. We'll go tomorrow and Daddy can come too,'

'Yeah!'

'Ok, head back to we wash the bubbles away,' Natalie slipped under the water and rinsed the remaining bubble off her hair.

'Lets get you dried little lady,' Meredith lifted her out the bath and wrapped the large pink towel around Natalie's body.

'Can Aunt Izzie and Uncle George come?'

'I think they might be working baby but we'll see ok?'

'Ok,' Natalie shivered as her bare feet went across the cold wooden floor.

'What you wearing today?'

'My fairy outfit!'

'I don't think you can baby girl. It's not Halloween yet,'

'Can I wear my wings?'

'Ok, just your wings though,' Meredith pulled the jeans and red jumper onto Natalie and attached the bright pink and white fairy wings.

'I'm a fairy!'

'Ok, Fairy Natalie, what do you want for lunch?'

'Take away,'

'Nice try. You can have soup? Or a sandwich or toast or a pastry?'

'Soup with aunt Izzie's bread,'

'Soup it is' Meredith brought Natalie down and left her playing with Jake while she tried not to burn soup.

'Mere?'

'Mark…in here,' Meredith poured the soup between the two small bowls.

'Just In time. You hungry?'

'Have I ever said no to food?' Meredith laughed and brought the two children through from the living room.

'Can we go watch the rest of Kindergarten cop?'

'Only if your good and no fighting,' The two kids jumped down from the seats and ran through to the living room, leaving the bowls empty and the bread everywhere, bits of bread that had been put in the soup had been stuck to the wall.

'Why is it when they eat it ends up on the walls?'

'Come have coffee,' Meredith threw the cloth in the sink along with the two bowls and lifted her coffee, joining Mark on the porch.

'So what brings you here?'

'I have the day off and The kids are at some party. Addison's been dragged along. I am at a loose end. Wondered if you fancied doing something?'

'With two devil like kids, one of whom thinks their a fairy and the other who likes running into the coffee table over and over again? What did you have in mind?'

'Walk up the trail…fishing…Joes…'

'Joes? Fishing? I am not Derek,'

'I kina guessed that. Walk then?'

'Yeah, I'm up for that. You'll have to prize her fairy wings off her though,'

'She can keep them on. Not like there will be anyone else on the trail,'

'True,' Meredith took the empty mug off Mark and went to get the kids who were surprisingly quiet.

'Uncle Mark is going to take us for a walk and then Ice Cream, his treat, you guys up for it?' Both kids jumped up and ran around the room.

'I never agreed to Ice cream?'

'Yeah well, now we are and your paying,'

'Am I now?'

'Yip, makes you their favourite uncle,'

'Ok, looks like I'm paying then. You guys nearly ready?' Mark and Meredith turned round to see the two kids standing, their jackets on inside out, their shoe laces undone

'Ok, lets get you guys ready,' Mark sorted Jake while telling him about the ninjas that live on the trail while Meredith tried to get Natalie's zippy on over her wings without squashing them.

'Ok, lets go,' The two kids ran on, leaving Mark and Meredith alone to talk.

'You spoke to Derek's sister Lindsey recently?'

'No why?' Mark seemed puzzled.

'her husbands been having an affair. Derek's ready to kill him,'

'You mean Philip?'

'Yip. When she phoned the house, Derek knew something was wrong. She wouldn't tell him but she told me and I had to tell him because he wouldn't shut up about it. He went mental, phoned her and then she burst out crying. She's moved back in with her mom and dad until he moves out,'

'who was he sleeping with?'

'PA from work…the tall purpled hair woman,'

'You mean the punk lady?'

'Yip. He's moving in with her so Lindsey's staying at Edith and Bobs house. Karen and Carol have had their say…we'll you could say they dealt with him in a way that made Derek proud,'

'They didn't do the fry up?'

'Yip. Both of them knocked seven shades of shit out of him. When Derek found out he burst out laughing,'

'I've had the fry up. Trust me…it hurts like hell,'

'JAKE! NATALIE! DON'T GO TOO FAR,'

'Is Derek going up?'

'I think so. We've not really talked about it,'

'Have You's talked about our little conversation?'

'You mean more kids?'

'Yeah,'

'He brought it up but…I know I've had Jake since that whole thing but it was just…'

'Your not sure if you can deal with being pregnant again,'

'Yeah. Do you realise how weird it is that I'm talking to you about this and Not Addison?'

'Yeah, but you are my dirty mistress in crime so we have a special bond. We're allowed to talk like this,'

'I suppose. Anyway…I think I could do it again. I know Derek's up for it,'

'And your not?'

'I am…more than you'd think. I'm just worried about the whole having a baby thing. Plus Burkes asked me to run the neuro course this year,'

'Well done. I'm on the plastics program. Addison the Gyno and Oby course,'

'Derek's was pissed off when I told him but then I made him see that it meant he would get a week off,'

'You women and your weeks off,'

'They are the best,'

'Yeah. I think Addison wants to go on holiday,'

'where to?'

'Some cabin somewhere. I don't know,'

'You if you's want to have a holiday to yourselves we'll take the twins,'

'I might take your offer up. I want to take Addison away for our anniversary,'

'Not a problem. Where you taking her?'

'I have booked a weekend away in New York but it's her favourite hotel and I'm going to spoil her,'

'She'll love it. We'll take the twins no bother. Make it a big slumber party,'

'You guys can go away when we get back. You'll need a holiday after the twins,'

'Why?'

'Didn't Addison tell you?'

'Ellie and Zoe got into the wardrobes and had a field day,' Meredith started laughing.

'Ellie was in one of Addison's tops and my jeans and in turn Addison style had stiletto heels on and make up perfect, well lipstick up the face and eye goo on her lips but apart from that she looked great,'

'And Zoe?'

'My shirt and Addison's grey hoddie. She was being ET,' Meredith started laughing but stopped when she heard Natalie screaming. Mark and Meredith started running but stopped when they seen Natalie standing in the middle of the trail looking at her feet.

'What's wrong baby?'

'A BIG WORM!'

'Where's Jake?'

'Mommy look!' Jake held up a large handful of bugs.

'Jake, that's disgusting,' Mark pulled Jake out the mud, his trousers covered in mud.

'Lets see if you found anything interesting?'

'Mark Don't encourage him,'

'What, he's being curious,'

'Yeah…but it's bugs'

'And? Bugs can help you perfect surgeries,'

'He's three,'

'MOMMY! THE WORMS MOVING!'

'That's cause he's alive baby. Come on, we had better get back. You guys are going to the hospital tonight,'

'Why?'

'Cause mommy and daddy are both working,'

'I don't want to go,'

'You get to play hide and seek?'

'Ok…that's ok,'

'And we're going swimming tomorrow,' Natalie started skipping ahead of Mark and Meredith who just laughed as Jake squelched his was back to the house, his trousers stuck to his legs.

'That's kids for you. Covered in mud and frightened of a worm,'

'And you know what Mark? I wouldn't change them for the world,'


	63. Win Win Situtation

Meredith lifted the two bags from the hall and headed out to the car. Natalie and Jake were strapped into the back, fighting over who was sleeping where.

'I'm in the top bunk,'

'You too young,' Meredith threw the bags in the back of the truck and pulled away from the house.

'When are you and daddy finished?'

'Daddy's finished in a few hours so you might be home tonight but it will probably be tomorrow,' Natalie tightened the grip on her floppy doll, her fairy wings sticking out the back.

'Jake you ok?'

'I gotta potty,'

'Can you wait a couple of minutes?'

'Yeah,'

'Good boy,' Meredith sped up, not wanting a puddle in the back of her car.

'Hey, why are you out here?'

'I came to see you and my…well fairy daughter and very muddy son,'

'Blame Mark,'

'Mark?'

'Yeah, he pulled us out the house and made us go out for a walk up the trail where your son discovered bugs and how to become extremely muddy. I took him for a shower but he still seems to be a mess,'

'I'm on a break; I'll get them ready for night care and then bed. You go on,' Meredith turned to face Derek. She slipped her hand in Derek's back pocket, pulling them closer together.

'You realise that I love you more than anything,'

'And?'

'We have to talk,'

'About?'

'Stuff,' Meredith leaned up to Derek and kissed him, her lips lingering slightly as she pulled back.

'I'll see you later,' Meredith lifted her bag and headed inside the hospital leaving Derek curious about her 'stuff'.

'You guys done anything bad that I should know about cause mommy wants to talk,'

'You been bad daddy. When mommy talks, you get into trouble,' Derek chuckled to himself.

'No, I've not been naughty. What about you two though?'

'I picked bugs,' Derek looked at Jake as he walked into the hospital, holding the tow kids by their hands.

'I seen a worm! A really big one,'

'What was his name?'

'Daddy don't be silly worms don't have names,'

'Yes they do. You just didn't ask,' Derek kicked the on call room door open and sat Jake up on the bed, handing him a red truck to keep I'm occupied.

'Right which one of you should get changed first?'

'ME!' Natalie pulled her jacket off and allowed Derek to take her fairy wings off her.

'Did mommy pack my pink pyjamas?'

'Yes she did. You need anything?'

'Nope,' Derek took Jake along to the showers and removed the mud still stuck to his legs. He smelt of lavender and it made Derek want to see Meredith.

'Right, bug man, lets get you into bed,'

'What about night care?'

'Yeah, but you need to be in pyjamas before you can go,' Jake nodded his head and got changed into the Spiderman pyjamas, being a big boy and doing it himself.

'You ready to go?' Natalie held onto Derek's hand as he carried Jake along to the night care room.

'Dr Shepherd, hey,'

'Hi Hannah,'

'Sleepy kids?'

'Yip and not even moaning about being here,'

'Very sleepy kids then. Just pop them into bed like usual. I'll page if anything happens like usual,' Derek smiled and walked over into the side hall. There were another ten doors. Derek walked down to the third door and pushed it open. There were two beds inside and the room was decorated with posters.

'Nat, you jump into bed,' Jake had fallen asleep in Derek's arms and he didn't want to wake him. Slipping him into the bed, he pulled the covers up over Jakes tiny frame and kissed the top of his head.

'Is Jake sleeping?' Derek's attention turned back to Natalie who was already under the covers and holding onto her floppy doll.

'Yeah he is. You should be too,'

'It's too early,'

'Nat, it's nine thirty. You guys need to sleep,'

'For swimming tomorrow?'

'We're going swimming are we?' Derek smiled and kissed his daughters head.

'Sweet dreams angel,' Natalie's nose crinkled up as she smiled. Derek turned the night light on as he left and quietly closed the door.

'What are you up to?' Derek jumped at the sound of Meredith's voice.

'Jakes sleeping and Natalie heading that way. I didn't want to wake them. What do you want to talk about?'

'You'll see,' Meredith took hold of Derek's hand and pulled him out of the night care area.

'How do you fancy looking after the twins and letting Mark and Addison go away for their anniversary?'

'Yeah, sure. Why?'

'Because then we get to go away and leave Natalie and Jake with them,'

'And?'

'And we can do what we were talking about,' Derek seemed confused.

'The kids' thing…you still want to try?' The happiness was written all over Derek's face.

'Mere…I want nothing more than to do the kids thing,' Meredith started laughing as Derek hugged her tightly.

'You are amazing,'

'Just wait until I get you without the kids. Then you will be sorry,'

'Why will I be sorry?'

'Lets just say, you'll be thankful for the fact we have to come back for the kids,' Meredith smiled seductively over her shoulder as she walked away from Derek.

'God I love her,' Derek had a smile on his face during the rest of the night shift, even during his craniotomy. Meredith checked on Jake and Natalie. Jake was lying on his stomach, his hair spread across his face, the tiny river of dribble running down his cheek. Natalie was lying the way Derek had left her. On her side, the grip of her doll still as tight.

Meredith smiled to herself. Kids weren't so bad once you had gotten past the spew and the nappies and the potty training but she knew she still had the crashed car to contend with a and the inappropriate partners each of them would pick up.

'You talked to Derek yet?' Mark came out of the first room from the row of ten.

'Yip. We can take the kids but on one condition,'

'What?'

'You guys take Natalie and Jake for a weekend,'

'Is that all? We'd take them tonight if you guys wanted,'

'No, thanks for the offer but no. We did talk and we're going to try…or at least have fun trying,'

'It's a win win situation,'

'That it is. How come the twins are here? Addison working?'

'Yip. She's on a four day shift because she has to make up time for the trip to New York that she took about three months ago and I'm just starting. You?'

'Same. I just started but Derek finishes tomorrow morning. We're taking the kids swimming. You two fancy coming?'

'It would only be me and you know that two dirty mistresses can't be alone together,'

'Are you trying to be funny? The kids would be there as well,'

'I'd love to. Derek going?'

'Yeah, depends if he's tired or not though. It's not fair to ask him to do a shift then go swimming,'

'I know what you mean,' Meredith's pager started vibrating.

'Crap trauma,' Meredith ran down to the exam room and stopped dead in her tracks.

'Everybody out except essential personnel. No interns,' Three interns grumbled on their way out of the room.

'Some body page Dr Shepherd and put it as a 911. Where are his family?'

'Outside,'

'Ok, get him for a CT scan and MRI. I want him to be as still as possible. What happened?'

'Scaffolding on a building site collapsed,' Meredith nodded her head and went out to the waiting room.

'Meredith, where is he?' Derek's usually strong sister was like a train wreck.

'Karen, he's being sent for scans just to make sure he's not got any internal injuries. If he does we'll need to operate,'

'Derek…you have to page Derek,'

'I already have. Why was he brought out here?'

'They said about his back and also his head so they said he needed specialist treatment. They just airlifted him out,'

'Why was he on the building site?'

'We were checking out the bedrooms as the architect said there had been some changes made. He wanted to see his new bedroom…we took him along and,' Karen burst into tears and started to crumble. Meredith hugged her tightly, knowing full well that things could be seriously wrong. Bob and Edith burst through the doors.

'Meredith, where is he?'

'Getting some scans done,' Edith sat down on the chair next to Karen and started holding her.

'He'll be ok…he's a strong boy,' Bob pulled Meredith to the side.

'I need to know now. Is he going to be ok?'

'I won't know for certain until I get the scans back. Derek's on his way. I promise I'll do everything humanly possible and I won't give up,' Bob nodded his head and went back over to Edith and Karen. Meredith went back along to the Exam room where she caught Derek coming out of the elevator.

'You paged?' Meredith looked at Derek but her eyes sent a wave of fear through his body.

'What's happened?' Meredith pushed the door open to reveal the small boy lying on the table.

'Craig…'

**N/A for all who can't remember, Craig is Karen's son (with the weak immune system). I just had to throw a bit of a wobbler and get it out. Hope your enjoying the story so far )**


	64. Worse

**Hawo! Hope your enjoying the story. Please stick with me on this idea with Craig. I don't know wither or not to do the whole death thing or do i? Please read and review )**

Meredith pulled her scrub cap off and watched as the small boy was taken out of the OR and along to the recovery wing. It had been a hard surgery, Craig's heart stopping twice. Derek came along the hall, stopping the gurney as it passed him.

'How did it go?'

'He had a left subdural bleed with mid line shift. I evacuated it but he went down twice,'

'How long was he down for?' Meredith looked away.

'Mere?'

'At least twenty minutes the first time and then thirty the second time,'

'Brain damage,' Derek's voice wasn't above a whisper. Meredith gently took his hand and went along to Craig's room. Karen was sitting, holding onto Bobs hand, her knuckles going white from the tension.

'Karen,' She stood up sharply, walking over to Meredith.

'How did it go?'

'He had what we call a subdural bleed with midline shift. Basically the bleed was in the middle of his brain but it shifted to the right side. During the surgery, he stopped breathing twice,'

'But he's breathing now,'

'Yeah. But while he stopped breathing his brain was starved of oxygen,'

'Ok, I think I know what that means but I need you to tell me that I'm over reacting here and that I'm just being stupid,'

'Craig could be brain damaged from the oxygen deprivation,' Karen let out a small sob and turned back to face Craig. His tiny body seemed so frail. The door burst open and Karen turned suddenly, meeting her husbands eyes.

'What happened?'

'The building site scaffolding collapsed…I tried to pull him out, but he was stuck,' Andrew pulled Karen over to him and kissed her head gently.

'It's ok…he'll be ok right?' The monitors started beeping frantically.

'HIS ICP'S DOUBLE GET OR!' Meredith pulled the breathing tube out ant tilted Craig's head back. Meredith wheeled his gurney out and shouted for the nurses to take the gurney down. Meredith turned back to Karen who was a white as a sheet.

'The pressure around his brain has gotten too high. I need to operate to relieve it. Derek can stay here if you's want or he can be in with me,'

'Go with you…he has to be there,' Meredith nodded and turned to leave.

'Tell me he'll be ok,' Meredith bit the inside of her mouth.

'I can't promise you that he'll be fine but I do promise that I will do everything I can,' Karen turned away from Meredith and sat back down next to Bob. He let her fall against him, her head hitting his lap. Edith leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them she would be in bed and it would all be a dream. Meredith ran down to the OR and scrubbed in.

'Ok, this has got to go as smooth as possible and I don't want any complications with this surgery. Dr Shepherd, go and get scrubbed in,' Derek seemed surprised but knew this was what Karen wanted. Meredith started the surgery and Derek joined her.

'It's worse than I thought,'


	65. that guys ass is mine

Meredith watched through the glass as Natalie and Craig sat playing.

'I thought you were in surgery,' Derek kissed Meredith's neck gently, his hand slipping round her waist.

'Patient decided that she would rather die at home than on an operating table. So she went home with a tumour the size of a golf ball pressing on her frontal lobe,' Derek nodded his head gently.

'Derek, Remember we have the twins tonight, Mark and Addison are going away in a couple of hours,' Meredith gently grazed the side of Derek's face with her hand.

'Ah but, we get a weekend away once they come back,'

'What did you have in mind?' Meredith turned to face Derek, her arms slipping around his neck. She leaned up, kissing him gently, but broke apart when her pager started going off.

'Trauma. I'll find you later,' Meredith ran off, Derek watching her hair that was flowing down her back move in time with her. Derek smiled to himself and turned to watch Craig and Natalie playing.

'Hey,' Burke came and stood next to Derek.

'Can we talk?' Derek seemed puzzled.

'What's up?' Derek followed Burke into a side room and leaned back on the counter.

'I've been offered Chief of Surgeries at New York General,' Derek started smiling.

'Congratulations,' Derek expression changed when he realised this wasn't a good thing for Burke.

'What's the down side?'

'I would have to move. Christina, the kids, we'd all have to move…to New York and the chances of coming back are literally nothing. Plus…'

'Plus what?'

'I really don't want to leave,'

'What's the problem then?'

'They are pressuring me to go and are threatening to go into talks with you,' Derek chuckled at the idea.

'Preston, I wouldn't leave this hospital for all the money in the world. You have no fears of me being drawn away. I'm in the same boat as you. Have you spoke to Christina about it? Have you mentioned it to Haden or Ally?'

'I wouldn't talk to the kids before Christina. Are you surprised that I don't want to go?'

'Slightly. I thought you'd jump at the chance to be the only chief of surgeries at a hospital, any hospital,'

'That's the thing I don't, which surprises me more than anybody,' Derek stood up off the counter and walked over to Burke.

'It's up to you but if your happy here then stay,' Burke smiled and nodded his head, following Derek out.

'Hey, what are you two up to?' Derek kneeled down next to Natalie and Craig who were sitting talking.

'Big bird or Barney? Who do you like best daddy?' Derek sat pretending to think about the question.

'I think big bird,' Craig stuck his tongue out at Natalie.

'Told you,' Natalie started laughing at Craig's face.

'Where's your mom?'

'Went to go and get coffee before we leave,' Derek nodded and pulled his pager away from his waist.

'I have to go. Have fun,' Derek ran down to trauma, the ER filling up quickly with major and minor casualties. Derek pulled a set pf gloves on and went into the first room.

'Give me the bullet,'

'Sophie Langdon, thirty six, jumped out the way of the first car only to be thrown over another two. Major lacerations to arms and legs. Has been given kitoxmin for a pulse in the forties, both pupils fixed and dilated,'

'Do a CT and a chest X-Ray and make sure she stays stable. Page me when you're done,' Derek pushed the connecting door of the two exam rooms. Meredith was sitting at the patients head holding what looked like a chisel and hammer to his head.

'You got this?' Meredith didn't answer Derek and continued to chip away part of the guy's skull. A small stream of blood splattered out and then slowly trickled down his head.

'Ok, get him to the OR, throw out whoever you have to,' Meredith climbed down and ripped the gloves off.

'I need to do an emergency craniotomy and replace an existing shunt. Can you reschedule the board,' Meredith turned to Derek.

'Yeah, I got it. Just need to check on another patient in exam room four,'

'I'll sort it. You go with him,' Meredith smiled and ran out the room, avoiding another gurney by only a few inches.

'BE CAREFUL!' Meredith was oblivious to what Derek was shouting and just kept running.

'Mark, when do you and Addison leave?'

'In about an hour why?'

'Are the twins in Day care?'

'Yeah so's their stuff. Everything ok?'

'Yeah, I just…I was with Meredith a couple of minutes ago. She was doing a procedure that I have only down twice but she seemed like she had done it over and over again. It just seemed really strange,'

'Yeah,' Derek smiled and headed down to the end exam room where Meredith's other patient was. A small woman was sitting on the end of the bed, blood pouring from a cut. She was just staring into space, even when Derek came in she didn't move.

'Ma'am, I'm Dr Shepherd, Can you tell me your name?' She didn't answer Derek but just fell backwards her head hitting the bed. Derek pressed the emergency call and pulled her up to the top of the bed.

'Get me a CT scan set up now and get her hooked up to monitors. Why the hell is she in here on her own?'

'The intern left saying that she was fine,' Derek shook his head. The woman had cuts and bruises all over her body from the accident and the blood was still pouring out a cut in the back of her head.

'I just got paged saying that my patient needs surgery. What OR am I scrubbing into?' A cocky jack ass of an intern came to the door.

'Get out of Here. You're not scrubbing in anywhere. Get your ass up to the conference room and get every single post op and pre op note down. Your resident or any other resident. I don't care. I'll be talking to you later,' Derek pushed the anger inside him down and knew that if he didn't he would have to operate on the intern himself.

'You're not the doc on this case. You can't tell me to get off this case,'

'Wrong. Get your ass out my face before I personally have you suspended,' the intern scoffed at Derek and disappeared up the corridor.

'Debbie, make sure he doesn't scrub in anywhere else. That guy's ass is mine,'


	66. Pissed off Day

Derek looked in on the woman he had just operated on; making sure that she was still stable. Walking along to his office, he spotted the intern leaning back on the nurse's station, flirting with a nurse.

'When you're done kissing her ass get your own ass into my office now,' the intern growled at Derek and followed him along to his and Burke's office.

'Sit down,' Derek pulled his scrub cap off and threw it down on his desk.

'You left a patient on her own, saying that she was fine. She had multiple lacerations to her back, abdomen, thighs, and arms. She had a major right justified haematoma. You're lucky she didn't die. You want to explain to me why you said she was fine when clearly she wasn't?'

'She was sitting up at the end of the bed. I asked her if it hurt anywhere and when she said nothing I assumed that she was ok and just needed some time,'

'We'll that has just cost you two months of OR time and you will not come into any contact with any patients. You will watch only and run skut. Who is your resident?'

'Barkley,'

'Tell him if he has a problem to come and find me. As from now on, you are now a normal intern at Seattle grace and are no longer a surgical intern. Most you shall do is skut. Get out off this office,' the intern stood up and stormed out past Meredith.

'What happened?'

'You're patient in exam room four,'

'Yeah that was the intern assigned,'

'We'll it just cost him two months OR time. The woman had multiple lacerations and a huge right justified haematoma. He left her and said she was fine. Woman nearly died and he only came back when he heard there was a surgery,'

'Two months no OR?'

'He could have killed that woman,' Meredith folded her arms across her chest and looked at Derek.

'And what's really bothering you?'

'Truthfully I don't know. I think I'm just having a pissed off day,'

'We'll I am officially off so I'm taking the kids back to ours. When are you finished?'

'In an hour. Karen has gone back to New York,' Meredith nodded and walked over to Derek. She hugged him tightly and kissed the side of his face.

'You can have pissed off days,' Meredith kept hugging him when she realised that the Kids were watching them. Ellie, Zoe, Jake and Natalie all stood at the front door, smiling broadly.

'And how exactly did you lot get here?' Mark came up behind them, Addison beside them.

'Hey, that's us heading off,'

'Well have fun. What time you guys due back?'

'Tomorrow night. We can pick the kids up tomorrow night if you's want,'

'Nah we'll keep them. You guys go have fun,' Mark kissed Ellie and Zoe and had to pull Addison away from them.

'Ok, who's up for Take away?' Derek slipped his hands around Meredith's waist and rested his head on her shoulder.

'I am,' Meredith put her hands on top of Derek's.

'I thought you might be. What about you guys?' All four of the kids nodded their heads furiously.

'Ok, lets get going,' Meredith turned to Derek

'I will see you later,' Derek kissed her, their lips lingering slightly afterwards.

'I am so looking forward to our weekend,' Derek smiled.

'You wouldn't believe how much,' Meredith turned and left Derek chuckling to himself. The look on Meredith's face as she told him imprinted on his mind was the only thing going to get him through the rest of the day.

'So what do we want for Take away?'

'Pizza,' the vote came from the back of the car almost instantly.

'Pizza it is,' Meredith pulled into the house and got the four kids settle in the living room, watching a film that she knew would keep them quiet for at least a couple of hours. She sat in the kitchen in a world of her own, staring out the window. It seemed so peaceful and tranquil outside. She pushed the back door open and stood, watching as the day passed her by.

The pizza came and within ten minutes was gone. Meredith sat on the wooden swing bench that sat out the back of the house. The kids were running around, playing hide and seek. Each of them hid in the same place over and over again but didn't think to go and look in the old place. Slowly her eyes closed and she was fast asleep, the gentle wind blowing her hair across her face. Derek watched from the backdoor as Meredith fell asleep, totally oblivious to the fact he was watching her.

Natalie was the first to notice her and walked over, sitting down in front of the bench. Ellie, Zoe and Jake joined her a couple of minutes later. Derek watched as they all sat in silence, watching her sleep. Her eyes opened slowly to the four kids sitting on the grass watching her.

'We are being you guardian angels,' Meredith smiled broadly and rubbed her face.

'You guys want some…Ice cream?' All of them nodded and ran into the kitchen before Meredith could even get up. Derek handed her a mug of coffee and sat down next to her.

'They were being my guardian angels,'

'You need some guardian angels,'

'What makes you say that?'

'You work far too much and still manage to be an amazing mom to Jake and Natalie,'

'I'm not so sure about that,'

'Mere, you are. I know for a fact not many woman could do the job you do and still make it to parent's night and class concerts. They are so lucky to have you,'

'And you. You've never missed one either. Plus I've given you a lot more crap than you've given me,'

'Not true,'

'Yes it is,'

'No. I had a wife, then got shot then took ill,'

'I have a mother with altzimers, have had two hellish pregnancy's both in which I think I left you about seven time and have given you the run around in both too many times to remember,'

'And you know what?'

'What?'

'I wouldn't change a single minute of it,' Meredith laughed gently and put her head on Derek's shoulder as he pulled her over against him. They could hear the kids debating what flavour of ice cream to have and she then realised, that like Derek, she wouldn't change a minute of it.


	67. Practising

Meredith checked on the twins before heading into bed. Derek came up behind her, his hands resting on her hips.

'We so have to go away somewhere…anywhere,' Meredith smiled and turned the lights off beside the two beds. Natalie rolled over, her left hand clenched. Jake was lying on his stomach, his ski hat still on. Derek slowly peeled it off and moved Jake so that he was under the covers of the bed. Meredith leaned against the door frame and smiled as Derek tucked the kids into bed, covering their bodies with the covers. He turned and laughed gently as he spotted Meredith's head leaning against the door frame her eyes closed.

Walking over, he lifted her up, carrying her through to the bedroom. Her face found the crook of his neck, her hands holding onto his chest. Derek slipped her down into the bed and gently peeled off her shoes. Her toes curled at the feeling of the cold air. Derek placed his hand on top of them and instantly her feet relaxed at the heat.

She turned onto to back, her hair falling down away from her face, revealing to Derek her features, the moonlight giving them shadows that he had never seen before. He kissed her forehead lightly and saw the small smile cross her lips. Meredith's hands pulled Derek down next to her in the bed and held him in against her, her lips tracing kisses along his jaw.

'Are you happy?' Derek was confused at the question

'What do you mean?'

'Are you happy? With work? At home?'

'Why are you asking?'

'You had a pissed off day and I just want to know if it's something that can be sorted cause when you have pissed off days you frown. Frowning doesn't have the same effect as the Mc Dreamy smile,' Derek kissed her forehead again.

'Everything that happened with Craig just got to me and I didn't realise how much,' Meredith's hands grazed the side of Derek's face. Pushing herself up in the bed, she made herself eye level with him.

'I wanna talk…like properly talk,'

'About what?'

'What happened before…the accident…the idea of more kids,'

'The accident, it was a long time ago,'

'Derek, we have never once talked about it or what happened or how you felt. Everything became centred on me and I never thought of you at the time. Mark was there for you, so was Addison but you seemed to clam up and didn't want to talk…neither did I but I think If we're going to have more kids then we need to talk,' Derek rubbed his face with his hand.

'I…I just want to forget about it Mere and move on, properly move on. I know we never will forget but I want to at least try,'

'I understand that…but I need to know what it was like for you,'

'Why is it important?'

'Because you are important to me. I never thought something like that would happen to us and It did and neither of us knew how to deal with it. I…I just want to know how you felt about it,' Derek sighed heavily.

'It was like…almost like part of you had died as well. You stopped being you and the sparkle left your eyes. Even your walk changed. You became slower and un responsive at times. I was the same. I didn't want to think about it and sometimes still don't. But to understand what it was like…you know what it was like…only worse,'

'No…it wasn't worse for me,'

'But you were in the accident…'

'Yeah but that doesn't mean it was worse for me. You were as much a part of the baby as I was. Don't ever forget that. You may of even felt worse than I did. I had everyone being there for me and looking out for me, giving me less work and helping me with the stuff I did get. You…you just kept going. You didn't have the same network that I did,'

'I had mark and Addison,'

'Yeah, but I had them and everyone else. Izzie, George, Alex, Christina, Burke, Bailey, my dad, Adele. You had barely anybody,'

'I had enough,'

'I always want to talk to you about it but always ended up crying at the thought of it. I'm sorry,'

'What for? It wasn't your fault,'

'I…I should if tried to talk…even if it meant I ended up in tears. You were hurting as well and I just didn't see it,' Meredith fought off the tears that were forming and bit the inside of her mouth, the taste of blood filtering through her mouth. Derek took her hand in his and kissed it gently.

'the day I put that ring of your finger was the day I agreed to go through everything with you, good or bad. That was one of the bad bits and I hate to say this but there will be lots more and each one, we'll get through,' Meredith let out a small laugh, which ended with tears streaming down her face. Derek gently wiped them away with his other hand.

'Derek, What I said...about kids,' Derek looked at Meredith; his eyes full of support and love that Meredith knew were for her and nobody else.

'Yeah,'

'Let's do it,' Derek pushed himself up further in the bed.

'Seriously?'

'Seriously,' Derek pulled Meredith over closer towards him, her body fitting in beside his perfectly.

'You get that I love you more than anything and would do anything for you,' Meredith moved her body into the natural ridges of Derek's and pulled his arm around her. Nodding her head, she could feel Derek's breath on her neck.

'You had better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting…' Meredith turned to face Derek, whose face was only inches from hers.

'What do you think that might be?' Meredith leaned forward, her lips fusing with Derek's and before long; she was on top of him, her hands holding herself up above him.

'Practising?' Derek smiled seductively.

'As they say, practise makes perfect,'


	68. Not staying in bed?

-1Meredith rolled over onto her side, pulling the sheets that were covering her chest with her. Her hair was sitting at the side of her face, covering the large bite mark that was appearing on her neck. Derek ran his fingers along her jaw line and smiled as she leaned over, kissing him gently.

'Morning,' Derek sat up and wiped his face with his hands.

'Where are the kids?'

'Still sleeping,' Meredith mumbled as she rolled over again, the sheets getting tighter around her by each movement. Derek laid back down and placed his hand on her back.

'What do you want to today?'

'Stay in bed with you,' Derek smiled at Meredith and gently brushed the hair that had fallen in front of her face away.

'I wish we could Mere, but we have four kids to entertain,'

'Give then twenty dollars each and send them to Joes,'

If we sent them to Joes I would have to go too,' Meredith scoffed at the thought of Joes and sat up. Derek's eyes followed her as she pulled on one of his polo shirts and her shorts.

'You get that we're not staying in bed?'

'Yeah but like you said we're entertaining four kids. We'll have a pyjama day and sit around watching DVD's all day. I always wanted to do that as a kid but always ended up at the hospital,' Meredith tied her hair up into a loose bun, stray pieces falling down at the sides. Derek smiled at how beautiful she looked in his indigo polo shirt and a pair of white shorts. He listened to the sound of her bare feet across the wooden floors and how light her steps were. But the light, gentle sounds didn't last long as the kids woke up. Four sets of feet ran down the stairs, each of them shouting about what they wanted for breakfast.

'Why did I have to go and wake them?'

'Your idea, not mine,' Meredith picked the pillow that was lying on the floor up and threw it at Derek.

'Get up. I can't handle three five year olds and a three year old on my own and you are going to help me,' Derek slipped out of the bed, holding the sheet up at his waist. Meredith crept up behind him and pulled it away. Derek lifted the first thing he could grab to keep his dignity. Meredith ran out the room laughing. Derek ran after her, tying his black sweat pants as he went after her down the stairs. Meredith ran into the kitchen and out into the back garden, the wet grass in between her toes. Derek caught up with her and lifted her, draping her over his shoulder.

'DEREK! PUT ME DOWN!'

'Nope,' Derek carried a wriggling Meredith up the stairs, her pleas for help going un answered by the four children who sat on the couch watching the big game of tag unfold. Meredith protested as Derek put her in the bath and turned the shower hose on, soaking her through to the bone.

'DEREK!!!' Derek couldn't stop laughing as Meredith pushed herself out the bath and peeled the soaking wet clothes off and threw them into a pile on the floor.

'Don't think I won't get you back for that…I'll wait,' Meredith walked past Derek in her white towel, her search for dry clothes beginning. Derek watched her sift through the drawers, pulling all his big jumpers out and t-shirts out. Meredith pulled on his blue checked shirt, tying it at the bottom. She lifted her grey sweat pants and turned round, showing off what she had put on to Derek.

'No matter what you wear you always look good, you get that right,' Meredith went down and started pulling the multiple boxes of cereal down from the cupboard. Slowly one by one, they filtered through, lifting a bowl of cereal and a spoon and going back through to watch the rest of the movie that had been put on. Derek went to grab the same box as Meredith but she caught it first, the look of victory on her face.

'Your stealing my muesli now? You hate it,'

'Call this revenge part one,'

'And what happens in part two?'

'Just you wait…I have my plans for you,' Derek smiled mischievously.

'It's got nothing to do with me naked or in bed with you so you can get that thought right out your head. I happen to be very good friend with a few people who would gladly help me get revenge,' Meredith walked into the living room, lifting the box of muesli and a box of flakes and settled down onto the couch next to the four chattering kids, each of them with their own ideas of what Meredith could do to Derek.

'Put worms in his bed!' Meredith disregarded Jakes bug ideas, knowing full well Derek would use them to go fishing.

'Hide make up in his shoes or something. Mommy always does stuff like that,' Ellie was the first to give Meredith a suggestion that she knew she could carry out.

'Hide his favourite shirt or make him sleep on the couch,' Natalie hoped her mother would go with her idea but it was Zoe who got Meredith's attention.

'Lock him out the house and throw buckets down at him from the window. We did that to Uncle George and Aunt Izzie,' Meredith smiled at the thought. Derek Shepherd wouldn't know what had hit him. She started planning, when and how she was going to have him locked out. Revenge could be so sweet when done right, and Meredith planned to make it as sweet as possible.


	69. Your wish is my command

-1Meredith lifted Derek's keys from the table quietly and placed them inside her jacket pocket. The four kids were up the stairs, waiting for Derek to leave the house.

'Don't be long,' Meredith watched as he walked out to the car and patted his pockets for his keys. Realising that he didn't have them, Derek turned to go back to the house. Meredith watched him and the smiled across her face grew as he got closer and closer to the door. Derek put his hand out to open the door when the buckets off ice cold water came down on top of him. He stood, completely still, the water still dripping down his neck. Meredith was holding onto her sides as she laughed, the pain with laughing becoming too much. Derek looked at Meredith and raised his eye brows.

'This was revenge part two was it,' Meredith nodded her head and bit her lips. Slowly Derek opened the door and stepped in towards Meredith who was holding out a towel to him. He was only a few feet away from her, when he leapt forward, pulling her down onto the floor, tickling her.

'DEREK!! STOP! PLEASE!' Meredith's screams for him to stop were drowned put by her screaming with laughter. The four empty buckets came down the stairs, the kids throwing them down. Derek looked up and caught them looking at himself and Meredith.

'I'M GONNA GET YOU'S' Derek ran after them and they all scattered. Meredith ran out into the garden, down to the edge of the lake. Sitting at the side, she began to let her mind wonder, forgetting the fact Derek was after her. The screams of excitement that were coming from the house disappeared from Meredith's head. The thoughts of pregnancy took over. How was she going to cope with having another baby? Could they do it?

'I would say that was us pretty even now,' Meredith looked up to Derek, his hair still wet but his clothes changed and dry. Meredith out stretched her hand to him, his hand taking it, she pulled him down to her level. He pulled her over against his chest and allowed her to settle into his arms.

'What you thinking about?' Meredith smiled and started playing with her gold wedding band. Derek put his cold hands on top of hers to stop her fidgeting.

'It's either something really big or something your still needing to think about?'

'Both,'

'Ok, how many letters?' Meredith slapped his hand.

'It is something big…really big,'

'How big?'

'Life altering big,' Derek nodded his head gently.

'New Job big?'

'Baby big,'

'Ah. And?'

'Do you think we can do it again?'

'Truthfully, I don't know. Like I said before…we can only try. We could only try with Natalie and Jake and so far I'd say we were doing a damn good job,'

'But what if we screw up? Like really screw up?'

'We can only try. Literally only try,'

'Where are the kids?'

'Watching the little mermaid…Jake protested but the girls won in the end,'

'Us women can be very persuasive,'

'Yes you can,' Meredith stood up and kissed Derek's head before heading up to the house. She washed her hands under the sink, not feeling the heat of the water. She watched as Derek walked back from the side of the lake. She smiled at how his hair was blowing across his face, covering his eyes. Meredith poured out two mugs of coffee and handed one to Derek as he came into the kitchen.

'This is why I keep you around,' Meredith sat down on Derek's lap and fixed his hair.

'You get that we still have no idea where we're going when Mark and Addison get back and we haven't told the kids we're going yet,'

'Relax. We'll sort it all when they get back,' Jake came running through and ran straight at Meredith who lifted him up before he ran into the table

'Slow down!'

'Little Mermaid again…not again,' Derek smiled at the thought. Meredith balanced Jake on her hip and handed him a cup full of orange juice.

'What do you want for dinner? You get to choose since they made you watch the little mermaid,'

'Pizza,'

'What kind?' Jake looked at Derek who mouthed pepperoni.

'Perponi,'

'You mean pepperoni?'

'Yip,'

'Your wish is my command little man,'


	70. He's dead!

-1**Hello! Hope your enjoying the story. I know this is such a long fic but I'm having too much fun writing it to let it stop. If you wish me to stop though just say! This is going to be a bit of a crazy chapter. Addison and Mark are back and have taken the twins back. Meredith and Derek haven't been away yet but that shall come. Please please please read and review…make me smile )**

Natalie walked through to Meredith's bedroom to see her standing straightening her hair.

'Aunt addie and Uncle Mark are here,'

'Ok, you be good for them. Where's Jake?'

'Uncle Marks got him,' Meredith followed Natalie out and down the stairs to see Addison and Mark sitting with Jake, listening to all the stories of the ninjas on the trail.

'Mere, you look great,'

'Thanks Addison. And for taking the kids. I know it was kina short notice but you know what Derek's like. He has an idea and just has to run with it,'

'Yeah. What are you wearing tonight?'

'My red dress that, might I add, he bought for me,' Addison smiled broadly.

'If the kids need us, just page,'

'Meredith, shut up. Go and enjoy yourself. Me and Addie can take care of the kids for a change. You guys deserve a break,' Meredith kissed Jake and Natalie's heads, before disappearing up the stairs. Meredith slipped on the dress, the top looking more like a corset with a long skirt attached. Lifting her shoes off the bed, Meredith looked at the clock. Another hour to go before she had to leave. Tip toeing down the stairs she went into the kitchen where she started brewing coffee.

'Meredith?'

'Miranda, I'm in the kitchen,' Meredith lifted another cup down and poured out a mug for Bailey.

'What are you doing here?' Meredith noticed Derek coming out behind Bailey and walking over beside her.

'I thought I was meeting you at the restaurant?'

'Mere…' Meredith looked to the kitchen door, Adele holding onto Bailey's arm.

'Adele?' Meredith noticed the tears in Adele's eyes and walked over beside her.

'He's gone,' Meredith stepped back from her.

'Who's gone?'

'Richard…he's dead,' Adele broke down into sobs, Bailey catching her. Meredith turned to face Derek.

'Derek, tell me she's lying…Please tell me she's lying,' Meredith turned and looked at Adele. She walked over and kneeled down beside her.

'TELL ME YOU'RE LYING!' Adele looked at Meredith and slowly shook her head. Meredith looked at Bailey who was holding onto Adele. She fell backwards against the counter, the dress flowing beside her.

'No…' Meredith covered her eyes with her hands and let the tears fall.

'No…No…NO…NO, NO, NO! YOU'RE LYING!' Derek walked over and lifted her up.

'Meredith, he's gone…he's gone,'

'NO, HE CAN'T!' Meredith pounded her hands against Derek's chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her in close as her punches got weaker and weaker. Eventually she was just sobbing into his neck, unable to take it. Bailey took Adele through to the living room where she fell asleep crying but Meredith couldn't stop. Mark and Addison came in after a couple of hours, Derek still holding her.

'We just heard…the kids are with George and Izzie,' Derek nodded at Addison who came over beside Meredith. Derek stepped back, allowing Addison access to Meredith. She brushed her hair away from her face.

'Derek, get me her sweat pants and a top,' Derek wiped his face and disappeared up the stairs, Mark going through to take over form bailey.

'Meredith, look at me…there's no one else here, just me and you,' Meredith's head came up and she looked Addison in the eyes.

'I don't want do this…I can't…not now,'

'You have to,' Meredith's head feel and the tears started falling again. Derek handed Addison the black sweat pants and his blue jumper. Addison un zipped the dress and changed Meredith into the clothes. She just stood, not moving, not caring if anyone saw her or not. Derek wiped away the tears that had fallen down his face and tried to stay strong for her knowing full well that she needed him now more than ever. Meredith's sobs became slower and quieter but all of a sudden they started again and she crumbled to the floor. Addison tried to hold her up but Couldn't. Derek lifted Meredith up and carried her past Mark, Bailey and Adele. She clung onto his neck, unable to let go. He sat down in the rocking chair in the corner of the bed room and gently moved back and forward, still having a tight grip on her.

'He's gone Derek…he's actually gone,' Derek kissed her head and wiped away her tears but they were almost instantly replaced with fresh ones. Derek couldn't do anything but hold her and let her cry, but most of all, know that she wasn't alone and that she never would be.

**I hope none of you want to kill me but it was getting a bit…I don't know but I had to do something, throw in a twist ) **


	71. The Cabin

-1**Hey, please forgive me for not updating for months. Computer problems again but they have been fixed and I am now fully up and running. To say sorry I am posting **

Derek gently rocked Meredith back and forward for the fourth time that night. The nightmare of Richard dying replaying in her mind every night, even after a month.

'Mere…you need to calm down…it's ok, I'm not leaving you,' Meredith cried harder into Derek's chest, her hand grabbing onto the top of his arm. Meredith's head shot up at the sight of Natalie who was standing at the door.

'Why are you sad? Is it papa?' Meredith held her arms out to Natalie who climbed up onto the bed beside her.

'Is he is heaven mommy?'

'Yeah baby…he's in heaven,' Natalie cuddled in against Meredith and started sucking her thumb. Meredith looked down at the sleeping child and then to Derek.

'I don't want her to be like me Derek…at all…she can't be like me…she can't be hurt,' Derek rubbed circles on Meredith's back, eventually soothing her back into a sleep. Derek lifted Natalie away and placed her down beside him, allowing him to reposition Meredith in the bed, her head on her pillow.

Derek fell asleep still holding Natalie but when he woke up four hours later she was gone. He turned to see Meredith's space in the bed empty and the smell of food cooking down the stairs beginning to waft up. Tying his sweat pants up, Derek went down to the kitchen where Meredith was sitting with Natalie and Jake, smiling for what seemed to be the first time in weeks.

'Hey, there's fresh coffee made and toast in the grill,' Meredith smiled at Derek broadly before turning her attention back to Natalie and Jake.

'So what do you guys fancy doing today? Me and daddy have the whole day off, so no hospital,'

'I want to go on the trail…looking for ninjas,' Derek kissed the top of jakes head and whispered in his ear something that made the idea of the trail even more appealing.

'What about you madam mim?' Meredith took a long sip of her coffee.

'Can we go see aunt Izzie and Uncle George…we haven't seen them in a while,'

'Natalie you spent the day with them yesterday,' Natalie clasped her hands over her mouth.

'I forgot. I want to go on the trail too,'

'What ever you guys want we do today, ok?'

'Yeah,' Jake nodded his head enthusiastically.

'Can we get Aunt Addie and Uncle Mark to come too?'

'They are working today but I think that you guys might be going to see them this weekend,'

'For the day?'

'How does a whole weekend sound?' Natalie and Jakes jaws hit the floor.

'Mark told you,'

'No Addison told me. I know you had it all planned out that on Saturday we were just going to disappear. We'll I made other plans,'

'Like what?' Meredith smiled seductively.

'Ah, those kinds of plans,'

'Why don't you guys go and get dressed while me and daddy talk for a while?' Natalie and Jake jumped down off the seats and ran up the stairs, Jake falling forward twice as he tried to keep up with Natalie.

'What did you want to talk to me about?' Meredith lifted the plates off the table and placed them in the sink before turning round and wrapping her arms around Derek's waist, her hands resting on the bottom of his back.

'Thank you…for being there…at night at work, everywhere. I know I said I wasn't going to get over this but last night…Natalie, she just…she made me realise that although I miss my dad and would do anything to have him back, people move on and the world doesn't stop spinning,' Meredith leaned up, planting a kiss gently on Derek's cheek.

'You have been the most amazing person in the whole wide world and you are going to get a proper thank you this weekend,'

'Are you ok? You just seem really happy all of a sudden,'

'Derek…I just needed to let everything fall to crap before I could realise that this wasn't the end of the world. I'm going to miss him every day but I need to keep going. Natalie showed me that last night. I had been trying to be strong for her and Jake when she's…she's too young to understand this. I'm not and yet I can't hold it together. Things are going to be so much different,' Derek pulled Meredith over and wrapped his arms around her, holding her in against his chest so that she could feel his heart beat.

'You know that I will always be here for you no matter what happens and if things need to fall to crap again, let them. I'll still be here to pick up the pieces,' Meredith kissed Derek, her lips lingering slightly, allowing for Derek's scent to really attach itself to her body.

'You are the most amazing woman in the world. You get that, right?'

'I have been told that in the past,'

'By who?'

'Jealous?'

'I don't get jealous,' Derek lifted Meredith up onto the counter.

'I just get a feeling that makes me feel like the luckiest man alive,'

'You had better believe it. Now the kids…trail?'

'Why don't we take them down to the lake?'

'Derek they go down there everyday,'

'Where is your imagination?'

'I have plenty of imagination…I just choose to use it in certain ways,' Meredith tilted her head to the side.

'And what might those other ways be?' Meredith leaned forward.

'You'll see…you'll see,' Meredith's lips hit off Derek's before kissing the side of his neck.

'Ah, this weekend. Do you want to know where we are going?' Meredith sat up, her arms still wrapped around Derek's neck.

'That would be good,' a smug look came across Derek's face.

'Think of somewhere that we won't be bothered and that we can do whatever we want in,'

'Ferryboats?'

'Further up?' Meredith didn't have a clue what Derek was talking about when it hit her.

'You didn't,' Happiness was all over Meredith's face.

'I did,'

'You got the cabin,'

'I got the cabin,' Meredith kissed Derek, her hands gently rubbing the back of his neck.

'Thank god it's in the middle of no where,'

'Why?' Meredith placed her mouth against his ear, her breath hot against his face.

'Lets just say, imagination is a wonderful thing, but reality can be ten times better,'

**I know its kina weird that all of a sudden she's all happy but I like to weird and I tend to go a bit daft sometime so be warned. Hope you are enjoying it so far. Please please please review! )**


	72. Fall to Crap

-1Meredith ripped the gloves off and signed the chart, her patients heart rate finally stable.

'Monitor her every five minutes…I don't want to be doing that again. Understood,'

'Yes ma'am,' Meredith lifted her pager off the counter and disappeared into an empty exam room. She leaned back against the counter, closing her eyes, trying to fight the tears away. Her first day back was long and hard but she knew that she had to do this to keep working.

'…if you'd just like to…Oh sorry Dr Shepherd, I thought this room was empty,' Meredith stood up and smiled at the young intern.

'It is. I was just leaving,' Meredith walked past the elderly man but he caught onto her arm.

'You…your Thatcher's daughter,' the words hit a nerve.

'Excuse me?'

'Thatcher Grey…you're his daughter. Ellis…she's your mother,'

'Do I know you?'

'I was in med school with your mother and father,' Meredith nodded her head and disappeared away from the man, who seemed to have a fascination with Meredith.

'How long has she worked here?'

'A few years…did her internship here. Now she's head of neuro,'

'I remember when she was a baby. Quietest baby I ever seen. Never whimpered once during her mothers lectures,' The intern smiled at the old man, hoping he would eventually forget about her.

'How's Natalie and Jake been?'

'They are fine. You checked on them thirty minutes ago and they are still the same,'

'I know…I just needed to see them,' Hannah smiled at Meredith and handed her a cup of coffee.

'You get that you can go in and see them…or you could talk?' Meredith nodded her head gently.

'I got a box of my dads stuff from Adele…photographs and some of the little things that he had, his old trinket box that I made him in high school, that sorta stuff. Yesterday morning I was determined to be happy and get through this with a smile on my face but now…'

'Everything is beginning to fall to crap again?'

'Yeah,'

'This may seem kina weird but I know what your going through…I lost my mom, suddenly when I was sixteen. Just dropped down, didn't stand a chance. Aneurysm I think but everything fell to crap and my brother was the one helping me through it all. I put on my smile and tried to keep going but I then had to clear out my moms stuff. All the little things, birthday presents…random pictures you made for them. I found them all and have still got them,'

'I never expected to get any of it though,'

'Let everything fall to crap…it can always be fixed later on,' Meredith smiled and headed down to where she knew she could be alone. Sitting in the deserted gurney, her legs crossed, her scrubs hanging off her body, she started crying. At first she felt stupid for sitting alone but then she realised that she needed to, she needed to cry to feel like a person again. She held her head in her hands, trying to covered a tear stained face. She could feel her body being pulled over but she couldn't look up, she didn't want to know.

'Mere…' Looking up she smiled at Alex.

'What are you doing down here?'

'Trying to get some. You?'

'Needed to let everything fall to crap,'

'You want Derek?'

'No…he's done enough…he needs a break,'

'You guys fell out?'

'No…he's been up with me every night. He needs time as well…god Alex, I can't believe he's gone,' Meredith bit the inside of her mouth, trying to stop the tears forming.

'Random guy up the stairs said he knew my mom and Thatcher but he called him Dad and I just…I wanted to scream that Thatcher wasn't my dad but…I knew if I did I would be known as the psycho and I really don't want that title,'

'It's ok to let stuff fall to crap. We all have those moments,' Meredith kissed Alex on the cheek before heading back up to the floor. She spotted Derek and Addison standing talking, seemingly about her as she seen Derek mouth her name about eight times. Diving into an office she closed the door and slid down it to the floor.

'You ok?' Mark sat up off the seat and came down to Meredith's level.

'When am I not?' Meredith scoffed at the thought.

'Seriously,'

'I want to run away, just get away from everything…like a big bubble,'

'It might not be one big bubble but I have bubble wrap in the car,' Meredith laughed gently.

'I can't even talk to Derek…god that sounds so bad…but I've already let everything fall to crap and now it feels like…I don't even know how it feels,'

'Come here,' Meredith fell, her head resting on Marks shoulder, his arm around her.

'We all have times when everything is just shit and we can't change that but what we can change is what happens during it. Use your friends…use Derek, that's what he's there for. It's too hard and lonely to go through it on your own,'

'But he's done so much already,'

'Meredith every now and then, we need to be carried and when we do, let yourself be carried because eventually things will be better and you'll be the one carrying other people…it just takes time,'


	73. Purple Corsage

-1Meredith checked Natalie and Jake before settling down on the living room floor. She lifted the lid off the cardboard box and lifted out the first item that was wrapped in old newspaper. Gently she unwrapped it and smiled at the old picture. It was her prom night and Richard was standing, his arm around her waist, the two of them laughing at something that was happening to the side of the picture. The tears started falling slowly. Wiping them away with the back of her sleeve, she continued lifting the items out. The front door opened and closed and the sound of keys being thrown on the table brought Meredith out of her thoughts.

'Hey,' Derek came round the side of the couch and came down beside her.

'how was your surgery?'

'yeah, went well. The woman's in recovery. What you doing?'

'Some of my dads stuff that Adele gave me. I thought I had better go through it,' Derek kissed her forehead.

'You eaten anything?'

'No, I don't feel like eating,'

'You have to eat something. You still not feeling great?'

'Yeah,' Meredith lifted the picture of the prom up off the floor and handed it to Derek.

'Adele did my hair. Richard gave me a purple corsage to go with my dress. It's in a box at my mom's old house somewhere,'

'You look really happy,' Meredith nodded her head before breaking down. Derek put his arm around her and held her close.

'He…he shouldn't of died…his heart shouldn't of given up…we should of caught it,'

'Mere, he had a coronary artery aneurism…they just burst with no warning…you know that,'

'It wasn't his time yet Derek…it shouldn't have happened…the surgery should have stopped it, or some one should have spotted it during the surgery,'

'Meredith the surgery was months ago,'

'They should have seen it,' Derek rubbed her head gently with his hand, allowing her to cry into his shirt. Jake came stumbling down the stairs and stopped at the sight of Meredith.

'Mommy?' Meredith sat up and wiped her face. Jake came round and stood in front of her and Derek.

'Papas ok mommy…Nana Adele said he was ok now,' Meredith covered her mouth with her hand. Jake sat down in front of her.

'Don't cry…crying bad,' Jake put his tiny arms around Meredith. Meredith pulled her young son further over to her, the photograph still in her hand.

'Mommy crying…stop,' Meredith kissed her sons head and lifted him up into his bed. The night light had been turned off and she knew that was what had caused him to get up.

'Mommy still sad?' Meredith kissed him head.

'Mommy's ok now,' Jake nodded his head and pulled the cover up over his chest Meredith closed his door slowly and headed through to her own bedroom. Lying down on the bed she looked at the photograph in her hands of the prom night. Slowly she cried herself to sleep the photograph still in her hands.

Derek packed the box and put it beside the table, hoping she wouldn't go through it again. He hated seeing her like that but knew she couldn't hold it all together. Heading up to bed, he checked on Natalie and Jake who were fast asleep. Lifting Meredith under the covers, he gently prized the photograph out her hands and slipped her hair down. She stirred gently but didn't fully wake up.

Derek kissed her fore head and climbed into bed beside her. He lay watching her, making sure she didn't wake up. Derek fell asleep himself after an hour of watching her, his body exhausted from being the husband, father, surgeon and Mc dreamy that everyone knew and wouldn't change for the world.


	74. Patience

-1**This is going to sound so bad but I am sick of sad and depressed Meredith. She has to be happy. I like how her and Mark talk a lot. I know Addison hasn't been around as much but you never know what might happen. ) please review and make smile and do my happy dance )**

'Derek I have to go,' Meredith filled the mug with coffee and lifted her keys off the table, her bag already hanging off her arm.

'What time you finished tonight?'

'Half six,'

'I'll meet you outside the hospital at seven, make sure you have your bag,' Meredith kissed Derek as she walked past him going out the door.

'I love you,' Meredith smiled and left Derek standing on the stairs, the smile on his face huge. Meredith pulled into the car park and disappeared into the locker room. Addison came in, a white envelope in her hands.

'I have a conference in half an hour; you want to go for me?'

'What's it on?'

'Drug use?'

'No thanks Addison,' Meredith smiled and attached her pager to her waist. The interns came beside her as she checked on her patient.

'Oh, Dr Shepherd, we can come back later if you want,'

'No, its ok,' a tall cocky intern walked over to the end of the bed.

'Can I see the patients chart please?' Meredith looked at the resident who offered the intern to Meredith.

'No, tell me the patient's details without the chart,'

'I can't,'

'Then get away from the patient, for rounds you are supposed to know all the details and the treatments they are going to get,'

'So I didn't know the exact details of one patient,' Meredith scoffed at the intern.

'Those details that you seem to think are not important are the very details that can save a patient. Martin Butler, 40 year old male with suspected diverticulitus complicated by an intracranial haemorrhage. An Attending should not be telling the intern that,' Meredith carried the chart with her and smiled at the resident who grinned at Meredith. Slipping into an on call room, she collapsed onto the bottom bed.

'Crap,' Meredith sat up fixing her hair. Burke came in and looked at her.

'You ok?'

'Yeah…I'm good,' Meredith scurried out the on call room and disappeared for the rest of the morning. Derek checked on Jake and Natalie before heading p to OR three.

'All right everybody, it's too near Christmas to kill anybody so lets have some fun,' Derek made the first incision, being careful not to rupture the aneurism.

'Dr Shepherd, another neuro case has just been brought in and no one can find the other Dr Shepherd,'

'I'm kind of busy Stephanie, can you not page some one else?'

'There's not one else available,'

'Get Bailey onto it. When she gets the results in, come and tell me. Also keep looking for the other Dr Shepherd,' Derek turned his attention back to the patient and waited for news on the patient, but more so Meredith.

'Dr Shepherd,'

'Bailey, what we got?'

'20 year old female came in after passing out. On the MRI and CT scans we have done, it shows that there is a tumour pressing against her cerebrum. Has been receiving treatment and was due to come in and get it removed by Meredith next Thursday,'

'Ok, get her set up in an exam room, shot gun her and try and find Meredith. Keep her ICP stable and if it rises hang manitol and put her in a drug induced coma,'

'Yes sir,' Bailey disappeared and left Derek to finish the operation in less than 6 hours. Heading along to the exam room he recognised the young girl almost instantly.

'Katie Bryce, never thought I would see you again,'

'Yeah well,'

'How did your beauty pageant go?'

'Kylie wood walked off with my crown but hey that was five years ago and I don't hold grudges. Still hate you for cutting off my hair though,'

'Yeah, being a bald beauty queen is the worst thing that happened in the history of the world. How you feeling?'

'Like I've been hit with a bus'

'Well, I'm just waiting for your blood tests to come back before I'll start any surgeries,'

'Is Meredith not supposed to be dealing with it?'

'Yeah but she's tied up just now so you got me. You think you can handle that?' Katie blushed.

'I can handle that,' Derek smiled cheekily.

'Ok, I'll come back and check on you later,' Katie nodded her head. Derek filled her chart out and slipped it into the cabinet.

'Olivia can you keep and eye on Katie Bryce, make sure she doesn't have any more seizures. If her ICP rises, hang manitol and put her into a drug induced coma and page me. Not Dr Shepherd,'

'Yes sir,' Derek pulled his scrub cap off and collapsed into the on call room. Slowly his eyes closed and he was fast asleep, totally unaware that Meredith was sitting in the corner, not moving, just watching him. He was woken up by the sound of his pager.

'Shit, Katie,' wiping his face with his hand, Derek ran out the on call room, leaving Meredith on her own, her face as white as a sheet. Katie was lying on her side, her body shaking, her legs banging off the bars.

'Diazepam, 10mg,' Olivia inserted the IV.

'No change,'

'Fino, max out,' Derek checked her ICP, it was rising slowly.

'Heart rates stabilised but she's still fitting,'

'Loraziapam, 20mg,' Derek watched as Katie stopped fitting, her ICP stabilizing.

'Get her into a drug induced coma. Check her every five minutes. Have her prepared for surgery in an hour,'

'Yes Dr Shepherd,' the army of nurses started scurrying about, following Derek's orders. Derek booked the OR and looked at her scans, the tumour having wrapped itself around her motor area, meaning if anything went wrong some sort of paralysis would occur.

'Bailey, you found Meredith yet?'

'She's not answering any of her pages,'

'Anyone seen her?'

'Nope. You two had an argument? You pissed her off?'

'No, she left the house this morning fine. Thanks Bailey, if you see her, tell her I'm looking for her,'

'Will do,' Bailey turned and started barking orders at a new group of Interns.

'You will not, under any circumstances hold a scalpel until I say. Do I make myself clear?'

'Yes Ma'am,'

'Get out of my face all of you and get down to the pit,' Derek smiled and headed down to his office, not expecting to see anyone there. Slumping down on his chair, he rubbed his hands over his face and brushed his hair out of his face. He sat filling out paper work until he realised that he had to be in surgery. Scrubbing in, he looked at Katie, her face as white as a sheet.

'Katie you ok?'

'Yeah…I feel kina weird though,'

'It's just because we had to out you into a coma. You'll feel the same when you come out of surgery,'

'So you gonna take all my hair off?'

'No, just a small patch at the back,'

'You know being a bald model is the worst thing that happened in the history of the world,'

'Good thing you're not going to be one then,' the anaesthesiologist slowly injected the cocktail of drugs, sending Katie into a world of her own. Derek made the first cut, behind her ear and pulled up and around the area he would have to lift open.

'Dr Shepherd, you have a page from the other Dr shepherd saying she's back and that she'll talk to you later before you leave,'

'Thanks Debbie,' Derek pulled the last piece of tumour away and tightened the clip around the nerve to stop the residual bleeding that might happen.

'Where did you disappear to?'

'It doesn't matter. You ready to leave tonight?'

'Yeah…you ok?' Meredith smiled

'I'm great…I feel great,' Meredith kissed Derek.

'So where are you wanting to meet?'

'Lobby?'

'Last time you waited for me there, Addison showed up,'

'There are no other wives; you don't have to worry about that,'

'Glad to hear it,' Meredith stepped inside the elevator, Derek following her.

'You seem to like getting me inside elevators,' Meredith pushed Derek up against the wall. Kissing the side of his neck he could feel his hand underneath her scrub top, running across her stomach. As the elevator came to halt, Meredith looked at Derek, pulling away smiling.

'Patience is a wonderful thing,'


	75. Dancing in the Moonlight

-1**This is the weekend away that Meredith and Derek have been trying to have for about a month now ) hope you enjoy it! please review )**

Meredith kissed Jake and Natalie's heads before running out to the front of the hospital. Derek stood at the car, his pager getting thrown in his bag.

'Hey,' Meredith leaned in, her hand on his chest and gently kissed Derek.

'I have been waiting all day to do that,' Meredith threw her bag in the back and climbed in the front, instantly taking over the CD player. Pushing in a disk, Derek tried to see what it was but Meredith refused to let him see what it was, covering it with her hands.

'You had better not be putting some crap on,'

'I never put crap on,'

'Yeah, right Mere, course you don't,'

'You want a bet?'

'Ok, twenty dollars that the disk you have put on is utter crap,'

'Deal,' Derek waited, hoping that she had put some crap on. When the clash started blaring out the speaker, Derek looked at Meredith who sat laughing her head off.

'That will be twenty dollars please,'

'Your evil you get that right?'

'Yeah,' Meredith put the windows down, the freezing cold air filling the car. Her hair was being blown everywhere but she loved it. Singing along with the music, she finally let everything go. Forgetting everything that was happening, she started enjoying every moment she had away from it all.

'Mere, were here,' the tree hour drive had flown by, Meredith not realising that they had been on the road for more than an hour.

'Time flys when your having fun,' Meredith lifted her bag out the back, along with the box she had refused to let Derek see, claiming he would enjoying more when they got to the cabin. The cabin sat by the side of the lake, the sun beating down, hitting off the lake and lighting up the cabin.

'It's beautiful,' Meredith pushed the door open, the heat from inside the cabin hitting her instantly.

'Come on, before you let all the heat out,' Meredith pulled Derek inside and threw the bags down.

'How did you manage to get this one?'

'Cause I am wonderful,' Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's neck.

'Yes you are,' Derek lifted Meredith's legs up and around his waist, placing her down on the kitchen counter.

'You want to see what's in the box?'

'I get to see now?'

'Yeah,' Derek handed Meredith the box. Lifting out the bottle of tequila, Derek nodded his head.

'I can take advantage of you,' Meredith lifted another bottle out nad held it against her chest.

'You might get to take advantage of me…but I also get to take advantage of you,' Meredith placed the bottle of single malt scotch down next to the tequila and looked at Derek.

'You get that I love you?'

'I love you too Derek…but you still owe me twenty dollars,' Derek started laughing. Meredith cupped his face with her hand and placed kissed along the line of his jaw. She pulled his jacket off and sent it to the floor. Derek gently kissed the line of her neck, down to her collar bone and then finally her chest. Her hands fumbled with his belt until she unclipped it and unbuttoned his trousers. Derek's hands slipped down her waist to her hip and down to the line of her trousers. His other hand unclipped her trousers and slipped her underwear down slowly. She pulled him down on top of her, the anticipation of finally getting together that had been built up for weeks finally releasing itself. They're bodies moved in rhythm with each other, their hips grinding together frantically .Their bodies arched and then fell against each other, their breathing raspy and erratic. Meredith started kissing the side of Derek's neck as he held himself up over her, his body heavy.

'we so have to do this more often,' Meredith smiled broadly as Derek picked her up and carried her over to the couch, and laid her down on top of him, her head on his chest, the blue blanket the only thing keeping them covered. Derek's fingers drew circles on her back, her hair falling to one side. Meredith twisted the silver band on her finger, remembering the day they got married.

'The ferryboats,' Derek looked down at Meredith.

'Ferryboats?'

'Our wedding day, we took a detour and went to the ferryboats and the driver took the picture of us,' Derek looked back at the ceiling and smiled.

'Yeah, you looked so beautiful…still do,' Meredith sat up, her hips on Derek's. The blanket fell around her waist, her chest exposed. Derek's hands gently found their way up and around her body, each touch giving her a shiver that made her want more. Easing herself back down onto Derek, he could feel her hips moving against his, the movements getting more rhythmic. Derek pulled Meredith down onto him, his back arching , her breathing raspy like his. Meredith gently kissed his chest , working her way along his collar bone, his hands resting on her back, holding her close against him.

She pulled the blanket up over them both and slowly they fell asleep together, each of them finally feeling the release of having the weekend to themselves with no screaming kids, no work, no problems. This was their weekend away and they intended to enjoy it. Meredith slipped out from under the blanket, Derek still sleeping. Pulling on underwear and Derek's indigo polo shirt, Meredith poured a glass of wine and stood outside, watching as the tiny ripples in the water moved , the moonlight reflecting in the water. The coldness wrapped itself up and around her body, the chill causing her body to shake. But she didn't move. The silence was welcome, along with the coldness.

The feeling of a jacket over her shoulders causing her to jump slightly, Derek smiling at the reaction.

'Do I really look that bad when I wake up?'

'No, I just didn't expect anyone to come out. I thought you were still sleeping,'

'I realised you were gone. Thought you had run off and left me,' Meredith stepped back and leaned against Derek.

'I could never leave you, even if it meant I would get everything I ever wanted, I would never leave you…you are everything I've ever wanted,' Derek kissed Meredith's forehead and held her close as they watched the water. Meredith turned to face Derek, her bare feet mixing with the grass. They started dancing in the moonlight, neither of them knowing who started it but both of them knowing they didn't want It to end.


	76. Merry Christmas

-1**Hey, Meredith and Derek are back from their trip and this is Christmas!!! Just thought I'd go for it. Little bit of a surprise. Might not be clear, but then again it might…tell me if you can guess what it is )**

Meredith sat up in the bed with the mug of coffee, watching as Derek's eyes fluttered open.

'Merry Christmas,' Meredith leaned down and kissed Derek gently.

'Are the kids up?'

'It's only five thirty, give it twenty minutes,'

'How long have you been up for?'

'About ten,' Meredith was cut short by the sound of Natalie and Jake running along the hall, into Meredith and Derek's bedroom.

'Santa…he's been here,' Jake was whispering, as though Santa was still down the stairs and he was trying not to disturb him.

'Really?' Derek got up out of bed and lifted Jake up, balancing him on his hip. Taking Natalie by the hand he led them down the stairs, Meredith following him only to hear the sounds of excitement.

'Looks like santa is going to be popular this year,' Meredith leaned back against the door frame and watched as the pieces of wrapping paper flew everywhere. Derek handed her another mug of coffee.

'Merry Christmas,' Meredith took the black box out of Derek's hands and slowly prized it open.

'Derek, it's beautiful,' The silver bangle with emeralds glistened in the light. Meredith handed Derek a long box with an envelope attached to the top.

'Open the box first,' Derek slid off the lid and smiled.

'100 year single malt scotch. You know me well,' Meredith nodded her head. Derek placed the box down on the couch and opened the envelope. He glanced over the paper, his eyes shooting over to Meredith.

'Seriously?'

'Merry Christmas,' Derek dropped the paper and picked Meredith up, spinning her around. Meredith took hold of Derek's face and kissed him fully.

'When did you find out?'

'About a week ago…I wanted to tell you but I had a feeling that you might want a big surprise,'

'That's the big secret then,'

'You are the only one that knows,'

'Now I feel very honoured,' Jake ran over and grabbed hold of Derek's leg, his grasp tight on the new plastic figure.

'Daddy and Mommy,'

'Yeah,'

'Crimbo,' Meredith laughed, Derek watching her as she walked into the living room, Natalie sitting on the floor playing with the new dolls set. Meredith seemed happier than she had been in a long time and Derek preferred her this way. After and hour, Natalie and Jake were fast asleep on the floor, the mountain of wrapping paper beside them. Meredith was lying on top of Derek, her back to his chestm watching the old Christmas films.

'I remember when I was a kid that I sat in the hospital from eight am on Christmas eve until 12 pm on boxing day. I basically spent Christmas with the nurses. This…this was what I always wanted as a kid,'

'Well, it may be a few years late but you like it?'

'I love it,' Derek pulled the balnker up over Meredith, her body curling up more into Derek's. As Meredith fell asleep, Derek watched as her left hand rested on her stomach, her hand not clenching. Jake woke up and rolled over onto his side, the crinkling of the paper causing him to sit up but fall back down almost instantly.

Meredith's hand held onto Derek's arm that was lying across her chest, her hair falling down onto her face. She let out a large sigh before settleing her head into the crock of his arm. Natalie climbed up onto the end of the couch and sat watching Meredith.

'Mommy's sleepy,'

'Yeah, she was up early like you and Jake,' Derek gently brushed the hair out of Meredith's eyes.

'Santa's been,'

'Yes he has…in more ways than one…in more ways than one,' Derek kissed Meredith's forehead and smiled as the sides of her mouth crept up.

'I was having a dream that it was Christmas and that I fell asleep on your chest,'

'Mere,'

'Yeah,'

'Open your eyes,' Meredith slowly opened them and looked at Derek.

'It wasn't a dream then,'

'And it never will be Mere…it will always be reality,'


	77. Cream Drinks

-1Meredith handed Addison a large box, the blue dress she had pointed out inside.

'Meredith, it's gorgeous!' Addison lifted it out , examining the top of it before putting it back down to hug Meredith.

'Yeah well,'

'Thank you so much,'

'You deserve it,' Meredith accepted the box off mark, the sounds of the kids giving her a reassuring feeling. Opening the box she smiled.

'Ok, who got the shot glass with my name engraved on it?' Derek started laughing. Meredith pulled out another tiny box, inside, emerald earrings.

'Thank you so much,' Meredith looked at Derek and nodded.

'I have another gift for the two of you, except you might not get it for a while,' Derek slipped his hand into Meredith's.

'I gave Derek an envelope, like the ones I am giving you,' Meredith took the envelopes out her bag and handed one to each of them.

'Merry Christmas,' Meredith stepped back against Derek, the look of excitement written all over her face.

'Oh My God, congratulations!' Addison pulled Meredith into a tight embrace. Mark hugged Derek, the two best friend having a mutual understanding that this was a moment that they had shared and would never forget.

'My Dirty mistress in crime, congratulations,' Meredith laughed and hugged Mark, whispering in his ear.

'Thank you for being there Mark, it means a lot,'

'It's what I'm here for,' Meredith headed along to the living room, the four kids sitting on the floor, each of them telling how they had heard Santa on the roof of the house. Meredith watched them, how innocent they looked, the world not hurting them yet.

'What are you thinking about?' Meredith kissed the side of Derek's face.

'How innocent Christmas is,'

'I like Christmas…I always got good things…this being the best of all,'

'You're not wrong. When I was younger I never imagined I would be telling the guy I loved that I was pregnant…it just seemed like a dream that would never come true and now it has…it makes it seem like everything is possible,'

'Everything is possible,'

'Yeah…it is,' Meredith walked back into the kitchen Mark sitting by himself, Addison going through to see Derek.

'So…pregnant again…and looking great might I add,'

'You just want in my pants,'

'Is it working?'

'Definitely,' Meredith pulled a small bag out her own bag and handed it to Mark.

'One dirty mistress to another,' Mark looked at the box, and then to Meredith.

'I didn't have a clue what a dirty mistress like yourself might need or want but when I seen this is knew,' Mark lifted the key out of the box and read the inscription on the side.

'Uncle Mark,' Mark looked at Meredith.

'Thank you,'

'No, thank you. If it wasn't for you, god only knows where me and Derek would be and I don't think we would have made it through what we have without your help. You have been a lifesaver Mark and though I hate to say it, you are the best dirty mistress of a friend to have,' Mark chuckled and hugged Meredith.

'So when did you find out you were pregnant?'

'About a week ago. Derek kept asking me what was wrong and I just denied everything,'

'That's the true liar I know and love!' Mark disappeared into the living room, Addison coming through to Meredith.

'Hey how you feeling?'

'Really really good. I don't think I've ever felt this good while pregnant,'

'That's always a good thing,'

'Yeah. Thank you…for being there for Derek. I know we don't say it but we really do appreciate it, more than you'd think,'

'I was married to Derek for eleven years; he'll always have a soft spot. And it's the same for you. Never thought I'd be best friends with Derek's wife but hey, life goes in weird circles,'

'Yeah it does,'

'So you need a scan,'

'It's a bit early for scans yet,'

'Never to early for scans. Next time your back at work, come down and see me,'

'I will,' Addison squeezed Meredith's shoulder and left her alone with her thoughts once again. Derek watched her, her eyes seemingly stuck on something outside. She stood up and walked outside, her eyes still on the one thing. She wrapped her arms around herself and d watched as the first flakes of snow fell. She smiled to herself. Derek draped the navy fleece over her arms.

'My dad always knew I liked a white Christmas,' Derek pulled her over against him, her head hitting his Chest. Meredith's eyes were glassed over with tears, threatening to burst.

'He's right here Mere,' Derek put his hand on her chest her heart beating fast. She took hold of his hand and kissed it.

'Thank you,' the tears were rolling down her face, but she was happy. Derek held her close, knowing this would be the hardest Christmas and after this one, Christmas's without her dad would get easier. Meredith smiled and pulled Derek inside, the snow covering them. Meredith started making coffee but realised she was on decaf.

'I miss coffee already,' Derek smiled and took over, making Meredith something different.

'What are you giving me?'

'Taste it,' Meredith smelt the steaming drink and looked at Derek.

'Ah, the famous cream-drink. This stuff is amazing,' Mark took a sip out of Meredith's cup and licked his lips, the taste sweet.

'What is it?' Addison smiled.

'It's an cream drink. People put whiskey in it with coffee and call it Irish coffee. Derek mastered a way to make it so that it turned out just like coffee but without the Whiskey or the coffee so we just called it the cream drink,' Meredith ran her finger around the rim of the cup, watching Derek as the four of them sat talking. The dimples on his face were the things that she truly loved because then she knew that he was happy.

'You ok?' Derek rubbed the back of Meredith's hand.

'Yeah…yeah I'm good,'

'You sure?' Meredith smiled.

'Yeah, I'm sure,' Derek lifted the empty cup away from Meredith, his hand lifting her face up to his gently.

'Merry Christmas Mere,'


	78. Kurt Hendon

**Thank you TVholywoodDiva, and everyone who reviewed. i know i never updated for a long while but here is the next instalment. five chapters in total. hope you enjoy and review )**

Meredith replaced the chart back in the rack and rubbed her stomach. She was starting to show and the usual less hours, less surgeries had been put in place. Derek was beginning to be over protective again, but Meredith liked it.

'You all right?' Meredith turned to face Bailey, the Natzi having a softer side.

'Yeah, my feet are killing me,'

'Go crash in an on call room and finish your shift later,'

'I owe you one Bailey,'

'No you don't, just make sure that baby is ok,' Meredith went into the empty on call room and went straight over to the corner bed, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Bailey smirked as she watched Meredith go into the on call room. Heading along to her patients room, Bailey got a trauma page and went straight down to see Meredith standing, looking like she had been hit by a bus.

'No rest for the wicked,' Meredith examined the young girl, before finally having to give the task of waiting for six hours before declaring her brain dead. The intern looked at Bailey and then back to Meredith.

'You have a problem with this?'

'No Dr Shepherd,'

'Ok then, get her up to surgical and get her into a room by herself. Try and get hold of the family. What age is she?'

'Looks about 15,'

'Ok, once you get hold of the family-'Meredith put her hand on the bed and looked at Bailey.

'I swear to god they are going to be a soccer player,' Bailey smiled.

'Ok, once you get hold of the patient's family, page me,' Meredith pushed through to another exam room. An elderly man lay on the bed, his neck strapped and his body on a spinal board.

'Sir, can you tell me your name?'

'Kurt Hendon,'

'Ok, Mr Hendon, I'm Dr Shepherd, can you tell me what happened?'

'I was on the roof, the tiles slipped again and the water was coming into the hall. I was just replacing the tiles when I lost my balance and fell off the roof,'

'How high was the fall Mr Hendon?'

'Call me Kurt. About Forty Feet?'

'What age are you?'

'Sixty, birthday last weekend,' Meredith smiled.

'Do you have any sensation below your waist?'

'None,' Meredith lifted his legs.

'Hold your legs up for me,' they fell back into Meredith's hands. Lifting an empty syringe, Meredith nipped along his body. He only flinched when she reached his stomach.

'Ok, get him up to surgical and shotgun him. Get him down for a CT an MRI. Do you have any family you want us to contact Kurt?'

'My Wife…Annie. She went to the grocery store,'

'We'll make sure she gets here,' Meredith ripped her gloves off and looked at her pager.

'FAMILY OF GIRL HERE. SURGERY,' Meredith fixed her hair and went up. The two parents of the girl sat outside, both of them looking like they knew what was coming.

'Is that the family?'

'Yeah, Dr Shepherd, you had better go and take a look at her though,' Meredith lifted the newly made chart and went into the room. The young girl's eyes were open, darting around the room.

'Holy crap,' walking over she examined the girl, shining the lights in her eyes.

'Get her a fresh CT and MRI,'

'Can you tell me your name?'

'Sarah Mc Hutby,'

'Ok, do you have any pain any where Sarah?'

'My Neck my chest and my arm. What happened?'

'You are one for the record books; you were involved in an accident. A car hit you. You were in a state what we would call brain dead. You would have been declared brain dead in around four and a half hours,'

'Seriously?'

'Seriously,'

'Is my mom and dad here?'

'Yeah, they are waiting outside to see you,' Meredith signed the chart and handed it back to the intern.

'Keep her under observation every five minutes,' Opening the door, the parents stood up.

'Hi, I'm Dr Shepherd, your daughter's doctor,'

'Is she alright?'

'When Sarah came in, she was in state that we call brain dead. The brain stopped functioning properly. But, for some reason, she has come out of that and it is sitting up talking. I'm sending her for a CT and an MRI to see if there is any damage by the state of brain dead,'

'Can we see her?'

'Of course you can,' they followed Meredith in, instantly going to their daughter's bedside.

'Has Sarah been in any hospitals recently, any medical treatment we should know about? We're still waiting for the notes to come in,'

'Yeah she has tetany…well that's what we've been told but they said it would clear up but instead it's gradually getting worse. We have an appointment with a neurologist at Mercy west in a month,' Meredith stepped towards Sarah and examined her carefully.

'It's getting worse?'

'Yeah, at first it was just her face, the muscles contracting but now it's like her back is ridged and her neck is solid,' Meredith nodded her head.

'I want to run some tests for a disease called Tetanus. It looks like tetany but is more severe. However it can be treated unlike the tetany,'

'You mean she could have something more sever than what she has?'

'Yeah, but I won't know for sure until I get the results back,'

'Thank you,' Meredith slipped out the room and down to the room at the end of the corridor. Derek was standing at the nurse's station, watching Meredith. Her hand rested on her bump as she moved along the corridor.

'Kurt, how you feeling?'

'I'm alright,' a red haired woman stood up, next to the bed.

'Dr Shepherd, this is my wonderful wife Annie,'

'Meredith shepherd,' Meredith extended her hand out, the woman taking it but she realised the woman was trembling.

'Is Kurt going to be alright?'

'Has anyone been along with CT results?'

'Yes Dr Shepherd,' Meredith took the scans out the intern's hands. Placing them up on the board she shook her head.

'You have basically a broken neck,' Annie let out a small gasp, Meredith putting her hand on top of hers.

'But there is good news. Where the injury has occurred is in your 5th vertibrate down meaning I can perform what is known as a Verta graft which will help the bone reform. The main problem will be when the pressure is removed from your spinal cord wither or not you will regain sensation below your waist. If you do we can put you into rehab department and they will get you back on your feet,'

'The operation, when would it happen?'

'If you consent, it would be in about three hour's time. The less time spent waiting increases the chance you will regain the feeling,'

'Let's do it,'

'There are downsides. If the graft shifts in any way, it could cause more paralysis. During surgery you could stop breathing and bleed out. The graft is made of metal which could also pose a risk,'

'Dr Shepherd, my life is spent on my feet. My main hobby is carpentry and you need to stand for that and I don't think I would enjoy my life if I couldn't do that. Annie and I live full lives, always running marathons and keeping ourselves healthy. I would rather die trying than stay like this for the rest of my life,' Meredith smiled and lifted the chart.

'Some one will be along later with the consent forms,' Meredith slipped out the room and wiped her face. Going down she scheduled the operation for one, realising that she would need to get Derek to take Natalie and Jake home. Paging him, she waited for five minutes when her phone started ringing.

'Hey, you ok?'

'Yeah, I'm good. Listen I have a verta graft in three hours and I won't be able to pick up Natalie and Jake. Can you take them home?'

'Yeah sure. You feel ok?' Meredith rubbed the back of her neck.

'Yeah I'm good…sore feet though,'

'Take things easy Mere. Stop if you have to,'

'I will. Love you,'

'You too,' Meredith went back along to Sarah's room, Sarah being wheeled back along from the MRI and CT scans.

'Can I have the scans?' Meredith held the scans up to the board.

'No Damage. Do you have the lab results?' Meredith read over the results and nodded her head.

'You have tetanus. Get an IV set up with Metronidaole 10mg and make sure that she doesn't go into anaphylactic shock,' Meredith turned to Sarah's parents.

'Has Sarah sustained any serious cuts, wounds?' Sarah looked at Meredith.

'Not that we know of,'

'Do you mind stepping outside so that I can examine Sarah?'

'Yes, of course,' Meredith looked at the Intern who has finished setting up the IV.

'You go as well, I can take over from here,' the intern smiled at Sarah and left Meredith alone with her. Pulling a stool over, Meredith sat at the edge of the bed, leaning down on the bars.

'Any cuts or wounds I should know about? I wont tell your mom and dad,' Sarah looked at Meredith and then back to the ceiling.

'You promise my mom and dad won't find out?'

'I can't promise but if it has stopped then I won't say anything but if it is still happening then I need do need to say something and get a consult,' Sarah pulled the gown up from her legs, revealing three deep wounds.

'What did you use?' Meredith pulled gloves on and started dressing the wounds.

'Glass…I just…it just seemed like the easiest way to deal with stuff instead of talking,'

'Why do you not want to talk?'

'Look at me. I'm a skater. I wear baggy jeans and I hide under hats. As soon as I start talking I would get sent to a place for psychos,'

No you wouldn't Sarah. These are really bad,' Meredith caught a glimpse of the girl's wrists. Both clear from scars.

'I wasn't stupid enough to do it somewhere that they would get seen,' Meredith smiled at her.

'You seem to have a good relationship with your mom and dad. Why didn't you talk to them?'

'They don't see me as their perfect daughter like Danny, my sister. She's got all the awards, all the certificates,'

'Your still their daughter,' Meredith sat back down, the wounds dressed.

'Imagine you have a twin that's perfect, has all the awards, and gets all the attention. You are in a show, playing in your band. You big guitar solo. Two weeks after you tell your mom and dad about it they turn round and say that your twin has an awards ceremony they just found out about and are going to that instead. How would you feel? You think you could talk to them?' Meredith looked at Sarah, finally seeing what was behind the mask.

'You might not have all the awards, or all the certificates. Just remember something though. You're a person too. Get yourself noticed. Tell your mom and Dad how you feel. Talk to Danny if you can. Tell her you've got a show and see what happens,'

'I've tried everything but it's like I don't exist half the time. I just wanna feel like part of my family instead of just someone who lives in the same house,'

'Tell them that. Tell your mom and dad. Don't hold back. I never had any brothers or sisters but I lived in a hospital, had to compete with sick people for my mothers attention. I know what you're going through. Do you know how I got my mothers attention? I told my biological father that she was having an affair. She loved me after that, gave me all the attention I ever wanted. It lasted six months. She took altzimers. Now she thinks I'm a five years old girl. Get your parents attention. Don't hurt yourself like this. That's what's cause the tetanus. The bacteria got into your body through that,'

'I just wanted to feel like human being again,' Meredith lowered the bars of the bed and hugged Sarah.

'You will eventually, that I promise you,' Sarah pulled back and smiled at Meredith.

'You doc's aren't so bad,' Meredith smiled. Pulling her pager away from her waist band she looked up.

'I have to take this,' Meredith slipped out and went down to the OR's.

'Bailey you paged,'

'I have a three year old coming in from Mercy west. Having Grand Mal seizures. Mercy can't figure out what's wrong with her so they asked for her to be sent up here. You take her?'

'No, get Derek. I have a Verta graft in and hour and a half and I'm still working on the girl that got brought in this morning. She came out of the state and now has tetanus,'

'How did she get the cuts?'

'Did them herself,' Bailey looked up from the charts she was signing.

'Damn,'

'Yeah, parents are clueless,'

'How bad?'

'Multiple scars and three fresh wounds I would say in the last 24 hours,'

'You find out why?'

'Was in the middle of talking when you paged,'

'Sorry,'

'Don't be. Anything else comes in page Derek, I'm gonna bed,'


	79. Masks

-1Meredith opened her eyes to see Derek opening the door.

'I got paged saying you have a verta graft in OR one in about five minutes but hadn't showed up. You ok?'

'Very…very sleepy,' Meredith sat up, Derek kissing her head.

'You want me to do it? You can take the kids home,'

'No, I'll do it. Can you do me a favour though?'

'Yeah,'

'Can you got room 7865 and tell the patient that I'll come along and see her later after surgery?'

'Yeah, why?'

'She's a…self harmer,'

'Oh,'

'She ended up with tetanus,'

'Damn. OK, you had better get down to the OR,' Meredith pushed herself up out the bed and went to the OR. Kurt was lying on his back, waiting to be put under.

'Sorry about the wait Kurt, baby wanted me to sleep,'

'As long as you're ok,' Meredith smiled and nodded to the anaesthesiologist.

'Ok, let's get him draped. Move him very slowly and lets keep him on the board for as long as possible,' Meredith scrubbed in and within the hour, Kurt was being wheeled down to ICU.

'How did it go?' Annie followed him with her eyes.

'Really well. As soon as the pressure was released from the spinal cord, we did confirmatory tests, and it looks good but we still have to wait and see,'

'Thank you…thank you so much,' Meredith pulled her indigo scrub cap off and went up to see Sarah. Her parents were sitting outside, her father holding her mother.

'Mr and Mrs Hutby?'

'Sarah says she needs to talk to you…she won't talk to us,' Meredith pushed the door open, the small girl walking back and forth in front of the bed.

'Sarah?'

'I tried to talk but Danny showed. She got another award…I said I hated her and how perfect she was. My mom tried to talk but I told them I only wanted to talk to you,'

'Sarah you need to sit down,'

'They don't want me…Danny was coming to remind them of the awards ceremony that's tonight…they were going to leave me,'

'Sarah…'

'I told you what it was like, they don't want me I just-'

'SARAH!' the volume of Meredith's voice not only shocked Sarah, but also herself.

'Sit down and calm down,' Meredith pulled the stool back over to the side of the bed and sat down facing Sarah.

'They weren't leaving you. They had to leave. An intern will have told them that visiting finishes at 6,'

'But why go to Danny's award ceremony? Would you not rather be at home in case the hospital called you? I told you they didn't want me,' Meredith stood up and lowered the sides of the bed. Sarah came over to the side of the bed and held onto Meredith. Meredith kissed the top of her head and let the young girl cry into her arms. Her dad pushed the door open slowly revealing Meredith holding her.

'Sarah?' She looked up and put her arms out to her father who instantly lifted her up off the bed and held her like a baby, the child that she was. Meredith left them and went out, Mrs Hutby stopping her.

'Is she ok?' Meredith stopped and looked at the door.

'Talk to her…make her feel like a human being,' Mrs Hutby nodded her head and went into the room. Meredith went along to day care and spotted Derek taking Jake and Natalie out. Natalie was chattering away to Derek about what she had down and how she didn't want to go to school, she wanted to stay at day care.

'Hey, you guys going home with daddy?' Meredith lifted Natalie up, balancing her on her hip.

'You coming home too mommy?' Meredith rubbed the side of Jakes face.

'Not yet baby. Lather though. You gonna give daddy trouble?'

'Nope, we're gonna watch the little mermaid!' Meredith looked at Derek and smiled.

'Well, I will see you guys later,' Meredith kissed Derek and headed up to Kurt's room.

'Dr Shepherd?'

'Yeah,' Meredith looked up from signing the char and smiled at Kurt.

'Hey, you're back with us,'

'How did it go?'

'Let's see,' Meredith lifted his legs up into her hands.

'Hold your legs up for me,' Kurt's legs stayed up, Meredith nodding her head and smiling broadly. Nipping his legs with the syringe, Meredith seen him flinch at every touch.

'It seems the surgery was a success. I'll get a consult in the rehab to get you back on your feet,'

'I want to thank you…for trying and making me walk again. You don't know how much this means to me,'

'It was my pleasure. Now you had better get some rest. I'll be back to check on you later,' Kurt nodded and smiled, Meredith leaving with a feeling of triumph. Walking along she could see Mrs Hutby running out of her daughter's room, soon to be followed by her husband. Meredith waited for ten minutes, watching to see if they went back in. Pushing the door open, Meredith looked to the bed, the space where Sarah was supposed to be empty. Looking to the corner, Sarah was crouching on the floor, the blood streaming from her legs.

'I NEED HELP IN HERE,' Meredith tried to get a response out the unconscious body. Two nurses ran in, the make of the two picking her up and placing her back on the bed.

'Get me two units of blood and a suture kit,' Meredith pressed down on the wounds, trying to stop the bleeding.

'Get her hooked up to monitors, get her stable and move her to ICU,' Meredith dressed the wounds and sat with her as she regained consciousness.

'You weren't supposed to find me,' Meredith slipped forward in the seat and took hold of her hand.

'You should have got some one to page me,'

'I was supposed to go…why didn't you let me go?' Meredith wiped the hair out of Sarah's eyes.

'You might think your life is worthless, but I sure as hell don't and am not willing to let you slip through the net. What happened to your mom and dad?'

'I told them what was happening. My mom said she was ashamed of me and ran out. My dad looked at me and shook his head before telling me that this was all my fault and that I should have just asked for attention,' Sarah looked away from Meredith.

'I just wanted to feel like a human being for once…like things might actually get better instead of having the fight the feeling of wanting to end it…this was supposed to be it…you should have let it be. Everyone else has left me, you might as well go too,' Meredith shook her head.

'I'm not going anywhere and I don't plan to,'

'Promise?'

'I promise…if you wake up and I'm not here its cause I'm peeing,' Sarah smiled for what seemed like the first time. Meredith watched her as she fell asleep, her tiny life seeming to be bigger than the world. Meredith slipped out the room and along to the nurse's station. Mr and Mrs Hutby were sitting, each of them staring at the wall.

'Mr and Mrs Hutby?'

'It's Gerry and Tina. Where is Sarah?'

'She's along the corridor. May I ask what happened earlier?'

'She says she's been cutting herself as a way to deal with things but we both know it's just jealousy over Danny, our other daughter. If she wanted attention, she should have just said something,' Meredith looked at Gerry, unable o comprehend what he was saying.

'Your daughter was found with deep lacerations to her legs in an attempt to end her own life. The only reason I went in was because I had seen you leave ten minutes earlier. If I hadn't, you would be mourning your daughter. Now for someone who's just looking for some attention, she is going pretty far to get it. Your daughter feels inadequate. She feels like you don't want her. Act like her parents, not her baby sitter. If she has a gig, don't cancel going to see it, go, find out who your daughter is before it's-'

'DR SHEPHERD SHE'S CRASHING,' Meredith ran along the corridor and looked at Sarah, the dressing were off and the cuts were deepened.

'Shock 200.'

'Clear,' a fait heart beat came back through the monitors.

'Get me a psyche consult and make sure some one is with her at all times,' Gerry and Tina stood at the end of the hall, their faces white.

'She…her heart stopped beating but we restarted it. Go and sit with your daughter…and for once, treat her like a human being,' Tina stood looking at Meredith.

'Do you have children?'

'Yeah, I have two with another one on the way,'

'You know what it's like to have your daughter not talk to you? For you's to fall out over where she's going and who she's hanging about with? She never spoke to me for three months. We lived separate lives. Danny, she's brilliant, always talking to me, does well in school. We treat her with respect because that's how she treats us,'

'They are different people, not the same. Danny and Sarah are two separate people with separate feelings. Treat them like that for once instead of just giving one person all the praise. Sarah may not talk to you because she feels you are comparing her with Danny and treating her like some one who just lives in the same house. She's your daughter. You should do everything in your power to make her feel like she is the only one in the world you would give everything up for. Treat her with some respect and maybe you'll get some respect back,' Meredith walked away, leaving the couple alone with their thoughts.

'That's me gone Bailey. If Sarah asks for me, page me,' Bailey nodded at Meredith and smiled as she left the hospital, not even bothering to change out her scrubs, only lifting her bag and her keys. The drive home left Meredith thinking about Sarah, the cuts, the attempts at ending it all. Memories came back to her, ones she didn't want to have. Opening the front door she threw her bag down. Derek was coming down the stairs.

'Hey,' he stopped in front of her and for the first time that day, Meredith let the exhaustion consume her body and she fell against Derek.

'I can't take much more of this,' Derek lifted Meredith's leg and carried her into the living room, her body resting against his as the lay on the couch.

'How's your patient?' Meredith entwined her fingers in Derek's.

'Tried to kill herself twice,' Derek looked at Meredith.

'She ok?'

'Nope. Mom and Dad treating her like a piece of crap and like she has no emotions. You what they said when they found out she was self harming? It was because she wanted more attention than her sister Danny…like seriously the girl tries to kill herself and they act like it was something they were expecting,'

'You need to relax,'

'I know it's not good for the baby,'

'Never mind the baby Mere; it's not good for you. You shouldn't be stressing yourself out,' Meredith looked up at Derek.

'I tried when I was 15…'

'Tried what?'

'My mom had forgotten my birthday, no card and was at the hospital and this was before the altzimers. My dad and hr had spilt up. I was sick of it. I had thought about it before but never really got the guts to do it but that was the final straw…I just wanted it all to stop, make her life easier in the process,'

'Mere…'

'You know who found me? My next door neighbour. I was in the garden…I had put my tent up and was lying in the garden, music up full blast. I just left go…after four bottles of paracetamol and a bottle of vodka, then I let go. Neighbour told my mom who acted like it was the most natural thing in the world,'

'What did she do about it?'

'Nothing…just told me I was stupid and that if I was going to do it, I would have done it right,' Meredith scoffed at the thought.

'I was just another teenage tearaway to my mother…another teenage tearaway who was out of control,'

'How did you deal with it?'

'That is where Adele and…and my dad came into it. He was there for me when she wasn't. Practically lived in his house, only going and staying at my own when my mom wasn't working. He and Adele were my angels. Never once even thought about it until a girl I was in Uni with killed herself. Too much debt and had to drop out. Mom and dad both dead no brothers and sisters. That hurt…more than anyone realised. My mask came our and never came off,'

'Mere?'

'Yeah,'

'Take your mask off now,' Meredith looked at Derek and let the tears fall. Today had been more stressful than the previous week put together and she was glad it was finally over.


	80. Ryan

-1Meredith pulled her scrub cap over her head and looked at Derek.

'I need to go and see Sarah today,'

'Mere, if you need me, page me,'

'I will. I'm really worried about her though. I've got her a consult but I think she needs more…some one else that she can talk to outside the hospital, not just me,'

'Mere, I know your gonna hate me for this, but maybe you should distance yourself a bit, just…let the consult deal with it,'

'Derek, she needs some stability. Everyone else has left her, I sure as he am not going to leave her,'

'I'm not saying leave her but-'

'Derek she feels like no one cares and that everyone is leaving her and me doing that would only prove her point. She needs some one and if that person is me then so be it,'

'Ok, but…just don't get too attached,' Meredith smiled and kissed Derek gently.

'I won't and I'll take it easy and stop if I have to and I'm-' Meredith looked down at her pager and then up to Derek.

'Sarah,' Meredith ran out the room and up to the surgical floor, Gerry and Tina standing outside holding each other. Meredith pushed the door open to see the code team trying to resuscitate Sarah. He body jolted as the shocks went through her body.

'Still no change,'

'Load her with adrenalin,' the nurse injected the mix of drugs, Meredith waiting for a change.

'No change,' the code team looked at Meredith and stopped compressions.

'I haven't said stop, keep going,'

'Dr Shepherd, she's been down for forty minutes,' Meredith pushed past the team and started CPR herself.

'You are not giving up on me…not mow,' Meredith looked at the monitors, no change being detected. Derek came in a nurse having paged him. Walking over her took hold of her hands but Meredith pushed him away.

'I'm not giving up on her…not now,' Derek lifted Meredith's body away from the table, his hands holding onto her arms.

'Mere…let her go…just let her go,' Meredith looked up at Derek, giving him an insight into what was going on for her.

'Time of death, 9:37,' Meredith's voice wasn't above a whisper as she called Sarah. Turning to face Derek, she looked at him before turning away from him and walking away, ripping her gloves off at the same time. Heading up to the roof, she stood at he edge, not caring about her pager going off or how cold it was.

'You should have let me keep going…I didn't want to give up on her and you stopped me,'

'Meredith, look at me,'

'Derek, just...go away…please, just leave me,' Derek pulled the roof door closed and left Meredith alone. Going down to surgery, he checked on Kurt, guessing Meredith wouldn't be down off the roof anytime soon.

'Hey, what happened with Meredith?' Addison handed Mark a cup of coffee.

'One of her patients…she was a young 15 year old girl, self harmer. Meredith was the one she spoke to and when she got here this morning, she had killed herself. Everyone gave up on her but Meredith refused to. Derek had to pull her off the girl. Meredith's on the roof and refuses to come down and speak to anyone. Derek went up but she told him to go away. Hit her really hard,'

'I'm gonna go up and see if she's ok,'

'Addie, leave her for a bit. She needs time…that's all she needs,' Mark disappeared into the elevator, Addison realising he was right. Mark got off at the next level and climbed the rest of the way to the roof by the stairs. Meredith was sitting, her back against the edge.

'Mere, you need to come down off the roof before you get pneumonia,'

'Mark, go away,'

'Meredith listen to me,'

'Mark, just go away and leave me alone…I just want everyone to leave me alone,' Mark walked over and lifted Meredith up to her feet.

'Leave me,'

'You gonna come inside?'

'Mark, just leave me,' mark looked at her face, the tears still rolling down.

'You want to stay out here? That's fine, you stay out here and get pneumonia but I swear to god don't dare say I didn't try,' Mark walked away, slamming the door behind him. Meredith watched as the space between the door and the frame shortened and the silence consumed her again. Wiping her face she turned and looked out once more before going inside and straight back into work.

'Kurt, how are you feeling today?'

'Good…really good. A woman called Faith came up from Rehab. She said I should be up and about in a couple of weeks and it's all down to you Dr Shepherd. Thank you,'

'Just doing my job Kurt. And please, call me Meredith,'

'Thank you…Meredith,' Meredith signed the chart and walked over to the nurses station, Derek not seeing her coming over.

'Dr Shepherd, can I talk to you in the board room?' Derek turned to face Meredith and followed her along the hall. Meredith closed the door after him.

'You actually want me near you?'

'Stop being an ass Derek…just stop. You had no right stopping me from doing CPR,'

'Meredith, she had been down for forty minutes and had lost four pints of blood. The longer you kept the compressions going, the more blood she was loosing. It was pointless,'

'Derek she was a person. A person that felt she was alone in the world and had no body to fight for her. I was fighting for her…and you stopped me,'

'Meredith, she was dead, gone. If it had been anyone else you would have given up sooner. Why her? Why keep going for her?'

'BECAUSE I WAS HER! Don't you get it? I was the 15 year old girl who felt like she had no one in the world, who felt like everything she done was worthless and that no one wanted her. My mom and dad spilt up, my mom forgot my birthday and she didn't care with I lived or died. Do you have a clue what that's like? To have some one, who was supposed to be yours and look out for you and love you, just not care is the worst thing in the world Derek. I had to fight for her…no one else would,'

I fought for some one Meredith, I was you…fighting for someone and like you, I lost them. So don't think your that only one who's ever fought like hell for some one and lost cause your not,'

'Derek if you knew what I was doing why did you stop me?'

'Because I know that you would have carried on doing that for hours if you had had the chance…but it wouldn't of worked and I wasn't prepared to stand back and let you do that to yourself,'

'Who stopped you?'

'My dad…my dad stopped me resuscitating Ryan,'

'Who's Ryan?' Derek's eyes were glassy.

'My brother,'

_Derek sat staring at his brothers body, the machines monitoring his heart rate and BP, neither changing._

'_Why…why didn't you talk to anyone about it…all you had to do was say you didn't feel well…now…Ryan you need to keep fighting this…just keep fighting,' Derek stood over his brothers body, when the monitors started beeping frantically._

'_I NEED HELP IN HERE,' the code team came in, Derek standing back and watching as his brother let go._

'_NO…NO…YOU NEED TO KEEP FIGHTING!' the code team stepped back to Derek's horror._

_Why are you stopping?' Derek started CPR, the tears streaming down his face. Bob watched through the glass, his heart broken, his son gone. Walking in, he pulled Derek away not wanting it go on any longer._

'_NO!' Derek was screaming after him, his dad keeping him back._

'_Time of Death, 11:42'_

'Derek…you never said anything,'

'I know what you were doing and you had to be stopped Mere…that was why I pulled you off her because I know if you had the chance you would of kept going until you couldn't go anymore,' Meredith walked over to Derek, her hands fitting into his.

'I'm sorry…I'm so sorry,' Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith, her head resting on his chest, the tears still falling from her eyes. Each of them realising that it takes a brave person to stand up and fight but a stronger person to admit defeat.


	81. Never said a word

-1Meredith kicked the house door open and put Jake down on the floor.

'You and daddy fell out?' Meredith looked at Jake

'No baby…me and daddy haven't fallen out,'

'ok,' Jake slowly climbed the stairs, Meredith watching from the bottom in case he fell. Once he reached the top Meredith fell onto the couch and wiped her face, not bothering to take her sweater off or even bothering to move. Her hand was placed on her stomach, the baby moving round and round.

'I know I've been a bit of a pain in the ass but I promise I'll slow down…I will,' Meredith felt as the rhythmic movements slowed down and all she could feel were kicks.

'You know something…I fancy take away…no ice cream and peanut butter…yeah,' Meredith stood at the counter and held the tub against her. Carrying the ice cream and peanut butter, she headed up the stairs to bed. Settling herself on the bed she tucked into the tub of ice cream.

'Mommy?' Meredith turned her head slowly, Jake standing at the door.

'Come on,' Jake smiled and jumped up on the bed and cuddled in beside Meredith. Running his finger over the top of the ice cream, he licked his hands clean.

'Looks like your going for a bath tonight,' Jake scowled at Meredith.

'Hey, you were the one, who put their finger in the ice cream, now you gotta have a bath,' Jake smiled at Meredith, his new teeth showing.

'Yeah…bath,' Meredith and Jake finished the ice cream and slowly Jake fell asleep in Meredith's arms, his head resting on her stomach, listening to see if the baby was talking.

'You know you should sleep as well,' Meredith grinned at Derek.

'Nope, not sleepy unlike this little man,'

'Peanut butter and Ice cream…coffee flavoured,'

'There was no strawberry,' Meredith handed the empty tub to Derek, pulling his face closer to here.

'we need to talk,'

'What did I do?'

'No…we just need to talk…about stuff,' Derek kissed Meredith and lifted Jake up, his arms going around Derek's neck.

'You gonna sleep for a bit?' Meredith grinned mischievously.

'I had another idea…You get me the phone?' Derek shook his head and came back a couple of minutes the phone in hand.

'You want anything else?' Meredith pulled Derek down on top of her.

'Only you,' Meredith pressed her lips against his, her body hitting off his. Sliding off the bed, Derek kissed her head.

'I love you,'

'I love you too,' Meredith waited until Derek was down the stairs before getting off the bed and changing out of her scrubs.

'Alex?'

'Mere, what's wrong?'

'Nothing. Can you do me the biggest favour?'

'What?'

'Can you take Jake for a couple of hours?'

'Yeah, course,'

'Alex I owe you big time,'

'No you don't. I haven't seen the little man in about a week and was due a visit anyway. I'll pick him up in ten,'

'Alex you are a saint,'

'see you Mere,'

'Bye Alex,' Meredith crept down the stairs, Jake coming out of him bedroom.

'Mommy?'

'Hey baby. Listen you wanna go and see uncle Alex for a couple of hours?'

'Yeah!' Jake instantly woke up and ran back in his room, coming back out holding onto his action figure.

'Ready,' Meredith smiled and lifted a bag of his stuff and carried him down the stairs.

'Derek? Derek?' Derek turned to face Meredith, the smile on her face clear to see.

'Uncle Alex's!!!' Derek tilted his head towards Meredith.

'Uncle Alex wanted to see Jake so he's taking him for a couple of hours and Natalie is staying at Aunt Addie and Uncle Marks till tomorrow,'

'Mommy and daddy come too,'

'Nah we'll stay here so you and uncle Alex can have some fun ok?'

'Yip' The front door opened, Alex coming through to the kitchen.

'Hey dude!' Alex lifted Jake away from Meredith, Jake showing him the action figure.

'Thank you so much Alex,'

'Mere, stop saying thank you. I love taking both of them. Natalie?'

'Mark and Addison's. Ellie and Zoe have asked her over for a sleepover…no boys, Marks working. I was invited but turned it down,'

'Cool. So when do you want the little guy back?'

'up to you?'

'Three?'

'Alex, its 4:30,'

'I know…tomorrow I mean,'

'Yeah sure. I'm off work,'

'We'll were off See ya!'

'Bye baby, See you Alex,' Derek kissed jakes head and followed them out to the front door. Meredith leaned up against the counter watching Derek.

'Now, Dr Shepherd. You successfully managed to get us an empty house,'

'That I did,' Derek lifted Meredith up onto the kitchen counter, her hand caressing his face.

'Let's do something,'

'Derek?'

'Let's go out, just you and me,' Meredith tilted her head to the side.

'Swimming?'

'No Mermaid,'

'All the more reason…late night adults only,'

'Let's go,' Meredith slid down off the counter, Derek helping to ease her off. Meredith looked at Derek over her shoulder, his eyes following her. Coming back down, she lifted the keys to the car, pulling Derek along with her.

'You really wanna go don't you?' Meredith nodded her head. In the changing rooms, Meredith gently rubbed her expanding stomach and pulled her hair up into a bun. Derek was in the water, them and another couple being the only one in the whole pool area. Derek eased Meredith into the water and carried her over to the deep end off the water.

'So you wanted to talk?'

'Later,' Meredith wrapped her legs around Derek's waist and started kissing him with passion. He smiled as she ran her hands down his face. His hands rested on the bottom of her back as he supported her weight against his body. Derek brought them both down under the water, their lips still fused together.

'You ok?' Meredith looked at Derek.

'I'm…amazing,' Meredith started swimming, Derek beside her. Meredith turned in the water to go to Derek, but he wasn't around her. Turning frantically in the water, Meredith could feel Derek lifting her out of the water and pulling her back down again. She latched onto Derek and started laughing.

'I thought you had drowned,' Derek looked at Meredith quizzically.

'How can the strongest, bravest, sexiest man on the planet drown?' Meredith slapped Derek arm playfully before realising they were the only ones in the pool. The two attendants were gone, only one in the store cupboard. Meredith pulled Derek over to the corner, her hands resting on his ass.

'You are not suggesting…'

'I never said a word,'


	82. I'm sorry

-1Meredith slipped the scrub top over her head and smiled at Derek.

'What are you so happy about?'

'Nothing. You gonna be there for the amniocentesis test?'

'What time did Addison give you?'

'Whenever I was free,'

'You got any surgeries?'

'One in about an hour,'

'Now?'

'You're on,' Meredith followed Derek up but stopped suddenly, Derek turning to face her.

'I have to check on a patient,'

'Meredith,'

'I'll be two seconds. Go, I'll meet you up there,'

'Why are you putting this off?'

'I'm not, now go, I'll get you up there,' Meredith watched as Derek walked down to the elevator doors, Meredith slipping into an empty exam room. She leaned down on the counter, the thought that the test wasn't just precautionary still stuck in her head. She knew Addison had doubts, she had doubts herself. The size of the baby in the scans, the tiredness and the times she had passed out, Meredith knew the test wasn't precautionary. Pulling the only piece of hope she had, she walked up to the neonatal wards, Addison easing her up onto the bed.

'You know the risks with the test,'

'But you're the best and you've done this loads of times so the risks aren't as big,' Addison smiled at Meredith.

'This is only precautionary, don't worry about it,' Derek looked down at his pager and then up to Meredith apologetically.

'Go, I'm fine,'

'It's a trauma,'

'Derek go, I'm fine, like Addison said it's only precautionary,'

'I'll find you later,' Meredith smiled as he leaned down and kissed her forehead, Addison watching him leave.

'So what's wrong?'

'Nothing…everything's fine,'

'Liar,'

'I have a really big craving,' Addison started laughing gently before she inserted the needle, Meredith watching as the fluid filled the syringe.

'When will the results be ready?'

'Give it a couple of hours; I'll put a fast track on it,'

'You don't have to,'

'I know you're worried about it,' Meredith wiped the gel off her stomach and pulled her scrub top down.

'So go and lie down for a couple of hours,' Meredith shook her head.

'I have surgery,'

'Meredith,'

'Addison, I have a four year old who needs a hemispherectomy. I'm going to operate in the next two hours. I promise I'll sit down and I'll stop if I have to,'

'If there's any bleeding, you page me, 911. I'll check on when you're in the OR,'

'You are too overprotective,'

'No, I'm being careful. Bleeding some times happens after the test,'

'I'm fine and so is the baby,'

'Yeah, just take it easy,' Meredith smiled and waddled down, Derek coming up behind her.

'How did it go?'

'Fine, get the results in a couple of hours. I have a hemispherectomy in about an hour,'

'Age?'

'Four,'

'Seizures?' Meredith reached across the nurses' station and handed him the chart.

'Read it, I'm going to talk to the parents,'

'Mere?' Meredith turned to face Derek

'Yeah,'

'Don't worry about the test, Addison said it was just precautionary, she doesn't think that there's anything wrong so don't worry about it,' Meredith smiled and nodded her head.

'Let's wait for the results before we make statements like that,'

'Wait, you think something's wrong?'

'Addison never did the test when I was having Jake and Natalie, why with this baby?'

'Maybe because of everything that's happened, the passing out,'

'I had problems with my other two pregnancies Derek, why this one though to do the test?'

'Maybe she's just playing it safe Meredith. We have no reason to think that something is wrong so why should we worry?'

'I can't help it Derek,' Meredith sat in the on call room, gently rubbing circles on her bump. The surgery had went well, the four year old boy in recovery and sitting up talking.

'Hey, Addison paged me to come and get you, she's got the results,' Meredith took hold of Derek's hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

'She would have said if something was wrong by now,'

'Derek, lets just wait for the results,' Meredith eased herself down onto the seat in Addison's office.

'Hey,'

'How you feeling?'

'Fine, tired,' Addison looked at Meredith and Derek.

'Addison, don't screw with me, not now,'

'The test showed…there are problems…I'm sorry,'

**Hope you enjoyed. i'll update again shortly :) please review...make me smile :)**


	83. Hit Me Tonight

-1Meredith sat in silence, Addison and Derek talking about the results. She said nothing, neither of them noticing the tears that had fallen down her face. She stood up sharply, Addison looking at her.

'SHUT UP. YOU KNEW THAT SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT AND YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING ADDISON,' Meredith walked out, slamming the door behind her. she stood at the edge of the roof, the wind blowing her hair everywhere, her arms wrapped around herself. Meredith was letting the news sink in but with each moment she stood alone, the tears fell faster.

'Meredith?' Meredith didn't respond to the calling of her name but she pulled away at the feeling of Mark's hand on her shoulder.

'Meredith, Derek's looking for you,'

'i…I just need time to think,' Meredith drove to the home, the receptionist smiling broadly at her before realising that her eyes were swollen and blood shot.

'I…I want to see my mother,'

'Are you alright?'

'I just want to see my mother,' the receptionist nodded, Meredith going through and sitting in the chair facing her mother.

'She's having a good day today…she's lucid,' Meredith smiled and looked at her mother.

'Meredith, what's wrong?'

'I…the baby, they have problems and I…I don't know if I can do it,'

'what's wrong with the baby?'

'they don't know how bad it's gonna be…but I don't think I can handle this,'

'How far along are you?' Meredith sat back and placed her hand on her bump, her mother looking at her as she realised that she was sitting in scrubs.

'Meredith, why are you wearing my scrubs?' Meredith covered her eyes with her hand, her mother seeming to come back to reality.

'I'm nearly seven months…I knew the test wasn't precautionary,'

'This isn't your fault. These things happen,'

'Mom, tell me what to do?'

'What can you do?'

'Tell me,' Meredith watched as her mother pulled a box out from the bedside table, her hands pulling the box open with force. She handed Meredith a locket, the chain running through Meredith's fingers.

'This was your locket that…Thatcher gave me when you were born. Just have faith Meredith…that's all you need,' Meredith sat at the ferryboats, the locket in her hands. She prized it open, the picture of her only a few hours old next to one of her and Thatcher when she was three. The pictures reminded her of the day Thatcher left, the fact he just up and left one day, no warning given. The image of the three year old girl sitting at the top of the stairs frightened her, she never wanted that to be her kids. Her kids; that was all that mattered in her life now, her family. But could her family cope with a baby who may never be able to lift their own head? Or ask for what they need? Meredith feared that the life she had would fall apart, that she would have to choose between an easy life and a life with a baby who was severely ill.

'Addison called me,' Meredith turned.

'How did you know I was here?'

'Derek said that this was the most likely place to find you,' Meredith sat on her hands as Adele sat beside her on the bench.

'What did your mother say?'

'How did you?'

'Meredith, we always go back to our mothers when we need advice,'

'Did he tell you why?'

'No, but he just said it was the baby,'

'The amniocentesis test came back positive, the baby's gonna have problems,' Adele pulled Meredith over, Meredith resting her head on Adele's shoulder.

'If Richard was here he would tell you that there are worse things that could happen and that you have to stay strong and keep going for this baby, what ever happens,'

'How?'

'By letting people help and listening to what other people say and understanding that not everyone is going against you,' Derek pushed Addison's office door open, the seat facing away.

'Hey,' Addison turned, Derek smiling as she wiped her face.

'This wasn't your fault and you did what you thought was right Addison,'

'I should have said something,'

'No, you were right,'

'Are you ok?'

'It's not sunk in yet…probably hit me tonight,'

'If you need anyone to talk to, you or Meredith, I'm here,'

'Thank you,'


	84. Soap Powder

-1Meredith lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, the screams of Natalie and Jake reminding her that she wasn't alone in the house. Her hands were sitting on her bump, going round in circles.

'Mommy, Aunt Addie and Uncle Marks here,'

'Ok,' Meredith pushed herself up and tightened her hair back from her face. She changed her scrub top, pulling Derek's polo shirt on over her bump, her hands resting on top of it, the baby moving around.

'Mere?' Meredith closed her eyes.

'I'm in here,' Meredith leaned down on the dresser, trying to hold the tears back. She turned to face Addison, plastering a fake smile on her face.

'About what happened,'

'Addison, please…stop,' Meredith covered her hand, one still leaning down on the dresser. Addison walked over and hugged Meredith, Meredith's hands latching onto her back.

'I'm sorry I didn't say anything,' Meredith nodded her head and pulled back, smiling at Addison.

'I was wrong to yell at you. You did what you thought was right,'

'I should have said something,'

'No, you were in the right…I knew it wasn't precautionary…but I just hadn't thought it would happen when I found out what was actually wrong,' Meredith followed Addison down the stairs.

'You feeling ok?'

'Yeah, I'm ok Mark,' Meredith smiled as the four kids sat playing in the living room, Natalie and Jake totally oblivious to what was happening around them.

'Have you spoken to Derek?' Mark shook his head.

'He came and saw me earlier,' Meredith smiled at Addison.

'You need to run more tests right?'

'Yeah. They'll give me a better idea what the degree of…,'

'Disability is?'

'Yeah,'

'MOMMY!' Meredith stood up and walked through to the living room, Natalie and Jake sitting on the floor, Ellie and Zoe beside them.

'Blood in my nose,' Meredith walked round and lifted Jake up, resting him on her hip.

'Pinch your nose,' Meredith carried him through to the kitchen, the blood trickling down his face.

'Mark, can you get the tissues?' Meredith wiped his face down and held the tissue up at his face. Slowly the bleeding stopped.

'You ok?'

'Sleepy,'

'Ok, little man,' Meredith lifted Jake off the counter and up into his bedroom.

'Mommy ok?' Meredith ruffled Jakes hair.

'Yeah, mommy's ok,' She leaned down and kissed his head, his eyes instantly closing.

'He sleeping?' Meredith sat back down on the seat.

'Yeah, he went straight down,'

'You should sleep too, you look tired,'

'You always know how to make a girl feel good Mark,'

'No, he's right Mere, you should sleep. We'll keep an eye on the kids until Derek gets back,'

'You guys sure?'

'Positive, go sleep,' Meredith smiled and went up to the bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. She slipped her shoes off and curled into a ball. Derek was standing at the bedroom door, watching as Meredith slept for the fourth hour in a row. Walking over her pulled the blanket off the chair and draped it over her body, her hands around her bump protectively. She stirred slightly but didn't fully waken.

'Thanks for looking after Jake and Natalie,'

'If you and Meredith need any space, give us a call, we'll take the kids,'

'Thanks Mark,' Addison held the sleeping Ellie, Mark carrying Zoe, out the door and into the car. Jake was sitting up rubbing his eyes when Derek opened his door. His pillow was covered in blood, his face red as well.

'Daddy,' Jake climbed down out the bed, Derek lifting him up.

'We need to get you changed, your nose was bleeding,'

'It was the same before sleep,' Derek changed Jake and took him down the stairs, throwing the blood stained clothes in the washer. Natalie came through to the kitchen with Jake.

'What do you guys want for dinner?' Jake and Natalie looked at Derek, not answering him.

'What's wrong with Mommy?' Derek smiled.

'we all need to talk, but mommy's got to be here too,'

'Is it the baby inside her?' Derek closed his eyes.

'Me and Mommy will talk to you guys later ok?'

'Ok,'

'Now, what do you two want for dinner? Take away is available,'

'Take away,'

'what do you guys want?'

'Chinese food,'

'You sure?'

'Yeah,'

'Ok, I'll order but once I order it, I can't take it back so are you sure?'

'Yeah…chips and black bean sauce,' Derek phoned the order and came back through into the kitchen to see Natalie and Jake sitting talking. Derek pulled his pager off his waist and cursed under his breath.

'Listen, I need to go to the hospital. Mommy's upstairs. If you guys need anything, shout on her. If she wakes up tell her I won't be long,' Derek kissed Natalie and Jakes head, giving Natalie the phone. Natalie and Jake sat on the floor, Natalie helping Jake to piece together an old photograph. Meredith came down and stood watching them from the door.

'Where's daddy?'

'Hospital. He says if we needed you we were just to shout but we didn't need you. We ordered food too,'

'What did you guys get?'

'Chips and black bean sauce,' Meredith pondered the idea of the food but changed her mind with the idea of pickled beetroot. Meredith lifted the jar out of the fridge and pulled the top off the jar. Standing against the counter, she leaned down, the room beginning to spin. Shaking her head, she walked round to Jake and Natalie, and slid down the walk beside them. She passed out, falling to the side.

'Nat…mommy's sick,' Natalie stood up and walked over to Meredith, picking up her arm and letting it fall to the floor. The front door went, alerting Natalie and Jake to the Chinese food being delivered.

'Jake, stay with mommy,' Natalie walked to the door.

'Who is it?'

'Chinese delivery,' Natalie went on her tip toes and unlatched the door.

'Is your mom or dad in?'

'Daddy's at work. Mommy's on the floor,'

'Is your mommy ok?'

'She's all floppy,'

'Can I come in and see her?'

'Yeah, she's on the kitchen floor,' The delivery man put the food on the kitchen counter and kneeled down next to Meredith.

'Can you hear me?' Meredith didn't respond.

'Can you get me your phone?' Jake stood up and handed the young teenager taking it.

'What's your mommy's name?'

'Meredith shepherd,'

'I need an ambulance…the lakeside land…She's pregnant…unconscious…I don't know…ok,'

'I need you to get your daddy for me,'

'He's at work,'

'Ok, can you get me a blanket for your mommy?' Jake pulled the blanket off the couch and draped it over Meredith's body.

'How long has she been like this?'

'Just before you came with the food. We don't have any money for the food,'

'That's ok. Has your mommy been sick before this?'

'Nope, just carrying the baby inside her,'

'What does your daddy work as?'

'He's a brain doctor, so's mommy at Seattle grace hospital. That's where she has to go so Aunt Addie can look after her,'

'Why don't you two go and out your jackets on?'

'Ok,' Natalie took Jake by the hand and pulled him out into the hall. Two paramedics were coming in the front door.

'Hey, can you tell me where we've to go?'

'The kitchen, the Chinese food man's with mommy,'

'Hey you called us?'

'I don't know anything about her. I'm only the delivery guy. She's to go to Seattle Grace though, her husband works there,'

'Ok, how far along is she?'

'Mommy's had the baby inside her for six months and two weeks,'

'Thank you. Is your mommy allergic to anything?'

'Soap powder. She wasn't well when I was inside her because of the soap powder,'

'Ok, where's your daddy?'

'At the hospital, he's a brain doctor like mommy,'

'We'll get your mommy to the hospital,'

'Ask for Aunt Addie, she looks after mommy,' Natalie looked at Jake, nodding her head in agreement.

'I'm going to take her into the ambulance, you guys coming with us?'

'Are we going to Seattle Grace?'

'Yeah,'

'We can go and see Hannah,'

'Ok,' The delivery lifted Jake up and carried him out, Natalie walking beside him. Derek pulled into the road, spotting the ambulance.

'What the hell's happened?' Derek jumped out the car and ran to Meredith's side.

'You the husband?'

'Yeah,'

'Ok, is she allergic to any medication.?'

'Nothing, she's six and a half months pregnant. Take her to Seattle Grace. Phone forward and get Addison Sloane there,'

'Neuro surgeon?'

'Yeah…how did you?'

'Daddy, the delivery man called the ambulance,' Derek turned and looked at Jake and Natalie.

'When did you find her?'

'I came with the food, the kid said she was all floppy and on the floor, I just went in to make sure she was ok,'

'no…that's ok., when did you find her?'

'About 15 minutes ago,'

'Was there any blood around her?'

'None,'

'Thank you,' Derek lifted Jake away from the guy and put him in the car.

'I'll come behind you with the kids, make sure she's taken straight to Maternity, skip trauma,'

'On who's orders?'

'The chief,' the two of them looked at each other and nodded their heads. Derek strapped Natalie and Jake into the car and pulled out the driveway, heading straight to the hospital.

'Mark…Mark,'

'Derek, what is it?'

'Where are you?'

'Currently talking to you in an on call room,'

'I need you to get down to the front of the hospital and wait for me,'

'Why?'

'Meredith's on her way in, she's collapsed. I've got the kids,'

'I'll be waiting,' Derek pulled in and lifted Jake and Natalie out the car, both of them running straight to Mark.

'Go Derek, I've got them,' Derek ran down, Meredith being wheeled into an end room. Addison turned and stopped him going in.

'No…your not going in there,'

'Addiso-,'

'Derek, you're not a doctor, you're the husband, you wait out here,'

'Make sure she's ok,' Addison nodded and went in, instantly examining Meredith. Derek turned away from the door, unable to focus. He didn't know what to do, what to think. He started pacing the floor. After thirty minutes, Mark joined him. Addison came out, closing the door behind her.

'She's sleeping now. She was anaemic Derek. Her haemoglobin levels were really low. We transfused her and then injected her with iron supplements, with some folic acid. Another hour though Derek, and I would have had to of delivered her,' Derek rubbed his hand over his face.

'Can I see her?'

'Yeah, course,' Derek went in, instantly going to Meredith's side, taking her hand. Her eyes fluttered open, the sight of Derek causing her to smile.

'Hey…where are the kids?'

'Day care,' Meredith moved slowly to face Derek.

'How you feeling?'

'Like crap,' Derek kissed Meredith's forehead. She held onto his hand as she fell back asleep, Derek not leaving her side.


	85. Fun and Laughter

-1Natalie sat at the bottom of the stairs, watching as Meredith came up to the front door, Derek behind her.

'Hey baby girl,' Meredith put her arms out to her, the little girl running over to her. She picked her up and spun her around.

'I missed you,'

'You all better now?'

'Yeah baby, I am,' Meredith carried Natalie into the living room and sat with her on the couch.

'So what have you been up to?'

'I got a gold star in school,'

'Go you. You been good for Uncle George and Aunt Izzie?'

'Yip, Jakes been sad,'

'You cheer him up?' Natalie nodded her head.'

'Good girl,'

'Is the baby ok now mommy?' Derek handed Meredith the cup of milk and squeezed her shoulder.

'Natalie, me and daddy need to tell you something,' Derek kneeled on the floor in front of them.

'You know how Aunt Addie looks after babies that are born sick?'

'Yeah sometimes the babies have special sickness,'

'The baby inside mommy's tummy is sick,' Natalie looked at Derek.

'Is the baby going to die?' Meredith and Derek exchanged looks, neither of them sure how to answer the question.

'No, the baby's not going to die but even after they're born, they won't be like you and Jake. They'll need some special care,'

'But they will be ok daddy?'

'Yeah, Aunt Addie's going to look after them really well,' Natalie climbed over the couch and hugged Meredith, her tiny hands resting on the bump. Meredith nodded her head at Derek.

'Now, daddy's going to go and get Jake from Uncle Alex's and then were going to get Take away since you guys didn't get it last week,' Natalie clasped her hands together.

'You can choose,' Derek kissed Meredith's head and left them both alone.

'What's wrong with the baby?'

'Her brain isn't growing properly,'

'Can you and daddy not give them a new one of fix it?' Meredith smiled at the innocence of her daughter.

'No, it's not that easy. I wish it was but it's not. Now we have a big decision to make,'

'What's that?'

'Pizza or Chinese food?'

'Pizza,'

'What kind?'

'Ham and pineapple,' Meredith let out a small gasp.

'Mommy?'

'Give me your hand,' Natalie placed her hand on Meredith's bump and started giggling.

'The baby's moving around,'

'That's your brother or sister kicking me,'

'I think it's a girl,'

'Daddy thinks that too but I'm not sure,'

'I don't mind as long as their tidier than Jake,' Meredith started laughing, Natalie's head on her bump listening to the baby. The front door opened, Jake running in. Meredith stood up and lifted him up.

'I missed you,'

'Your home mommy!'

'I am home,'

'Are you staying home?' Meredith looked at Derek and smiled.

'I'm staying home. Now, we are getting take away since I can't cook. Ham and pineapple pizza?'

'Yeah,' Meredith waddled through to the kitchen, Derek following her.

'You ok?'

'I really missed them,'

'They missed you,'

'I missed you as well,' Derek kissed Meredith's head.

'You seen me everyday,'

'I still missed you. Waking up with your arm across me,'

'Seriously?'

'Seriously,' Derek smiled and hugged Meredith. She turned handing him a mug of coffee.

'So what are we doing tonight?'

'Me and baby shepherd will be sleeping. You?'

'The exact same,' Meredith turned and lifted Jake up, balancing him on her hip.

'Can we go for a walk on the trail?' Meredith looked at Derek.

'Yeah…we can go for a walk. Pizza first?'

'Yeah,' after an hour Meredith was pulling on her fleece, Derek pulling the collar out.

'You sure you're up for this?'

'Yeah, I missed them,' Derek opened the front door, Natalie and Jake shooting out and running straight to the path. Meredith and Derek watched them running around in amongst the trees, one of them hiding behind a tree and jumping out on the other.

'You had better not be planning anything else like that,'

'Like what?'

'Collapsing and the food delivery guy having to phone the ambulance,'

'Yeah, like I planned it,' Meredith pushed Derek over to the side. He took hold of her hand.

'I pulled up and they were loading you into the back of the ambulance. The delivery guy had Jake and Natalie,'

'I bet that wasn't what he was expecting,'

'He apologised for going into the house. Natalie told him you were lying on the floor, all floppy,'

'We so have to show them how to page us,'

'Mere, Natalie's six, Jakes three; I don't think they'll quite understand,'

'That wasn't what I meant smart ass,' Derek walked behind Meredith, his arms wrapped around her, his head on her shoulder. Natalie and Jake came up and held onto Derek's legs, each of them giggling.

'I seem to have picked up two kids on my legs,' Meredith turned and started laughing, something Derek hadn't seen in a while and he was savouring every minute of it, knowing that soon something else would happen and it wouldn't be fun and laughter.


	86. Shut up

**Sorry i haven't updated in ages...life got very hectic but hey, not an excuse, please forgive me and...please review. Enjoy :)**

Meredith sighed off the chart and gave it back to the intern, the young woman more relaxed about her surgery than she was before Meredith spoke to her.

'Make sure she stays calm. If she needs anything, page me,' Meredith stopped suddenly, gently rubbing the top of her bump.

'Dr Shepherd are you ok?' Meredith sighed heavily.

'Having a baby comes with the random, very painful kicks. Make sure she's calm before her surgery, got it?'

'Yes Dr Shepherd,' Meredith stood at the nurses station, watching through the glass doors as Christina hugged a young patient.

'Never thought I'd see the day that you'd hug a patient,'

'Her mother just died and now I have to perform surgery to replace a failing valve that she has. Not having a very good day,'

'Damn,'

'Yeah. You and Mc Dreamy ok?' Meredith looked up from the computer screen.

'What makes you ask that?'

'I kina heard you arguing in the on call room earlier…and everything with you being a stubborn bitch as well,' Meredith leaned back on the chair.

'Get everyone together, no husbands or wives, just us,' Christina paged everyone, the meeting arranged for later in the day. Meredith scrubbed in, Derek watching her from the door.

'You sure I'm fit to perform surgery?'

'Mere, I didn't mean that,'

'You said I shouldn't be standing in a OR for surgeries anymore,'

'I didn't say you weren't fit to perform surgery though,'

'You meant to,'

'No, I meant that you are heavily pregnant, due in a months time and supposed to be on maternity leave last week,'

'I don't need to be on maternity leave. I'm fine,' Derek tilted his head to the side, Meredith smiling.

'Stop looking at me like that. It won't work,'

'what won't work?' Meredith started laughing, Derek walking in and kissing her fore head.

'Just take it easy,' Meredith smiled as Derek turned and left the scrub room.

'I have a chair put in place and the table has been lowered,'

'Thank you,' Meredith finished scrubbing in, the woman sitting up as they wheeled her in.

'You ok?'

'Yeah…never thought I'd be awake during a surgery though,'

'You won't feel a thing, DBS is completely pain less. It will help with the symptoms,'

'I kina got used to having the shaking, knowing it came with the Parkinson's but now your saying I won't have it, it seems kina weird,'

'I will. Lets get you set up onto the table,' She smiled at Meredith, two of the nurses sitting her in the specialised chair.

'Ok, lets get started,' Meredith gently pushed the probe in, the therapy nurse asking the young woman to mimic her actions.

'I can't do this,'

'You can, once the probe is in, we'll know,' Meredith pushed down quickly, the woman stopping shaking almost instantly.

'How does that feel?'

'It feels steady,' Meredith sat in the canteen, waiting for everyone to come down. George and Izzie came down together, both of them smiling.

'Alex says he'll be a couple of minutes,' Christina made a face behind Burkes back as he turned and walked away from the doors.

'I know I should have got a dog instead,'

'We tried that and failed miserably,' Izzie started smiling at the thought of Doc.

'So, why are we here?'

'Is everything ok?'

'She needed to have a meeting,' Izzie and George looked at Meredith, Alex sitting watching her.

'I…it feels like ages since I seen you guys and…I…,'

'You wanted it to be like it was before we got responsibility of kids, relationships, departments in hospitals,'

'Yeah,'

'Never gonna happen,' Izzie kicked Christina under the table.

'Be supportive,'

'Why?'

'She needs support…she's pregnant…she needs support, support which she will get,'

'No, she's hormonal and needs a cup of coffee,'

'Christina, she can't have coffee,'

'Don't remind her,'

'I was trying to be supportive…give her support, something that she needs right now more than you or me. She needs her friends,'

'No, what I need is for one of you to page Addison,' everyone went silent, looking at Meredith. Izzie stood up sharply and walked round to Meredith's side.

'what's wrong?'

'Just page Addison,' George ran off, Addison coming back with him.

'What's wrong?'

'There's…a pain…my right side,' Addison felt Meredith's stomach, looking up at Alex and George.

'I need to get her to maternity now,'

'Addison?'

'George go and get me a wheel chair,'

'I can walk,'

'No, George will go and get a wheel chair,'

'Addison, I can walk,'

'Don't argue with me. Page Derek,'

'No, you will not page Derek,'

'Meredith,'

'He already thinks I'm not fit to perform surgery,' George pulled the chair up beside Meredith, Alex easing her into the chair.

'I can walk Addison,'

'I know you can, but I'm doing this to be on the safe side,' Meredith hid her eyes with her hand, Addison taking her back into the hospital.

'Just don't page Derek until you know what's wrong,'

'I'll page him if I need to,'

'No you won't,' Meredith lay on the bed, Addison ultra sounding her.

'No, contractions or dilation. Braxton hicks,'

'See, no need to page Derek,'

'You need to tell him,'

'Later, right now I have to go and get my patient out of ICU,' Addison went to object, Meredith climbing down off the table. Izzie opened the door and looked at Meredith.

'Braxton hicks,'

'Home?'

'ICU, patient on the table this morning,'

'Meredith,'

'Look if anything else happens I'll go home. Deal?'

'Fine but anything at all, you come and see me,' Meredith held her hands up into the air, Addison shaking her head at her as she left.

'Keep an eye on her Izzie,' Meredith looked over her shoulder at Addison. She sat at the table, Derek coming and sitting in front of her.

'What happened?'

'Nothing,'

'Mere, I know about earlier,'

'Who told you?'

'No one, what happened?'

'Braxton hicks but I'm fine,'

'Meredith,'

'Look, you and everyone else in this hospital seems to think I'm not fit to work. I am fine. I don't need anyone to tell me that I need to stop working, what I need is,' Meredith slid forward in the seat, her hands resting on the bottom of her bump. Derek moved the table out the way, coming down and kneeling in front of Meredith. Meredith started smiling. She took hold of Derek's hand, placing it under her's.

'They kick like hell,' Derek smiled broadly. His head dropped, his pager vibrating on his hip.

'Go, be a doctor,' he kissed her forehead, running off in the direction of the ER. Meredith went up, her patient coming off the sedation.

'I can see my hands properly…when I shook I couldn't see them but now… I can see my hand still for the first time,' Meredith sighed the chart, checking her ICP didn't rise or even fall.

'Debbie, are you in any pain?'

'None, first time I've never had sore muscles,' Meredith watched her from the door, her other patient just discharged.

'I have been told to check on you from my very demanding but lovely wife,'

'Mark, tell her I'm fine, I have had no more pains and am fine,'

'Your pissed at her,'

'No shit Sherlock,' Meredith covered her eyes with her hand, shaking her head.

'I'm sorry…I never meant it,'

'You want to cry?' Meredith looked at Mark, the tears already threatening to burst. He pulled her over, none of the nurses or interns watching or whispering. She started crying, her body shuddering into his shoulder.

'It sucks being pregnant,'

'You've never even been pregnant and you are so right,' Meredith wiped her face, pulling on her professional face.

'I must not break down at work and have everyone thinking that I am an emotional wreck, even though I am,' Mark smiled and left Meredith, his patient coding down the hall. Three interns came up, Meredith knowing it was post op rounds time. The three interns followed her in, the most eager lifting the chart.

'Debbie Carmichael, thirty nine year old female brought in for treatment of the symptoms of Parkinson's. GCS of 6, BP 120 over 80. DBS was done four hours ago and all signs are good. No shaking or pain has been reported and the patient is sitting up talking. Any pain from the surgery is being controlled with fifteen of dyohydopiene and five of morphine,'

'Ok, keep an eye on her and make sure her ICP stays the same. If her BP falls, page me,' Meredith smiled at Debbie, the young woman seeming to be happy at the fact she had just had surgery. Meredith walked out to the nurses station, lifting the chart of the next patient in the ICU.

'Clive Grison, 44 year old male brought in after a fall and hit to the head. Reported to have had three seizures. CT scan found to have a large subdural bleed and it has been evacuated by Dr Dawson. Pain being controlled with 10 of morphine and 3 of tyxylic,'

'Ok, make sure he stays stable,' Meredith walked out the room, slowly stopping. She closed her eyes, the two interns coming to her side.

'Dr Shepherd?'

'Shut up,' Meredith pushed from the bottom of her bump up, hoping to ease the pain.

'Dr Shepherd are you ok?' Meredith took a sharp breath in.

'Ok, some one page Addison Sloan,' the interns got her into a seat, Meredith sitting forward in it. Addison came down, looking at Meredith.

'Where is the pain?'

'Same place…longer…harder,'

'Get her down to the exam room at the end and get me an ultra sound,' Meredith groaned, Addison pushing her back in the seat.

'Page Dr Shepherd, get him down here,'

'I'm not in labour,'

'Never say never,'

'No way am I labour. I'm only seven months Addison…they can't come now,'

'Lets not jump the gun…Braxton hicks more likely,'

'Now way is this happening,' Meredith lay back on the bed, Derek running in.

'what happened?'

'Just checking me…I'm fine,'

'What the hell happened?'

'Pains…again. Interns paged me,'

'Kicking?'

'No…not kicking,' Meredith curled up, Addison smiling.

'That was a kick,'

'I know,' Addison started smiling.

'Braxton hicks. Bed rest at home. No more work. You are done,' Meredith sat up, Derek supporting her back with his hand.

'Go home Mere, you need to go home,'

'I have patients,'

'Not anymore,'


	87. EllenR Shepherd

-1Meredith balanced the basket of washing on her hip and lifted the last of the dirty clothes off the floor.

'You realise that your supposed to be resting,'

'If I rest any more, my legs will fall off with under use,' Derek walked over to Meredith and took the basket off of her, placing it down on Jakes bed. Lifting Meredith up, he ignored her pleas for him to put her down. Laying her on the bed, he kissed her forehead.

'You, are on bed rest, you know that,'

'Derek, I'm so bored. Your baby is a week overdue,'

'Yeah, because their happy in there,'

'I don't care, I want them out. Addison told us how we could induce the labour…,'

'Mere, we have tried everything,'

'Except for the last thing,' Meredith smiled at Derek, pulling him down onto bed on top of her.

'We can wait,'

'Maybe you can but I can't,' Meredith rolled onto her side.

'I don't want to be pregnant anymore,' Derek pulled the blanket up around Meredith and kissed her cheek.

'stay with me,' Derek lay on the bed beside Meredith, her body facing his, her hand on her bump protectively. Slowly they fell asleep, Natalie and Jake with Christina and Burke. Derek held Meredith close, his arms sitting on her back. Her grip was tight on the collar of his shirt when she let go suddenly holding onto her stomach. She sat up, the pain still shooting up. it past, but she knew something wasn't right.

'Mere?'

'I'm ok, I just need to go to the toilet, go back to sleep,' Meredith pushed herself out of bed and stumbled down the hall to the toilet. She sat on the edge of the bath, rubbing her stomach.

'Oh god…' Meredith's grip tightened on the bath as another pain came. She stood up, her hands tight around the banister of the stairs. She was taking each step slowly, hoping the pain wouldn't come back. She put her hand up against the wall and screamed in pain. Derek stood in front of her, her hand holding onto his arm.

'Page Addison…you need to page Addison,' Derek looked at Meredith and lifted her up, carrying her down to the hall. Slowly he placed her down, her grip tightening.

'Page Addison,' Meredith walked to the car, stopping twice. Derek came up behind her, allowing her to put her weight on his hands. She leaned up against the car, Derek opening the door. She looked to the ground.

'oh shit,' her waters broken.

'Addison's on her way to the hospital,' Meredith leaned back in the car, Derek speeding round the corners. Meredith eased herself out the car, Derek pulling her up to her feet. She smiled.

'Looks like we didn't need to do any thing,'

'They knew you wanted them out,' Meredith held onto Derek's hands as they went into the hospital. Izzie stood with a wheelchair, waiting at the main door.

'Addison, said you were coming in. how far apart are they?'

'Every five minutes,' Izzie nodded and disappeared, Derek pushing Meredith down to Maternity.

'Baby Shep decided they wanted to make an appearance,'

'With no help from him,' Meredith stood up out the wheel chair and went to get on the bed when she fell forward, Derek grabbing onto her.

'I so hate you for this,' Addison started laughing, and set up and ultra sound. After examining Meredith she looked at Derek.

'Meredith, there's a chance you may need to be sectioned,' Meredith grabbed onto Derek.

'The baby isn't sitting in the right position, plus with problems we know about, it would make more sense. We'll wait till your about 8 centimetres dilated before we decide,'

'How long?'

'Four, maybe five hours,' Meredith got down off the bed and started pacing the room. Derek leaned back against the wall, Meredith having told him to stay out the way.

'what are we going to call them?'

'we need to know if it's a boy or a girl,'

'You think it's a girl,' Derek nodded his head.

'so, girls names first,' Meredith put her hand up to stop Derek talking as a contraction came and went.

'I can't do this for much longer,' Derek walked over and held her up.

'You can do this,'

'Give me drugs…anything…please,' Addison came in, Meredith's chart in her hands.

'Pick your poison time. No epidural,'

'Pethadine…lots of pethadine,'

'Pethadine it is,' Meredith let out a small sigh, relief written all over her face.

'You get you'll still feel pain but just not as bad,'

'just give me the drugs…please,' Derek rubbed the bottom of Meredith's back as she leaned down onto the bed.

'Ok, lets see how far we have to?' Meredith lay flat on the bed, Addison examining her.

'8 centimetres,' Addison did an ultra sound on Meredith and smiled.

'No section, they've turned round,'

'Shit,' Addison looked at Meredith.

'You were hoping for a section,'

'More pain relief…epidural,'

'your too far gone for anything else,' Meredith sat forward in the bed, Derek going on behind her.

'Give it ten minutes,' Meredith's head went into Derek's neck as the contractions became bigger and faster than before. The tears streamed down Meredith's face, Addison realising that a section would have been better. Addison looked at the monitor and then to Derek.

'Addison,'

'There are signs of foetal distress. I need you to help me Meredith,' Meredith let a small groan and turned into Derek.

'Mere, you need to keep going,'

'Derek…I can't,'

'Meredith, you can,' Derek turned Meredith, her back against his chest.

'Put all your weight on me. You can do this Mere,' Addison looked at Derek and nodded her head.

'Ok Meredith, I need you to give me one really big push, bring baby Shep into the world,' Meredith's knuckles turned white as she pushed, the pain slicing through her. She stopped, the pain gone, a small cry being heard. Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

'You did it Mere,' Addison wrapped the tiny bundle up and handed it straight to the nurse.

'You have a beautiful girl,' Derek kissed the side of Meredith's face, her body completely lifeless, drained off all her energy. Addison cleaned Meredith up, allowing her to move as the tiny baby was handed to her.

'She's so small,' Meredith looked up to Addison.

'It's normal, the size of her. She's five pounds 4 ounces. I'll take her along to Sckaboo and check her. We'll do the heel test, check to see if there's anything else. Also we'll keep her in an incubator for a few days, just to be on the safe side,'

'Is she ok?'

'She's got ten finger and ten toes,' the tiny baby wrapped her hand around Derek's finger, the grip tight.

'She's strong,' Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

'Just like her mommy,' Meredith looked at Derek, the smile on his face not shifting. Meredith handed the baby to Derek, the pride written all over his face. He pulled the blanket down from her face, her fists up at her mouth, her eyes opening slowly.

'I'm really sorry but I need to take her along to sckaboo. I would normally let her stay, but I think I should take her along. You guys got a name for her?'

'not yet,' Addison lifted the baby out of Derek's arms and placed her into the incubator.

'You can come along and see her in a couple of hours,' Derek eased Meredith down, her arms holding onto him. he wrapped his arms around her protectively, her hand in a fist.

'We need to name her,' Derek nodded his head.

'Ellen,'

'She looks like an Ellen. Rachel…for my dad,'

'Yeah,'

'Ellen Rachel Shepherd,' Derek kissed Meredith's head and within minutes she was fast asleep, the third baby shepherd brought into the world and like her mommy, she was fast asleep her hand in a fist.


	88. Bert

-1Natalie and Jake jumped out the cab and ran into Derek's parent's house, Bob coming out and helping Meredith out the cab.

'Hey bob,'

'Meredith, how you feeling?'

'Very light. I have some one we'd like you to meet,' Meredith moved the large shawl away from the front of her to reveal Ellen, sleeping soundly against her chest.

'Meet Ellen Rachel Shepherd,' Meredith handed Ellen to Bob and smiled as his face lit up.

'She's beautiful,' Derek carried the bags in, leaving Meredith outside with bob.

'Listen, Derek going to tell Edith, but I wanted to tell you…Ellen's going to have problems…when she's older, learning disabilities. She's got cerebral palsy as well,'

'She's still an angel. You were right getting Derek to tell Edith. He knows how to tell her big news,' Meredith started laughing.

'Lets get you two inside,' Bob carried Ellen into the house, Edith and Derek talking.

'Mom, this is Ellen,' Edith walked over, taking Ellen off of Bob. She started cooing over her, Derek brimming with pride.

'Mommy, Jake's fell over, won't get up,' Meredith followed Natalie out to the garden, Jake sitting on the grass.

'What did you do?'

'She's it, I didn't want her to catch me,'

'You hurt your knee?'

'Yeah,' Meredith examined his knee.

'I need to cut it off,' Jake started smiling.

'You ok?'

'Yeah,' Meredith lifted him up to his feet and went back inside, Derek handing her a mug of coffee. She savoured the taste.

'I don't think I have missed anything else but coffee while I was pregnant with her,' Edith handed her Ellen and smiled as she opened her eyes, her fists coming up to her face.

'You wanna put her down?' Meredith looked up at Derek.

'Yeah,' Derek lifted Ellen off Meredith's lap and carried her up to the room, the cot already set up. she fell asleep instantly, her head hitting the pillow first. Derek turned the baby monitor on, going down to see Meredith sitting with Edith, Bob pretending to be interested in maternity wear. Derek walked round and kissed Meredith on the head.

'I think you look good in anything,' Meredith started laughing, Edith and Bob nodding their heads in agreement that they were meant for each other.

'Addison's doing really well,' Bob looked at Meredith, trying to hold the laugh in.

'Derek, you know I don't like her, never have and never will,'

'mom, she's not as bad as you think,'

'I hate to bring this up but you know what happened in New York before you met Meredith,'

'Yeah and I'm friends with Mark and Addison. I'm glad it happened. If it hadn't, I wouldn't of left New York and went to Seattle,'

'You would of ended up there eventually, You have a thing for Ferryboats remember,' Meredith looked at Derek smugly before bursting out laughing.

'she's got you there Derek,' Derek watched Natalie and Jake from the window as the two of them ran round the garden, both of them un aware that Derek was watching them.

'They won't morph into aliens if you keep staring at them,' Derek turned to see Bob and Meredith heading through to the living room.

'I know, it just…'

'Ellen?'

'Yeah,'

'Derek, she might not be the same as Jake and Natalie but she is perfect. She will run around the garden like the, she'll give you all the problems the two of them will, including the countless boys she'll bring back, then you'll be phoning me to tell me that you don't know what to do about the countless boys she'll bring back,'

'We don't know how bad it's gonna get. She might never walk,'

'and then again, she could have only a slight problem. Derek look on the bright side, she's a beautiful, healthy baby,' Derek smiled as the monitor let out a cry, Derek heading up to see Ellen wide awake.

'You knew we were talking about you…come on then,' Derek lifted Ellen out, carrying her down to the kitchen, Jake and Natalie sitting with Edith, munching their way through a box of cookies.

'You discovered nana's cookies,' Derek lifted one off the plate, remembering when he was younger how he used to sneak them out the cupboard. Meredith came through and placed her hand on Derek's back.

'she ok?'

'Yeah, she knew we were talking about her,' Meredith broke a piece of the cookie off, Derek watching her.

'I just had a baby, I get cookies,'

'Mom? Dad?' Derek turned to see Lindsey, throwing her bag down on the floor, but the smiled fell from his face.

'What the hell?' Meredith lifted Ellen off Derek as he moved a piece of Lindsey's hair away from her face.

'Derek, it's nothing,'

'How did it happen?'

'Derek, not now, ok? We'll talk later. So this is Ellen,' Meredith eased Ellen down into Lindsey's arm, pulling Derek out into the hall.

'Don't flip your lid about it,'

'Meredith, she's got a huge dressing on her face,'

'I can see that. Just don't flip your lid and run off to kill anybody. Ok?' Derek kissed Meredith's head and went back to the kitchen, Meredith watching him, folding her arms across herself. Bob came over beside Meredith.

'Philip,'

'What?'

'They were arguing and he attacked her. She won't do anything about it. Karen and Carol have already dealt with him. Edith says if he comes anywhere near her, she'll kill him,'

'You, what did you do to him?'

'I killed his car. $50,000 car and I killed it,' Meredith started laughing.

'She filed for divorce only to find out that he was marrying the woman,'

'How did she take it?'

'Everyone hid as she threw stuff about the kitchen. Edith came in and tidied up after her, not making a sound about the state of the kitchen. She spent the rest of the day crying. Stacy wanted to come back but she wouldn't let her, knowing Derek would end up having to sort him out,' Meredith smiled broadly.

'he wouldn't sort him, he'd pretend to but he'd just leave him on the table,' Meredith watched as Derek interacted with Ellen, her tiny fingers wrapped around Derek's.

'She's an amazing baby Meredith, you should be proud,'

'I am…more than anything,'

'But,'

'Nothing gets past you,'

'I've had four girls, I can tell when you's are lying or holding something back,'

'we don't know how bad things are going to get…wither she'll be able to walk or wither she'll be able to talk, we just don't know,'

'Yeah, you don't know if she could have nothing wrong with her except for a few problems. Wait and worry about it when it comes, not before,' Meredith stood at the back door, the sun beating down.

'You look tired,'

'I am…but I'm ok,'

'You sure?'

'Derek, I'm sure,' Meredith rubbed Ellen's cheek with her hand, the tiny baby gargling. Natalie and Jake came up behind them, Lindsey following them out.

'It was a really big one,'

'Was it?'

'Just like the one on the trail,' Meredith started laughing as Natalie took Lindsey by the hand and showed her the worm that was sitting on the grass.

'What's his name?'

'Worms don't have names,'

'You didn't ask,' Lindsey bent down and pretended to ask the worm what his name was.

'He says his name is Bert,' Natalie sat next to Jake, both of them talking to the worm called Bert. Lindsey stood beside Derek, Meredith leaving them alone.

'You gonna tell me what happened to your face?'

'You can't freak or run off to kill people,'

'Why would I want to kill anyone?'

'Just, listen,' Lindsey took a deep breath in.

'I went back to the house, and he was there. I was packing my clothes up and we were shouting at each other, both of us screaming and shouting. I went down to the kitchen and started throwing things at him, him throwing them back. I lifted the chopping board and threw it as him and things got out of control and I ended up with this,'

'How did you end up with that?'

'He slashed my face with a knife,' Derek put Ellen in the car seat and pulled the dressing back off Lindsey's face. The wound was deep, the stitches only put in two days before.

'I'm gonna kill him,'

'Derek,'

'He's not getting away with this,'

'He won't. It's getting sorted,'

'Lindsey, I'm not leaving New York for another week, I'm gonna see him,' Lindsey put her hand on Derek's arm, his on top of hers but she flinched sharply. Pulling on her sleeve, Derek revealed a large bandage up her arm. Lindsey pulled her top back down and pulled Derek up the stairs, closing the bedroom door.

'Mom and Dad don't know about this, don't tell them,' Lindsey pulled her top off, a large wrap bandage around her waist.

'You promise me you won't do anything, promise me,'

'I'm not promising anything,'

'Derek, please, promise me,'

'Lindsey, this wasn't a fight where both of you gave as good as each other. He's knocked seven shades of shit out of you,'

'Derek do this for me, don't do anything please,'

'No, I'm not letting this go,'

'DEREK. Please, this is all I'm asking you to do,'

'Let me see everything,' Lindsey stood, Derek easing the bandage off her waist. There was a large cut running along her side, the bruise running along side it. She winced sharply as he put it back on. She peeled the dressing off her arm, the 17 stitches freshly done.

'Where did you go to?'

'New York general,'

'Who admitted you?'

'What makes you think they admitted me?'

'The injuries that you've got mean you had to be admitted and if you weren't I'll be making an official complaint,'

'Gregory Thorn,'

'What did they give you for pain killers?'

'Solpadol. I've done what you asked, now promise me you won't go near him,'

'he goes any where near you, I will kill him,'

'Fine,' Derek pulled Lindsey over, Gently hugging her.

'Linds?'

'Yeah,'

'You can let go,' Linds tightened her grip on Derek's neck and slowly let the tears escape. No one had dared go near her, no one had given her the chance to just cry. Derek stood with her, letting her cry into his shoulder. Derek might have been younger than Lindsey but no matter what, he would always look out for her.


	89. Ice On your face

-1Meredith eased Ellen down into the car seat and walked round to Edith, opening the oven for her, her hands covered in cookie dough. The front door went, everyone else in the garden.

'Meredith, can you get that?' Meredith looked down on Ellen as she walked through to the hall, the tiny baby wide awake in her car seat. Opening the door, she stopped smiling.

'What are you doing here?'

'I'm here to see Lindsey,' Philip stepped forward, but Meredith moved, blocking the door way.

'I'm here to see Lindsey,'

'She's not here,'

'Mere? Who is it?' Meredith turned away from Philip.

'If you want to keep walking, you'll leave before Derek see's you here,' Philip smiled smugly at Meredith.

'You will leave if you want to keep walking,'

'What you gonna do? Call the cops,'

'What the hell is he doing here?' Lindsey stood at the door of the kitchen, shaking.

'Lindsey, go into the kitchen and close the door,' Derek pushed past Lindsey, nearly knocking her over. Meredith pushed the door over, pushing Derek back from Philip.

'Derek. No,' Bob pulled Derek away, Meredith taking him into the dining room.

'Son of a bitch,' Derek thumped his hand off the wall.

'Stay in here and calm down. Knocking the of shit out of him won't do any good,' Meredith walked out to the hall, Lindsey still standing.

'Lindsey, take the kids into the garden, stay there and I'll deal with this,' Meredith opened the door further, Bob still trying to get Philip to leave.

'Bob, take Lindsey into the garden. I've got this,'

'Meredith,'

'Bob, go,' Meredith looked at Philip.

'You have no right to be here. You've down enough damage to her, I won't let you do anymore,'

'You think I can't get past you,'

'You try it and I swear to god you won't see next week,' Philip put his hand on the side of the door, trying to prize it open further. Meredith pushed down on it, catching his hand between the frame and the door.

'Jesus,' Philip held his fingers in his other hand.

'I'm now telling you to leave before I castrate you. And get your fingers checked; I hear having four broken fingers can be a bitch when screwing a whore,' Philip started to laugh.

'Derek would know all about screwing a whore,' Meredith heard the dining room door opening, Derek fuming.

'NO, I won't let you do this. You go to the garden now. I can handle him,'

'He's not talking to you like that,'

'Derek, do as I ask,' Derek stormed through to the garden and started pacing up and down the path.

'I might be a whore Philip, but at least I'm not a spineless bastard that leaves his wife to screw some piece of skirt,'

'Don't talk about her like that,'

'Oh…you actually have feelings,' Philips hand caught the side of Meredith's face, knocking her to one side. Bob walked past Meredith, throwing Philip onto the gravel.

'You leave my family alone or I swear to god it won't just be your car I kill,' Meredith ran out after bob and pulled him back into the house, closing the door.

'Let him be,' Bob looked at Meredith's face, gently tilting it to the side.

'Derek really is going to kill him,'

'only if he finds out,'

'Meredith, your face is already bruising,'

'it's easy to walk into a door,'

'I won't let you lie,'

'I won't let him kill him,' Bob smiled and followed Meredith into the garden, Meredith gently rubbing her face.

'He's gone,' Derek instantly noticed the bruise. He brushed past Meredith, Meredith grabbing onto his arm.

'Derek. Stop right now,'

'I'm not letting him away with this,'

'Derek, he's gone, let it be,' Meredith pulled Derek over, wrapping her arms around him.

'Let it be,' Meredith kissed Derek's cheek and went into the kitchen, hoping he would follow. Meredith heard the front door opening, Derek's feet going across the gravel.

'BOB!,' Meredith ran after him, Bob following her. Derek threw Philip up against the car.

'DEREK, LEAVE HIM!' Derek started knocking lumps out of Philip, the blood coming away from Philip. Bob pushed Derek off him, knowing Derek really would kill him. Meredith separated Derek from the two men.

'Derek, go inside now. Natalie and Jake are in the garden wondering what the hell is going on. At least have on of us there that's not going to kill him,' 

'Bob, you go as well,' Bob took Derek by the arm and pulled him into the house.

'Are you happy now? You finally managed to break his temper,' Meredith knelt down beside him, wiping his blood away from his eye with her hand.

'Why are you helping me?' Meredith knelt down, her knee going into his crotch. He started yelling in pain.

'You come near any of them again and I will be stapling you to the wall by your testicles. Do I make myself clear?' Philip tried to push Meredith off him but she put her weight down heavier.

'do I make myself clear?'

'YES!,' Meredith stood up.

'Screw your whore of a girlfriend now,' walking back into the house, Derek checked her over as soon as she got in the front door.

'Derek, I'm fine,' Meredith looked at Derek's jaw and hand, both slightly bruised.

'You get that now I'm going to kill you, so are Mark and Addison,'

'I can live with that,' Derek followed Meredith into the garden, Lindsey shaking. 

'Linds?' She looked up at Meredith, her eyes glassed over. 

'He's gone,'

'I'm sorry,' Meredith sat next to Lindsey, pulling her into a hug.

'It's ok,' Edith handed Meredith an ice pack but she shook her head, placing it on top of Derek's hand.

'I have some good news,' Lindsey sat up, wiping her face.

'What?'

'He won't be screwing that piece of shit anytime soon,' Lindsey let out a small laugh, Derek still not happy about Meredith.

'You should put ice on your face,'

'Derek, it's a bruise…a bruise that might I add I have been given many times and many times I have found that it heals better with nothing,'

'So your gonna have me look like I've been through world war three and you all perfect?'

'Yip,'

'How come you've had the bruise so many times?' Meredith started stammering.

'It's…em…,'

'Long story?'

'Yeah,' Meredith lifted Ellen out the car seat and settled down into the chair, not letting on that deep down, the smack had hit her hard, and that it wasn't going to go away so easily.


	90. I bet you do

-1Meredith opened her eyes slowly, the moonlight filtering in the window. The bed was cold, alerting her to the fact Derek wasn't beside her in bed anymore and Ellen was still fast asleep. Peeling the door open she crept down the stairs being careful not to wake Bob, Edith or Lindsey. The living room lights were on but Derek wasn't to be seen, the shadows dancing on the walls from the trees outside. The blue cotton pyjama bottoms hung loosely from Meredith's body, her white small string top not keeping her warm anymore. Her bare feet went across the wooden floors into the kitchen, the coldness from the floors giving her a shiver, the back door wide open. She stuck her head out, her arms wrapped around herself. She stopped, smiling to herself.

'What the hell are you doing?' Derek was lying down flat on the grass, not caring about the cold or the dampness from the grass.

'Come here,' Meredith glanced back into the house before going out to the grass, lying down next to Derek, the dampness hitting her first, the coldness coming only seconds later.

'I used to do this when I was 14. Every Friday night my mom and dad went out, party or a restaurant…some sort of routine they had, everyone else at some ones house. I loved it. Peace for a couple of hours at least. This is what I would do,'

'What exactly are we doing apart from catching hypothermia?'

'Look at the sky, what do you see?' Meredith lay her breathing evening out, the feeling of everything around her disappearing.

'The stars…there's no clouds,'

'Everything else goes away,' Derek pulled Meredith over, her arms going around his waist.

'You're out here because of Philip,' Derek sighed heavily.

'Yeah,' Meredith drew small circles on Derek's chest, not realising how the time was passing and that the dampness was seeping through their clothes.

'Come on…your freezing,' Meredith pulled Derek to his feet. Derek kissed Meredith's forehead before following her up into the bedroom. Both of them changed, the coldness affecting them now. As Meredith's head hit the pillow, Ellen started whimpering.

'I'll get her,' Meredith sat up in the bed, Derek lifting Ellen into bed with him and Meredith.

'She just wanted a hug,' Ellen lay in between Meredith and Derek, her legs and arms in the air, her pink pyjama out fit that Izzie had bought fitting her perfectly.

'She's really beautiful isn't she?'

'Just like her mommy,' Meredith gently rubbed Ellen's chest.

'She's got an appointment next week,'

'I know. This is it,'

'Yeah,'

'She'll be ok Mere,'

'We don't know that. For all we know she might never walk, talk. She might never recognise us or be able to tell us what she needs or wants of thinks,'

'And on the other hand she could have only a tiny difficulty. We,'

'Just don't know, yeah, I get it,' Ellen fell towards Derek, her arms covering her face.

'I'm glad she's here,' Derek looked at Meredith confusingly.

'I couldn't do another week of swollen ankles, bed rest and belly burn when she kicked,' Derek chuckled lightly remembering the excuses she would use to get out of bed.

'No more,'

'No more what?' Meredith sighed heavily.

'No more talk of the tests, no more Philip, no fights, no depressing stuff, at least until we get home,'

'You know what you want,'

'I always have,' Meredith and Derek's fingers became entwined together, their silver wedding bands hitting off each other.

'Would you change anything?' Meredith looked at Derek, waiting for his response.

'I would of got married sooner, been with you since we met…and told you about Addison. That is something I would do. What about you?'

'Be more honest,'

'You mean been?'

'No, be,' Derek looked at Meredith unsure of what she meant.

'There's stuff about my past…stuff only one person knows about. I never told anyone and now…now I'm with you, I…this is going to sound so bad…but now I feel like I can trust you with anything…not that I'm saying I couldn't trust you before it's just…like before we were married and stuff….and I know we tell each other everything…this is like stuff I don't think about…I don't want to think about…ever,'

'Mere, your rambling and I know what you mean,'

'It's stuff…I never thought I'd be telling anybody…my deep down secrets that keep me dark and twisty,' Derek smiled seductively.

'I like you dark and twisty,'

'I bet you do. Seriously though,'

'I never…I never told you about Ben,' Meredith nodded her head.

'That was different. This is…there was this guy…I liked him…he liked me,'

'Ok,'

'We used to date…when I was like 17. We thought it was love…turned out just for sex…inappropriate guy thing I had in high school,'

'Sounds like fun,'

'We used to fight, like massive fights, arguments,' Derek looked at Meredith.

'When you say fight…you mean you kicked the living shit out of him,' Meredith shook her head worrying about how Derek would respond to the information.

'Other way about,' Meredith looked down at Ellen, the tiny baby sleeping.

'That would mean…your face…that was how you knew about the ice,'

'Yeah…meant no teachers found out. I'm telling you this…I want you to know about me…not just the me now, but the me in the past, the accidents, the fights, the police. I want you to know me…I want you to know my past,' Derek lifted Ellen up and put her back in her cot. Meredith played with the bangle on her wrist Derek had given her when Natalie was born, Meredith having one for Jake and Ellen as well, each of the bangles never coming off her wrist, each of them making her remember the kids on a bad day. Derek laid back down on the bed, not looking at Meredith when he realised how her breathing was short, erratic. Pulling her over against him, he held her tight.

'I'm…sorry…I never…I never told anyone,'

'Meredith, it's ok…I'm not mad. I'm happy you told me…you can tell me anything when you're ready to tell me…I'll always be here, no matter what. I promise,'

'Always?'

'Always. Just make sure you keep at least one part of you dark and twisty,' Meredith looked up at Derek smiling seductively, her face only inches from his, their breath mixing.

'I can do dark and twisty,'


	91. Bride and Groom

**i am SOOO sorry that i've not updated sooner. I have my exams starting in like three weeks and i am majorly stressed out. And shonda's not helping by having that liqurice eating scrub nurse saying stupid things like she loves him. she doesn't love him and he doesn't love her. Meredith loves derek and Derek loves Meredith. There, i said it. sorry again, stupid ranting and rambling. how very meredith of me lol. please have two chapters as a pease offering. please review :)**

Meredith pulled the blankets up around Jake and Natalie, the trip back down from New York taking the energy out of them. She closed the door quietly and let out a sigh. She didn't want to leave New York, Philip still at Lindsey. Meredith crept down the stairs, being careful not to wake Natalie and Jake, knowing that they would take a couple of days to get back into a routine. Leaning in the living room door, she smiled. Derek was lying on the couch, Ellen lying on his chest, her chest against his, both of them fast asleep. Derek's hand was on Ellen's back, the tiny baby seeming to have curled up to the touch. Meredith eased her out from under his grasp and pulled the blanket up over Derek, him not stirring. Ellen was fast asleep as Meredith put her down in the cot, Meredith collapsing onto the bed, not even bothering to change out of her clothes. As she began to fall asleep, she could here her pager, the sound sending a small whimper out Ellen's mouth as she rolled over.

'I hate the hospital,' Meredith phoned in, Bailey picking the call.

'_Meredith, you and Derek back?'_

'Sadly yes. What's wrong?'

'_We need one of you's to come in, all the consults have surgery and are already swamped,'_

'What we got?'

'_Fire spread through a building. Wedding reception was being held at the same time. Bride has left justified haematoma. Groom has a piece of shrapnel in his spine,'_

'What are their stats?'

'_Bride has a GCS of 6, Bp is 180 over 60. Groom's got a GCS of 4 BP is 90 over 60,'_

'Intracranial pressure?'

'_Stable,'_

'Make sure they stay that way, I won't be long,' Meredith changed her clothes and lifted Ellen out her cot, settling her in the sling. Checking on Natalie and Jake, Meredith picked up Ellen's bag and crept down the stairs. Scribbling a note down on the kitchen table, Meredith lifted her keys and drove to the hospital, Ellen falling asleep in the back of the car. Lifting her out, she carried her in, the blanket swamping her body.

'Hannah, you take her for a couple of hours?' Hannah looked up from the baby book and smiled at Meredith.

'Sure. Is she needing fed?'

'Yeah, there are a couple of bottles in her bag and everything else. Jake and Natalie are with Derek,'

'Ok, I'll page if any things wrong,' Meredith gave her Ellen and ran off, Changing into her scrubs and going down to trauma. Bailey stood outside, seeming to be shouting at an Intern.

'Bailey, the bride?'

'Trauma 3,'

'Groom?'

'Trauma 4,' Meredith pulled gloves on and pushed the doors open.

'Give me the bullet,' a tall trauma nurse stepped forward towards Meredith and handed her the chart.

'Antonio Parks, 31 year old male, found to have a large piece of metal shrapnel sticking out his spine. Stats have deteriorated rapidly. GCS of 3, BP is 70 over 40 and dropping,' Meredith quickly examined the groom, his eyes seeming to be searching for his new wife.

'Mr Parks, I need you to lie completely still,'

'My wife…she…she was beside me,'

'We're treating your wife next door, but I need you to be still,' the connecting door swung open.

'DR SHEPHERD, SHE'S CRASHING!,' Meredith ripped the gloves off and pulled on a fresh pair. She took over the paddles, shocking the woman three times before she got a pulse.

'Intubate her, book me two OR's. Her first. I need an evacuation surgery set up. Then book for a foreign objects removal surgery,'

'Yes Ma'am,' Meredith went back through to the husband, him thrashing about on the board.

'I need to see my wife…I need to see her,' something inside Meredith snapped.

'If you want to see your wife again and still be able to walk, then you'll lie down and let us do our jobs,' everyone looked at Meredith, unable to comprehend that she had just spoke to a patient like that.

'Get him up to ICU, make sure he doesn't move, page me if anything happens,' Meredith signed off the chart.

'I'm going to be in surgery with your wife, you want me to tell her anything or is there anything I need to know about your wife, like if she's allergic to anything?'

'She miscarried a couple of months ago…penicillin…she's allergic to penicillin,'

'Thank you,'

'Please…don't give up on her…tell her I love her,' Meredith nodded her head and left the trauma rooms, scrubbing into the surgery.

'We have a very special guest on our table tonight. She's not been married for more than five hours…lets make sure she gets another 60 years,' Meredith carried out the first cuts, slowly evacuating the blood and grafting over the burst vessel.

'Get her up to ICU, make sure she is kept under constant watch,' Meredith scrubbed out before instantly scrubbing in for the next operation. Antonio lay, his eyes darting around the room, unsure of his surroundings.

'You wife is out of surgery. She's up on ICU. I need you to help me through this surgery for her sake, don't give up on me,'

'You kept her alive?'

'She kept herself alive with the thought of you, you do the same for her,' He was put under and Meredith eased the large piece of metal shrapnel out, the resident stopping any bleeders that happened.

'Dr Shepherd, Dr Shepherd says he's here,' Meredith looked up and thought over why Derek was there.

'Someone get him on the speaker phone,' Meredith continued the operation, waiting for Derek to Phone.

'Dr Shepherd,'

'Dr Shepherd, when did you get here?'

'About 15 minutes ago. The kids are in day care,'

'Why did you come in?'

'I got your message about the traumas and came in,'

'Thank you, can you please keep an eye on Mrs Katie Parks, I have her husband on the table,'

'What with?'

'Metal Shrapnel in the fourth vertebrate,'

'How deep?'

'At least 5 inches,' Meredith nodded for the phone to be put down and stayed with Antonio as he was wheeled up to ICU, the bed right next to his wife. Meredith stood at the door and watched as each of them came out of the anaesthetic. Katie looked at Antonio and smiled, her hand going out to his. Their newly placed weeding bands clinked together, their hands joined. Each of them fell back asleep, the morphine kicking in.

''You should of woke me before you left,' Meredith smiled as Derek ran his hand along her back.

'There was no point, they only needed one of us and you looked like crap,'

'Thank you, I feel so much better now,' Meredith laughed slightly, not realising that her feet had gone numb.

'Let's go home, please, before I fall asleep on my feet,'

'You go, I'll stay here and I'll keep the kids here, including Ellen,'

'You don't have to,'

'go and sleep, you look like crap too,' Meredith leaned up and gently kissed Derek before slowly making her way home, her eyes heavy. She flopped down onto the bed and let the sleep overtake her, not caring about changing or what she looked like but only that the day was over and that she could finally put it behind her.


	92. She's actually dying

-1Derek sat on the floor, leaning back against the couch. Ellen was in front of him, staggering about, her hands grabbing onto everything as she made her way around the table. Meredith stood at the door, watching as the two of them interacted, Ellen's face lighting up with the sound of Derek's voice.

'You been a good girl…yes you have,' Derek lifted her up and held her up over his head, the three year old still having very little walking abilities.

'You do realise that she'll never learn to walk if you keep lifting her up,' Derek turned to Meredith, Ellen letting out sound showing how happy she was to see Meredith.

'You are supposed to be sleeping,'

'I'm only sick…I can get up,'

'You want something to eat?'

'no,' Derek looked at Meredith.

'You need to eat something,' Meredith shook her head and followed Derek into the kitchen, Ellen looking over his shoulder, smiling at Meredith.

'You need to eat something Meredith,'

'I don't want anything,'

'But what you want and what you need are two different things so what do you want to eat?' Meredith raised her eyebrow at Derek and finally gave in, pointing to the cereal cupboard.

'When do you pick up Jake and Natalie?'

'An hour,'

'Go get ready…I've got her,' Derek went to protest but Meredith stopped him, giving him the look of 'don't argue with me and just run with it'. Derek shook his head and went, Meredith and Ellen reading over how bad Madonna's cellulite was, Ellen finding the colours amazing. Derek kissed Meredith and Ellen's heads and left them, Meredith pouring the Cereal down the sink.

'You know how much of a pain in the ass your dad can be?' Ellen shook her head and Followed Meredith through to the living room. Meredith turned the music on, Ellen beginning to dance along with her.

'You are a better dancer than your dad,' Ellen held onto Meredith's leg before Meredith lifted her up, balancing her on her hip.

'I think me and you should go for a ride,' Meredith took Ellen down to the car, her pink shoes showing out from under the blanket. Meredith pulled up at the pier, the sun beating down on the water. Mark pulled up next to her car, Meredith not realising he was standing watching her.

'How the hell did you know I was here?'

'Only other place Derek talks about other than the hospital. Plus you came here when you guys got married,' Meredith let Ellen crawl about on the grass in front of the water, watching her like a hawk.

'Some things bothering you,' Meredith shook her head.

'I…I got a call from Lindsey,' Mark walked over lifting Ellen back up to her feet. He sat back down next to Meredith.

'It's been three years since everything happened with Philip,'

'Yeah,'

'He attacked her again after she locked the doors to the house,' Mark shook his head.

'She won't let me tell Derek,'

'You need to tell him Meredith,'

'She made me promise,' Mark sighed heavily.

'She's his sister. She knows if he finds out that he would kill Philip without a second thought but you need to tell him. If he finds out you knew and didn't say anything then he will kill you,' Meredith smiled at Mark.

'How do I tell him his sister has a 5 inch cut across her stomach?'

'You sit him down and you tell him. If I was you, I'd tell him soon,' Meredith nodded her head, her pager vibrating on her waist.

'Talk of the devil. I have to go,' Meredith lifted Ellen up and balanced her on her waist.

'Come back to the house,'

'You're going to tell him?'

'Yeah,' Mark took Ellen off Meredith.

'Go and tell him, I'll keep her for a couple of hours,'

'You mind?'

'Go and tell him. Phone me if you want me to take Jake and Natalie,' Meredith nodded her head, going back to the house. Derek was sitting in the kitchen, typing up post op notes.

'Hey, where are the kids?'

'Up stairs. You ok?' Meredith played with her keys nervously.

'We need to talk,' Derek put the lap top down, turning to face Meredith.

'What's wrong?'

'You don't get to be mad at me for not telling you. She made me promise,'

'Who?'

'I…I wanted to tell you but I couldn't,'

'Meredith, your not making any sense,'

'Lindsey,' the blood drained away from Derek's face.

'What's happened?'

'Philip attacked her again,'

'When?'

'last Monday. She called me on Tuesday,'

'You should have told me,' Derek stood up, lifting his jacket and keys.

'I promised her,'

'She's my sister,'

'I know that,'

'You should have told me,'

'You don't get to be mad at me. I was being loyal to someone…I was stopping you from killing him,' Derek turned and looked at Meredith, his eyes glassy.

'When…when I lived in New York, me and Lindsey talked all the time, no secrets. This…this is what happened when I was married to Addison. She started telling her stuff before me, like I couldn't handle it,'

'I'm not Addison,'

'I know your not, but she's acting like I couldn't handle it,'

'Maybe you can't Derek,'

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?' Meredith turned away from Derek.

'Nothing,'

'No, you seem to think I can't' handle hearing that my sister has been attacked by the bastard she married. Why?'

'we found out last week how bad Ellen was and yet you don't want to talk about it, you won't even acknowledge that fact she might never walk. I expected you to yell at me or something but there was nothing. You're acting like you don't want to know,' Derek threw his jacket over the back of the chair.

'You won't eat yet your getting on my case,'

'I've been ill Derek, ill people don't eat,'

'I'm dealing with Ellen,'

'SHOW IT THEN,' Meredith covered her mouth and looked out the window.

'Dad?' She turned, Natalie standing at the bottom of the stairs.

'Why are you guys shouting?'

'It's nothing, go and get your shoes on, tell Jake to do the same,' Meredith lifted the phone, Mark showing up ten minutes later taking Natalie and Jake. He didn't say anything, feeling the tension between the two of them.

'Mark knew…Mark knew before I did,'

'He found me, he realised there was something wrong other than Ellen,'

'Am I supposed to be a mind reader?'

'NO, your supposed to be a human being that has some sort of emotion,'

'So because I'm not crying over the fact Ellen might never walk, I'm not human and I can't handle bad news? That's pathetic,'

'I didn't have to tell you Derek. Lindsey asked me not to say anything, she made me promise. I broke that promise because I thought you had a right to know, maybe I was wrong,'

'I may not be crying every five minutes or talking about how Ellen might not walk, but did you ever think that maybe I was hoping that for once medicine might be wrong and that she could actually walk? I didn't want to show it because I hoped that one day she will,'

'You think I don't? I pray to god that they are wrong, that she will walk one day. But I need to look at the facts Derek. She has little movement in her legs, she stumbles when we hold onto her,'

'This isn't about her is it?' Meredith leaned down on the counter, closing her eyes.

'What's really wrong Meredith?'

'we never get time when everything is normal…there's always something. I didn't want to tell anybody…I wanted to handle this in my own way…I wanted things to be normal for just once in my life,'

'What are you talking about?' Derek walked round, outting his hands on the tops of Meredith's arms.

'my mom is dying Derek…she's actually dying,'


	93. As long as you keep fighting

-1**Ok, please forgive me. I lost the internet for like a month but I am back and to say sorry, I'm updating most of my stories. Some I haven't cause I have the worst writers block in the world. Please accept my apology and review to make me smile XD **

Derek lay, watching Meredith, his arms wrapped around her protectively. Neither of them expected the past to bite them back but it did, the things they had ignored rearing their ugly heads again. Meredith held onto Derek's arm, her face still tear stained, her eyes red and puffy. The red bed covers hid her tiny body as her chest rose and fell. Derek turned to face the window, the rain hitting the windows.

'I'm sorry,' Derek turned to Meredith, her eyes wide open. He leaned down, kissing her head.

'I thought…I thought I was doing the right thing,'

'It's ok,'

'No…what I told you…it's not an excuse,'

'I don't care…one thing at a time,' Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's chest, her head resting against it.

'I should have told you…about my mom as well. I should have told you about Lindsey,'

'Mere, your mom is priority…lets just deal with that first,' Meredith shook her head, climbing out the bed as she went.

'Where are you going?'

'I…em…I just need to do something,' Meredith pulled her timberland boots on and lifted her keys, not telling Derek where she was going. She stood at the head stone, not really knowing why she was there.

'I…my mom's got cancer…liver. They've given her a couple of months…but…I just wanted…,' Meredith sat down on the grass.

'When you died, everything fell to crap, Derek and Adele keeping me sane…but I miss you dad…I really miss you and now…my mom's dying and I…I don't know if I can do it again. I know she doesn't know who I am or what I do but she's my mom…and I'm not ready to loose her yet,' Meredith ignored the rain belting down against her skin, the sound of her cell ringing in the car.

'I remember when you took me to prom…well just before I went. You took pictures of us all, Joanne Ferris looking like she had just came off a street corner…your words not mine,' Meredith started laughing before the tears took over.

'Look after her…that's all I ask…that you look after her,' Meredith stood up, running her hand over the writing on the stone, the sight of her wedding ring reminding her that it was the first time she had called him dad and the look on his face when she did. She drove to the hospital, her pager saying it was a 911. She ran into the trauma rooms, not bothering about changing.

'What we got?'

'Antonio Parks, 31 year old male, woke up with paralysis of the lower body. Wife brought him in,' Meredith cursed under her breath.

'Mr Parks, do you remember me?'

'Yeah…you were the surgeon. What's happened to me?'

'I don't know but I'm gonna find out. I need you to relax for me,' He lay completely still, listening to everything Meredith was saying.

'Ok, we're sending you for a CT scan, see what's happening in your back ok?'

'Tell my wife…she'll worry,'

'I will, I promise,' Meredith took the gloves off, her stethoscope still hanging round her neck as she stood in front of the woman, her jeans, blue top and brown timberland boots making her look more like a patient than a doctor.

'Dr Shepherd?'

'Mrs Parks,'

'Please Katie. My husband?'

'When the accident happened, there was damage to his spinal cord. We released the pressure from it the first time but sometimes you get a delayed reaction of paralysis. We'll see if there's any internal bleeding into the spine and if there is, we'll operate. It may just be temporary. We'll worry when we have to,' She smiled weakly, Meredith squeezing her hand tightly.

'I…I need to tell him…I'm…pregnant. I need to tell him,' Meredith hesitated but nodded her head, the woman following her into the room. Meredith watched from a distance, the smile coming across Antonio's face. Meredith watched as his eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body fitting.

'GET HIM ON HIS SIDE,' Meredith held him, the nurses administering diazepam. Katie stood shaking, the shock in her body filtering through.

'I want you to go and see Dr Slone in maternity. Tell her Dr Shepherd sent you down,'

'I don't want to leave him,'

'I'll come and get you if anything happens,' She nodded her head, Meredith rolling him back onto his back.

'Welcome back,'

'Dr Shepherd?'

'Yeah,'

'My wife's having a baby,'

'Congratulations,'

'Am…am I going to be here…to see them?' Meredith smiled.

'As long as you keep fighting and I keep working then yeah, you will be here to see them,'


	94. Always got better

-1Meredith watched through the glass as Katie sat with Antonio, his surgery having been a success.

'I thought you had got abducted,' Meredith looked over her shoulder at Derek, him handing her a mug of coffee.

'Nope, side tracked by Bailey. Old patient of mine came in again with paralysis of the lower body. Had to do my stuff,' Derek smiled.

'You going to see your mom?' Meredith looked to the mug and then to Derek.

'I don't know if I can,' Derek kissed her head, holding her tightly.

'You can, I'll be right beside you,'

'You need to worry about Lindsey. She's more of a priority,'

'No, my mom and Dad are dealing with her. Your mom comes first,'

'Derek,'

'Don't argue, just go with it,' Meredith nodded her head, turning and paging Mark.

'The kids are at Addison and Marks and begging to stay with them tonight,'

'We could use the time,' Meredith nodded and text Mark back, letting him know he was to keep the kids.

'Come on, you are supposed to be off work and you need to go and see your mom,' Meredith stood at the front of the nursing home, her breath able to be seen with the coldness.

'I'm right beside you,' Derek slipped his hand into Meredith's, her grip tight. The nurse nodded, Meredith going down into the end room. Her mother lay, the morphine drip sending her into a different world. Meredith sat at the end of the bed, Derek watching her. Ellis's head fell towards Meredith, Meredith grazing the side of it.

'Hey mom,' Ellis smiled, Meredith easing her onto her side.

'the kids are fine…Ellen's doing really well at the rehab centre. We're getting her home this weekend. Natalie and Jake are at Addison and Marks, something about Addison and Mark hiding,' Derek stood behind Meredith, his hand on Meredith's back.

'Ellis,' Meredith pushed her mother's hair back.

'the doctor says the morphine should be helping with the pain. You gave me power of attorney a couple of years ago. I need to know…what you want me to do,'

'Mere, you don't need to deal with this now,'

'I do Derek. If…' Meredith swallowed hard.

'If you are put on a life support machine do you want me to turn it off?' Ellis nodded her head, Meredith looking out the window. Meredith looked back down to Ellis, her mouth slightly open.

'I'll be ok…look after the kids Meredith,' Meredith smiled, nodding her head even though the tears were falling down her face freely. Ellis lifted her hand up, placing it on top of Meredith's. her hair fell in front of her face as they walked out the home, both of them silent the whole way back to the house. She sat out on the steps at the back, looking out over the lake. Derek handed her a glass of wine, Meredith accepting it. he sat next to her, Meredith placing her hand on his thigh. She pulled the phone from beside her, dialling up to New York. Derek took hold of it and Meredith watched as Derek shook his head as he listened to the excuses that Lindsey gave him for not telling him. in the end he gave the phone to Meredith, Meredith telling Lindsey she wasn't sorry for telling him.

'Lindsey, I had to tell him, I couldn't hide what was happening for much longer,'

'_I understand…Derek told me about your mom,' _Meredith shook her head

'I promised you I wouldn't tell him and I broke that promise,'

'_You did what you thought was right but also what you needed to do. You need him more than I do and I also get the fact that you don't need the stress of me on your plate,'_

'Lindsey, it's not like that. It was more a case of he's your brother that loves you so much yet you couldn't tell him what was happening. Plus I am a shit liar,' Meredith could hear Lindsey laughing gently.

'_Yeah, you are,'_

'He'll come up and see you, a couple of day's time he'll be up,'

'_You need him there,'_

'I can survive till he gets back. Right now you need your brother to kill him,' Meredith sat back down next to Derek, gently laughing along with Lindsey.

'If anything happens before he gets there, you call, anytime day or night. Promise me,'

'_I promise. You are the same. You need to get away from him you come up here, just a girl's weekend,' _Meredith nodded, hanging the phone up. She sat back down next to Derek, the phone going down beside her again.

'Your sister is not mad at me, surprisingly,'

'How could she be mad,' Meredith leaned back against Derek's chest, his fists clenched. She prized them open, placing her hands onto Derek's palms.

'You, are gonna go up to New York and see Lindsey. She needs you up there,'

'You need me here,' Meredith smiled.

'I can survive. This is something I knew was coming so I know what I'm doing here. Your sister didn't know this was coming and neither did you. You need to see her, I can survive here,'

'Mere,'

'Derek, go to New York and see your family,' Derek nodded, kissing Meredith's forehead. She savoured the feeling, the only reassuring thing about the day coming from the small touch from Derek. She turned, kneeling in front of him. Both of them stared into each others eyes, neither one of them feeling weird or wanting to break the gaze. Meredith hugged Derek tightly, both of them falling back onto the grass but neither one of them cared, the grass melting underneath them as they lay watching the stars come out. Meredith turned her head, looking at Derek, her hand grazing the side of his face. Meredith knew life went up and down so many times and this was one of the down times and no matter how bad things got or how complicated things became, it always got better.


	95. Need her here

-1Derek pushed the semi open door of his parents house open and looked around. The smashed vase on the floor, the overturned chairs made him cautious, frightened even to go any further but he had to keep going, check that everything was ok.

'Mom? Dad?' Derek looked in the kitchen, the table clean, everything else all over the floor, smashed or in pieces. He slowly went through the house, being careful what he stood on, what was on the floor or hanging off walls. He pushed each one of the bedroom doors open, all of them ok, not touched but as he reached Lindsey's, the door got stuck on something and wouldn't open any further. Slipping his head round the door, he took a sharp breath in. Forcing the door open, he ran over to the corner of the room, Lindsey lying in a heap. Her side was ripped open; her face beaten to the point Derek could barely recognise her. Tilting her head back, he breathed a small sigh of relief as her chest went up and down slowly, Derek checking her face. He lifted her top up, the wound having being stitched but the scar was now burst open. Pressing down to stop the small trickle of blood that was making its way out of her system, her called 911, his hands trembling. She moved her head back and forward slowly coming round but it didn't last long. The bedroom door opened again, bob standing staring at Derek.

'Dad, help me move her,' Bob couldn't move, his eyes fixed on Derek's hand.

'DAD!' Bob stepped forward, holding her head as Derek lifted her off the floor and carried her down the stairs.

'We got a call,'

'Lindsey Shepherd, 39 year old female, has had a large laceration to the right side. Was previously stitched. Scar tissue re opened. Attacked and has been badly beaten. Airway is clear but face and body are badly lacerated and bloody,'

'You are?'

'Derek shepherd, Chief of surgeries Seattle grace. Give me ten of morphine and three of nordiazepam,' the two paramedics exchanged looks.

'Yes sir,' Derek lifted her up and carried her out into the ambulance, Bob watching from a distance.

'Dad, get everyone to the hospital, I'll go with her,'

'I'm gonna kill him,'

'Dad, get the girls to the hospital,' the doors were shut, Bob left standing in the doorway of the house. Derek stood outside the exam room, the hand on his shoulder causing him to jump.

'Never thought I'd see you back in this hospital,'

'Taylor, tell me she's gonna be ok,'

'She has a lot of cuts and bruises but there's no internal bleeding. Her side has been packed and we've got a plastic surgeon coming down to check wither or not we should get a graft or let her heal naturally,'

'Forget it, I'll get her transferred up to Seattle grace. Mark's up there,'

'Derek she's fit to go no where. I can't discharge her. she's staying here,'

'Don't discharge her Taylor, transfer her. When she's fit to move,'

'Derek,'

'Taylor, please,' Taylor put his hands up into the air in defeat.

'Ok, but you need to explain to the chief of surgeries why she's being moved when we have a perfectly good plastics team here,'

'I know but she'll want Mark, I know her,' Taylor went into the room, Derek still watching through the glass as Lindsey was brought round form the sedation, the pain slicing through her causing her to scream.

'Where is she?' Derek turned, Karen and Carol running in.

'They're treating her now,' Karen Hugged Derek, Carol going into the room, not caring about the fact she wasn't supposed to be in there. She stormed out, Derek going after her.

'Where are you going?'

'I'm gonna kill him,'

'Carol, Dads already looking for him, just let him be for a while longer. Lindsey needs you here more than she needs you to kill that bastard,'

'What the hell is wrong with you?'

'I have just had to pick my sister off the floor and keep her stomach packed. Right now she is my main priority. I will deal with him later…I will get the bastard later but I need you to be here…so does Lindsey. Mom and Dad will be here shortly and I can't deal with them on my own,' Carol went forward, her arms going around Derek's neck, Derek breaking down into her shoulder.

'Where was she?'

'In the bedroom…the house was trashed…everywhere was a mess,'

'You need to see Meredith, phone her and talk to her, I'll go wait on mom and dad…that's if dad hasn't been arrested for murdering him,'

'I think he'll be here,' Derek walked down and hid in the old on call room he used to hide in before he moved to Seattle. It was still the same, the beds not having moved at all.

'Meredith Shepherd,'

'Hey,'

'Derek, hey. How's New York?' Derek went silent, Meredith knowing something was wrong. She could hear him slowly breaking down, his breathing becoming raspy and erratic.

'Derek what's wrong?'

'Lindsey…he got her…he's attacked her again,'

'Jesus Derek, where is she?'

'She's getting checked over now,'

'Where are you?'

'New York General,'

'I'll get the next flight out,'

'You don't have to,'

'Derek, I'll be there as soon as I can. If you go back to the house, call me and tell me. Otherwise, I'll come straight to the hospital,'

'Thank you,'

'I love you,'

'I love you too mere,' Derek closed the phone over and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes tightly. The time seemed to pass slowly, minutes became hours. He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair before going back along to the exam room that Lindsey was in. she was lying in a hospital gown, her side covered in a large surgical dressing.

'Hey,'

'You in any pain?'

'I'm ok…what about you?'

'Me?'

'Yeah, you,'

'I'm fine,'

'Liar,'

'I am so not lying,' Derek sat down on the seat next to the bed.

'Meredith's on her way up,'

'What for?'

'She wants to make sure your ok,'

'I'm fine Derek…in pain but fine. You seem to want me to get to Seattle grace a hell of a lot because they want to move me in the next three days,'

'It's so Mark can have a look, make sure you don't have a bad scar,' Lindsey started coughing, Derek standing up over her and placing the oxygen mask over her face. She pushed it to the side.

'I'm not an invalid,'

'How you can say that while you're lying in a hospital bed I will never know,' Lindsey smiled, Derek leaning down and kissing her forehead.

'God Linds…I'm gonna fucking kill him,'

'Derek,'

'I'm gonna kill him…actually kill him,'

'That will do absolutely nothing but get you done for murder,' the door opened, Edith coming in and kissing Derek, Derek wrapping his arms around her.

'Meredith's on her way down,'

'You need her here,' Derek nodded, Lindsey having known it from the very start.


	96. He's gone

-1Meredith flung her bag over her shoulder as she walked from the cab into the hospital. The place seemed alien to her, like she didn't belong there. She turned to the feeling of someone's hand on her shoulder, Cap Lesnes standing behind her.

'Cap, what are you doing here?'

'I'm chief here now. The last guy up and leaving to Seattle,'

'I'm one of his close friends…Mark Sloan?'

'Yeah,' Cap smiled weakly, embarrassed that he had said anything.

'Why are you here anyway?'

'I'm looking for a new admission, Lindsey Shepherd?'

'Ah, yeah, she was in one hell of a mess, her side was ripped open. Her face was a mess too. She's up in ICU,'

'Thanks cap,' Meredith ran up, Derek standing outside the room. He turned at the sound of the elevator doors opening. His arms fell from in front of his chest when he realised it was Meredith. she walked straight over to him, wrapping her arms around him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

'Thank you,'

'I would have been here Derek even if you hadn't wanted me here. How is she?'

'She's on morphine and disporlate, her bloods clotting a lot. Her side ripped again even with the packs on. They're transferring her up to Seattle Grace in a couple of days, Mark can have a look at her,'

'Are you ok?' Derek looked into the room again, Meredith's hand grazing the side of his face.

'It's me remember. You don't have to be strong for me Derek,' Derek let the tears roll down his face, Meredith hugging him again. She could feel the hot tears hitting her shoulder.

'I found her lying on the bedroom floor…she…she was a mess,'

'You got her out the house and got her the help that she needed. You did what was right,' Derek wiped his face as his mom came out the room, Meredith hugging her.

'She's asking to see you Derek,' Meredith nodded, Derek taking her hand and pulling her into the room with her.

'Mere, hey,' Meredith kissed Lindsey on the cheek, Derek sitting down next to Lindsey. Meredith looked over the chart that sat at the end of the bed, skimming over the blood work and test results that came back. Her CT scans sat on the shelf, Meredith lifting them up to the light and nodding her head.

'So doctor Shepherd what is your diagnosis?'

'Everything's clean. Your scans pure so your ok,'

'I prefer hearing it from you. The other guy seemed too clinical about it,'

'That's because he has to stay professional,'

'He was like I was a lab rat,' Meredith squeezed her leg gently, Lindsey shifting in the bed.

'Where are the kids?'

'Ellen's at rehab and Natalie and Jake are at Christina and Burkes. Addison and Mark said they would get her out of rehab,'

'How is her rehab going?'

'She's doing really well,' Lindsey looked at Derek, his gaze not meeting hers. Meredith nodded her head, pulling Derek out and down into an on call room.

'Talk to me Derek,' he sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes still not meeting hers. She lifted his chin with the tips of her fingers.

'Derek, you need to talk to me here; I'm not a mind reader,'

'I can't look at her…her face is too badly beaten for me to look at her without the thought of killing him entering my head,'

'The thoughts of killing him are not only being experienced by you, trust me on that one. Your dad seems to be missing in action right now so I'm guessing the bastard won't be walking. Karen and Carol are missing too. I'm betting he'll be getting brought into the hospital shortly if your mom can't find them,' Derek held onto Meredith, his face on her chest. He sighed heavily before they both left the on call room.

'Go and get some coffee, I'll go and sit with Lindsey. I'll know if you go after him,' Derek smiled weakly and headed in the opposite direction of the room, Meredith knowing he needed time. As she approached the room, she began to slow down, the blinds having been closed. She opened the door, Philip standing over Lindsey with his hand over her mouth. Meredith went over, punching him to the floor. Lindsey let out a sob, Meredith's temper breaking as she started kicking his ribs, the groans he let out getting quieter as he slowly began to pass out. She stepped back, looking at the now small figure lying on the floor as he squirmed about on the floor. He reached out, pulling her down to the floor with him, his body pinning hers down. She wrestled, trying to fight him off her. Lindsey started screaming. Meredith could feel the hard blows off his hand against her face, Meredith realising that this was something she had learned to get out of so many times. Putting her strength into her legs, she kicked up, Philip rolling onto the side. She staggered to the door, three nurses running over from the nurses station. They looked between Meredith and Philip, joining the dots of who he was.

'Call…security and…get him moved,' Meredith slid down the wall as he was dragged out; forgetting the fact Lindsey was lying in the bed watching her. Her eyes were closed tightly, her face throbbing at the feeling of the blood trickling down from her head and lip, the taste of bloods filtering through her mouth.

'Mere?' Meredith opened her eyes and stood up, walking over to Lindsey.

'You need help,'

'Are you ok? Did he hurt you?'

'Meredith, go and get your face seen to,'

'Dad,' Meredith looked over her shoulder, Bob walking towards the door.

'What the hell happened?'

'He was here,'

'Meredith,' Bob sat Meredith down, Meredith standing straight back.

'I'm fine. Stay with her. Make sure she gets checked over,' Meredith staggered out the room and along to the exam room where two security guards were standing outside.

'We can't let any one in,'

'Trust me, you can,' Meredith pushed the door open, Philip sitting on the bed.

'Come back for more?' He stood up, Meredith not cowering to him.

'Why did you do it? And why come back?'

'I lost my life because of her, my wife, my job, my house, my money everything. She deserved what she got. I will get her for what she's done,' Meredith groaned as he pushed her up against the wall, his hand finding her face again.

'You always were a bastard,' Meredith doubled over, the feeling of his anger against her skin something she had to endure to get him out of the Shepherds lives. The cops who arrived came in the room, Meredith lying on the floor, him pinning her body down again.

'You pressing charges?' Meredith steadied herself against the door frame.

'Hell yeah,' Meredith smiled, knowing he would be sent down for a hell of a long time, even if Lindsey didn't press charges. She held onto the rail that ran along the wall as she walked back along to Lindsey's room. Closing her eyes tightly she leaned down against it, her hands tight around the pole. She winced sharply as Karen's hand went onto her back, the bruises forming. She looked at her, Karen's jaw hitting the floor at the state of her face.

'God almighty,'

'Please, just make sure Lindsey ok, I'm fine,' Karen shook her head, Meredith leaning back down against the pole. Bob came back out, taking Meredith's weight.

'Why did you let him do that to you? Why not let the cops get him?'

'He has to be put away for what he did to her but I know she won't press charges. The only way to get rid of him is to press charges,'

'So you let yourself get to this state to get rid of him?'

'Beats Derek getting done with a murder charge,' Bob smiled nodding his head.

'Go in and sit with her,'

'I'm not leaving you,'

'Bob, I'm fine. I've been in this state before. I'm fine honestly. Go and see Lindsey,' Bob looked at Meredith.

'Go and see her,'

'Come in and sit down before you fall down,' Meredith held onto her side as she sat down into the chair beside the door, everyone looking at her.

'I'm not gonna break, I'm fine,' Lindsey sat up in the bed, her eyes glassy.

'You didn't need to do that for me, I could have handled him,'

'the only way to get rid of him Linds is to get him sent down and that is exactly what I plan on doing,' Meredith tried to stand up but staggered backwards, Karen stopping her from falling over.

'Sit down,'

'it's better if I'm moving,' Meredith slowly paced up and down the empty corridor before she slid down the wall, the pain now too much for her to move. She shut her eyes tightly, the sound of the door opening, causing her to lift her head to reveal her face from behind her hair.

'What the hell…Mere,' Meredith's head fell, her hair covering her face again. Derek kneeled down in front of her and tilted her head back, Meredith smiling weakly through the pain.

'I got rid of him for you…he's gone,' Derek lifted her up and carried her along Lindsey's room. She lay curled up in his arms, not moving for the pain in her body, everyone trying to lighten the mood. She winced as she turned more in towards Derek, her arms holding onto her sides. Both of them fell asleep, none of the others wanting to wake them.

'I can't believe she did that,'

'Karen,'

'Mom, I don't mean it in a bad way but she must really love Derek to do that for Lindsey, get herself mauled like that,'

'She did it so that he can get sent down, get him out of our lives,' everyone went silent, no one knowing how to react to the fact someone who now looked so frail could do such a big thing for their family and yet still be fighting.


	97. There for me

-1Derek covered Meredith with the blue blanket, her body curled up on the couch. He looked around, the house still trashed, their lives turned upside down. He started lifting everything, putting everything back into it's place. Bob came in and took hold of Derek's hands, prizing the chair out of them.

'Derek you've not slept in about two days. You need to sleep,' Derek shook his head and continued to tidy up, Bob stopping him again.

'Derek, stop, now,' Derek leaned down onto the kitchen counter, Bob pulling him over and sitting him down at the table.

'What's wrong?' Derek looked into the living room, Meredith still fast asleep.

'She used to get beaten…an ex boyfriend. She couldn't stop it then. But now she let herself get into that state to get rid of Philip and I can't feel anything but anger,'

'Towards her?'

'No…I don't know. I've never seen her like that and truthfully…it scares me dad…it really scares me. I should have been the one who got rid of Philip, not Meredith,'

'Derek, she did that because she loves you and she loves this family, the same way that we love her. When I seen her, I didn't know what to think. She allowed that bastard to beat her so that she could press charges. That's the reason she did it Derek,'

'Linds isn't pressing charges?'

'She doesn't want to,' Derek shook his head, Bob squeezing his shoulder.

'You need to help her about Derek; she's in more pain than she letting on about. I saw her earlier when she lifted the mug out the cupboard. She nearly fell to the floor in pain but when I went over she stood up straight, pretending like nothing was wrong,'

'Maybe she should get checked over, when we get Lindsey down to Seattle; I'll make sure she's ok,'

'Derek, she needs to go home now,'

'She won't leave,'

'Don't give her the choice. I'll come down with Lindsey in a few days. Take her home Derek,' Derek nodded his head, knowing that he was right and that she needed to go home. Meredith woke up, not knowing where she was. She sat up slowly, realising that she was in the back of a cab, Derek holding onto her.

'Where are we going?'

'Home,'

'But, Lindsey,'

'My dad's bringing her down. You need to go home Mere,'

'I'm fine Derek,'

'Stop pretending Meredith,' Derek eased her back down, her head on his lap, Derek brushing the hair away from her face. He eased her out the cab and into the airport, Meredith covering her face with her hair. She lifted her head at the check-in desk, the young girl seeming to stare at Meredith.

'I'll put you straight through to the departure gates,' Meredith smiled, Derek holding onto her. She fell asleep as they sat on the plane, Derek watching her sleeping. He lifted her out the plane, the flight attendants helping him about. She didn't stir as he placed her into the bed, her body still sore and bruised. He sat on the edge of the bed, unable to take his eyes off her in case she woke up. The front door opening and closing caused him to stand up sharply. He listened as the set of tiny feet ran up the stairs.

'Make sure you get Jake's other bag,' Derek opened the door slowly, Mark jumping in shock at the fact he was back.

'When did you guys get back?'

'A couple of hours ago,' Mark looked at Derek, his eyes blood shot.

'Is Lindsey ok?'

'Yeah, she's getting transferred down in a couple of days,' Mark still knew something was wrong.

'What's wrong?' Derek opened the bedroom door further, Mark sticking his head round the door.

'Christ Derek,' Mark kneeled down next to the bed, gently examining Meredith's face.

'You should see her body,' Mark peeled the duvet back, Meredith not waking up as he moved her about.

'I need to look at her in the hospital,'

'She won't let you,'

'She doesn't have a choice,'

'DAD!' Natalie ran towards Derek, Derek lifting her up and spinning her around.

'I missed you. Where's mom?' Derek was unsure.

'I don't want you to worry when you see Mom. She's ok, she just got into a bit of an accident but she's ok now,' Derek stepped back into the room, Natalie's eyes bulging at the sight of Meredith.

'Why is Mom's face all bruised?'

'We'll talk when your mom wakes up. You ok staying with Aunt Addie and Uncle Mark for a few more days?'

'Yeah, is mom ok or are you just saying that?' Derek smiled.

'Yeah, your mom is ok. I'll see you later ok,'

'Ok,' Natalie walked over, gently kissing Meredith on the cheek. She ran down the stairs, Mark following her. Derek stood in the hall of the silent house, unsure of what to do, where to go. He sat on the floor, watching as the light that filtered in the window moved along the wall as the time passed. Meredith stood at the door watching him.

'You ok?' Derek looked over to her, smiling.

'Yeah, Natalie saw you earlier,'

'What did she say?'

'She just asked why you were in the state you were and I said you had been in an accident,'

'Good thinking,'

'How do we explain to an eight year old and a six year old that their mom got beaten up by a bastard that they used to call their uncle?'

'We don't. We stick with the accident idea,' Meredith sat Next to Derek, his arm going around her shoulders.

'I'm sorry you got dragged into this,' Meredith looked at Derek.

'I didn't get dragged in. I put myself in this position so that the bastard would get sent down. Lindsey needs him out of her life wither she wants it or not. She won't press charges, so I am,' Derek kissed her forehead, Meredith smiling at the touch.

'Mark says he'll have a look, see if he can do anything,'

'I'm fine. It's Lindsey who got attacked randomly, not me. I was…I could have shouted for help but I didn't. I took things into my own hands knowing full well that this could have happened,'

'He pinned you to the ground Mere, her was on top of you rendering you defenceless,'

'And Lindsey? She was lying in a hospital bed with a five inch cut across her side. She was more defenceless than what I was,'

'You should have shouted for some one, anyone,'

'Derek, he had his hand over her mouth, I wasn't going to let him stay like that for much longer. I did what I thought was right and I would do it again in the blink of an eye,' Derek brushed the hair out her face.

'I…it's just when I seen you in the corridor…I…I never expected you to be in the mess you were in,'

'Derek, it's cuts and bruises, things that will heal over time. You, need to let this go,' Derek shook his head.

'I can't…I said I would always be there for you, I promised, but I wasn't,' Meredith pushed herself up, leaning back against the wall.

'Derek, you were there for me. You might not see it but you were and you didn't break your promise,'


	98. I'm Fine

-1Meredith pushed the side room door open and smiled as Lindsey sat up in the bed.

'How you feeling?'

'I am never going in a helicopter again. How are you?' Meredith started smiling

'I'm fine,'

'Liar,' Meredith let the smile weaken showing what was really going on.

'Hell of a lot of pain, but I am ok. The kids are dying to see you,' Lindsey smiled and shifted up into the bed again.

'Maybe when I can stand on my own two feet yeah. I don't want them to see me like this…what did they say about you?'

'Me and Derek are going for the mom was in an accident route. I don't want them to know about what's been happening…not until everything is sorted anyway. Do you mind?'

'Far from it. I would rather they didn't know at all if the truth be told,'

'They will eventually join the dots,'

'They're smart Mere, I get it. Maybe when they're older they'll understand a bit better,'

'Not sure how that's gonna work but we can but try,' Meredith sat with Lindsey, her hand resting on top of Lindsey's, her thumb gently rubbing the back of it. The door opened, Derek leaning against the door frame.

'I am looking for my chief of neurology, you seen her?' Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

'Don't have a clue who she is,' Lindsey started chuckling.

'What's wrong?'

'Got a couple of cases coming in, need a couple of consults,'

'Your wish is my command Chief,' Meredith slipped out the room, her hand slyly running over Derek's arm.

'She's in pain Derek, a lot of pain,'

'She won't let anyone look at her or get her any scans. I tried but she just won't let me,'

'Don't give her the choice,'

'You sound so much like dad,'

'What? A deep husky sexy voice? Dad doesn't sound like that,'

'Dad said the exact same thing the other day before I left and came back down here. Meredith didn't want to leave New York but she needed to come home so dad said don't give her a choice,'

'And you didn't. Look where it got you,'

'Yeah, she slept the whole way back, only realising we were home when we were talking,'

'You guys were talking. How did she seem?'

'Ok, this is a slightly weird conversation that we are having,'

'I feel like she's holding something back,' Derek sighed.

'She is, but I can't go into it. It's stuff from her past that took a hell of a lot of courage on her part to tell me about. Dad knows a tiny bit but knows it was a huge thing me telling him that,'

'I feel like a teenager, the secrets being passed about between the three of you,'

'It's big for her and I know she would string me up if she found out dad knew,'

'Pretty big then,'

'Yeah. So it's not you she's lying to personally, it's everyone,'

'As long as she's ok,'

'Yeah she is. I have to go and save lives so I will come back and see you later. Might bring pizza,'

'I can't eat anything. I have surgery in a couple of hours with Mark,'

'What is it he's doing?'

'He's using a skin graft, trying to make the line as faint as possible,'

'You know what Marks like. He's a perfectionist and won't let you be left with a scar,'

'I trust Mark,' Derek looked down at his pager before he ran down to trauma. Meredith went from room to room, changing gloves as she went. He caught her in between rooms, the gloves she was wearing falling into a bin, her back opening the door for her.

'What we got?'

'Carrie Grant 37 year old female. Passenger of car one. Seatbelt prevented her from going through the windscreen however her head hit off the corner of it. Large laceration to her forehead. GCS 4, BP 180 over 120. Has had ten of morphine and three or atropine,'

'Thank you. Ok Carrie, can you hear me?'

'Yeah,'

'Ok, I'm doctor shepherd. I need you to squeeze my fingers for me,' Carrie nodded her head, Meredith looking up to the monitor, her heart rate slowly dropping.

'I have…'

'You have what?'

'I have,' Carrie started fitting.

'GET HER ON HER SIDE…WATCH HER ARM. Ok book me a CT and an MRI stat. throw out whoever you have to,'

'Yes ma'am,'

'Make sure she doesn't move on the spinal board until her scans are clear,' Meredith ripped the gloves off and went through the joining doors.

'Give me the bullet,'

'Hannah Murphy. Back seat passenger in car. She's 16 years old. Complaining of a pain in her lower back and neck. Also numbness in her legs. GCS of 2, BP 120 over 90. All other stats are normal,'

'Hannah, I'm Meredith, can you tell me where you are?'

'Seattle grace. I need to see my mom,'

'You can see her when we make sure your ok,'

'No, she has to see me now…please,'

'Hannah, I need you to lie still for me. You could have a spinal injury,'

'I'm pregnant and I need to tell my mom,' Meredith looked up to the intern.

'Get Addison Sloan down here now, page 911,' Meredith examined her neck, feeling for any sign of any movement of the vertebrates.

'Dr Shepherd…' Addison looked at Meredith's face and arms.

'Dr Sloan, Hannah Murphy 16 year's old backseat passenger in a car. Just told me she's pregnant,' Addison couldn't keep her eyes off Meredith's face and arms.

'Addison,'

'Sorry. Hannah how far along are you?'

'About five months, if that,'

'Ok I need an ultra sound in here and a foetal monitor,'

'I need to get her for a CT and an MRI, check for spinal cord damage,'

'I just need to check her over and then you can send her for any scans,'

'I'll be back Hannah,' Meredith went up to the light room, the intern looking at Carries results.

'Her scans are pure, there's no inter cranial haemorrhage,'

'She had a seizure so there has to be a reason. Find out why. Send her for more scans. I want to know why she's having seizures,'

'Yes Dr Shepherd,' Meredith pulled her hair back into a ponytail as she ran to get the elevator. She leaned back against the wall, the elevator stopping at every floor. Derek stepped in, smiling at her.

'What's up?' Meredith stood up straight.

'I need pain killers,'

'You should have told me you were in pain,'

'I have patients to deal with first and can't take anything on shift,'

'Yes you can,' Meredith stepped out the elevator.

'Later,' Hannah was sitting up in the bed, Meredith's jaw hitting the floor. She turned, glaring at the intern.

'What the hell is she doing sitting up?'

'She said she was fine,'

'Get out of here now,' Meredith eased Hannah back down, Hannah squirming as Meredith put the neck brace back on.

'You could have damage to your back and I need to wait before I can take it off,'

'Dr Sloan said the baby was fine,'

'That's good,'

'Yeah, I need to tell my mom,'

'Who is your mom?'

'Yvonne Murphy, she was driving the car,'

'I'll find her for you, but you need to let me treat you first. We got a deal?'

'Yeah,'


	99. Goodbye mom

**As i love you all so much, i'm posting two chapters, please review both XD luved **

Addison handed Meredith a mug of coffee, Meredith looking at her.

'What happened in New York?'

'Philip attacked Lindsey again and then went to the hospital to get her again. I kina lost me temper and started punching him. One thing lead to another and I ended up like this,'

'You should have called,'

'And said what, hi Addison just to let you know I can't stand up straight without a morphine drip?'

'You should have called,' Meredith smiled, Addison hugging her.

'I know,' Meredith looked down into the OR, Mark in the middle of operating on Lindsey. The Gallery had been closed off to the interns, Addison and Meredith having thrown them out.

'How is she?' Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

'She's outing in a brave face but I know that what happened with Philip really frightened her,'

'Is she going back to New York?'

'Me and Derek were thinking of telling her to stay here for a bit longer after she gets out,'

'Lindsey will want to get home as soon as possible,' Meredith played with the lid on the mug of coffee.

'Spit it out,' Meredith looked up.

'You and Lindsey used to talk when you were married to Derek,'

'Yeah,'

'What did you not tell him?'

'What do you mean?'

'me and Derek were arguing and he said that you and Lindsey used to talk in New York and that she'd tell you stuff before Derek but you would say that you didn't know anything,'

'Ah,'

'You get what I'm saying,'

'Me and Lindsey used to talk everyday, at least once. Some times I spoke to her more than I did Derek. She told me about her getting engaged to Philip before she did Derek and…'

'And what?'

'Lindsey miscarried and she told me not to tell Derek. He found out and didn't talk to me for about a week,'

'Derek not talking for a week? That sounds impossible,'

'trust me, it's not,' Meredith looked down to her pager, the blood draining away.

'What's up?'

'I…uh…I have to go,'

'What's wrong?'

'I just have to go,' Meredith left the gallery and went looking for Derek. She pushed the office door open, Burke just leaving the office.

'Hey, he's just heading out to surgery,' Meredith closed the door behind Burke, Derek looking up from the mountain of paper work in front of him. she lifted the phone as she sat on the edge of the desk, Derek raising his eyebrows in amusement. She went silent as she listened to the message the female had left her at the end of the phone. Derek sat smiling at her as she stood up, placing the phones receiver back down.

'I have to go…can you cover me?'

'Where?'

'I…I just have to go. I'll be back later,'

'Is everything ok?' Meredith took the keys out of Derek's hands and walked out the office, not answering his question. She drove straight to the home, Miss Henry standing outside waiting for her.

'Where is she?'

'She's in her room. The physician told us to call you,' Meredith went straight in, not caring about the fact she was in her scrubs or the fact she looked a mess. Her mother lay on her side, her face pale and clammy, the tubes coming out her mouth.

'Mom, it's me,' Meredith kneeled down next to the bed and took hold of her mother's hand, her grip tight. She brushed her hair out her face as she sat with her, the hours passing quickly. The physician stepped forward and turned the machine off, Meredith having nodded her head for the life support to be stopped.

'Goodbye mom,'


	100. Zombie

-1Meredith walked back into the hospital like a zombie, the pain in her body not registering anymore. She lifted her ID and pager off Derek's desk, Burke just looking at her. she sat in the gallery, watching as Derek finished up the surgery he had been performing for five hours. He looked up, nodding his head for Meredith to meet him in the scrub room. She didn't move. She sat even when the lights were turned out in the OR. Derek stood at the door, watching her as she sat motionless, the tears threatening to fall but never actually falling.

'What's wrong?' Meredith turned at the sound of his voice, looking to the ground in front of him.

'If your in pain you should take something,' Meredith shook her head, not talking seeming like the best thing.

'Meredith what's wrong?' She stood up to face him, Derek stopping her leaving the gallery.

'nothing…nothing is wrong,'

'Don't lie,'

'It's…if I say It then I know it's true and I don't want it to be,'

'Do want what to be true?' Meredith shook her head and went down to ICU. Hannah lay on the bed next to her mother, each of them staring at each other. Meredith felt a pang of jealousy through her, the fact she had never had that sort if relationship with her mother, Meredith always having her mother in a different place from her, even before the altzimers.

'I have just had a very confused friend ask me if his wife had said anything to me about what was wrong,'

'No now Mark…just not now,' Mark turned Meredith to face him.

'Derek has to know first…but I can't tell him,'

'What is it?' Meredith shook her head and pushed Mark away. She sat on the roof, the wind cold but her body totally numb.

'Mere, what's wrong?' Derek sat down next to Meredith, her body leaning against his.

'My mom died,' Derek put his arm around Meredith's shoulder and pulled her against him, the shock filtering through him.

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'It only happened about 2 hours ago,'

'You left to go to the home,'

'Yeah,' Meredith sighed heavily.

'I'm so sorry Mere,'

'It's not your fault, you have no reason to be. I knew it was coming but I thought she had more time…they said she had months. She didn't even last one month,'

'she didn't want to be in pain,'

'she should still be here,'

'I know,' Derek kissed Meredith's forehead before he lifted her up. she didn't resist against him as he sat her down in the on call room, her body having no energy.

'Stay here. I'll come and get you when I'm finished,' Meredith nodded her head, Derek knowing she had detached herself from the situation and it was only a matter of time before it all hit her. Derek walked out and bumped into Addison, Addison looking at him like she knew that something else was wrong.

'Mere's mom died this morning,'

'Where is she?'

'She's in there…I don't know what to say to her,'

'How did you deal with Richard dying?'

'That was different,'

'How?'

'I told her he was dead. I was there to catch her when she found out but…this time she was the calm one who was telling me that she was dead,'

'She chose to deal with it her way. She wanted it to be her way. Maybe she has dealt with it. short term though,'

'Yeah,' Derek rubbed his hand over his face and sighed heavily, Addison squeezing his shoulder, hoping to give him some sort of support. Derek nodded and folded his arms across the front of himself. He smiled weakly at the intern as he explained the new patients symptoms, Derek's mind not on the patient but on Meredith and the fact she had had to deal with her mothers death on her own.

'What's wrong?' Derek came out of his day dream as he watched Lindsey through the ICU glass doors.

'Derek? Is it Lindsey?'

'Dad, she's ok. The surgery went well and Marks monitoring her really closely,'

'So?'

'So what?'

'What's wrong?' Derek sighed, his head falling in defeat.

'Meredith's mom died this morning and she never told me that she had got a call from the home telling her that she needed to go over. She went on her own,'

'Derek, this is her way of dealing with this. Remember that she's in a lot of physical pain too,'

'I know…but she just seems so…lifeless and numb. When her dad died she was a mess and she knew it too but now…it's like she's just shut it out and doesn't want to think about it,'

'Maybe she doesn't. she's been through a lot Derek, physically and, mentally. She needs to let things sink in before-' Derek turned sharply into the exam room, Lindsey stats falling sharply.

'GET MARK SLOAN IN HERE NOW!' Derek lowered the head of the bed and pulled Lindsey's gown up. Rubbing the side with a piece of gauze, he inserted the needle, her stats normalising.

'What happened?' Derek looked at Mark, Mark pushing him back to the wall.

'her left lung collapsed,'

'Derek go and wait outside, I've got her,'

'No, I need to stay,'

'Derek, go and wait outside. You're family. You stay outside,' Derek nodded and went outside, his dad watching through the glass.

'What happened to her?'

'Her left Lung collapsed. It's common when patients have been under general anaesthetic,'

'Derek you said she was ok,'

'She is ok. This happens sometimes. It's unpredictable,'

'Then she could become worse,'

'Dad,' Derek walked away, Bob watching him. Derek stood back and looked at the OR board. It was quiet, Derek remembering the last time they had a quiet board. Shaking off the thoughts of the code black, he went back to the on call room. Meredith was lying on her side, the tears silently falling down her face.

'Mere,'

'She didn't die alone…at least she wasn't alone Derek,'

'You wouldn't let her be on her own,'

'I thought…I thought when she died I would be more upset but in some way I'm relieved that she won't have to suffer…does that make me a bad person because I'm glad she died before it got any worse?' Derek shook his head and leaned in gently kissing Meredith's forehead.

'No, it shows how much you loved her. you didn't want her to suffer. You were willing to let your mom die so that she wouldn't be in pain and so she wouldn't suffer,'

'But am I a bad person for thinking it?'

'No mere, your not a bad person. Think about what you did for Lindsey. You managed to get that bastard out her life. You helped your mother when she was dying. You made sure she wasn't alone,' Meredith gently nodded her head.

'I miss her Derek…I really miss her,'


	101. Handling this

-1**I'm sorry I've not updated sooner. Enjoy and review XD**

Meredith stood at the back door, the coffee cup warm in her hands. Natalie and Jake ran round and round, each of them hunting for Ellie and Zoe who were hiding in the garden some where. Addison stood behind her watching as she sighed heavily, trying to smile when the kids done something funny but not quite managing to get there, her body and mind exhausted.

'You need to sleep,'

'I'm fine,' Addison stood beside Meredith.

'I know you've not slept in about a week,'

'I'm fine,'

'You have said that word so many times it means nothing any more,'

'I am fine,'

'Meredith,' Meredith turned to face Addison.

'My mom died, I get that. She's been cremated. I am fine,'

'Meredith,' she turned out to face the garden again, the kids jumping about. She put the mug down on the kitchen counter and walked through to the living room. Addison followed her, Meredith just wanting to leave.

'Meredith,'

'I'll be back…I just…I'll be back,' Addison sighed and went back to the kitchen, Jake and Natalie standing watching Meredith leaving.

'Where's mom going?'

'She's got a few errands to run but she's come back soon,'

'Is Uncle Mark coming over?'

'Once he's finished work he'll come over later but you guys need to go and fine Ellie and Zoe for me cause I can't find them,' Natalie and Jake exchanged looks before running back into the garden. Addison breathed a sigh of relief, Derek and Meredith not telling them about Ellis's death. The front door slammed shut, Addison turning sharply. Meredith leaned down on the side board, Addison walking over towards her.

'I can't…I can't do this,' Meredith started panicking, Addison unsure what to do.

'I can't drive…I can't see anything,'

'What do you mean?'

'I can't see straight…she's finally getting to me,'

'Mere,' Meredith slid down the wall, Addison coming down to her level and gently holding her. Meredith didn't realise Jake was standing in front of her. She sat up sharply, her hands trembling as she stretched out to take hold of him.

'Mom,' Meredith held onto him, rubbing his back, trying to find some sort of reassurance from his presence but nothing happened.

'Go…and stay with Natalie and the girls,' Jake ran off, Meredith wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.

'Stay here,' Addison pushed herself up off the floor and left Meredith sitting on the floor in the hall. She curled up, trying to avoid the door crushing her as it opened.

'Mere?'

'The kids are in the garden. Don't know where Addison is,'

'You ok?' Meredith started laughing.

'Why wouldn't I be?' Mark left Meredith sitting in the hall, Addison coming back a few minutes later.

'The kids are in the car. Me and Mark will take them tonight. You…you stay here and…let everything sink in,' Meredith nodded her head, not moving from the spot on the floor. After the house went quiet, Meredith stood up and looked around. It was silent, no movement anywhere. She filled the wine glass and turned the stereo up full blast, Blocking out any other thoughts that she had. Filling the bath up she lay, letting the water come up around her. She stayed in the bath, not feeling the water growing colder and colder until the heat was gone completely from it. She looked up, Derek standing at the door watching her. He wrapped the towel around her body, Meredith not wincing at the pain from the bruises. He looked down her body, not realising how thin and pale she was, how the bruises were only starting to go away.

'Mark and Addison have the kids,'

'You should have paged me,'

'How's Lindsey?'

'Meredith,' Meredith slipped down into the bath, pulling her hands in with it. The pain of the cold water against her skin kicked in, Meredith grimacing. Derek put his arms into the water and lifted Meredith out, not caring about the fact she was soaking wet. She sat motionless on the bed, Derek kneeling in front of her.

'My mom…she died…actually stopped breathing,'

'Yeah she did,' Meredith nodded her head, Derek wiping away the pieces of hair from around her face. She didn't respond to the touch, Derek trying to get some sort of response out of her but it didn't seem to work.

'How's Lindsey?' Derek hesitated.

'She's…she's fine,'

'Don't lie because of what's happening,'

'She's got an infection. They put her back into ICU. Marks watching her,' Meredith got dressed, slowly, the pain in her body sore. She lifted the car keys from the side board, Derek standing at the bottom of the stairs.

'Where are you going?'

'The hospital,' Meredith opened the front door, Derek taking hold of her hand and prizing the keys out of her hands.

'Let me drive,'

'I can go by myself,'

'Meredith,' Meredith tried to take the keys out of Derek's hands, his grip tightened on the keys.

'I can drive,'

'Meredith,'

'I'm not an invalid,'

'I never said you were,' Meredith sighed heavily and stood against the passenger door, her head leaning back against the cold door frame. Derek unlocked the car, Meredith not saying anything the whole way to the hospital. Karen and Carol were sitting outside the ICU department, Bob and Edith inside with Lindsey.

'Hey how is she?'

'She's stable. That's all they'll say to us,'

'Give me a couple of minutes,' Derek went to object as Meredith went into the department but she ignored him calling her name over and over again. Stealing the chart out the rack she snuck it out the office and stood at the window of Lindsey's exam room. The blood work was showing she had a high white count, the infection all through her body. Going out, Karen and Carol stood in front of Meredith.

'She has a serious infection in her body. It was just in the wound but it has spread. She should be ok once they get the antibiotics into her,'

'Thank you,' Meredith smiled, Karen going forward.

'I'm sorry about your mom,'

'So am I. Just focus on Lindsey,'

'Meredith,'

'I'm handling this…trust me…I'm handling this,'


	102. Years

-1Meredith didn't know why she was standing outside the house, the street quiet. She pressed the door bell, her hands trembling. She pushed her hands into her jacket pockets, waiting for the one person she had to tell about her mother to show. As he came to the door, she cleared her throat, the look of shock on his face apparent.

'Meredith,'

'My mom died a couple of weeks ago, three to be exact. I just thought you should know,'

'What…I mean,'

'She died of liver cancer. Plus the altzimers didn't help but it was the cancer that killed her. I got her cremated, she asked for it,'

'I,'

'I'm sorry I never told you sooner but…I had to let it sink in,'

'Meredith,'

'I'll let you go; I just wanted you to know,'

'Meredith,'

'Bye Thatcher,' Meredith walked down the path the feeling of his eyes on her back. She sat in the car, breathing heavily as she realised she hadn't give him a chance to react, but she knew if she had she would have turned on him, told him how she really felt about him. She lifted Ellen up off the floor as she went into the house, the toys scattered everywhere. Meredith hung her jacket on the banister, Ellen falling over again.

'Hold onto the rails. That's what they're there for,' Jake stood at the kitchen door, watching Meredith. Even though he was only eight, Meredith felt like he knew everything that was going on.

'Where's your dad?'

'He went out, down to the lake I think,'

'Is everything ok?'

'He got a call from the hospital. He dropped the phone and then walked out,'

'Keep and eye on Ellen. Make sure she uses the rails,' Meredith cautiously walked down to the lake. Derek sat at the side, his face tears stained.

'Derek?' He wiped his face quickly, Meredith sitting down next to him.

'What's wrong?' Derek shook his head.

'How did it go?'

'Fine. What's wrong?'

'Lindsey…she's been put on a ventilator…her lungs, with the infection…they can't…she can't breath on her own,' Meredith turned and faced Derek, pulling him over against her.

'She might not get through this…She,'

'She is a fighter. Like you. When you were stupid enough to get shot she said the same thing,'

'I could breath on my own…she can't,' Meredith took Derek's face in her hands, making sure he didn't break her gaze.

'She will make it through this and you have to be there for her. We never get a chance Derek of having everything normal and calm. So this is another thing that makes life shit. We…we just need to get through this cause when we do, then life may just become normal,'

'What if life never becomes normal after this…what if she dies Mere? How do we go back to normal after that? I…I couldn't go back to everything being normal if she died,'

'I'm not saying you have to but what I am saying is that she is a fighter and when she gets through this then we will go back to normal…or whatever normal is,' Derek put his hands on the set of tiny arms around his neck, Ellen holding onto him for dear life. Meredith looked up to the house, Jake standing at the door making sure that she got to them ok.

'Lindsey wants to see the kids when she's better, so she will get to see them because she will get better. You have to believe that. Who is with her now?'

'My mom and dad had to go back to New York, get some of their stuff. They'll be back down in a couple of days,'

'Dad?' Derek turned, Jake standing a few feet behind him.

'There's some one here to see you and mom,' Meredith stood up and carried Ellen into the house Jake taking her by the hands up the stairs.

'Stacy?' She fidgeted with the bangle on her wrist, not feeling like she was wanted.

'I just got a call from Karen. I would have been here if I had known but no one called and when I phoned the house and no one answered I just…I didn't think anything of it. Then Karen phoned,' Meredith looked at Stacy, realising she had just gotten off the plane.

'Relax,' Derek looked at Meredith as she took Stacy's jacket.

'Go and sit down, sleep if you have to,' Derek nodded, Stacy following him through to the living room. They sat in silence, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. The fight they had had years ago still between them. Meredith handed her a mug of coffee, Derek smiling broadly at her.

'When did your plane arrive?'

'About two hours ago,'

'Have you seen Lindsey?' Stacy hesitated.

'I…I didn't want to go on my own…I didn't see her the first time and I know…I know I should have gone straight to see her but I couldn't…not on my own,' Meredith lifted the keys off the side board and handed them to Derek.

'You two go,' Stacy looked at Derek, unsure of what to say.

'But…'

'Go, both of you,' Stacy followed Derek out, each of them saying nothing as they went to the hospital. She looked through the window, her hand covering her mouth.

'Oh god Derek,' Derek lifted her chart off the rack and read over it, smiling.

'She's doing better with the intubation. Her stats are normal and the infection is breaking down,'

'In English?'

'She's doing better,' Stacy went in, Derek watching from the window as she sat next to her. She slipped her hand into Lindsey's.

'Can she hear me?'

'Yeah…she's only sedated. Can't talk too much about anything, might bring it back and kick me in the ass with it,'

'As only a true sister would,' Derek looked to the floor, Stacy breaking the gaze she had with him.

'I'm sorry,' Derek looked up.

'What for?'

'When I disappeared…and I never told anyone,' Derek didn't know what to say, the memory of the night they had fought still in his head since she had showed up at the door.

'I know we never spoke about that night Derek…but this…this makes you think. I want to go back to the way we were before I did the disappearing act,'

'I…I wanted to forget about it…but you disappeared and no one had a clue where you were. I did what I did out of anger. Not because I hated you,' Derek sat down next to Stacy and for the first time in years, he hugged her.


	103. Precious things

-1Meredith draped the blue blanket over Derek, Lindsey and Stacy having gone to bed. He slowly opened his eyes, smiling sleepily at Meredith.

'Linds and Stacy are up in bed. You should be too,'

'Stay here with me,' Derek pulled Meredith down beside him, Meredith curling up onto him.

'I told you she would be ok,'

'Ok smart ass,'

'She's a fighter like you. The intubation let her body rest and fight the infection,'

'Ok…I admit you were right,' Meredith's arm was draped across Derek, each of them falling asleep with the weight of the world off their shoulders for the first time.

'Now that is cute,' Stacy and Lindsey peered over the back of the couch a couple of hours later, neither one of them wanting to wake them.

'Go and get the kids, we'll take them out for a bit, give them peace,' Natalie, Jake and Ellen crept out the house, the game Lindsey and Stacy had created making sneaking out the house more fun than it would have been. Meredith lifted her head off of Derek's chest, her hair stuck to her face. She wearily sat up, listening for the sounds of the kids. Slipping off Derek without waking him she staggered through to the kitchen, the note making her smile.

'Where did you get to?' Meredith jumped slightly before leaning back against Derek, his breath hot on her neck.

'The kids are gone with Lindsey and Stacy,'

'When are they due back?'

'Late,' Meredith turned to face Derek, her arms going around his neck.

'Late?'

'Very late,'

Meredith lifted his head from the side of her neck and started kissing him. She pulled him over, her hand reaching back to open the living room door. The door fell open and Meredith stumbled backwards, falling on to the couch. Derek kicked the door closed with his foot, still kissing Meredith. She pulled his shirt off and sent it to the floor. Derek kissed the line of her neck, down to her collar bone and then finally her chest. Her hands fumbled with his belt until she unclipped it, and unbuttoned his trousers. Derek's hands slipped down her waist to her hip and under the line of her trousers. His other hand unclipped her trousers and slipped her underwear down slowly. She pulled him down on top of her, the feeling of his body on hers making her want him more. Meredith's nails dug into Derek's back, Meredith groaning gently. Derek fell against Meredith, her breathing raspy against his neck.

'Very late?'

'Very late,' Meredith curled up on the bed, Derek beside her, his arm draped across her protectively.

'Are you ok?' Meredith looked up at Derek.

'That is a really strange question to ask when we've just had amazing sex,'

'I know but there's something you're not telling me Derek,'

'Meredith, everything is fine,'

'Derek I am one of the few people that can read you like a book and right now I know for a fact that you are lying through your teeth,'

'It's you,'

'Me?'

'You. Ever since your mom died, you won't talk about it and you seem to clam up whenever I try to talk about it or even when one of the kids asks something about what happened,'

'I'm fine. Everything got sorted,'

'That doesn't mean to say that it's fine,'

'I made a promise that my mother that I would look after her when I was sixteen years old but instead I put her in a home and left her there. It was only when she became lucid that I wanted to know her. Then we never got the chance to know each other, I was always too busy with the hospital or the kids to go and see her. Now that she's gone…I miss my mom and I want to go and see her but I can't. I can't go and sit with her; I can't hold her hand and tell her how the kids are. She's gone…and I feel like part of me is missing, even though I barely knew her. I barely knew her and yet I feel like something's missing. I have no right to feel like this,'

'You have every right,'

'No I don't and the only person who does is dead,'

'Mere, she was your mom. Someone who was always part of your life. Even when she had the altzimers she never forgot who you were. You were always in her memories, just at different stages. Some times you were three, sometimes you were fifteen. But no matter when it was you were always there. She never forgot you. She recognised you when you went to see her towards the end so she did know you and had an effect on your life. When she died she did leave a whole in your life, and in a way she always will but in tiny it won't be as big. It will eventually get smaller until it doesn't hurt anymore,'

'It feels like it won't ever stop hurting and I'm frightened…frightened that I'll never feel the way I did before she died, when I was really happy. The kids and you are the most precious things in the world to me and I don't want how I feel to bring you down. But that's what I feel I've been doing. Since she died all you've done is pick me up off the floor and make me better. I'm always the one you need to pick up and it's not fair. You shouldn't have to do that for me. I grew up fighting and now I just can't,'

'That's why I'm beside you right now, to help you fight because Mere; I knew that when your mom died you would feel so empty. I knew it was coming but I expected you to talk about it, let it be out in the open and when you never said anything…I didn't know what to do. But now I know and I will always pick you up off the floor. And I will always fight for you, now matter what life throws at us; I will always be there,'


	104. Anger

-1Meredith pulled the sheets off the bed, Jake throwing the pillow at her. She threw it back, the two of them getting into a pillow fight on the bed. Both of them lay watching as the glow in the dark stars became visible.

'What really happened with Aunt Lindsey? And You? Don't say it was an accident. I know it was something to do with Philip,'

'That was nearly a year ago. What's made you bring it up?'

'I found a photograph…of aunt Lindsey's wedding and it was like after she took ill, he vanished. So I know it was him but I want to know what happened,'

'Jake you're only nine and what happened was really complicated,'

'I just don't want to be lied to any more,' Meredith sighed and pulled Jake over against her.

'Philip…he started seeing another woman and Linds found out about it. So she left him. But he got really angry and that was how she ended up really unwell,'

'He beat her up and cut her with a knife. That's not angry, that's psycho,'

'Yeah it is,'

'But what about you. You got hurt too,'

'I had to do something so that he would leave your aunt Linds alone. Yeah I got a bit hurt but it was worth it to get rid of him for her,'

'Where is he now?' Meredith smiled and kissed Jakes head.

'He's in prison…and will be for a very long time,'

'How long?'

'He was given 25 years so that's how long he'll spend in jail,'

'As long as he can't hurt you,' Meredith watched as Jake ran down the stairs, Derek standing in the doorway watching her.

'He knows about Philip,'

'You told him,'

'he asked,' Derek sat next to Meredith, his arm going around her shoulder.

'How did he react?'

'He called Philip a psycho and then he asked when he would get out. When I said at least 25 years he said as long as he can't hurt you,' Derek started smiling.

'He is so like you,'

'Me?'

'No the guy sitting next to you. Yes you. Like father like son,' Meredith lifted the other sheets off the bed and threw them in the washing machine, Ellen standing watching her.

'What's up?'

'Jake's fell over,' Meredith went up to the garden, Jake leaning back against the wall holding his arm.

'What did you do?'

'I was walking along the wall. I'm fine,'

'Let me see,' Meredith peeled away the bloody shirt, the cut running down his arm.

'Do I need stitches?'

'You might. Let me clean it out and I'll be able to tell you,' Meredith sat Jake up on the kitchen counter and gently wiped away the blood that was trickling down his arm.

'No stitches but you do need a band aid and a cover,' Jake shook his head and jumped down off the counter.

'I'll get it,'

'Jake,' Meredith sighed as he ran off, Derek looking at him as he went past him.

'What's wrong?'

'He's cut him arm and he won't let me cover it,'

'How bad is it?'

'He doesn't need stitches but it needs covering,' Derek pushed the bathroom door open Jake sitting on the edge of the bath.

'Let me,' Derek took hold of the band aid and placed it over the cut before he wrapped the bandage around his arm, the pressure stopping the bleeding.

'Why didn't you let your mom do this?'

'I can do it myself,'

'Jake, why didn't you let your mom do this?'

'She…it was just that I…this sounds so bad,'

'What is it?'

'I was angry that you guys never told me what happened with Philip…that you said mom was in an accident when she wasn't. it was him that did that to her,'

'Yeah it was but you can't let that stop you letting your mom help you when you need it. What happened…it was a long time ago. It might not seem it but it was. Linds has moved on and she's really happy with Ben. Your mom is fine,'

'But you…you were really angry when it happened,'

'Yeah I was, but now I'm not. He's locked up and will be for a long time,'

'You still didn't tell me the truth when it happened,'

'That was because you were eight years old and finding out that they guy you thought was your uncle hurt your mom and aunt was bit much. We never told Natalie or Ellen. Your aunt addie found out what happened when she seen your mom. We never told anyone what happened. It wasn't out of badness that we never told you. More of the fact you weren't old enough to understand or able to handle it. Now…it's different and we are being honest with you,'

'Promise me you won't hide what really happened,'

'I promise,' Jake left Derek in the bathroom. Meredith sat in the same space Jake had minutes before.

'What did he say?'

'He was angry that we never told him about Philip when it happened. He's ok now,' Meredith kissed Derek's head.

'I need to go pick some stuff up. you need anything?'

'No, you taking the kids?'

'Natalie wants to go…she knows I'm going to the mall,' Derek smiled.

'She is female,'


	105. Crack pot

-1Meredith stood at the communal screens for CT results and cursed under her breath.

'Another surgery?' Meredith nodded her head at Derek.

'Patient decided that they wanted to have two craniotomies in one day,'

'Yeah, haematoma on the frontal lobe. Where was the other one?'

'Next to the mid line. Surgery went really well and then when they came round they had totally changed personality wise,'

'Family?'

'Went crazy and said I was a crack pot surgeon that didn't know my ass from the inside of their sons head. When I started talking like I do with you they shut up and let me do another scan,'

'So you put a patient's family in there place?'

'Yeah, I did,' Derek looked at Meredith.

'That's not like you,'

'What's not like me?'

'Putting some one in there place. What's wrong?'

'You saying I'm a push over,'

'No, you usually let stuff go, why pick them upon what they said?'

'I just…I didn't need to be called a crack pot surgeon, not today,'

'Why not today?'

'We need to go and pick Ellen up from rehab tonight,'

'Why? She's to stay there for a couple of days,'

'I want to bring her home,'

'Meredith, what's wrong?' Derek turned Meredith to face him.

'Some one said I should start taking care of my kids, and not shove my daughter into some centre because I want a better career,'

'Who?'

'It's not important who but…what they said was true. We have just put her in some centre and left her there. We only see her when one of us is off and we never go to the centre to spend time with her. It's only when we bring her home that we do see her,'

'Meredith, who ever said that was talking shit and you know it. Ellen is in the centre because she needs to be in a place where they will push her further than we would here,'

'But we don't see her as much as we do Natalie and Jake and it's not fair,'

'Meredith who was it?'

'It doesn't matter,' Meredith lifted the printed scans off the desk, Derek watching her as she walked away to the patient's room.

'Addison, did Meredith say anything to you about the kids?' Addison shook her head and signed off the patient.

'Should she have?'

'No…tell Mark that I need to see him, get him to page me,'

'What's wrong?'

'Some one said Meredith should stop focusing on her career and take better care of Ellen,'

'Who?'

'She won't tell me. I think she was in a fight with some one but won't tell me who,' Addison smiled weakly at Derek.

'Find out who, I'll kick their ass for you. They obviously have no idea what she's went through, Bastards,'

'You said it,' Meredith sat on the gurney in the basement corridor, the sounds of Izzie and Christina laughing bringing her out her day dream. She stood up, the smile falling from Christina's face.

'Hey Mere,'

'Hey Iz,' Meredith went to walk past them, Christina shaking her head and scoffing.

'What the hell is your problem Christina?'

'You, you are my problem,' Izzie looked between Meredith and Christina and slowly backed away, leaving the two of them on their own, their voices getting louder.

''WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK YOU WOULD MAKE MOTHER OF THE YEAR?'

'AT LEAST I DON'T DUMP MY KIDS AT SOME CENTRE BECAUSE IT MAKES MY LIFE EASIER,'

'DON'T YOU DARE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE ANYMORE,'

'YEAH, YOU AND YOUR NEW BEST FRIENDS. DID YOU NOT CALL HER SATAN AT ONE POINT?'

'THAT WAS OVER 12 YEARS AGO. PEOPLE CHANGE. YOU CHANGED,'

'NO, YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU WOULD RATHER DUMP THE PEOPLE THAT PICKED YOU UP OFF THE FLOOR THAN STAY WITH THEM AND HAVE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T GET EXCITED OVER A PAIR OF SHOES,'

'DON'T JUDGE THEM. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. ADDISON ISN'T LIKE THAT AND NIETHER IS MARK. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM TO JUDGE THEM,'

'I DON'T KNOW YOU ANYMORE. THE MEREDITH I KNEW WOULDN'T HAVE PUT HER SICK KID IN A HOME,'

'You,' Christina turned, Derek standing beside Burke.

'You were the one, who said she was a shit mother,' Burke looked at Meredith, the tears in her eyes.

'Christina?'

'She's changed,'

'Go now,'

'Don't tell me what to do Shep,' Meredith started walking down the corridor away from them all, the tears having spilled over from her eyes. Derek went after her, Meredith pushing him away when he came up behind her.

'I need to go back to work,'

'Why did this start? And why not tell me it was her?'

'She…she was my best friend when I started out here as an Intern and I thought it was a one off thing but she's said it again and I…I can't deal with this right now,' Meredith started rounding, the interns and residents sucking up to her.

'This is Daniel Spencer, brought in last night after collapsing and suffering from paralysis. He had four seizures during the night. Has been administered diazepam and is on a PCP pump with morphine,'

'BP?'

'120 over 90. GCS of 2,'

'Excellent, get him sent down for a new set of scans and make sure he has no more seizures. Now, I need two interns to help me with a mind map,'

'Mind map? Like drawing one out?'

'No dumb ass she means mapping some ones brain to find out where the seizures are coming from and then removing the damaged piece,'

'Your name?'

'Taylor,'

'You and the dumb ass can do it; you can teach him a few tricks. Follow me,' Meredith spotted Burke coming down the corridor towards her and took a sharp left, avoiding him and Christina becoming harder.

'Halley, this is a Dr Taylor. He's gonna make you have a seizure,'

'How ironic, all my life you've been trying to make me not have a seizure now you want me to have one. You seem to like my brain. I'll do a swap. I'll deal with your brain if you be a lawyer for a couple of days,'

'Yeah well, I like to contradict myself every now and then and I'll deal with my own brain thank you. We're gonna try all different methods like flashing lights, sounds. Taylor and Harris will also try not so usual methods, caffeine, that sort of thing. Page me when she has a seizure,'

'Yes Dr Shepherd,' Meredith smiled and lifted the chart, the stats slightly worrying her.

'Wait, when did you get chest pains?'

'I was running a marathon and I collapsed, along with every other person doing it. I had a seizure but I'm fine now,'

'Halley. You need to tell me all these things. No caffeine and no over exerting her. She needs to be monitored carefully. Any more chest pains and…' Meredith hesitated.

'And we page cardio?'

'Yeah, you page cardio,' Meredith sighed and sat in the seat holding her head in her hands.

'it can't be that bad,' Meredith opened her eyes slowly, Mark standing holding out a mug of coffee to her.

'You are my new best friend,' Mark pushed Meredith in the seat over into the office and closed the door.

'You are not Dr Shepherd, your Meredith, a person who is about to tell what happened and why she never said anything,' Meredith pushed Marks seat over to the other side of the office and started smiling.

'Why won't you tell anyone what she said?'

'Because it was a stupid argument that got out of hand and now it's just,'

'She said you were a crap mother, something that might I add your not and it was a really offensive thing to say. She had no right. So what started it?'

'She said I had changed and that was I a spoilt bitch like Addison,'

'This is over what she said about Addison?'

'Yeah. Addison has done so much for me and Derek and the kids. I wasn't gonna stand back and let her say stuff about her and then turn on me. She got what she deserved,'


	106. Virus

-1Meredith sighed heavily and pushed the door to Joes open, Walter smiling at her.

'Hey, not seen you in here for a couple of weeks. Tequila?'

'Beer thanks, is Christina here?'

'Over in the corner,'

'Thanks Walter,' Meredith sat at the table across from Christina, neither of them knowing what to say.

'I was wrong with what I said about Ellen, and you being a crap mom. You're a brilliant mom to those kids and…and stuff had happened and I was just…I was emotional,'

'Christina yang? Emotional?'

'Yeah I was emotional,'

'Why?' Christina hesitated slightly, Meredith looking at her.

'Me and Burke had been trying for another baby. I fell pregnant but I miscarried,'

'I'm so sorry,'

'I don't do pity or sympathy. It happened, big deal, get over it,'

'How can you say that? That was a life, a human being,'

'No, it was mass of cells,'

'It was a life,'

'See, the Meredith I knew would have left it, she wouldn't have went on about it. Why now?'

'Because having kids made me grateful for everything I'm given, everything is precious,'

'It was a mass off cells…cells that had no feeling or anything like that to make them human,'

'You are cold, too cold,' Meredith lifted her bag and headed to the door.

'You have no idea what the hell I'm going through, none at all,' Meredith stopped in the middle of the bar, Joe looking between her and Christina. She turned and looked at her, Christina seeming to be surprised at the look on her face.

'How dare you…you think you're the only one who's ever lost a baby, the only one who's miscarried?' Christina was silent, Joe going out and standing between the two women.

'You think I have no idea what your going through? That I don't know what it feels like?' Joe put his hand on Meredith's shoulder, Meredith going forward towards Christina.

'I think one of you should leave,' Meredith nodded and turned to the door.

'Meredith, I didn't mean,'

'No, Christina, we're done, it's finished. I don't want to know some one that is so cold that they have no emotions towards the fact that they had a miscarriage,'

'Meredith,'

'No, we're done,' Meredith slammed the door behind her, Joe and Walter standing looking at Christina. Meredith sat in the car, her hands resting against the steering wheel. Christina came out the door and started walking towards the car but Meredith pulled away from Joes, Christina putting her hands up in disbelief that Meredith had left her alone, that she really had given up on their friendship.

'Hey, how did it go?' Meredith lifted Ellen up off the floor and hugged her tightly as she took her up the stairs and into bed. She lay on the bed beside her, watching her sleep.

'Mere, what happened?'

'Later…we'll talk later,'

'Ok,' Meredith gently ran her finger down Ellen's cheek, Ellen curling towards the feeling. She climbed down off the bed and turned the bedroom light off.

'Mom?' Meredith turned, Natalie standing at the door looking at her.

'Come on, bed,' Meredith lifted the covers up over her body and laid beside Natalie, her hand against hers.

'When…when I was at school today they told me to go to the principals' office,'

'Why?'

'They said they were thinking of moving me into another class, away from Ellie and Zoe,'

'That won't happen,'

'If I get moved though…I'll be in a class with no one that I know,'

'I won't let that happen, I promise,'

'Ok,'

'Get some sleep,' Meredith sat on the steps at the back door, Derek sitting next to her and handing her a beer.

'So what happened?'

'She apologised for what she said. She miscarried a couple of weeks ago, but she's completely cold about it, she says it was just a mass of cells,'

'And?'

'And then when I said she was cold she said that I didn't know what it was like to loose a baby,'

'Mere,'

'We're done Derek, it's finished. I want nothing to do with her and I told her…I told her we were done,'

'You started out with her…you can't give up on the friendship Mere,'

'I did because she was the one who gave up when she said that I didn't know what it was like to loose a baby. When she apologised for what she said about Ellen I thought, ok maybe we can move on from this but then when she said about the miscarriage…there's no going back Derek, she went too far,'

'I know…but maybe you need to work at this with her,'

'Why are you fighting what I've said?'

'She hurt you Meredith, I get that. but she was there when you were lying on the floor, she was there to pick you up and when you needed her,'

'She has no idea what goes on in my life anymore…how can you be friends with some one when they have no idea how you live and what happens?'

'You need to try with her,'

'I started out with you, when I was an intern, you were around as well. We have arguments and we fall out but you never say anything like that. Even when…even when I miscarried you never treated me like crap and you never hurt me the same way she did. I never treated you like that either. I didn't say that to Addison or anyone so why the hell should she get to talk to me like that?'

'She shouldn't have but people deal with things in different ways. She just needs time to come to terms with the fact she's just lost a baby,'

'She doesn't see it as a baby though, that's my point Derek,'

'Mom, Dad?' Derek turned to see Jake standing holding his stomach.

'What's wrong?'

'I just threw,' Jake threw up on the floor, Meredith sighing heavily. Derek lifted him up and put him back into bed, the bucket at the side of the bed being emptied every five minutes.

'How is he?' Meredith stood at the door, watching Derek sit back down on the edge of the bed.

'He's sick,'

'Really?' Meredith smiled.

'How is he?'

'He's got a fever and won't stop vomiting. He won't drink anything either,'

'Twenty four hour bug?'

'Don't know, could be a virus,'

'will he be ok by tomorrow?'

'We just need to wait and see, it could be a couple of days. Go to bed and sleep, I'll stay up with him tonight,'

'You have surgery in the morning. I don't. you sleep. I've got him,'

'You sure?'

'Yes, now go, sleep,' Derek kissed Meredith gently as she sat on the end of the bed, watching him sleep. Meredith closed her eyes, the realisation that the one person she had known since being a surgeon, was now out of her life.


	107. Done

-1'Burke, Derek's in surgery. Let him know I'm gonna pick up Jake from School. He's been sick again,'

'Is he ok?'

'He seemed to get better the past couple of days but he's been sick again. I'll be back in about twenty minutes,'

'Ok. Have you spoken to Christina?'

'See you later Burke,' Meredith closed her eyes as she shut the door, Mark looking at her suspiciously.

'Don't ask, you don't want to know,'

'Meredith,'

'You free?'

'I'm married with two kids,' Meredith raised her eyebrows at Mark.

'Yeah, I have an hour before surgery,'

'Come on then, I need to pick up Jake from school. He's vomiting all over the place,'

'Sounds like fun,'

'Yeah, you up for holding a bag full of vomit for him?'

'Swap, ill drive,'

'You're a gentleman,' Meredith handed Mark the keys, Mark smiling broadly.

'See, I always get the fun jobs,' Jake stood outside the school, the school nurse standing beside him, holding the bucket in front of him.

'Hey, how long has he been like this for?'

'he came in and said he felt poorly so he was sent down to the office. Then he started throwing up and hasn't stopped,'

'Mom, I feel sick,'

'Ok, come on then,' Meredith sat in the back with Jake, Jake falling asleep on her lap. Mark lifted him up, Jake balancing on his hip.

'Tell me if he looks like he's gonna throw up down my back,'

'He seems ok, he's really pale though. Get him into an exam room and I'll get a banana bag set up, means he won't get dehydrated,'

'Smart thinking,'

'Hey,' Meredith looked down the corridor, Derek looking up from the chart. She stood beside him, looking over the chart that he had.

'What happened?'

'Started throwing up again. He's really pale,'

'Guys,' Meredith looked over, Jake lying on the floor throwing up and starting to fit. Derek pulled his lab coat off and put it under his head, Meredith unable to move.

'Some one get me and gurney and 10 of diazepam,' Mark shook his head at Derek and pushed him back.

'Your family, go wait in the board room, I'll come and get you when I've got him settled,'

'I'm not leaving him,'

'DEREK, GO NOW!' Derek stepped back and pulled Meredith away with him. Mark lifted Jake onto the gurney, his fever having spiked, his body making him sleep. Meredith sat up sharply as Mark pushed the door open.

'His fever caused the fit,'

'How can you be sure? Did you sent him for a CT scan, MRI, x-ray?'

'Derek his temperature was 107. It's back down at 96,'

'He's sleeping,'

'I want to take him home,'

'He's staying here over night for observation,'

'I want to take him home Mark,'

'Meredith, he needs fluids and he can't keep anything down. We're keeping him hydrated with an IV and he's settled. Go home and sleep for a couple of hours. We've got him,'

'What caused the fever…and the vomiting…something had to cause it,'

'It could be a bug, something he's eaten, infection…it could be a million things. But we'll find out and I'll make sure that he's ok. Don't worry about him. I've got his back covered,'

'I want to stay with him,'

'Mere you were up during the night with him, you need to sleep,'

'Derek I can't leave him,'

'You need to,'

'Mark, can I not just stay here…I don't want to leave him,'

'Derek, go and get the girls and go home. I promise I'll page you if anything happens,' Meredith turned to face the window and covered her mouth, trying to hold back the sob that was about to break out.

'Mere,'

'He's never been sick before…not once. He's never had a cold or a virus or even a stomach bug and now…he's…he's been hospitalised for it,'

'He'll be ok,'

'Are the girls ok?'

'Both of them are fine,'

'So at least we know it's not contagious. Go home and sleep, cook, clean, whatever. Just go home. You are no use here,'

'But,'

'But nothing Meredith, home now,' Meredith slammed the board room door behind her and went down to look on Jake. The nurses looked at her sympathetically, Meredith hating them for it.

'Mom,' Meredith walked round to the side of the bed, her hand going into Jakes.

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'I'm really cold,' Meredith felt his head, his forehead sweating. She lifted the chart off the end of the bed and looked to the monitors.

'Ok, I'll be back in a couple of seconds,' Meredith leaned down against the wall outside and cursed under her breath.

'I just heard what happened…how is he?' Meredith looked up at Christina.

'He's ill,'

'I get that…but how is he?'

'He has a fever and had a fit. He won't stop vomiting either,'

'About the other night,'

'I meant what I said Christina, we're done,'


	108. Faith

-1Meredith poured the wine into the glass and sat in the darkness of the kitchen, not caring about the time or anything that was happening around her. the moonlight travelled round the room, Meredith getting up and standing down at the lake.

'You should sleep,' Meredith turned her head to face Derek, Derek shivering with the coldness.

'I'm fine…it's good to have him home,'

'It was just a virus. He's fine now,'

'Yeah,' Derek hugged Meredith gently.

'You don't sound so sure,'

'It's a big thing for him, I know that. he's worried that if he gets sick again he'll go into the hospital,'

'I told him that we were just playing on the safe side when we put him into the hospital,'

'He's frightened to being sick again,'

'Well, he's fine now and is sleeping soundly on the couch with Natalie and Ellen lying curled up against him,'

'Ellen kept asking me what was wrong with him,'

'We need to get her back into rehab,'

'I don't want her to go back,'

'Meredith,'

'She's doing really well here,'

'Because of the rehab. We were told that she would never walk but since she went there she's been doing brilliantly. A couple more months and then we'll talk about it again but I think she should stay,'

'Just a couple of months?'

'A couple of months and then we'll talk about it again. But right now you need to sleep,' Meredith nodded, Derek taking her hand as they walked back up to the house. Meredith looked in on the kids before lifting Ellen up and into bed, Jake and Natalie being lifted up by Derek. She stood at the bedroom door, watching as Derek pulled the jumper up over his head, Meredith walking over behind him and running her hands down his back.

'hey,' Derek turned to face Meredith, Meredith looking up to him. she gently let her fingers find the scar on his stomach, the round circle having faded over the years.

'I remember when this happened. We had been paged and you ran ahead of me. I heard the gun shot and I ran round the corner. You told me to go,'

'I didn't want you to get hurt,'

'Burke and…Richard operated on you…then when we went to your mom and dads…you had the fits and they airlifted you back here,'

'Mere,'

'I thought I had lost you…I thought you were leaving me,'

'I would never leave you…I couldn't,'

'Still scared the crap out me,' Derek hugged Meredith, her hands tight around him.

'Have we screwed up?' Derek looked at Meredith as she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her hair down from the pony tail.

'Screwed up with what?'

'The kids…have we screwed up?' Derek sat beside Meredith. she watched as he pulled a box out from under the bed, Meredith smiling.

'All of their baby books, the book we got for our wedding. Do they look like we've screwed up?'

'But Ellen,'

'You think Ellen was out fault?' Meredith played with the edge of the books nervously.

'It could be genetic…what caused the cerebral palsy and the learning disability…it could be genetic,'

'None of my sisters, my mom and dad, any of my family have any problems remotely like what Ellen has. And for it to be genetic, there have to be carriers of the gene on both sides of the family. So no, it's genetic,'

'But it could,'

'No it couldn't…Meredith, this wasn't our fault…for the first time ever we can't wonder if we could have done something different. We didn't screw up, it was just one of those things that happens and that you just need to work through, fight through it,' Derek tucked the pieces of hair that fell around Meredith's face behind her ear.

'Christina was wrong in what she said…I know that's been bothering you,'

'She was my best friend Derek…best friends don't do that to people…I've never…I've never been so hurt by some one that I called my best friend,'

'She was wrong. You and I both know it. You believe that you're a shit mother because you allow your daughter to go to a centre where she's going to do so much better than she would be here? You think that makes a shit mother?'

'I don't know what to think about it anymore,' Derek pulled the duvet back and climbed into bed, his arms wrapped around Meredith.

'We are doing the right thing with Ellen. Christina doesn't know what goes on to be able to judge us for what we've done. Put her out your head…before she destroys what faith you have in yourself,'


	109. Move Her

-1'Breakfast,' Ellen staggered through to the kitchen, Meredith smiling broadly at her.

'How you feeling?'

'Sleepy,' Meredith lifted Ellen up onto the seat, Derek lifting a piece of toast off her plate and kissing her head.

'I'll see you later muchkin,' Ellen started laughing, Derek shaking his head.

'I have an appointment with Natalie's principal today,'

'Why?'

'They want to move her class but it would mean that she would be away from Ellie and Zoe and in a class with no one she knows,'

'Why?'

'I don't know. It's at eleven so I'll drop Ellen off and then head straight there. I need you to shift the board so the surgery that I have at twelve gets shifted to one,'

'Ok, come and find me, let me know what happens,'

'I will,' Derek put the piece of half eaten toast into Meredith's mouth and kissed her cheek, messing up Ellen's hair playfully as he left.

'Your daddy is a pain in the ass at times,' Ellen staggered into the rehab centre, Meredith watching as she sat on the floor next to a boy, Ellen hugging him.

'Who's this?'

'This is Ryan…he's my best friend,'

'Hey Ryan, I'm Ellen's mom,' Ryan nodded and handed Ellen the toy he was playing with.

'Play with me,' Meredith kissed Ellen gently, Ellen already wrapped up in the toys.

'Hey, Dr Shepherd,' Meredith turned to face the young woman

'I'm Catharine Greg, the centres manager,'

'Hi,'

'I was wondering if I could have a word with you,' Meredith followed her into an office, the place immaculate and organised.

'Ellen was talking a few weeks ago about some one called Jake being ill,'

'Yeah, Jake is her brother. He had a virus and he was hospitalised but he's fine now. What did she say?'

'She was really worried about him. Asked a few times if he was going to die,'

'He was just really ill. He wasn't going die or anything like that. next time she comes home, I'll talk to her,'

'Thank you. We were gonna ask if you wanted us to talk to her about it,'

'If you can just explain that he wasn't dieing, that would be good,'

'Its ok,'

Meredith looked at the pass she had been given by the school office, the principal talking to another parent.

'Dr Shepherd, sorry I kept you waiting,'

'no it's ok, I pushed my surgery forward,' Meredith sat down and sighed heavily.

'Natalie said you were moving her class,'

'Yeah, we were going to move her to the class below, for English,'

'When did she start to fall behind?'

'A couple of months ago. Assignments were being handed in late and even when they were being handed in she was failing them,'

'Why did no one highlight this earlier when it started? Why has is gotten to the stage where she's being moved class?'

'we thought she was talking to you and Dr shepherd, but now that we're moving her down, we thought we had better contact you,'

'Would it not have been smarter to contact us sooner so that it didn't get to this point?' the principal stood up and smiled at Meredith.

'follow me Dr Shepherd,' Meredith lifted her bag and followed her down a series of corridors, it reminding Meredith of the hospital. Meredith cautiously went into the class room, the pupils down at the gym hall. Meredith stood at the side of the teachers desk, the memories of being a teenager standing at the desk and being yelled at coming back.

'These are all the assignments that Natalie has written. These are the ones that I wanted to show you,' Meredith sat alone in the principals office again, reading through the assignments that had been written.

_Everyone assumes that because your so young, you don't understand, that you need time to process big stuff. Some one that I trusted, that I loved betrayed not only my trust but the trust of people I love. A bastard that I called my uncle beat my mom and tried to kill my aunt_

Meredith covered her mouth with her hands and started reading the next assignment.

_Sometime I wish that everything would be normal, that I wouldn't have to know when my parents are operating or if I have to sleep in an on call room. I can't say anything, they work their asses off for me and my family, they never think about themselves. I would do anything for my mom and dad but sometimes, sometime I wish everyone would fuck off and leave me alone_

'She wrote this?' the principal handed Meredith a mug of coffee.

'Yeah, we were as surprised as you. Out of all the students, Natalie shows the most potential about English but as her grades have dropped so much we started to worry. If her grades start to rise, then we won't move her,'

'I'll talk to her tonight, really talk to her,'

'There was one more that I would like to show you, this is one that she wrote before her grades started falling. This is the standard that we expect from her all the time,'

'What's it on?'

'Her future,'

_I hope that one day, if I'm not a surgeon, I am at least like my mom and dad in one way. That I love my kids more than anything else. My parents would do anything for me and my brother and sister. My sister isn't like me and my brother. She has problems, she needs help but even though she needs extra help, you would never know. My mom and dad help us just as much as her. So if I want to be anything when I'm older, I would say that it would be like my mom and dad and the way that they are with their kids._

'She's never let me or Derek read any of this…this is incredible,'

'Now do you see why we are so concerned about her work?'

'Yeah, I'll talk to her tonight. Can I have copies of these?'

'Of course. We'll keep her in the section she's in, but if it does get any worse, we will move her,'


	110. Paint

-1**Forgive me XD have two chapters cause I love you all and I'm sorry XD please let me know what you think XD**

Meredith stood staring at the OR board stretching her arms across herself, the surgery having gone well.

'Hey, how did the meeting go?'

'Jake is staying over at Mark and Addison's tonight. We need to talk, big style,'

'I'm noticing the fact you only said Jake and I know that Ellen is in Rehab so what happened?'

'Do you have a surgery?'

'Not for a couple of hours,'

'I'll meet you in your office, I need to go and get something,' Meredith read over the assignments as she walked up to the office, completely blanking Christina.

'These are assignments that Natalie handed in late and they are so not like her,' Derek read over them, Meredith watching as his reaction changed.

'She wrote this?'

'Wait until you see the other one,' Derek read the essay about Philip, Derek realising that everything that had happened had not only effected him and his family, but also his kids and the way they felt.

'Now read this. This is one that she wrote ages ago and compare them,' Derek smiled broadly at the essay, Meredith doing the same until the thought of the other ones came back.

'Why did she change?'

'I have no idea. Some of her pictures were up on the wall. She paints all the time and we never stop to look at it,'

'We work Meredith, she goes out,'

'I think we need to change it, for the sake of our kids Derek, we need to change,'

'Tonight. We'll talk tonight. This weekend, we'll leave Ellen in rehab and Jake is at the university anyway. We'll do something with her, just the three of us,' Meredith nodded and shoved the essays in her scrub top pocket, her pager sending her back into the world of other peoples problems. She threw her keys on the side board, Natalie running down the stairs towards her.

'Ok, your back early,'

'You hiding a guy upstairs or something,'

'No, it's nice to see you home early,'

'Jake is at Addison and marks for the night and me and your dad want to talk to you,'

'About the meeting today?'

'Yeah,'

'You seen the assignments then,'

'Yeah but we'll talk when you-' Meredith turned, Derek coming in behind her.

'Ok, it must be serious, both of you are back,' Meredith smiled, Derek raising his eyebrows at her.

'So what do you want to talk to me about?' Natalie sat on the seat facing Meredith, Derek on the floor in front of Meredith.

'I spoke to the principal today. She showed me these assignments,' Natalie closed her eyes as Meredith handed them to her, finally realising that this was it, they knew everything.

'I was pissed off when I wrote them,'

'Natalie,'

'Look I'm 12, I'm allowed to get pissed off,' Natalie stood up, Derek standing up to face her.

'Talk to us Nat, please,' Natalie bit the inside of her mouth, the tears in her eyes causing her to look away from Derek.

'Nat,'

'I wanted to kill him…I actually wanted to kill the bastard that hurt mom and Aunt Linds. I wanted to be a surgeon like you and mom but…I want to write, all the time I want to write. I want to paint but…this sounds so wrong but you and mom, you guys seem to want me to be a surgeon, follow in the family,' Natalie sat on the edge of the seat.

'Nat, we don't care if you want to be a surgeon or not, we just want you to be happy. Nana and papa aren't surgeons, none of your aunts are surgeons, yeah they might deal with crazy people but they're not surgeons. I didn't follow in the family footsteps,'

'I did, I did because it was what I wanted to do, not because I was following my mom and…dad. Thatcher was a researcher, papa was a surgeon and so was nana but that doesn't mean I had to. You can paint and you can write all the time. I don't mind as long as you are happy, and it's what you want to do,'

'Philip though…I want to kill him,'

'The feelings mutual,' Natalie smiled at Derek, the tears having fallen down her face.

'Come here,' Natalie walked over, Derek engulfing her in a massive hug. She broke down into his arms, Meredith not realising how much everything had affected Natalie until now. Jake had asked questions but Natalie had been silent.

'I…I don't want you to think I'm a failure because I want to write and paint,'

'You will never be a failure. We are so proud of you. You were amazing when Ellen was born, kept everyone sane. You deal with her like you do Jake and you make this family work. It wouldn't be the same if you weren't in it,'

'I'll do better in school…I just…everything was huge,'

'And now?'

'Its small,'

'This weekend me, you and your dad are gonna have the house to ourselves so what do you want to do, anything you want,' Natalie started smiling.

'I wanted to show you guys something before I started actually painting it,' Meredith and Derek followed Natalie up, Natalie pulling a flag she had pinned up down. Meredith ran her fingers over the drawing of a garden, the trees running onto the next walls.

'I was gonna show you in a couple of weeks, once I had finished the detail in the drawing,'

'This is incredible,'

'It's not finished yet,'

'You want to paint it?' Natalie shook her head.

'No, I want to swimming, like when I was younger,'

'You want to go swimming?'

'Yeah, like when I was younger,'

'Ok, you got any assignments for English?'

'Yeah, I have to write one on some one we admire,'

'Who you writing it on?'

'I'll let you read it when I'm finished,'

'Natalie,'

'It'll be done a couple of days before. It's due next week,'

'Your gonna let us read it?'

'Yeah, I promise,'


	111. Violent

-1Meredith started to remove the crumbling bone away from the patients head when the phone started ringing, Meredith groaning loudly as it interrupted the best part of the song Bed shaped.

'See who that is,' Meredith continued to lifted away shards of the bone.

'It's the school,'

'Put them on speaker phone,' Meredith sighed heavily.

'DR Shepherd I'm sorry to bother you,'

'I'm in the process of picking pieces of a guy's skull away what's happened now? Is Natalie ok?'

'I'm not calling about Natalie,'

'Then who the hell are you- Jake, what's happened?'

'Dr Shepherd, Jake was involved in a fight. We are about to start talking to him,'

'No, some one is on their way to get him. Don't talk to him until I've spoken to him,'

'Dr Shepherd, I don't advise that he leaves the school,'

'Some one will be there to pick up my son in ten minutes. Make sure he is ready,'

'As you wish Dr Shepherd,' Meredith nodded for the phone to be put down.

'Where is Shepherd operating?'

'OR 4,'

'Get him on the phone,' Meredith cleaned out the skull and gently placed the gauze cover over the membrane.

'Mere?'

'Jake's been in a fight, I need some one to go and get him. Are you nearly done?'

'No, another two hours at least,'

'Ok,'

'I'll meet you later,' Meredith paged Mark, Mark standing at the OR door.

'You rang?'

'Are you free?'

'We've had this discussion,'

'Mark,'

'Yeah, I've got an hour,'

'Can you go and pick Jake up from school?'

'Is he sick again?'

'Nope, been in a fight,'

'I'll go and get him now,'

'Page me when you get here and bring him here,' Meredith shook her head and nodded her head for the music to start again, make this go one forever playing over and over again. The metal plate fitted smoothly into the skull, the aneurism having come away easily with the excess.

'Dr Shepherd, Jake is here,' Meredith nodded and scrubbed out, the resident having asked to close up for her. She pulled the scrub room door open and stepped out, pulling her scrub cap off at the same time. Jake ran over to her and wrapped his arms around her, like he hadn't seen her in days.

'Hey…it's ok,' Meredith kissed his head.

'What the hell happened?' Jake looked at Mark, Mark nodding his head for Jake to tell her.

'They we're saying stuff,'

'Who was?'

'Jesse…I just lost my temper,'

'What was he saying?'

'Stuff about Ellen,'

'Jake,' Meredith sat him on the exam room table and started to clean his lip out.

'Tell me everything that happened,'

'Jesse was standing with the gang of airheads he hangs about with. He said that Ellen was well fit and started jerking his body about like when she has fits. I punched him and said stuff and before I knew it we were fighting with everyone standing round us,'

'What did you do to him?'

'I don't know, he got pulled away before I could see,'

'Has he said stuff before?'

'Yeah,'

'Why didn't you tell me or your dad?'

'I thought I could handle it,'

'Jake you don't have to be strong all the time and you can ask for help sometimes,'

'I've dealt with asses like him before,' Meredith placed the butterfly stitch on his lip and checked over the bruises on his cheekbone.

'Does dad know?'

'I had to ask him if he could pick you up,'

'Is he mad?'

'I think he's more worried,' Meredith looked at her pager and then to Jake. She lifted the phone and looked between the wall and Jake.

'Congratulations, you successfully dislocated his shoulder and bruised his face pretty badly,'

'He was brought here?'

'Jake,'

'It's not over mom,'

'Jake, relax. I'll go down and speak to Bailey, see about getting him put on a neuro ward for a couple of days observation, see how fit people are then,'

'Thank you for not yelling,'

'I would have killed him. Come on, how does cheesecake sound?'

'Strawberry?'

'Always,' Meredith stole the fork off Jake and scraped the side of the piece of cheese cake.

'I heard you ruffed a guy up pretty badly. Well done,' Jake smiled at Alex.

'What did you do?' Jake closed his eyes as Derek came up behind him.

'Jake?'

'I didn't mean for it to get that far,'

'I'm kidding,' Jake opened his eyes, Derek having eaten half the cheesecake.

'What happened?' Jake looked at Meredith.

'You tell him,'

'Jake,'

'Please mom,'

'Jesse, he said Ellen was well fit and showed how some one has a seizure,'

'What did you do to him?'

'Bruised him up pretty badly and dislocated his shoulder,'

'Congratulations,'

'That was what I said,' Meredith raised her eyebrows at Derek as her cell phone started ringing.

'Shepherd,'

'_Jesse Barton's parents want to see you,'_

'Where are they Bailey?'

'_Standing beside me,'_

'Move him up to the neuro ward. Say it's for observation. I'll be up in ten minutes,' Meredith closed the phone over and smiled at Jake.

'Now, if he thinks that Ellen is well fit, wait till he see's the patients in the neuro ward. He won't be able to control himself,' Meredith pushed through the doors and lifted Jesse's chart off the counter.

'Are you the neurologist?'

'Neurosurgeon, yes. I just want to look at him for a couple of days; it was a bit of a fight he was in,'

'Stupid little boy, could have killed my son,'

'I hear his parents are really mad at him,'

'You know them?' Meredith hesitated slightly.

'I know them yeah. Not a big fan though,'

'They're never there for the kids, always working. Never at home,'

'Really,' Meredith looked at Mr Barton, his back to his wife, his gaze fixed on his son.

'That boy should be punished severely. My poor Jesse is traumatised,'

'That's terrible. I'll check on him then I'll get Jake's parents up here, you can talk to them yourself,'

'Thank you. I never caught your name,'

'Dr Grey,' Meredith went into the room, Jesse sitting up and smiling broadly, like he was proud of himself.

'What you so happy about? You just got the crap beat out of you,'

'No…he was in a worse state than what I was,'

'Really?' Jesse's parents came into the room.

'How is he?'

'He's ok. I just want to monitor him for a few days to make sure there is no head trauma,'

'Thank you,'

'I'll go and get Jake and his parents,' Meredith went outside, Derek and Jake coming through the doors.

'Want to see something really funny?' Jake and Derek looked at each other. Meredith took her scrub cap off and put her ID on her scrub pocket.

'Mr and Mrs Barton?'

'Yes?'

'I'm Meredith Shepherd, Jake's mom. You think your son is so innocent? And traumatised'

'You lied to us,'

'I did nothing like that,'

'You said your name was Dr Grey,'

'Derek what was my maiden name?'

'Grey,'

'You didn't say you were his mother,'

'I didn't say I wasn't. Your son seems to find it fun to take the piss out of some one, who takes epileptic seizures,'

'Jesse would never do that,'

'From what I hear, he seems to think my daughter is well fit, with actions of her having a seizure at the same time,'

'You are such a fucking grass Jake…run back to mommy,' Jake went forward, Derek grabbing hold of his arm.

'Shut up, fucking asshole,'

'Not now Jake,' Derek pulled Jake out the room, Meredith smirking.

'Violent little boy,'

'You know nothing and as for me not being there for my kids, I'd like to ask you one thing. What did your son eat for breakfast?'

'I don't know, I was at work,'

'Jake had muesli. Ellen had toast and Natalie had a pop tart. For some one who is never at home, I know a hell of a lot more about my kids than you do, even if I was working at nine I still managed to give my kids breakfast. Get your son in order before I have him suspended,' Meredith walked out and smiled at Jake.

'I have a funny feeling that his mom is gonna kill him,' Meredith looked in the window, Jesse's mother screaming at him. Jake smirked.

'Serves the bastard right,'


	112. Kills Herself

-1Meredith put the mug down on the table, Addison facing her.

'So, what's wrong?' Addison sighed heavily.

'Me and Mark…we've been fighting like cat and dog for the past few months and it's like we never get on anymore. We're always arguing, never in front of the girls but when they got to bed or if we're in the hospital we always fight…I feel like my marriage is falling apart at the seams,'

'Are you pissed at Mark? Is he pissed at you?'

'I don't know, we only argue,' Meredith put her hand on top of Addison's.

'I broke up your first marriage, I'm not breaking up your second one, I promise,' Addison started laughing along with Meredith, the two of them realising that life had gone in a weird circle. Meredith was the woman that Addison hated, Derek having chosen Meredith over her. Now, she was the one person along with Derek who could help save her marriage.

'I just don't know what to say to him…he won't let me near him,' Meredith nodded but cursed as her pager started vibrating.

'I'll talk to him, see if there's something he just needs to talk about,' Meredith lifted the nearest phone to the cafeteria at the nurses station an dialled the number for Adele's house.

'Adele?'

'_Meredith, you called me back,'_

'Adele what's wrong?'

'_It's just to let you know that Natalie is over here,'_ Meredith looked at her watch and nodded her head.

'Has she been with you all day?'

'_No, she came over about an hour ago but she's staying till later, I'll bring her over to the house,'_

'Thanks Adele,' Meredith sighed and went back down to the cafeteria but stopped at the door, Addison and Mark yelling at each other, everyone looking at them. Meredith walked over and put herself between the two of them.

'Addison go to your office, Mark go to the roof,'

'Meredith,'

'Mark, Now,' Mark walked off, Addison shaking her head.

'Addison go to your office,' Addison lifted her bottle of water and left Meredith standing in the cafeteria, everyone looking at her. She smiled and lifted the pile of charts, people already beginning to whisper.

'Derek, go and check on Addison for me an I'll get you back here,' Derek turned and looked at Meredith.

'Do I get to know why I need to check on her?'

'Her and Mark had an argument, he's on the roof, she's in her office,'

'What about?'

'That is what I want to know,' Meredith stood behind Mark, her arms folded across herself.

'What the hell happened?' Mark looked over his shoulder at Meredith.

'Nothing,'

'Mark,'

'I…I have stuff going on that Addison knows nothing about,'

'Why does she know nothing about it?'

'Because it's personal…like I haven't told anyone and the only person who does know is the oncologist,'

'What oncologist?'

'The one who's testing me for leukaemia,' Meredith opened her mouth but nothing came out, the realisation that he hadn't told Addison kicking in.

'You need to tell her,'

'If it comes back positive then I'm flying to New York. I have a donor waiting for me. If it's negative then there is no reason to tell her,'

'Mark, she's your wife. You married her. You have kids with her. You love her and she sure as hell loves you. You need to tell her,'

'How?'

'I'll get the kids, both of you go home and you talk this through. Text when you want the kids. I'm off tomorrow so we can keep them as long as you want,'

'How do I tell her that I could have cancer?'

'You…you treat her like you would a patient. You act clinical until the words, I might have leukaemia are out of your mouth. Then you become a human,' Mark sighed heavily.

'Thank you,' Meredith wrapped her arms around Mark an squeezed him tightly.

'You will get through this with her, it just needs for you to talk to each other,' Derek leaned up off the nurses' station, Meredith running her hand over her face and through her hair.

'We've got Ellie and Zoe tonight. What did Addison say?'

'She thinks he's having an affair,' Meredith closed her eyes and shook her head as her head fell.

'Meredith,'

'he suspects that he has leukaemia and is in the process of being tested. That's what he's not telling her,' Derek's eyes bulged Meredith rubbing his arm gently.

'They'll get through this; we'll get them through this. They just need help, that's all,' Derek stood at the backdoor watching the five kids eat dinner, Ellen spilling most of it down her. Derek's eyes were fixed on Ellie, Derek realising that she hadn't eaten more than five mouthfuls. Even when everyone else left she still sat at the kitchen table, Derek watching her alone.

'What's wrong Ellie?' Ellie looked up, the fake smile instantly plastered onto her face.

'Everything's fine,'

'You can't lie to me, your too crap at it,' Derek sat facing her, Ellie not making complete eye contact.

'You didn't eat much,'

'I ate earlier,'

'Ellie, I need you to be straight with me here. Did you eat something before you came here?' Ellie nodded her head, Derek still not convinced.

'What did you have?'

'Look I'm not some psycho that you need to watch twenty four hours a day. There's nothing wrong with what I don't eat and what I do,' Ellie stormed out the kitchen, Zoe coming in a couple of minutes later.

'She's not eaten a proper meal in two weeks. She lies and says that she's eaten stuff but she's not. I was surprised she didn't pull the I don't feel well trick. Most she's eaten at one sitting,'

'Do your mom and dad know?'

'Are you kidding? Ellie is like the best liar when it comes to mom and dad. She can get her own way out of everything. She's smart, she knows all the right things to say,' Zoe started to walk out the kitchen when she stopped and turned to face Derek.

'Uncle Derek?'

'Yeah?'

'Help her, before she kills herself,'


	113. Wait until Mark gets his results

-1Derek wrapped the blue blanket around Ellie as she lay sleeping on the couch, Derek fully aware that Zoe was watching her sleep.

'She won't disappear if you stop looking at her,'

'She already is,' Derek sat next to Zoe and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, Zoe cuddling in against Derek.

'Tell me everything,' Zoe sighed heavily.

'It started about three months ago. I found her in the toilets at school making herself sick. I knocked crap out of her for it and she's not done it since but now…she just won't eat and when I try to talk about it she clams up and won't sat anything,'

'You need to tell your mom and dad,'

'How? How do I drop into conversation that she's lost nearly four stone in three months?'

'But she doesn't look like she's lost any,' Zoe sat up and pulled up Ellie's top, Derek seeing the full extent. She was wearing several sweaters, her ribs sticking out.

'You need to help her. Mom and dad fight, like all the time. I don't want them to get a divorce. That would send Ellie over the edge and I don't want to loose my sister,' Derek sat forward and covered Ellie back up.

'You won't…I promise,' Ellie sat up slowly, Derek and Zoe in the kitchen. She placed her feet gently on the ground, the floor cold. Derek turned to face her as she came into the kitchen, Zoe excusing herself and leaving Derek alone with her.

'Can I talk to you?' Ellie sat at the kitchen table, Derek sitting in front of her.

'You've not been eating properly…I know,'

'I have, I ate something earlier, I told you,' Ellie went to stand up, Derek standing up next to her.

'Talk to me, I'm not your mom or dad and I'm not gonna run off and tell them what you tell me,' Ellie sat back down and rubbed the palm of her hands together.

'I can't…I can't stop,'

'Can't stop what?'

'it started a couple of months ago…I was stupid and now…now I've ended up like this,' Derek followed Ellie up the stairs and watched in horror as the layers of clothes were removed an Derek could finally see her arms. Her shoulder blades stuck out the back, her spine showing through the white top.

'You have no idea how serious this is,' Meredith opened the bedroom door, stopping suddenly. Ellie's head fell, Derek pulling her top back down her back, covering only a small amount.

'What the hell?' Meredith went forward, engulfing Ellie in a hug, her eyes locked with Derek.

'Go and sit with Ellen for me, I need talk to Derek,' Ellie nodded an replaced all the jumpers she had been wearing, her size bigger almost instantly.

'how long has she been like that?'

'three months,' Meredith put her hands on her hips and looked around the room.

'We need to do something about this…it's gone too far already. Do Mark and Addison know?'

'No, she's been lying to them,' Meredith sighed heavily.

'Addison called me. She asked me if we can keep the kids. Mark told her about the tests,'

'How did she take it?'

'She never said but she sounded broken up on the phone. I need to go and get the girls stuff but I don't want them to see Mark and Addison fighting or for them to see that something is going on,'

'I'll go later, take Ellie for a drive,'

'But I don't; want her to see them,'

'She can sit in the car. I need to talk to her Meredith, find out what the hell is causing her to be like this,' Meredith went down the stairs and lifted the phone, Derek standing at the top of the stairs looking at her.

'Natalie is on her way back. she wants to see us, something about an assignment,'

'Yeah, the one about someone that she admired,'

'So she's back on track with that then?'

'I think so, we'll see her later when Ellie and Zoe are in bed,'

'Late?'

'Late. We need to spend time with her,'

'I know, but Ellie, she's my main concern until Addison and Mark get involved,'

'How did she end up in such a mess Derek?'

'That is one question I don't know the answer to,'

'UNCLE DEREK!' Derek ran up the stairs, Zoe pulling at the toilet door.

'She's in there…she's doing it again,'

'Zoe go with Meredith,' Derek listened, the sound of heaving coming from inside causing him to put the door in, Ellie not moving from the toilet. Derek pulled her back, his arms pinning her against his chest, Ellie crying heavily against him.

'Stop…stop this,' Ellie pushed up, the vomit flowing almost like she had no control over it. Derek pulled her back and held her, not allowing her arms to pull away from him. he sat on the bathroom floor, Ellie still crying silently. She didn't move as Derek stood up, her thin legs dangling over his arm as he carried her and put her onto the bed, Meredith standing at her bedroom door with Zoe, the two of them watching Ellie.

'She's sleeping,' Zoe climbed up onto the bed beside her and curled up behind her. Meredith and Derek stood on the porch.

'We'll wait…until Mark gets the results…before we tell them what's happened,'


	114. No Arguing Back

-1Meredith sat next to Addison and mark.

'The tests, we got the results back this morning. I have a blood clotting disorder, not leukaemia,' Meredith hugged Addison and Mark, Derek doing the same but both of them knew it meant telling them about Ellie.

'Thanks for taking the girls,'

'We give you the kids all the time, it's ok,' Addison looked at Derek, knowing that he was lying, hiding something.

'What's wrong?' Meredith looked at Derek, Addison and Mark beginning to freak out.

'Derek?'

'Ellie,'

'What about her?'

'Have you seen her Mark?'

'What do mean have I seen her?'

'Have you seen her without a jumper or anything like that on?' Addison and Mark shook their heads.

'Why?'

'She's not eating, she's making herself sick,' the blood drained away from Marks face, Meredith going after him as he went out the back door and down to the lake.

'Why didn't I notice?'

'We only found out when Zoe said. They're worried you guys are gonna get a divorce,'

'She's my daughter Meredith, I'm supposed to protect her from the world, keep her safe and instead I'm killing her,'

'How are you killing her Mark? You know now, you can help her,'

'I should have noticed,'

'Dad?' Mark turned, Ellie standing behind him, rubbing the palms of her hands together.

'Baby,' Ellie ran down, Mark lifting her up and holding her tightly. She was his baby girl, his ill baby girl and all he knew was to hold her, it was all he could do. Meredith took Zoe by the hand, the two of them sitting on the swing outside the house, the creaking the only noise.

'Your mom and dad know about Ellie and we are all gonna help her. But you need to know that just because we're helping her, your not pushed to the sidelines. You ever need to talk to me, you call me, page me, send a pigeon to get me,' Zoe let a small laugh out.

'I am always here for you, so is Derek,'

'Thank you,' Meredith sat with Zoe, her arms around her. Addison sat beside them, Meredith leaving them, the family finally talking to each other. Derek looked in on Natalie, her gaze fixed on the laptop as she typed up her assignment.

'Hey, how's it going?'

'I can't word this stupid sentence,'

'What is it that you're trying to say?' Natalie looked at Derek and tucked the piece of hair behind her ear as he leaned down and started reading the essay.

_When I was born, the first person other that my mom and dad that held me was my papa, my mom's dad. He was the chief of surgeries at Seattle Grace hospital and had worked hard all his life to get the job that he had. His wife Adele is like a second Nan to me. If I ever need anything, she's there for my unconditionally and she never asks embarrassing questions and helps me with my homework. But the person who really helps me, like everyday of my life would be my papa. I have a photograph of him in my wallet and when things get rough I can look at him. He's really easy to talk to, doesn't argue back which makes life a little easier. I don't remember a lot about him, being only five when he died but the things I do remember are the times that he took me and my brother to the park and made sure that no matter what we were always happy. He was a glorified babysitter but at the same time his payment was the smile on our faces when he did something funny. If I had the chance I would tell him how much he's done for me and that no matter what I will always remember him. _ Derek was stunned by what she had written.

'So what's the problem?'

'I don't know how to describe him. Nana told me loads of stuff about him but I don't know how ton put it into a paragraph,' Derek nodded his head.

'Tell it like it's a story, like your describing the character you made up,' Natalie nodded and sat up straight, her fingers battering off the keyboard. Meredith stuck her head round the door, Derek slipping out without disturbing Natalie.

'Addison and Mark are gone, Ellie and Zoe talking to them,'

'How was Mark?'

'Destroyed…his little girl is killing herself slowly,' Derek looked back into the room, Natalie having zoned out, the music blaring from the earphones.

'How is she?'

'You need to read her assignment,'

'Who's it on?' Derek smiled.

'You'll see when you read it,' Jake came out his room and looked between Meredith and Derek. Without saying anything he shrugged his shoulders and went down the stairs, Meredith following him.

'What's up?'

'Ellie,'

'Yeah,'

'I knew…a couple of weeks ago I seen her but I never said anything and now…you and dad said that she was killing herself…I feel like I should have done something,' Meredith stood next to Jake.

'Zoe knew too. She tried to stop her but Ellie was having none of it. You couldn't have done anything and if anything you helped Aunt Addie and Uncle Mark out. They were going through a rough time and the fact you never said anything have them a chance to deal with that before they found out about Ellie,'

'Is she gonna get better?'

'Yeah, she's getting better now,'


	115. Old Lady

-1Meredith sat on the couch next to Natalie, Natalie waiting for the response to the assignment she had written. Meredith wiped the tears that feel down her face, the smile there as well, Natalie unsure of what her reaction would be.

'It's amazing baby,'

'Are you mad that I wrote about him?' Meredith shook her head.

'The complete opposite, it's amazing that you wrote about him. he would be so proud of you and yes he was a glorified baby sitter,' Natalie kissed Meredith as she took the assignment and went back up stairs.

'If only he could read it,' Natalie and Jake came down minutes later, the basket ball in Natalie's hands. She followed them out, Meredith watching from the door as they played, Natalie having the height advantage but Jake having the speed advantage. Natalie threw the ball at her, Meredith playing, Jake trying to the get the ball, Natalie catching it as she bounced it along.

'Ok, you are kicking my ass here. Let the old lady win for once,' Jake gave Meredith the ball, him and Natalie standing back and doing nothing.

'You guys are really funny, you get that?' Meredith threw the ball at Jake, and walked over as Derek came out the back door.

'Your back early,'

'Yeah, I need to go back in though, in a couple of hours,'

'Ellen's at rehab so it's Natalie and Jake,'

'I know,' Meredith shook her head and walked past Derek, Derek looking at her.

'What's wrong?'

'I could ask you the same thing. Something is pissing you off and you won't tell me what the hell it is,'

'Meredith can we not go there,'

'Derek you've been like it for two weeks. It's like nothing else is in your head but what's bothering you. Even in the OR you go into some sort of a parallel universe where nothing else matters,'

'Meredith,'

'Derek you can talk to me, I don't bite except on weekends,' A smile broke out across Derek's face, Meredith sitting up on the counter in front of him.

'Ellie,'

'What?'

'Ellie, everything that happened with Ellie is bothering me. We should have noticed something if mark and Addison didn't,'

'Derek, Zoe was the one that told you, you never noticed anything until she was sitting in front of you not eating, and even then I didn't notice. It wasn't you fault. It wasn't anybody's fault,'

'We should have noticed Meredith, we doctors for Christ sake,'

'And? We're also people; human beings who make mistakes and don't see things clearly,'

'It's out job to see things clearly,'

'Really and here was me thinking it was to make people healthy,'

'Meredith,'

'Derek, you didn't cause this. You helped end it. You helped put a stop to it before it got any worse. Don't torture yourself over this when you didn't even know it was happening and when it did you tried to put an end to it. Remember that,'

'But she's so frail,'

'I know that but she's getting stronger. I promise she's getting stronger,' Derek smiled, Meredith kissing his forehead as he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her, Meredith's head resting on top of his.

'Do me a favour,'

'What?'

'Go and kick your son and daughters ass at basketball for me,'

'You tried to play?'

'Yes,' Derek started laughing, Meredith pushing him out the back door. She watched through the window as the played, Derek winning against the two of them, Jake holding onto his back, Natalie in front of him.

'A little help please!'

'No, you laughed at me,'

'MERE!' Meredith went out and lifted Jake off, Jake holding on tighter, the four of them laughing.

'Here, have the ball,' Natalie took the ball and walked over to the net, Derek smiling at her.

'Ok smartass,' Meredith sat on the swing and watched as they played, Derek sitting beside her. He put his arm around her shoulder, Meredith gently rubbing the top of his thigh with her hand.

'You ok now?'

'Yeah,' Meredith groaned loudly as her pager started vibrating. Looking up, her eyes showed nothing put fear.

'Mere?' Derek's went off, Meredith knowing both of them had to leave.

'Code Green,'

'Derek You take the kids and I'll go on ahead. I'll call if you need to take them to Adele's,'

'This is bad,'

'I hope not Derek…I hope not,'


	116. AB Positive

**Major apology on my page. Please read it XD**

When she pulled up, Meredith ran up to the hospital. she stopped, the cops filtering the place.

'You need to leave,'

'No, I work here….what the hells happened? All I got was a code green which is evacuation, '

'You need to go and see your chief of surgeries,'

'What the hell has happened?'

'Guys running around on the OR floors…wife died in labour, already stabbed one woman,'

'Who?'

'Sloane…I think…we can't get her out,' Meredith looked up the hospital, the lights out.

'You can't go in there,'

'Try and stop me,' Meredith handed her pager over and her keys, the guy grabbing hold of her hand.

'YOU WILL LET ME GO,' the guy let go, putting his hands up in defeat, Meredith running in and going straight to the OR floor. She pushed the door open…listening for any footsteps. She pushed each of the OR doors open, looking on the floors for any sign of the guy. She pushed the door open to OR four, the sight frightening her.

'Who the hell are you?' Meredith looked at Addison, Mark pressing down on her abdomen.

'I'm here to let her go…you can keep me instead,'

'You want to make a trade?'

'Meredith,' Meredith looked at Mark, the blood trickling out of Addison.

'She needs help…let her go and I'll stay here with you,'

'She killed my wife…my wife and my son,'

'She needs help if you want her to live,'

'She killed me the day she killed my wife and son,' Meredith walked over, the guy pointing the blade at her.

'I am going to help her,' Meredith knelt down, pushing Mark out the way.

'Get me surgical gloves, a basic kit and a drape,' Mark nodded his head, watching the guy as he sat on the OR table. Meredith lifted the towel off Addison abdomen, the blood flowing faster.

'Mark, get an intubations kit,' Mark knelt down next to Meredith, the tears falling.

'Mark, I want you to go, get the kids and find Derek,'

'No…I can't leave her,'

'Mark. I need you to go and get the kids and find Derek. Tell the cops what's happened,' Mark kissed Addison's forehead, Meredith pushing the fact it was Addison to the back of her head. She made the cut bigger, spreading the skin back. She found the bleed almost instantly, the blade having cut into her pancreas.

'Is she going to die?'

'If I can stop the bleeding then no,'

'And if you can't?' Meredith shook the thought out her head.

'She won't die,' Meredith ignored anything else he asked her, her main focus being on Addison. She clipped off the pancreas, the blood stopping to flow from her stomach.

'She needs blood. Look over in the cooler,'

'I'm not helping her,' Meredith stood up, covered in Addison's blood.

'I swear to god…you will do what I tell you,' He stood up from the OR table, Meredith realising that he was the same build as her, making him the same.

'What type is she?'

'AB positive,' Meredith started a central line, the blood beginning to trickle out of Addison's abdomen again.

'Addison…you need to help me here,'

'What's happened?'

'You cut into her pancreas…she's just gonna keep bleeding out unless I can get her onto the table and suture the cut closed,' he stood watching her.

'You seen the guy that was in here, trying to save her?' He nodded his head.

'That's her husband. They have two twin girls, Ellie and Zoe. You really want to leave them without a mother and him without a wife?'

'She left me with nothing?'

'You know what it feels like to loose everything?' he nodded his head, the tears coming down his face.

'Then don't do it to some one else,' he stood still, Meredith covering Addison's stomach with packs. She looked at him as he lifted Addison up onto the table, Meredith having more light and sutures next to her. he watched, keeping the ambu-bag going up and down.

'You're saving her life,'

'She took mine,'

'She didn't kill your wife. Your wife died in childbirth. Nothing to do with her,'

'She was treating her,'

'Doesn't mean it was her fault,' he stood, his hands shaking. Meredith watched as the knife fell to the floor, him falling back against the wall.

'I…I didn't mean to do this,'

'I know you didn't,' Meredith looked up at the door, Christina coming in.

'Oh my god,' three cops came in behind her, lifting the guy up off the floor.

'Christina, get me ten of diahydropenathene and get her hooked up to a monitor,' Meredith finished the suturing, Mark coming in.

'Mark, she's ok,' The tears were falling down his face, his forehead against hers. Bailey and the chief came in, taking over from Meredith. She pulled her top off, throwing it in a pile in the corner. Meredith walked through the hospital, a nurse handing her their scrub top. She walked out into the rain, not feeling anything. She looked around, the fact she had just operated on Addison kicking in. Alex kneeled down in front of her, Derek still no where to be seen.

'She was bleeding really badly…her pancreas in two…the guy…where is he?'

'The cops have him,' Meredith stood up, running through the nurses who were making their way back into the hospital. He was up against the car, the cops searching his body for any thing else.

'Can I talk to him?'

'Not on your own,' Meredith nodded her head, stepping forward towards the guy.

'What's your name?'

'Greg…I never meant to hurt her,' Meredith shook her head.

'I'm…I'm sorry you lost your wife…and your son,' he nodded his head, the smile on his face weak. She watched as the car went, turning to see Derek running towards her. she latched onto his back, Derek's grip tight on her. she inhaled his scent, Derek holding her head against him, the thought that she was in the hospital with the guys scaring the life out of him. he said nothing for a while, just having her close being enough for him.

'Why did you go in?'

'Addison,'

'You should have stayed out,'

'She could have died…she would have died,' Meredith followed Derek into the hospital, him helping her change into her own scrubs. Addison was sedated, Mark sitting next to her, his hand in hers.

'Mark?' He looked up, Meredith hugging him.

'Thank you for saving her,'

'I wouldn't have left her Mark,' Derek looked over the chart, Meredith taking it off him.

'I am the surgeon, not you for once. Sit with him…stay with her. I'll get George and Izzie to take the kids,' Meredith slipped out, sighing heavily. She looked down at her hands, the shock beginning to hit her. George leaned up off the nurses counter and walked over, not saying anything. He hugged her, Meredith burying her head into his shirt.

'You did good Mere,' Meredith started laughing, George pretending to dance with her in the middle of the hall. Derek stood watching them, not wanting to interrupt.

'Mere?' She turned, smiling at Derek.

'Some one wants to see you,' Meredith went into the room, Addison looking white as a sheet but still smiling.

'Hey, how you feeling?' Addison put her hand out to Meredith, pulling her down beside her.

'Thank you,' Meredith kissed her forehead, Addison putting her arm around her neck weakly.

'I owe you everything,'

'A shot at Joes will be fine,' Addison laughed, but put her hand on her side.

'You in pain,' Addison nodded, Meredith pulling the sheets back. She looked at Derek, fear written in her eyes as the pool of blood on the sheets grew. He pressed the call button, Addison looking down and seeing the blood.

'Mark, go and get Bailey, tell her to meet me in OR 4,' Meredith un hooked the gurney, Derek pushing it along to the OR, Meredith scrubbing in. She turned, standing in front of the door as Mark tried to get in.

'Mark, go and see the kids, check that they are ok,' Mark tried to get past her, Meredith blocking his way.

'Mark, I can't let you in here,'

'Meredith, please, she's,'

'Mark, I won't let you in here because she is your wife, it would be unethical for me to let you in here,' Mark stepped back, Derek trying to get in too.

'Derek, stay with him. I've got Bailey and the Chief covering my back. He has no one, stay with him,'

'I,'

'Derek, stay with him,' Meredith tied the indigo scrubs cap on and breathed in heavily. Bailey came in and scrubbed in beside her, catching only a glimpse of the tears in Meredith's eyes.

'Meredith, you should be out there with them,'

'No, I did the surgery first time round,'

'There was no one else to do it, now there is,'

'No, she is my patient, best friend or not,' Bailey shrugged her shoulders, Meredith pulling the gloves on. She looked up, Mark standing in the gallery, Derek not beside him.

'Debbie, get some one to lock up the gallery, get him out of there,' She nodded, Meredith finishing the surgery to restore the sutures in under two hours.

'Get her into ICU, have her on 15 of morphine and a dionatom drip,' Meredith walked into the room, looking at Addison's still body. She pulled the scrub cap off and placed it in Addison's hands.

'You need to fight Addison, I can't do anything else,' Meredith closed the blinds, Mark coming in and sitting next to Addison. Ellie and Zoe came in behind him, Meredith taking hold of Zoe's hand.

'What's wrong with mom?'

'She got a really bad cut on her side. I had to fix it with surgery but she's getting better now,'

'Natalie and Jake said she got stabbed,' Meredith pulled down Zoë's bangle, Derek holding onto Ellie, her hands bony against his.

'She did, but she's getting better, she's getting better for you two,' Zoe squirmed and walked over to Mark, Mark lifting her up onto his knee.

'Uncle Derek?'

'Yeah,'

'I don't want to see mom sick anymore,' Derek walked out the room, Ellie holding onto his arm.

'Is my mom gonna die?'

'She's trying hard to get better. We just have to wait and see,' Derek watched as Jake and Natalie sat trying to make Ellie smile but she just sat in the corner of the play room, reading over the same page. Derek tilted his head, realising that she was crying, trying to hide it. He walked in, Natalie and Jake watching him. He lifted Ellie up, Ellie wrapping her thin arms around his neck.

'I…I don't…want…mom to…die,' Izzie walked in, putting Sarah and Mickey into the day care.

'I'll take the kids tonight. You guys stay with Addison and Mark,'

'Ellen's at rehab this weekend,'

'Ok, make sure Addison's ok,'

'Thank you,' Derek carried Ellie out, her grip tight on his neck. She slowly fell asleep in the bedrooms, still crying as she fell asleep.

'Hannah if she wakes up, page me, not Addison or Mark,'

'Can I ask why?'

'Addison's…ill,'

'Is she going to be ok?' Derek looked to the door, then back to Hannah.

'I really don't know,'


	117. I Had a Dream

Meredith sat up sharply in the bed, the sweat pouring off her.

'Mere?' she turned her head Derek looking at her.

'What's wrong?' Meredith leaned down on her legs.

'Meredith,'

'I'm fine go back to sleep,' Derek sat up next to her.

'I'm fine Derek, go back to sleep,' Meredith slipped out from the covers and stood outside, the thin grey robe hanging off her. She looked up to the sky, the stars bright.

'Mom?' Meredith turned, Jake standing behind her, the blanket wrapped around him

'what are you doing up?'

'I couldn't sleep and I heard you get up. are you ok?' Meredith nodded

'yeah, I…I had a dream and…'

'About Aunt Addie?' Meredith nodded once.

'Is she ok?'

'There was some damage to her pancreas. She's ok though,'

'why are you having nightmares then?' Meredith sat on the step, Jake beside her.

'I got a page, a code green. It means that the hospital has to be evacuated. I went a head of your dad from the house and when i got there, everyone was standing outside. Some guy tried to stop me going in and the thing I keep dreaming about is if I never went in. If I had stayed out, Addison wouldn't be here,'

'She would have died,'

'Yeah,' Jake hugged Meredith, Meredith kissing the top of his head.

'But she didn't die. She won't die. She's home mom and she's fine. You said so your self,'

'I know I did, but I still can't stop thinking about what happened. Now come on, you need to go to bed,'

'I'm ok Mom,'

'I know you are but you still need to sleep so go to bed and sleep,' Jake pulled the blanket off his shoulders and wrapped in around Meredith.

'You'll get the cold,' Meredith smiled, Jake passing Derek on the stairs.

'Moms in the garden,' Derek made his way slowly through the kitchen, Meredith not turning around as he stood behind her.

'Every time I sleep, I see Mark coming out, carrying her and…and she's not breathing,'

'Meredith,'

'She just…she just stops breathing and…and she never starts again,'

'Meredith,'

'What,'

'You should have told me,'

'I know it's only a dream…but I've had it every night for the past three weeks and i…I can't get the image of her dieing out my head,'

'She didn't die. You saved her. You kept her alive,'

'But she could have,' Derek sat next to Meredith, his arm going around her shoulder. She leaned against him, Derek kissing her head.

'She didn't Meredith. She's still alive and she's at home with her husband and kids. She fought back and she won. She's fine now, yeah she has a pretty funky scar but she's fine now. There's no long term damage. You helped get her through this,'

'What if she hadn't fought back Derek?'

'Then right now, I'd be picking Mark up off the floor and trying to bring some normality back into those two girls' lives, which would have been impossible. You got her back to the way she should have been. God she's even back at work and running around after her two teenage daughters,' Meredith nodded her head, Derek sitting with her until she slowly fell asleep. Lifting her up, he smiled as she grabbed onto his arm, refusing to let go, even when he put her into bed. She shivered slightly as the cold sheets hit her body, Derek pulling them up around the two of them, knowing that this was just another thing thrown at them and that once this was over, the next challenge wouldn't be so easy.


	118. Cause it's Funky

Derek stood back and smiled as Jake sat the three large books on the kitchen table, the dust flying off them.

'Ok, can you explain why my eleven year old son is sitting reading up on cardiovascular surgery?'

'Cause it's funky,'

'Funky?

'Yeah,' Meredith raised her eyebrows at Derek as she came into the kitchen, kissing Jake on the head as she passed him.

'Ok why is he reading up on cardiovascular surgery?'

'Cause it's funky,'

'Funky?'

'His words, not mine,'

'Do we have a possible surgeon in the family?'

'I think we might,' Meredith smiled and leaned back against Derek, his head on her shoulder.

'I was talking to Burke earlier…about Christina,' Meredith sighed heavily.

'She wants to talk, meet up,'

'We're done Derek, like finished for good and I told her that. she wanted to be a shark so she can be shark,'

'She wants to make it up with you, maybe you should let her,'

'The only way I will talk to her is if hell freezes over,' Meredith stood up and followed Natalie out the front door, Natalie running out and leaving it wide open. She smiled broadly as Adele stepped out the car, Natalie not giving her the chance to close the car door.

'I missed you,'

'I was only away for a month,'

'Still too long,' Meredith embraced Adele.

'How was the trip?'

'Magic. Italy was full of so many wonderful places. You would have loved it Meredith,'

'Adele, it's good to have you back,' Derek kissed Adele walking out the front door, Meredith looking at him.

'You are so not going to the hospital,'

'I have to,'

'Derek you just worked a forty eight hour shift,'

'Meredith,'

'Derek, you're the chief for god sake. You need to stop once in a while,'

'It's Burke that's paging me,'

'Yeah,' Meredith went into the kitchen, Adele raising her eyebrows at her.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing,'

'Meredith,' Meredith sat with Adele, the coffee mugs spinning in her hands.

'Natalie's fifteen, Jake's thirteen, Ellen's eight. We barely see Ellen cause she's at rehab and when we have her home on weekends, both of us try to be here. Natalie asked me if we could just stop being surgeons the other day because she felt like we rarely ever sat at home with them at night. Jake, he's just not saying anything, his focus being on cardiovascular books most of the time. I just wish we could go away, the whole family for a weekend,'

'Why not?'

'He' chief of surgeries, I'm head of neuro, we can't just up and leave,'

'Burke and Christina do,' Meredith tightened her grip on the mug of coffee.

'Christina…What's happened?'

'She said I didn't know what it was like to loose a baby and that I was a shit mother who just put my kid into a home because I wanted to have a better career,'

'when did she say that?'

'A couple of months ago. She had miscarried. I met her in Joes and she told me about her loosing the baby but she said that it was just a mass of cells and that I had no idea what it was like to loose a baby,'

'Do Burke and Derek know?'

'She…yeah, both of them do. Derek wants me to make it back up with her and so does Burke but…I can't Adele, she was supposed to be one of my closest friends and now… now I can't even look at her,'

'Derek and Burke just want a happy atmosphere in the hospital. Let me guess you've been calling cardio for a consult but making sure that it's not her,'

'Yeah, I can't stand to be around her,'

'Look it might be hard but you need to make it up with her. at least be civil with her and call her for a consult if you need one. Not avoiding her, walking out of Joes if she comes in…' Meredith smiled.

'Yeah, me and Joe do talk on occasion Meredith,' Meredith started laughing, Jake coming in and holding a book open.

'Mom, what's a crainio paster?'

'Cranial plasty. It's where a patient who for cosmetic or health reasons has a large kind of crater in their skull. The surgery is basically placing a piece of plastic over the area to cover the crater,'

'Cool. Do they do anything like that with the heart?'

'They do grafts,'

'Aortic grafts?'

'Hundreds of them,'

'Now that is funky,'

'Funky?'

'Adele, I don't get it either but just go with it,'


	119. Three weeks and Five Minutes

Meredith looked over from the door at Derek, the thought running through her head. He looked up from the computer screen at her.

'What is it?' Meredith walked across the office, checking that Burke wasn't in the office.

'Meredith?'

'I have an hour before my next surgery and I seen that you didn't have any surgeries either…' Meredith pulled Derek's hand, Derek smiling and shaking his head.

'I could report you to the chief for this,' Meredith looked to Derek who walked beside her down to the end on call room.

'I think with what's about to happen, he would allow it,' Meredith leaned back against the door, her hand locking it behind her. Derek stood in front of her.

'Three weeks Derek…three weeks,' Meredith pulled Derek over, her hips pressed against his. She smiled, his hair tangled in her fingers. She smiled as they backed over to the bed, Meredith pushing Derek down onto it. Her head fell, her pager vibrating on her hip.

'I knew I should have turned it off,' she leaned off his hands and looked down.

'Three weeks…three weeks,' Derek covered his eyes as the two of them laughed.

'We are so finishing this before we leave here,' Meredith closed the exam room door behind her, pissed that she had been paged.

'You want to explain to me why two interns have paged an attending before their resident?'

'There was blood in the tube,' Meredith walked round to the top of the bed and looked into the small bag. The blood was slowly trickling in.

'Book an OR, now,' Meredith unhooked the gurney, the two interns panicking and running around. She grumbled as she scrubbed in.

'How's the patient?' Meredith looked up to the scrub room door.

'Has a bleeding frontal lobe. But because of the bag their ICP stayed the same,'

'Evacuation?'

'Yip,'

'Three hours,'

'Three weeks Derek, like seriously three weeks,' Meredith shut the outside world off and wrapped the clip around the bleeding artery.

'Ok, get him back up to the ward and check the bag every ten minutes. Any sever bleeding, page me,' Meredith sat in the gallery, her head in her hands.

'What's up?'

'Three weeks is what's up,' Derek smiled as he sat next to her, the two of them exchanging looks.

'Why are we sitting in a gallery?' Derek shrugged his shoulders.

'Same room, five minutes,' Meredith disappeared, Derek shaking his head and smiling. Meredith sat on the bottom bunk, Derek gently easing her down onto the bed. Her hands eased his scrub top over his head, her hands running down his back. she groaned gently, his lips kissing her exposed chest. Meredith felt like crying, Derek's pager the one breaking them up.

'Who is it?'

'Burke,' Meredith took the pager out Derek's hand.

'He can wait five minutes,'

'Not when it's a 911,'

'I'm asking for five minutes here,' Derek looked at the pager and threw it onto the discarded scrub top.

'Five minutes,' He lifted her hips up, her legs wrapped around his waist. She pulled him over her slipping down her own scrub bottoms and his. His lips worked around her body, every inch of the newly exposed skin being covered with his lips. She lifted her body towards him, Derek holding her back up to himself. His name made its way out her lips with every movement made between the two of them. He pushed down onto her hands, Meredith digging her nails into the palms of his hands. Meredith stood up tying her scrub bottoms.

'Three weeks, never again,'

'Yeah,' Meredith handed Derek his top, gently kissing him as he left her pulling it over his head. She looked down to her pager five minutes later while she checked the patients blood bag.

'911,' Meredith ran down to the trauma rooms, her hands holding the stethoscope and pager against her body. She started slow as she seen Derek outside the room, pacing back and forward.

'Derek?' He looked up.

'My mom's in there. They won't let me look at her. they said page you,' Meredith went in, the trauma team standing around the bed.

'Give me the bullet,'

'Edith shepherd, 69 year old female flown in from New York general after a suspected stroke. Has paralysis to the left side of her body and slurring of words. GCS of thirteen and BP is 90 over 60,' Meredith stood at the top of the bed, her hand gently touching edith's face.

'Edith, it's me ok. I'm send you for a couple of scans, let me have a look and see what's happening ok,' Edith blinked, Meredith smiling at her.

'Ok, I want a CT scan of her spine and head. Get her moved up to Neuro and get her onto a monitor,' Meredith signed the chart and handed it to the intern.

'Get Bailey. Tell her it's personal,' Meredith went back out, Derek almost jumping on her.

'I'm sending her for a CT,'

'What's wrong with her?'

'It looks like a stroke. She's slurring her words and she has paralysis of the left side of her body. Where's your dad?'

'He's getting coffee. He couldn't watch her like that,'

'I've got her back Derek. Are the girls here?'

'Lindsey, Carol, Karen and Stacy are coming down on the next flight. My dad asked them to fly her down here,'

'He knows the best care she could get is down here,'

'She shouldn't be needing any care,'

'I might be able to fix this Derek, just think about that for a while,'

'She's had a stroke Meredith; the damage could be permanent,'

'Yeah Derek, could be. Not definitely. Once I get her scans back I can tell you more but until then just hang back and let me handle this,'

'she's my mom,'

'Exactly. It's un-ethical for you to treat her so let me handle this,' Meredith squeezed his hand and started to help push the gurney up to the CT scan. Derek grabbed hold of the gurney, Meredith prizing his hands off it.

'I've got this Derek,' Meredith ignored the sight of Derek out the corner of her eye, the helplessness in his face making her want to go to him but she knew that he wasn't her main priority. Edith was lifted onto the CT machine, Meredith taking control instead of letting an intern do it.

'You ok?' Edith blinked.

'Derek's waiting up out the room and the girls are on the next flight out,' Meredith listened, trying to decipher what Edith was saying.

'Yeah, I'm gonna try and fix this,' she took hold of her hand, gently rubbing the back of it. Edith tried to smile, the emotion looking more like a grimace. Meredith nodded and pushed the table in, Edith's hand dropping out her own. Meredith sat on the seat and waited for the scans, her legs up on the table. All she could think was that if she had let Derek leave when Burke paged, he would have been there sooner. The small bleed into Edith's brain was operable but it was a surgery Meredith had four times. She knew instantly Derek would say no to her doing it, Derek having performed it twelve times.

'You got her scans,' Derek stood up from the side of the bed, Edith blinking at Meredith. Bob didn't move from the seat, his eyes fixed on Edith.

'You have a bleed, into the left side of your brain. We call it a left justified haematoma. I can remove it,'

'I'm doing it,' Derek went to leave, Meredith grabbing his arm.

'No, I am fully qualified to do this and I have performed it four times and assisted at least six. I will do the surgery. You will stay with your family,'

'Meredith,'

'No argument about this. I am operating. I have the OR booked for tonight, ten O clock,'

'Why so late?' Bob looked at Meredith.

'I can go and get set up, give myself a chance to get ready for the surgery, properly. Plus I have the best anaesthesiologist in on the surgery along with the best general surgeon we have. Ten at night also means there won't be a lot of interns. I have her back bob,'

'Can I scrub in?' Meredith looked up at Derek, her hand still holding onto his arm.

'It's better if you don't. for my sake as much as your moms,' Derek nodded and sat back down.

'They'll be a resident in, to take blood for testing, just to check your white blood count and stuff ok? I'll make sure they're gentle,' Edith tried to smile again. Derek closed his eyes as she tried to say thank you. But the words never made it out past her mouth without being distorted. Meredith nodded and lifted the chart off the end of the bed.

'I'll be in later, just before the surgery,' Meredith looked at Derek.

'I'll sort the kids,'

'Yeah,' Meredith stood at the nurses station, her fingers nervously tapping on the counter.

'Adele?'

'_Meredith,'_

'Adele, Can you take the kids tonight?'

'_Yeah, is everything ok?'_

'Derek's moms been brought in. she's had a stroke and I need to operate but I can't have the kids here and Derek's staying here,'

'_Phone me and let me know that she's ok. I can have the kids as long as you want,'_

'Thanks Adele,' Meredith looked down the corridor, Mark coming down towards her.

'I just got your page. What's up?'

'Edith's had a stoke. Derek's cracking up. I'm operating tonight at ten and I can't handle him as well. I need you to keep an eye on him, make sure he's ok,'

'Yeah. How bad is it?'

'she could be paralysed permanently if I screw up,'


End file.
